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Terry pics; school poster; 90th ‘Party; Last days in class; Campus/China scenes

Happy Birthday, TJ; 39…Again!

In the excitement of thinking about our coming celebration of the 40th wedding anniversary July 2, I remembered that the present Terry received on her July 5th birthday in 1971…was me!

We will celebrate her 39th birthday again, this time in China, but very low-key, since it is mixed in with our nation’s birthday on the 4th, as well. We did invite 15 of our students over for a piece of delicious chocolate cake with chocolate icing, from the bakery across from our front gate.

On our 35th anniversary, children couldn’t understand how we had been married that long when TJ was only 39! That’s easy: we got married when she was four!

She IS one amazing woman. The first weekday after her classes ended, she got into her ‘usual 20-minute routine,’ which I have marveled at since our first week of marriage. She works hard for 20 minutes several times a day, getting some of those ‘dirty jobs’ off her perpetual list.

It’s usually something to do with working hard on her knees scrubbing somewhere most people don’t want to think about even going. I call her ‘my little beaver,’ always busy, busy, busy. Her favorite expression during this time? Perpetual maintenance! 🙂

I’m working on transferring some of my POSB and Wisdom books to my kindle, so they can be ready for re-reading these next few months.

We’ve had trouble finding ripe peaches, despite the fact there are peach orchards aplenty in our area. It seems the tradition here is to pick them when they are barely ripe (not at all soft and   sweet). Understandable if they are being shipped far away, maybe…but where are the ripe ones? Watermelon, though, is outstanding…as we have found with apples, grapes, and bananas!

We found out that university students here know what a ‘yard sale’ is…many of the students had displays set up outside their dorms to sale different items from their rooms, which they did not want to take home for the summer. They seemed to have a good business…lots of crowds looking.

We just got back from our first 90-minute trip to the larger grocery store since it became more hot and humid…good to get home, where I told Terry “I plan to stay till the end of the month.” (it was June 22).

I am not sure I should ever get use to young children riding electric scooters with no helmets or belts holding them on, while mom or dad make their way through the hectic traffic. Many times there are two children ‘holding on for dear life.’

We were asked over and over one day last week if we were going to be at the ‘party’ on our campus at 7:30 p.m.? Graduation ceremonies had been taking place for two days, the students were having special class parties, etc., so we thought it was a celebration for the end of our school.

Well-l-l-l-l, we walked down the avenue from our apartment, about 100 yards, and saw the largest crowd we’d seen since coming, and found out very quickly it was a ‘party’ for the 90th anniversary of China’s Communist Party. We stayed long enough to see what it was about and left…wondering if anyone took pictures of the foreigners in attendance. 🙂

We had several students over after lunch today, and I walked out to the front gate with them and went to the bakery to order the chocolate birthday cake for next weekend.

They helped me communicate clearly with the bakery staff, and it will be delivered safely next week. I will report on our birthday party for TJ next weekend, with pictures, of course, as we send out the last newsletter of this semester. We will be busy with language classes after that and likely will have little English to share for a few weeks. 🙂

We received great advice from ‘Mama’ Bass during our MTCC days, about “don’t start something you can’t finish” when working with college-age students. It has served us well here, since we’re beginning what we want to be long-term relationships with our first classes.

We can see weekly times when students will be here studying, cooking, eating, discussions, and watching movies, etc. We plan to set times just for TJ and me, and, of course, we’ll be preparing lesson plans for our next 550+ students in the fall. It is kind of exciting having another group brought into our lives each semester…nice that we don’t have to move to get more interested folks.

Terry has been asked to consider teaching 3-4 primary school-age children English this summer, twice a week for around 90 minutes each session. It is in the early phases, but she is excited for the opportunity to reach out to others in the area. The idea originated from the dean of our English department, who lives above us in the apartment (more info to come as it reveals itself).

Greetings from Terry: Since my schedule is clearer for the summer I am taking on the project of keeping our stairwell swept; a little at a time (perpetual maintenance theory and all that). It will help keep down the dust tracked in. I’m also scrubbing down the tile walls in the bathroom and kitchen.

Gary has been busy having fun with his own chosen projects on the computer with his studies and files.

I have just finished reading The Screwtape Letters again and am in the midst of True North. They make very good companion books when read at the same time.

We had two new ones at the discussions this week. One of my classes invited us to their end of year party on the West campus. They had decorated the class room with streamers and balloons, handed out sunflower seeds, candy and bottled water, played a few games and performed skits (one completely in English) and songs. It was fun to see them in action.

I have not heard so many words from them the whole semester. They are clever and fun to be with. I will miss them. You could tell they were very happy we accepted their invitation. This is the class that gave us the photo album. We got to meet their Chinese teacher and share a taxi with her back to our campus when we left. She lives in our building on a different stairwell.

We got up and out early Wednesday morning trying to beat the heat on our way to the computer and grocery stores. The traffic was much heavier at that hour. We saw four traffic policemen at every busy intersection. Something we have not seen before.

It took us a little longer in transit but it was still better than going in the afternoon. All in all it was a productive trip. We were glad that we had gotten back to our apartment in time to get cooled off before our electricity went off that evening. S-o-o-o thankful it came back on before bedtime.

Thursday, June 23^rd, we saw many of the graduates in caps and gowns getting their pictures taken on campus as we walked to dinner. Then as we came back things were set up on the badminton court for some kind of performance.

Someone asked us if we were coming to the party at 7:00 (we assumed a graduation celebration). So as we were walking up to the crowd we find out it is the Communist Party 90^th Anniversary celebration. Can you believe it? (assumptions get you in trouble.) We visited with a few people explaining our misunderstanding and left.

I love my little kitchen. Making biscuits today I felt like I was playing house. It is just big enough for the basics.

I got to watch Seth and Caleb Taylor for a little while Friday while Lisa got some last minute packing done. I enjoyed reading to them and building a tower with some boxes and styrofoam I had saved for just that purpose. They loaded and moved out Saturday morning.

We are missing our students so we called up six of them and met them for lunch today, then came back to the apartment and visited. Some worked on my jigsaw puzzle. They had never seen one before.

This week I have received two very good gifts. One, Gary helped get my grades onto the spreadsheet on the computer. He was very patient and helpful. Our processing speeds are different so it was truly a gift of love.

Two, when a neighbor offered to put a program on the computer to make it work faster (it works very slow most of the time), right away  we started getting very inappropriate pop up ads. Gary immediately said take off the program.

I am so-o-o glad he didn’t even hesitate. That is what I would expect but I am still very thankful. The “shield” really works. It extinguished another fiery dart. I feel like the little pig that lit a fire under the chimney so the big bad wolf wouldn’t get in.

Believe me, I would rather have these kind of gifts any day. Gary is and always has been a great gift giver of this type and I fall in love with him all over again each time I receive one. — Love, Terry.

A Healthy Self-Esteem

I am thankful that, except for some time as a teenager, I have been ‘comfortable in my own skin.’ It has been helpful in China, where many eyes are constantly on the foreigner.

The acne-inflicted teenager had some tough moments, but athletics and the chance to develop my writing interests as a senior in high school helped me move past much of those self-doubts.

Josh McDowell tells us that “a healthy self-image is seeing yourself as the Father sees you—no more and no less.” That seemed good enough for me!

Others have spoken authoritatively on the subject:

He who is able to love himself is able to love others also; he who has learned to overcome self-contempt has overcome his contempt for others. — Paul Johannes Oskar Tillich.

I am as my Creator made me, and since he is satisfied, so am I. — Minnie Smith.

Building self-esteem is a hard and slow process. But it is not an impossible one. Self-esteem is how you feel about being you, how you feel about being alive. It results from an evaluation of your self-image, how you feel about the way you see yourself. It is influenced by the distance between your self-image and your ideal image.

For example: you can see yourself as being of average intelligence, feel all right about it, and experience high self-esteem. Or you can feel badly about it and experience low self-esteem. You can feel worthy or unworthy, competent or incompetent, significant or insignificant, valuable or worthless, hopeful or hopeless, truthful or deceptive, confident or fearful, withdrawn or sociable, preoccupied or spontaneous.

You may be preoccupied with self, feel unloved, overly sensitive to criticism or open to a healthy interaction with others. Self-esteem has an evaluative element: how do you feel about the way you see yourself?

A person with good self-esteem has a sense of self-worth, yet recognizes his/her limitations. Such a person is not conceited but rather is glad to be themselves. They accept themselves and others but are desirous of correcting their own shortcomings.

They are problem-centered, not self-centered: they appreciate the simple things of life, are ethical, able to discriminate between means and ends; they get along in their culture yet resist enculturation and have a genuine desire to help the human race.

Self-esteem can be classified into two divisions: basic self-esteem and functional self-esteem. Basic self-esteem is established in childhood, is hard but not impossible to change; whereas functional self-esteem is derived from daily experiences and changes more readily.

To build self-esteem, you need to know its roots. Parents probably have the greatest influence on self-esteem. Positive reinforcement and acceptance teaches children to value themselves.

Healthy self-esteem in MEN is thought to be derived to some extent from vocations, intelligence, wealth, achievements, education, positions of power, and competition.

FEMALE self-esteem results more from the achievement of goals, self and body image, education, money, everyday concerns, and family relationships.

Both sexes are usually affected by their view of how they are evaluated by significant others in their lives.

Self-esteem in children — Family strengths are so important that they can often overcome social rejection. For this to happen, parents must have definite values, a clear idea of what they perceive as appropriate behavior, and be able and willing to present and enforce their beliefs that self-esteem is highly influenced by personal beliefs about who we are.

We are worthwhile because of our creator. If we are worthwhile, then we have good reason to have good self-esteem. Our self-esteem is not a selfish sort of thing but is rooted in our Creator. He made us worthwhile!

Guidelines for parents in developing self-esteem

Try to improve your own mental health. In dealing with your children, you teach more by what you are than by what you say. Ask yourself such questions: Since I am accepted, why can’t I accept myself? Since I forgive others, why can’t I forgive myself? Am I easy to be around? Perhaps there is something in me that is worthwhile.

If you are married, establish a healthy marriage. Unhealthy marriages develop unhealthy patterns of interaction in your home which affect your children. If your family ‘health’ us not the very best, get some help in making it so. It isn’t a sign of weakness to see your own faults and to try to overcome them…rather, it’s a sign of maturity and strength! Weak people try to avoid such reality.

Provide for your family’s needs: physical, emotional, psychological, social and spiritual.

Spend much time with your family. You as a parent are often not only busy but tired and need rest yourself. Your children must be a priority, especially while they are young. Eat as many meals as possible (that means sitting down together at one place and talking, sharing, caring…and no food fights…eating everything on the plate isn’t really that important, is it?). No distractions should normally be allowed, such as watching TV or listening to music!

Teach them proper values. Children will pick up your values; if they see your emphasis for money and prestige, they will value those things, too. What is important to you will be important to them, unless they are eventually taught by someone is a role model position that counteracts your actions.

Let your children be children. Focus upon strengths rather than weaknesses. Be realistic, but recognize strengths. Morris Rosenberg in Society and the Adolescent Self-Image found that high self-esteem children tend to have mothers who are satisfied with average or below average performance. This may appear to go against the grain, but pushing our children to hard is more harmful.

The key: don’t create unrealistic expectations for them. We should help them overcome setbacks and compete in honest ways. We should provide encouragement and support in all efforts they choose…but keep first things first in all things!

Discipline your children with love. Set certain limits and enforce them but don’t over-do it. Be HIGH in love and standards.

Some other items? Encourage achievement in school: motivate, help, maximize his/her potential, yet accept them for that they are and not for what you wish them to be.

Try to avoid over-protection and dependence. Explain changes that will occur at puberty. Forgive them.

Don’t be partial to one child over another. Realize they are different! Learn to show affection. Help them to belong.

They are important to you…make certain they clearly see and understand that, by your words and actions.

Help them to develop a strong faith in God, the source of our true value.

Adolescents need attention and they will find a way to get it. It IS easier to get negative attention than positive attention: the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Teens often ask “why not” to get you as a parent to change your mind. They really are not wanting to know. They are just wanting you to acquiesce. You as a parent have a right to say “no” because you are “uncomfortable saying yes.”

Adult self-esteem

Accept personal responsibility for your own low self-esteem. Our past and the present influence you, but you are a creative factor in the formation of your own thoughts, actions, and feelings. If you do not take such responsibility, you will never change. You can choose to perceive the past differently!

Restructure your thinking. You are what you think about. You can choose to have a good day, every day, all day. It happens during those first few minutes when you awake each morning.

People who are down on themselves tend to make many thinking mistakes:

They over generalize. From one mistake, they conclude that they can’t do anything right.

They eternalize. From one failure, they conclude that they will never do anything right.

They personalize. They are too absorbed with themselves. They inappropriately apply comments and criticism from others to themselves: “They are all talking about me.” They blame themselves too much: “Others had nothing to do with it, circumstances had nothing to do with it, I caused it all. I am completely to blame.”

They catastrophize. What they do is the worst thing that has ever been done: If you only knew what I did, you would not want me in your group or to be your friend.”

They filter. Many positive things may have happened to them, yet they do not see them. They filter them out. Their whole world is thus negative.

They neutralize. If they see positive things in their lives, they negate them: “He doesn’t really like me. He just needed a date.” “My husband doesn’t really like me, he just wants a woman. Any woman.” We can make anyone look bad by filtering out his/her good points or by concentrating on his/her bad points.

They absolutize. Everything becomes a must. “People must like me, life must be easy, and I must be competent. If not, I am worthless and life is not worth living.” We must make a distinction between desire and demand: It would be nice if everyone liked me, but it is not necessary. Persons with low self-esteem often jump to conclusions without adequate evidence.

They dictomize. Everything is either black or white: there is no gray. Such persons are often very perfectionist. Their way is always the right way about everything. Their opinions are always the truth.

They self destruct. They set up negative self-fulfilling prophecies: “No one likes me.” So when a person does like them, they are suspicious and uncomfortable, which causes them to send out negative signals, which causes the other person to “back off.”

When they back off, the person says to himself or herself: “I was right. No one likes me.” It seems impossible for a person with low self-esteem to feel loved.

Love is something you do

We listened to a Bruce McLarty lesson on Love, with the electricity off in the apartment on a hot day for the second time. He quoted the words of Clint Black’s song, which we’d never heard before:

“I remember well the day we wed. I can see that picture in my head. I still believe the words we said. Forever will ring true. Love is certain, love is kind. Love is yours and love is mine. But it isn’t something that we find, It’s something that we do.

It’s holding tight, lettin’ go. It’s flying high and laying low. Let your strongest feelings show, and your weakness, too. It’s a little and a lot to ask. An endless and a welcome task. Love isn’t something that we have, it’s something that we do.

We help to make each other all that we can be. Though we can find our strength and inspiration independently. The way we work together is what sets our love apart. So closely that you can’t tell where I end and where you start. It gives me heart remembering how we started with a simple vow. There’s so much to look back on now, Still it feels brand-new. We’re on a road that has no end And each day we begin again. Love’s not just something that we’re in. It’s something that we do.

We help to make each other all that we can be Though we can find our strength and inspiration independently. The way we work together is what sets our love apart So closely that you can’t tell where I end and where you start. Love is wide, love is long. Love is deep and love is strong. Love is why I love this song. And I hope you love it too.

I remember well the day we wed I can see that picture in my head. Love isn’t just those words we said. It’s something that we do. There’s no request too big or small. We give ourselves, we give our all Love isn’t someplace that we fall. It’s something that we do. Amen!

Points for Party to ponder: A recent Ministry of Education survey shows that almost 80 percent of college students are willing to join the Communist Party of China (CPC). This will be a tremendous boost for the CPC, preparing to celebrate its 90th anniversary on July 1.The survey, which covered 25,000 students in 140 institutions of higher education, was conducted professionally and should reflect the true state of mind on college campuses today.

The study, 20th of its kind and published early this month, reveals very high approval ratings for major national achievements attributable to the CPC and an unusual optimism about what it will deliver. Nothing could have made a better birthday gift for the Party. With an overwhelming majority of the country’s young elites on its side, the world’s largest political party can rest assured of its impact on younger members of society.

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Father’s Day; China scenes/educational books, class party; Wuhan rain

What are you doing on your summer break?

What are you going to do this summer, during your break from teaching oral English to 260+ college students each per semester? A good question we have been asked many times in recent days.

Terry and I have hired two of my students, who will spend two 90-minute sessions weekly with us, to learn Mandarin, the English word for Chinese. We will be using a highly recommended book Chinese Made Easier by Martin Symonds and Tian Haohao. We ordered book 1, 2, and 3 in anticipation of several months/years of work ahead. It’s published by a university in China, has clear instructions, pronunciation exercises, and regular conversation practice…we’ll even try to learn the Chinese characters, little by little.

I also downloaded a Word edition of A Dream of Red Mansions, a Chinese classic in excess of 1,500 pages. With the simple conversion program provided free through Amazon, I have it on my kindle for daily enjoyment, though we’ve been warned that there are “many characters to follow and it is very tedious.” (I like the challenge).

Terry is working on another classic, Journey to the West by Wu-Cheng en….also on her kindle and over 1,400 pages and 100 chapters in length.

We have thoroughly enjoyed these last days, when our students have their final via a 3-6 minute speech, allowing us to test their English skills and ability to put thoughts together, intonation, and pronunciation. They work really hard, and we’re rewarding them with good grades. 🙂

We were told a few weeks back when our classes ended, and found out two days before the final week that we’d been told the wrong date. It means our freshman classes had one week, instead of two, to complete those speeches.

Since Terry and I have some classes with 50+ students, it means coming early and staying late to accomplish it. One of my classes came 85 minutes early! I entered the classroom  at 2:47 p.m. for a normal 4:05 start…and they had big smiles on their faces and were ready to go to work.

One of my class monitors invited me to a breakfast (local restaurant before 8 a.m. start) of Chinese dumplings. They were delicious, especially dipped in spaghetti sauce the next day for lunch.Our monitors are a big help to us each week, and she wanted to ‘treat me’ since it was our last day…a really nice gesture.

I am remembering advise given to Eric a few years back when he went into youth work: “remember that you will mature by leaps and bounds yearly while the students will always be the same maturity age (since they graduate and move on as seniors).” We’re realizing that, while we will grow older physically, we will have 18-23 year olds around us constantly, which should help keep us young at heart, anyway.

We are beginning a weekly discussion group on “The Good Life” from one of the Wisdom Book for fellow teachers who are in town this summer…should have 5-6 attend and I expect lively dialogue. Really looking forward to it.

We realized just today that we haven’t mentioned a unique grouping of the university students: they assign them to a group of 25-55 with the same major…and they attend every class from their freshman-thru-junior year together. That’s right…they are together for three years. A great way to bond and make great friends, unless you just do not ‘fit’ with the group.

Terry and I realized on Father’s Day weekend that this is the first year without Batsell, due to his death last summer. We talk about both of our dads a lot here, knowing they would ‘fit right in’ to our circumstances. (see photos in their honor)

We attended one of the class parties this weekend and enjoyed seeing their personalities and enjoying ‘good clean fun’ with their friends. They treated the teachers there as special guests. We told them to do exactly what they had planned, especially to speak in Chinese, if they wanted…we didn’t understand some of their words, songs, or skits, but it was great fun! We are looking forward to having these students on the Central campus next semester.

Greetings from Terry: Mom and Dad would really like the food here; the fresh vegetables, nuts, fruits, easy preparation and easy clean up, especially Dad.

That’s the way he had cooked and eaten for the past several years. I was thinking today, not only would he have loved all of the walking and stair climbing he would have loved the English Corner experience.

Mother would fit right in with the Chinese concept of gardening in flower pots on the window sills and using every inch outside for vegetables. She has been doing that for many years and has been very successful at it. I would love to have her with us but with our class load and other details it just isn’t practical.

A first time student at our discussion group brought us some dates and almonds. I have really enjoyed the treat.

This week we took Ron and Evelyn McFarland to lunch to say “Thank you” and “Good bye” before they leave for home and new adventures. We will miss them and their many helps and encouragements. Their work will continue reaping for many years.

In many of our student’s final speeches Gary and I have both heard the same acronym; FAMILY:  Father And Mother I Love You. I think it is worth remembering.

I have come to a realization that I am a unique kind of tourist. (Not weird, just unique.) Yes, I love to travel, but no, I do not enjoy or need to visit all the relics of the past or the posh tourist venues.

Instead I love getting down with the real, local people of the present and seeing life from their perspective. But I must admit that this sifting of different cultures does require a certain amount of “selective” vision, hearing and smelling, if you get my drift. (smile) But the faces and hearts you encounter in the process make it all worthwhile. To me that is walking in His footsteps. — Love, Terry.

Just For Today (shared by one of my Speaking Skills students; these students think positively and also ‘keep their head on straight.’  We are very impressed with their values. — Gary)

“Just for today I will be happy. This assumes what Abraham Lincoln said is true: ‘Most folks are about as happy as they make their mind up to be.’ Happiness comes from within; it is not a matter of externals.

Just for today I will try to adjust myself to what is; not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my family, my business, and my luck as they come and fit myself to them.

Just for today I will take care of my body. I will exercise it, care for it, nourish it, not abuse or neglect it, so that it will be a perfect machine for my bidding.

Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought, and concentration.

Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do someone a good turn and not get found out. I will do at least two chores I don’t want to do, as William James suggests, just for exercise.

Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, speak diplomatically, act courteously, be liberal with praise, criticize not at all, nor find fault with anything, and not try to regulate or improve anyone.

Just for today I will try to live through this day only, not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do things for twelve hours that would appall me if I had to keep them up for a lifetime.

Just for today I will have a program. I will write down what I expect to do every hour. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. It will eliminate two pests: hurrying and indecision.

Just for today I will have a quiet half hour by myself and relax. In this half hour sometimes I will think of God, so as to get a little more perspective into my life.

Just for today I will be unafraid. Particularly, I will be unafraid to be happy; to enjoy what is beautiful; to love; and to believe that those I love, love me.“— by Sybil Partridge

Things to remember when we’re treated unfairly

How do you react when someone treats you unfairly? Let’s say someone double crosses you or cheats you. Maybe someone lies about you and your reputation is damaged. Perhaps your boss chews you out for something you know you didn’t do or singles you out because he doesn’t like what you stand for. What is your typical response?

Do you…retreat into a depression? Withdraw from human interaction? Look for a way to get even? Vow that you’ll never do anything nice for anyone again? Cheat the next guy down the line because you conclude that it’s a dog-eat-dog world?

Become so cynical about the world that you no longer enjoy life? These responses are all too common.

The first thing to remember when you have been treated unfairly is that this life isn’t fair. I suppose some of you might think it is redundant for me to say that, but it never ceases to amaze me that so many get so upset when things don’t come out even.

Whoever said that this life was fair, anyway? I’m not aware of anything that guarantees all things working out.

Yet, it bugs us, doesn’t it? It bugs me! The bad guy sometimes wins. The criminal gets off Scot-free. The ladder climber who steps on everyone in his path gets the penthouse. The politician lies and gets away with it because the economy is good.

I’m not suggesting here that we shouldn’t do whatever we can when we can to make things right. I’m simply saying that sometimes making things even is beyond what we can do. At that point, so that we don’t go insane at the unbalanced nature of it all, we need to remember that it’s not always going to be fair.

I’m not recommending defeatism or fatalism. I’m simply trying to be realistic. Don’t set your expectations too high. In this life, no matter how you live or what you do, life isn’t always going to be fair.

The second thing to remember when you have been treated unfairly is that what happens in you is more important than what happens to you. Things are going to happen in this life that we are powerless to change. We usually cannot rearrange someone else’s behavior toward us, nor can we undo the moments in which someone has hurt us. Maybe it can be prevented next time, but once it has happened, it has happened. There is no backing up.

If we keep reliving the unhappy moment and devote endless hours to appealing the verdict of a wrongdoing in our minds, we will be left spent and miserable. Though it is sometimes hard to see, time passed in the courtroom of our mind trying the case over and over is really time wasted. Even though we’re sure the verdict is guilty, there is usually no way to bring about justice in this life without becoming guilty ourselves.

Suppose you hold a glass of water as you walk towards me. I carelessly (or deliberately) bump into you. Whatever you have in the glass will probably spill out.

That is the way our lives are. When we are bumped, whatever is inside comes out. For most of us, an injustice done to us personally is a very jarring bump. Sadly, it is disgraceful sometimes the things that spill out.

What happens in you is far more important than what happens to you.

The third thing to remember when you have been treated unfairly is others are watching to see what you will do. There is more happening when an injustice is done to us than just the unpleasantness of the moment. People want to know if our ‘walk and talk’ agree. Am I a person who wants to do what is best toward others, or one who will do it, no matter what is involved?

The fourth thing to remember when you have been treated unfairly is that you must not bow to bitterness.

All of us need to set some standards for ourselves. We need to draw the line in the sand and say, “Beyond this point I will not go – not for comfort – not for security – not for revenge – not for anything!

A doctor told a man that he had rabies. Upon hearing the diagnosis, he took out a piece of paper and started writing on it. The doctor thought, “Oh, he must be making up his will,” so he asked, “What are you doing, making up your will?” The man said, “No, I’m just writing down every person I’m going to bite.”

Sadly, that is how some folks handle injustice. They are so bitter that they bite everyone else around them. We must never bow to bitterness.

The fifth thing to remember when you have been treated unfairly is that what you do is more important than how you feel. Our behavior is determined by the values we have, and we’re guided by sayings from the most important book of  ill.

It isn’t particularly difficult to figure out what these say we must do. The difficult part is our feelings, isn’t it? Why is it so hard…

• To get on our knees on behalf of that person whose carelessness or neglect caused us so much pain?
• To go down to the store and buy a gift and send it to that person whom we know must hate us
• To say something that blesses them rather than cursing them under our breath?

The answer is simple. Every feeling in our bodies is screaming that it isn’t right!

Ah! We’ve come to an important crossroad in this matter. We’ve come to the place where we learn whether we’re serious about our values or not.

Many of us have yet to learn this very important part of our values. Doing the right thing isn’t always the thing that makes us feel good at the moment. Actions lead, feelings follow.

Good feelings that result from our doing right usually come after the act, not before. If we wait around in the beginning, hoping to get our feelings to go along with our actions, we’ll seldom do what is right.

How about it?  Are you returning good for evil? Are you turning the other cheek when it is appropriate? Are you walking the second mile? Are you praying for that person who has hurt you so?

Are you allowing whatever blessings you have in your life to Chfall on the just and the unjust, or are you selective, based on the records you’ve kept of wrongs done against you? Are you blessing rather than cursing? (The word “bless” in this case means literally, “to speak well of.”)

“But I don’t feel like it!” Welcome to the world of doing what is right. It’s that way for all of us.

 The sixth thing to remember when you have been treated unfairly is that you are still the bigger debtor. My friends, no matter whom might wrong us, we are still the bigger debtor. We always will be. So much has been done for us; we could never catch up, and forget about getting ahead!

A certain tenant farmer had worked hard for many years to improve the production of the land he leased. Then something happened that caused him to become very bitter.

When it was time to renew his lease, the owner told him he was going to sell the farm to his son who was getting married. The tenant made several generous offers to buy it himself, hoping the man’s decision would be reversed, but his pleading got nowhere.

As the day drew near for the farmer to vacate his home, his weeks of angry brooding finally got the best of him. He gathered seeds from some of the most pesky and noxious weeds he could find. Then he spent many hours scattering them on the clean, fertile soil of the farm, along with a lot of trash and rocks he had collected.

To his dismay, the very next morning the owner informed him that plans for his son’s wedding had fallen through, and therefore he would be happy to renew the lease. He couldn’t understand why the farmer exclaimed in agonizing tones, “What a fool I’ve been!”

Try as we might to even up the score when we’re treated unfairly, the result for us will be the same as it was for that tenant farmer. At the end, we’ll exclaim, “What a fool I’ve been!” — Gary

China Daily News: China’s hunger for luxury goods growing—China is continuing its march toward becoming the largest luxury market in the world. The nation is now seen as a second home to many of the world’s top brands, with everything from cars, handbags, watches, clothes and fine wines now sold in China.

Every year this market has grown more crowded, and it is becoming harder for luxury brands to tap into this market. The competition to grab a share of the Chinese wallet is immense now for luxury players. A new survey by KPMG titled, “Luxury experiences in China”, has highlighted the increasing brand recognition among Chinese consumers, at 57 brands this year compared with 45 last year.

Luxury brands are finding it increasingly difficult to find a niche and build market share. Amid rising competition, brands need to be innovative and explore new marketing avenues to stay ahead.

These findings are based on a survey of 1,200 consumers in 24 tier-one and tier-two cities across China, conducted by market research company TNS. Respondents were between 20-45 years of age, earning a minimum of 7,500 yuan (798.6 euros) per month in tier-one cities and 5,500 yuan elsewhere.

The survey also finds that China’s luxury buyers are basing their purchasing decisions on a wider range of factors. Consumers increasingly choose to reward or pamper themselves as opposed to seeking higher social status via their brand purchases. Emotive factors such as “experience” and “self-reward” have now emerged alongside status-seeking and needs-based factors as key drivers. They also continue to place a lot of importance on the heritage of luxury brands.

Inside China — The Chinese mainland and Taiwan will launch a pilot travel program on June 28 that will allow mainlanders to visit Taiwan as individual tourists, a Taiwan affairs official said Sunday.

Wang Yi, director of the State Council’s Taiwan Affairs Office, announced the plan during a conference held at the weeklong Straits Forum, which opened in the mainland’s coastal city of Xiamen on Saturday. Wang said the first phase of the program will apply to residents of the cities of Beijing, Shanghai and Xiamen, which is located in southeast China’s Fujian Province.

The two sides also agreed to give the green light to Fujian residents who wish to individually travel to Taiwan’s islands of Kinmen, Matsu and Penghu. The mainland and Taiwan have witnessed booming tourism in recent years after the two sides agreed to lift a ban on mainlanders’ traveling to Taiwan in July 2008.

The number of mainland tourists traveling to Taiwan in groups reached 930,000 in 2009 and shot up by 127 percent to hit 1.63 million in 2010, according to statistics from Taiwan tourism authorities.

Industry insiders estimate that the individual travel program will bring in 2 billion yuan ($307 million) in tourism revenues for Taiwan within half a year.

We believe we are here for a reason: to reach out to the 18-23 year old university students in Jingzhou, sowing seeds of knowledge and understanding wherever possible. We know it will not return  to us void. We have the opportunity to reach the future leaders of China, and to be ‘stretched’ ourselves in the process. Your thoughts and support are deeply appreciated!  — Gary and Terry

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Wedding anniversary and family pictures; entrance exams, prayer, parents; rice planted late due to drought; tennis champion

This newsletter will be a little different from the others…can’t hold in the excitement of our 40th wedding anniversary on July 2. The semester is almost over, we have a summer break, and some family is visiting in early August. We can hardly wait!

This time two years ago we had discussed taking a train from California to the Grand Canyon for a few days…to do ‘something different and exciting’ for our special event. Never imagined our Father would put us in China for the occasion! 🙂 His plans are always better!

I am one fortunate guy. I married the ‘love of my life’ and get to spend every day with her for the rest of my life.

She is my best friend! Perhaps the only one who could stand me for 2,080 weekends, 14,564 days, 349,525 hours, 20,971,440 minutes (exact at the moment this is being readied for publishing)…and counting!

She was in my parent’s thoughts since before our births, and in my deepest, most private utterances since the early teen years.

We announced to our families in June, 1972, that we planned to marry in September, after a summer of trying to save some money and making more definite plans.

We ended up moving the wedding up on nine days notice, figuring we wouldn’t have that much more money, and it would give us more time to prepare for our last year of school at MTSU.

I would marry her all over again…and do it exactly the same way (maybe we should give Adona more notice)! It’s tempting to suggest that I am one lucky guy, except that it was more than luck that we found each other when we did. Too many things simply had to be worked out by Father!

We had both separately felt as if we were not going to find that special person…Terry in Nashville and me in Murfreesboro. She had no idea there was a university there…never heard of it.

The first time I saw her, I was jealous another perfect stranger was talking to her.

Norman Douglas said “to find a friend one must close one eye; to keep them, two.” That might be one way TJ looks at me? It is true that a friend is one who knows all about you and likes you just the same. Terry is my friend, one who knows me as I am, understands where I’ve been, accepts who I’ve become, and still, gently invites me to grow. She is one who makes me be my best.

She has a special quotation: “A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.”

Our marriage is a series of successive surprises. Our life has been filled with adventure after adventure. And they continue!

The king of the comics, as far    As I’m concerned, is still Peanuts by Charles Schulz. I love Linus, Lucy, Schroeder, Piggen, the little red-haired girl, and Charlie Brown. There’s a ring of reality to their relationships.

One sequence comes to mind. Linus has just written a comic strip of his own, and he wants Lucy’s opinion. In the first frame, he tentatively hands Lucy his comic strip and  says, “Lucy, would you read this and tell me if you think it is funny?”

In the next frame, you see Lucy patting her foot, and a little bit of a grin comes across her face. She looks at Linus and says, “Well, Linus, who wrote this?”

Linus with his chest heaved out and a great big grin says, “Lucy, I wrote that.”

In the next frame, you see Lucy wadding it up, throwing it to the side, and saying, “Well, then, I don’t think it’s very funny.”

In the final frame, you see Linus picking up his comic strip, throwing his blanket over his shoulder, looking at Lucy and saying, “Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life.”

We find that humorous. I  dare say if you and I thought long and hard enough, we’d remember being the crab grass in the lawn of somebody else’s life. None of us wants to be a loser.

None of us wants to be a source of discouragement. And yet, if we’re not careful, we can find ourselves being more pessimistic than optimistic, more discouraging than encouraging.

As Terry says often, “the best vitamin for making friends: B1.”

We experienced first-hand what our students go through every day…we were without electricity in our apartment and it was quickly close to 85 degrees inside. Terry had no classes, while I had one morning class. The heat was bad enough…was even worse that we could not get anything accomplished…no electricity meant no clothes washed, no food warmed up, and no internet.

We had some confusion about when our classes end. It is based on majors, it seems, and we were told we had two more weeks…then found out on Saturday we had one more week. We did not mind, of course, that it was one week less than we had been told, but it was a little confusing getting everything completed, since we thought we had two weeks. We will manage to work it out. 🙂

My students have been so gracious as we finish up the semester and move toward finals, expressing their appreciation that we were willing “to leave our home and family and come to their country to help them improve their English.”

I will not have my junior speaking skills students in any more classes, and it’s likely they will be “out of here” quickly, as they begin  pursuing other educational goals. I have been the one blessed by their willingness to work, interest, enthusiasm and kindness…except for 3-4 of the 146 students who missed several classes…caught two cheating on a final project 🙂

I have received very positive reinforcement to our showing of Fireproof  to some of these students. We plan to make it part of our apartment ‘movie night’ for more next semester.

Even as we wind down our weekly discussions, we had a new English teacher attend this week…that’s five who have been a part of at least one session.

I said several years ago, when we began attending lectureships in Searcy, that is was “the only place I know that seems to appreciate the wisdom and experience older men can give,” due to the gray-haired teachers working there. They were so professional, with a ready smile and willingness to speak and answer any question of anyone, it seemed.

I was made to ‘feel my age’ when some students recalled in speeches this week seeing me for the first time, with “my white hair and large computer bag” on the first day of classes. They said it as a compliment and a pleasant memory and offered enthusiastic appreciation for us “leaving family and America and coming so far to help them learn English.”

I got my third Chinese haircut today and it seemed that many of the men in the shop were having someone “paint their hair” black. 🙂

Greetings from Terry: The new cuckoo clock we thought our neighbors had turns out to be the real thing. I haven’t laid eyes on it yet, but it is a real bird. Gary and I hear it from different directions when I am in the kitchen during the mornings.

Friday evening the discussion group stayed and watched The Ultimate Gifts with us. We had pop corn and Pepsi. It was so much fun. I like movies and sharing them with others makes it even more fun.

Hope we can have more “movie nights” next semester. They can practice their English, learn American culture and it opens more topics for discussion.

We had four of my students over for lunch last Saturday. After meeting them at the front gate, we ordered food and took it back to the apartment, where we had a leisure visit while we ate.

The students gave me a very nice photo album with a few pictures of themselves and their classmates this semester. It was very thoughtful of them.

I will be very interested in what becomes of these students in the future, where they will go and what they will accomplish. There is a plan for their lives; of that I am sure.

I encouraged the class monitor, who is a natural leader, to make wise choices and be careful where he leads. I am so glad we will be able to see these students on this campus next year as sophomores. Gary may even have some in his classes, since he wants to teach mostly on the Central campus.

After many days of labor, two of the graduate students that come for discussions turned in their dissertation papers. We called and rejoiced with them over the phone and invited them over for a bowl of orange Jello and Chinese cookies. Now the hard part of finding a job begins. I am glad they will be close by for about a month. We are still cultivating, planting and watering

I finished the book Forgiveness by Gary Inrig. It is a thought-provoking book we have both  read…and recommend to others.

“We love our crazy job.” Love, Terry.

Chinese high school students prepare for Gaokao — June 7th and 8th were tense dates for millions of Chinese high school students as they took one of the most important exams in their life, the college entrance examination. More than 9.3 million students sat for this year’s test. As millions of students were doing some last-minute cramming for the national college entrance examinations, authorities launched a crackdown on sales of high-tech devices used to cheat on the tests.

The National College Entrance Examination (NCEE), or “gaokao,” is the world’s largest standardized test. However, a string of cheating scandals featuring the use of high-tech devices have cast a shadow over the test.

Since late April, police have busted eight criminal rings that have admitted to selling devices such as wireless earphones and transmitter-receiver sets that allow their buyers to cheat on the exams.

Fourteen of the 18 arrested ring members are still in custody. Wireless communication devices are used by some students to obtain answers from people outside of the examination venues.

In the news after the first day: one student was 10 minutes late in arriving, and was not allowed to enter and take the test. He was found later having committed suicide by jumping off the nearest building. Pressure on them is intense…and everything hangs in the balance, in their mind, because the grade determines whether they get to attend a first-tier school.

This country celebrated French Open winner Li Na (see photo) a few days ago. Newspaper accounts responded to words of support in Mandarin: “Jia you!” — which loosely translates to “Let’s go!” After so many years of “Come on” and “Allez” and “Vamos,” there’s a new language on the tennis landscape.”

Li became the first Chinese player, man or woman, to win a Grand Slam singles title by beating defending champion Francesca Schiavone of Italy 6-4, 7-6 (0) at Roland Garros.

She already was the first woman from that nation of more than 1.4 billion people to win a WTA singles title, the first to enter the top 10 in the rankings, and the first to make it to a Grand Slam final — she lost to Kim Clijsters at the Australian Open in January.

Tennis is considered an elite sport in China, and while participation is rapidly increasing, it still trails basketball, soccer and table tennis, among others. But Li’s victory was big news back home.

Li broke away from the Chinese government’s sports system in late 2008 under an experimental reform policy for tennis players dubbed “Fly Alone.”

Li was given the freedom to choose her own coach and schedule and to keep much more of her earnings: Previously, she turned over 65 percent to the authorities; now it’s 12 percent. That comes to about $205,000 of the $1.7 million French Open winner’s check.

At her news conference, Li wore a new T-shirt with Chinese characters that mean “sport changes everything,” and offered thanks to Sun.

When a reporter mentioned the June 1989 crackdown on pro-democracy demonstrators in Tiananmen Square and asked whether her victory could spark a sports revolution, Li said she’s “just” a tennis player and added, “I don’t need to answer … this question.”

Finding Friendships — Faithful friends are one of life’s greatest assets

Men’s Life magazine surprised itself with a survey – asking its readers “What’s the most important thing in your life?”  And no, it was not sex, it was not career, it was neither fame nor fortune.

The most important things to 63 percent of the men were their wives and ninety percent of married men called their wives their best friend.

I wish we knew the author who wrote: “There are those who pass like ships in the night. Who meet for a moment, then sail out of sight With never a backward glance of regret; Folks we know briefly then quickly forget. Then there are friends who sail together Through quiet waters and stormy weather Helping each other through joy and through strife. And they are the kind who give meaning to life.”

One man summarized what he had learned during a Dale Carnegie course: “If you want to keep friends and have people like you, there are three things you must never do. Each one of these begins with a “C”. The first one is, “Never complain”; the second, “Never condemn;” and the last one, “Never criticize.”‘

I especially find C. S. Lewis’ words delightful: ‘Eros will have naked bodies; friendship naked personalities.”  I suppose anything you can do together as a couple helps strengthen your marriage.

I love the poem that describes what I enjoy: “O, the comfort — the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, Having neither to weigh thoughts, Nor measure words — but pouring them right out — just as they are — Chaff and grain together, Certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them — Keep what is worth keeping — And with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.”

Real friends don’t care if your socks don’t match. Real friends have a great time doing absolutely nothing together. A real friend warms you by her presence, trusts you with her secrets, and remembers you in her prayers.

Our friends are the people whom we choose; usually friends are the same sort of people as ourselves. My neighbor is the man whom I do not choose; he is the man whom the Father gives to me. He is the man who happens to live in the house next to mine; he is the man who happens to sit opposite to me in the train; he is the clerk who works at the desk next to mine. I have no right to say that he is no concern of mine, because, if I am a Follower, I know that he is the man who has given to me.

A friend is one who warns you. A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you today just the way you are.

Jay Kesler has said that one of his great hopes in life is to wind up with at least eight people who will attend his funeral without once checking their watches.  I love it!  Do you have eight people who’ll do that?

“Two boys in the last war were devoted pals and friends. After a bitter battle one day, one of the boys found that his pal was missing and knew that he was somewhere out there in No-man’s Land.  He asked for permission to go out after his friend but the commander said it was no use for no one was alive out there after the withering fire of many hours.

“After great insistence, he was finally given permission to go.  Some time later he came back with the limp body of his friend over his shoulder. The commander said, “Didn’t I tell you it was no use to go?”  to which the boy replied with radiance in his eyes, “But it was.  I got there in time to hear him whisper, ‘I knew you’d come.'”

We don’t know the source of these words, but they speak to all of us who have that ‘special person’ in our life.

A friend is: a push when you’ve stopped, a word when you’re lonely, a guide when you’re searching, a smile when you’re sad,  a song when you’re glad.

A friend will joyfully sing with you when you are on the mountaintop, and silently walk beside you through the valley. — Gary

10 Commandments of Friendships

1. Speak to people — there is nothing as nice as a cheerful word of greeting.

2. Smile at people — it takes 72 muscles to frown, but only 14 to smile!

3. Call people by name — the sweetest music to anyone’s ear is the sound of their own name.

4. Be friendly and helpful — if you would have friends, be friendly.

5. Be cordial — speak and act as if everything you do were a real pleasure.

6. Be genuinely interested in people — you can like everyone IF YOU TRY.

7. Be generous with praise; cautious with criticism.

8. Be considerate of the feelings of others — it will be appreciated.

9. Be thoughtful of the opinions of others.

10. Be alert to give service — what counts most in life is what we do for others!

Signs ‘You Have No Friends’

1. No calls from salespeople pushing MCI’s “Friends and Family” plan.

2. You go to a video store and say out loud to yourself, “Well, what do you want to rent tonight?”

3. You send birthday cards to members of “The McLaughlin Group.”

4. You are one of the five best solitaire players in the world.

5. At your funeral, the entire eulogy is, “Yep, he’s dead.” or  6. Having a Super Bowl party means dressing up your dogs and tying then to the furniture.

7. James Taylor sings the first bars of “You’ve Got a Friend,” notices you in the audience and stops.

8. All your phone calls start with “900.”

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Terry’s photo on University poster; Alvin in Shanghai; Dragon boat races and Zongzi; students who will teach us Chinese; another holiday; ‘experts’ judge two speech groups; China drought; two of Gary’s classes; eating at Pizza Hut; photo album gift from TJ’s students; parasols protect students from the sun

Begin with the end in mind “…this concept has given us such patience with the work we are doing here”

Henry Ward Beecher  said, “it is not the going out of port but the coming in that determines the success of a voyage.” And Paul told Timothy “to stay the  course” when he was discouraged in Ephesus and must have been tempted to leave.

To say the same thing differently, “begin with the end in mind.”

That is what has given us such patience with the work here. While we are pleased with our progress thus far, we know that it takes time to build relationships, and even more time to overcome a nation’s way of looking at important matters.

When these first-year students are on the same campus with us…and we have a semester behind us….and we learn more Chinese…wow. We’re already looking forward to September!

By the way, we have found two students who are going to spend 3 hours per week with us, learning Chinese during our 7-week summer vacation.

If you have not read True North by Gary Inrig, I suggest you go to Amazon and get a used copy for one cent…plus $3.99 shipping. It’s one of those books you’ll read many times over the years…his book on Forgiveness is even better. I decided that with Oprah off the air, maybe I should begin my own book club suggestions 🙂

I showed several of my junior female students the movie Fireproof, wanting them to learn the marriage values presented before they get outside of my direct influence. Their “ooh and ahh” reactions were in the right spots…they clapped heartily when it ended…so romantic. 🙂

I have enjoyed following DWade and the Miami Heat from afar…not really a Lebron James fan, even when we lived 23 miles east of Cleveland. It certainly gives me good conversation with the young men in my classes, and I particularly enjoy rooting against the Lakers 🙂

It is becoming normal to have the Best Book read in Chinese weekly in our apartment, but not yet used to listening/watching sports in the Chinese language.

We observed another holiday with Monday off from classes: The Chinese Dragon Boat Festival is a significant holiday, and the one with the longest history.

The Dragon Boat Festival is celebrated by boat races in the shape of dragons. Competing teams row their boats forward to a drumbeat racing to reach the finish end first.

The boat races are traditional customs in attempts to rescue the patriotic poet Chu Yuan. Chu Yuan drowned on the fifth day of the fifth lunar month in 277 B.C. Chinese citizens now throw bamboo leaves filled with cooked rice (like those below, right) into the water. Therefore the fish could eat the rice rather than the hero poet. This later on turned into the custom of eating tzungtzu and rice dumplings.

The celebration’s is a time for protection from evil and disease for the rest of the year. It is done so by different practices such as hanging healthy herbs on the front door, drinking nutritious concoctions, and displaying portraits of evil’s nemesis, Chung Kuei.

One of the events we have been asked to take part in, as mentioned earlier, is to judge speech competitions. They are in English, so we are the ‘experts’ so they feel we are  able to do the best job with the intonation and pronunciation, etc. I do not agree, but they are hard to convince otherwise. Some of the Chinese teachers are highly educated in phonetics!

One of the parts most difficult, for Terry, especially, is the expectation that we should have some ‘comments’ to the students when it is over.

Greetings from Terry: I have figured out how to handle the thick ice that forms on the back wall of our refrigerator (not freezer) every week. I just unplug it for about four hours then dry up the moisture. It doesn’t bother the food and it is a lot easier and safer than chiseling.

Saturday, May 28: We took two of Gary’s freshman, female students out to lunch then back to our apartment for a visit. It was a delight to be with them. That same evening we had the pleasure of going to dinner with the group from Harding: Jon & Amber White, Laura, Brenda and Rebecca. Then we brought them back to our apartment for a good visit. We had met Hannah previously, but she was not feeling well the night we ate with them.

Sunday, May 29: I was able to spend almost two hours with one of my students bringing her up to date in class work. She has had to miss several classes because of leg surgery.  —- Love, Terry

One student took the Best Book last week and began reading that same day. Her roommates chided her with the statement “do you want to become a daughter of the god” when they observed her actions. She told us about it the next day, but seemed resolved to continue reading.

The other night, when we were on Skype with Tonia, there were over 25.6 million online at the same time. What a service offered to those of us who are away from their family!  Here’s hoping that their being sold to Microsoft changes the service and the fact it is free! We’ve had a few glitches, but it has worked lately just fine.

Worst drought in 50 years along Yangtze: Dry spell ravages Central China

WUHAN – The worst drought in 50 years to hit provinces along the Yangtze River may continue to plague Central China. The China Meteorological Administration warned on Tuesday that little rain is expected in the coming 10 days and highs of 36 C are likely to hit the central and southern parts of China.

These regions will mostly see hot, dry weather during the coming week, the administration said, adding that local departments will activate cloud seeding when weather conditions are fit. Data indicated that rainfall in these regions is 30 to 80 percent less compared to normal years, while the provinces of Anhui, Jiangsu, Hubei, Hunan, Jiangxi, Zhejiang and Shanghai municipality continue to suffer the worst drought since 1954.

Between January and April, the Yangtze River basin received 40 percent less rainfall than the average level of the past 50 years. The water area of Dongting Lake in the middle reaches of the Yangtze River was 73 percent less on May 20 than the same day last year, according to statistics from the administration.

As of Monday, the lingering drought in Hubei has affected nearly 10 million people, about one sixth of its population, and influenced 1.2 million hectares of farmland, causing direct economic losses of 7.1 billion yuan ($1.1 billion), according to the provincial civil affairs department. Since the end of last autumn, most areas of Hubei have received 50 percent less rainfall than the same period in 2010.

      The Office of State Flood Control and Drought Relief Headquarters asked the Three Gorges Dam to increase water discharges to up to 12,000 cubic meter per second (about 3,000 cu m per second more than the water flowing in) from May 25 to June 10, in order to raise the water level in the middle and lower reaches.The water level in more than 1,300 reservoirs in Hubei province have dropped below the allowable discharge level for irrigation, said Yuan Junguang, director of the reservoir management office of Hubei provincial water resources department. 

(We’re at Yangtze River University, Hubei province)

Devoted to Family…A happy family is but an early heaven

During a visit to the children’s Bible class, a preacher looked into their serious faces and asked, “Why do you love God?” After a moment a small voice came from the back: “I guess it just runs in the family.”

Some of us are blessed to be ‘lifers.’ It’s a phrase I first heard in Mansfield, Ohio, many years ago, used to describe a person “who has been around the church his whole life.”

What a blessed person! To have grandparents and parents who knew the value of God, Christ, the Bible, and the church! To attend worship and classes “every time the doors are opened” is a blessed way of life that benefits into eternity.

Some aren’t so fortunate, for many children don’t even feel as if they know their parents, much less the Lord. The story is told of a young boy who wanted a new suit of clothes, and he asked his mother if she would ask his father to buy it for him. The mother suggested that it might be better if the boy would ask the father himself. The response of the boy was, “Well, I would, but you know him much better than I do.”

Sadly, it’s not easy to bring about much-needed change. Herbert Prochnow tells of a little girl who wrote in an essay on Parents: “We get our parents at so late an age that it is impossible to change their habits.”

In Japan, many workers are finding themselves either too busy or too stressed to visit their parents.  An enterprising business is now offering a solution for lonely parents.  For $1,130 a day, the Japan Efficiency Headquarters company will send actors to provide “family” time.  The actors have been trained in psychology to ensure a more realistic family visit.

Lee Iacocca said, “Your job takes up enough time without having to shortchange your family. Still, I’ve seen a lot of executives who neglect their families, and it always makes me sad. You can’t let a corporation turn into a labor camp. Hard work is essential. But there’s also a time for rest and relaxation, for going to see your kid in the school play or at a swim meet. And if you don’t do these things while the kids are young, there’s no way to make it up later on. I learned about the strength you can get from a close family life. I’ve had a wonderful and successful career, but next to my family, it hasn’t really mattered at all.”

It is sad commentary on our times that families have become so fragmented and splintered some must hire a surrogate family to provide companionship.

A family is more than a collection of human beings who are blood kin.  A family is more than the sum of its parts.  It is a living, shaping, powerful unit that teaches us our most important lessons in life.  It teaches us who we are, how to act, whom to relate to, and what is important in life.

I am the second of nine children in my family.  I’m used to hearing remarks about the size of our family. Once when my father had taken four of us to the grocery store, a woman asked him, “Are these all your children?”

“Oh, no,” he innocently replied.

Seeing the look of relief on her face, Dad said with a twinkle in his eye, “The other five are at home.”

Close friends of our family used to tease Mom (a nurse) and Dad (a chemist). “You do know what causes children, don’t you?” they would ask. Their response made it crystal clear of their knowledge: “Some people put their efforts and their money into houses or vacations. We’re investing in children.”

Grandchildren are a different discussion! They bless our lives in ways we could never have imagined!

A woman had a very precocious grandchild who was visiting her.  She was about 10 or 11 years old.  She asked, “Grandma how old are you?” And grandma said, “Well, honey we don’t tell our ages, it is not polite to ask a women her age.”  “Oh, come on grandma, tell me how old you are.”  “No, honey.  I am not going to tell you how old I am.”  So, the girl disappeared.

Grandma heard something up stairs and went up and found the little girl in her purse. The little girl had found her driver’s license and she was adding up the date of birth to the present time, and she said, “Grandma you are 78 years old.”  “Now honey, you shouldn’t be in there,” grandma said.  “Plus, grandma, I see that you got an F in sex.”

There is a story about a father who became disturbed about the length of time his six year old son was taking to get home from school. The father decided he would make the trip to discover for himself how long it should take a small boy to cover the distance. The father settled on 20 minutes but his son was still taking an hour. Finally the father decided to make the trip with his son.

After the trip, the man said, “The 20 minutes I thought reasonable was right, but I failed to consider such important things as a side trip to track down a trail of ants — or an educational stop to watch a man fix a flat — or the time it took to swing around a half dozen telephone poles — or how much time it took for a boy just to get acquainted with two stray dogs and a brown cat.

“In short,” said the father, “I had forgotten what it is really like to be six years old.”

In her best-seller, What Is a Family?, Edith Schaeffer devotes her longest chapter to the idea that a family is a perpetual relay of truth.  A place where principles are hammered and honed on the anvil of everyday living.  Where character traits are sculptured under the watchful eyes of moms and dads.  Where steel-strong fibers are woven into the fabric of inner constitution. The relay place.  A race with a hundred batons.

• Determination.  “Stick with it, regardless.”
• Honesty.  “Speak and live the truth – always.”
• Responsibility.  “Be dependable, be trustworthy.”
• Thoughtfulness.  “Think of others before yourself.”
• Confidentiality.  “Don’t tell secrets.  Seal your lips.”
• Punctuality.  “Be on time.”
• Self-control.  “When under stress, stay calm.”
• Patience.  “Fight irritability.  Be willing to wait.”
• Purity.  “Reject anything that lowers your standards.”
• Compassion.  “When another hurts, feel it with him.”
• Diligence.  “Work hard.  Tough it out.”

And how is this done?  Over the long haul, believe me.  This race is not a sprint, it’s a marathon.  There are no 50-yard dash courses on character building.  Relays require right timing and smooth handoffs – practiced around the track hour after hour when nobody is looking.

And where is this practice track? Where is this place where rough edges cannot remain hidden, must not be left untouched?  Inside your own front door.

The home is the Father’s built-in training facility.

Many couples in my generation need to learn that a happy home is not having a good paying job, a mortgage of $100,+, a brand new car every five years, trying to keep up with everyone else.  Home is really a state of mind; ideally, it is a created situation where two people who love each other are committed to one another’s well being, living in harmony, love, forbearance, and consideration.

There are at least two primary joys of a Christian home: First there  is the joy of knowing that someone cares for you. God cares for me (John 3:16) and there is not a greater self-esteem builder in the world. God created us with the desire to feel wanted, important, and necessary.  He created the home to aid in fulfilling the need to feel needed!

In the Christian home, the husband and wife have said to one another, “I care so much for you that I   selected you from all others to share my life.”  Likewise, our children should be convinced that we care for them!

Second, there is the joy of knowing that there is someone I can depend upon! A great joy to know this – standing together in good times and bad. Children need to know there is someone they can depend on when the trials of life come knocking.

Being able to depend upon someone is described in the word “commitment.” In a proper home situation there is someone to whom I am committed and who is committed to me.

A truly Christian home is a place where sinners live; but it is also a place where the members of that home admit this fact and understand the problem, know what to do about it, and as a result grow by grace.

It is important that this environment be in place so all members of the family will have a loving, graceful, safe, and warm place in which to grow. It’s vital that we treat each other in the same way Jesus treated His 12 apostles.  As they stumbled and made mistakes, he was patient with them because of one simple point: He knew they were not yet what they would become. We need to “be patient, God’s not finished with us yet! — Gary