Category Archives: Family

“Why Have A Family?”

big-family “Somewhere between the youthful energy of the teenager and the golden twilight years of a woman’s life there lives a marvelous and loving person known as a mother.”

“A mother is a curious mixture of patience, tolerance, kindness, understanding, discipline, industry, purity, and love.

“A mother can be at the same time both lovelorn counselor to a heartsick daughter and the head football coach to an athletic son. A mother can sew the tiniest stitch in the material for that dainty party dress, and she is equally experienced in threading through the heaviest noon-day traffic with a large SUV.”

“A mother is the only creature on earth who can cry when she’s happy, laugh when she’s heartbroken, and work when she’s sick. A mother is as gentle as a lamb and as strong as a giant. Only a mother can appear so weak and helpless, and yet at the same time, can put the fruit jar lid on so tightly that even dad can’t get it off.”

A mother is a picture of helplessness when dad’s around, and a marvel of resourcefulness when she’s all alone. A mother has the angelic voice of a member of the celestial choir when she’s singing a lullaby to that baby held tightly in her arms, and yet that same voice can dwarf the sounds of an amplifier when she calls the boys in for supper. A mother has the fascinating ability to be almost everywhere at once and she, alone, can somehow squeeze an enormous amount of living into an average day.”

“A mother is old fashioned to her teenager; she’s just mom to the third-grader; she’s mama to her little two-year old. There’s no greater thrill in life than to point to that wonderful woman and proclaim to the whole world – that’s my mother.”

We want to say some things this morning that go much beyond honoring mothers, though we will do that…we’re honoring God, who created for us that special creation – woman – and who placed into woman these wonderful qualities!

We live at a time when many young couples are considering the obstacles they face in marriage and the difficulties the world presents and are choosing not to have children. It causes us to ponder the question today: why have a family?

Certainly, it’s not to satisfy our own selfish ambitions. They take time and there are problems…many couples believe they’re “too busy” for children and the New Testament shows us this attitude in Mark 10:13-16: “People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. {14} When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. {15} I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” {16} And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.”

  • The disciples felt Jesus was too busy for the children
  • Jesus showed that He was not…and was indignant toward this attitude
  • And He tells each of us today that we should “be like children” in order to enter the kingdom of God

Why have children?

Because God has planted in me the intense need to love and care for someone else.

 One writer: “The fullest human life is one that takes a chance on being committed to another human being.”

Children provide us with a constant opportunity for personal growth toward self-fulfillment. They furnish a unique and inescapable demand for giving of ourselves! What is means to be a family is most beautifully expressed when two people accept all the risks of having children, knowing that they will always “be on call.”

We are all blessed to be around children; they teach us so much:

– honesty – wonder of discovery   – open   – quick to forgive  – forget completely

Having children gives the Mom and Dad a complete understanding of just how much God loves us!

Psalms 103:13: “As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;”

When our children make really big, bad mistakes—our response to their repentant heart teaches us that God responds to our sins in the same way.

Children also teach us how to treat another young Christian:

1 Thessalonians 2:7-8: “…but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. {8} We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.”

 And fathers learn so much as we watch our wives care for the children:

“In the realm of self-giving, a mother’s love makes the wealth of even the most devoted father look pale. Lovingly, she accepts the pain of child bearing. Selflessly, she exerts the energy and invests the time it takes to care for her home and family. Untiringly, she sits at the bedside of her sick child. Willingly, she gives us comforts and luxury to help provide for her child’s education. And with every gift of herself she is enriched – mothers have much for which to be proud.”

By experiencing the love their parents give them, our children learn how to love. This is important because loving is contrary to many of the basic drives of our flesh …without loving, our children are left with a primary need unmet.

“The family is the one place on earth where you can be accepted when you seem to have made a wreck of your life, the one sanctuary where you are valued when you are old, the one refuge where you have worth when you can no longer produce.”

Seen on a church sign:

If evolution is true, how come mothers still have only two hands? — Donna Waldeyer, Paoli, Pennsylvania, Christian Reader, “Lite Fare.”

 Four basic ingredients for building positive relationships (these are true in a spiritual family, too!)

  1. Mutual respect

Problems between human beings of any age are usually the result of a lack of respect. Parents often complain that their children don’t respect them, but don’t realize that respect must be earned.

Nagging, yelling, hitting, talking down, begging, and doing things for children they can do for themselves all show lack of respect.

Think for a moment: as your child grows older, do you require them to knock before entering your bedroom but feel free to barge into theirs? It’s a sign of a lack of respect.

 2. Taking time for fun

We live in a hectic modern pace, and this is often overlooked. An hour of positive relationship is worth several hours of conflict. Take time for fun! Spend time with each child, often!

  1. Encouragement

We must believe in our children if they are to believe in themselves. To feel adequate, children need frequent encouragement – it’s our way to tell and show them “how they are doing” in a world that is often very critical and at a time when they are very self-conscious.

  1. Communicating love

How often do you tell your children, by words and actions, that you love them…unconditionally? To feel secure, each child must have at least one significant person to love and to be loved by.

 Expect a lot from them

  1. In the home – teach them to do what they’re capable of doing.
  2. At school – they must respect authority and appreciate an education
  3. In worship – be sure they’re holding the songbook and at least making the effort in areas where they can participate…if they bring materials to read or work with during a sermon geared to the adult…be sure it’s a Bible story or Bible-based workbooks
  4. Evangelism- visitation – have them make a visit with you when they’re young and it’s fun and before they learn to be afraid

 A perspective from a two-year old:

“I heard you say you don’t understand two year olds, so let me explain. When I’m in the high chair and I say ‘up’ it really means ‘down.’ Or sometimes it means ‘I don’t want milk, I want juice’ unless you give me juice in the first place…then I want milk.

“When I say ‘out’ and you open the door for me, the reason I throw a fit is because I want to stay in, unless I can go outside naked.

“I really don’t like to go for walks if I can’t ride in the stroller, unless you put me in the stroller. Then, I want to walk, or else be carried…or maybe scream a little.

“Oh, and one more thing: when you ask ‘do you have to go to potty’ and I say ‘no’ it really means ‘yes.’…but I like to wait to tell you about it in the car or in the grocery store.” Sincerely, you beloved two year old.

We should daily work ourselves out of a job and live each moment with our child with the goal of giving them back to God!

Psalms 127: “Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain. {2} In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat– for he grants sleep to those he loves. {3} Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. {4} Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth. {5} Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.”

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Posted by on May 12, 2019 in Family


Four Types of Parents…Lessons We Can Learn

Family Constellation

Recent studies have revealed that the position of a child in the family has tremendous impact on their development.

Each child has a unique position in the family unit and perceives matters from their own position, not from others.

The place of children in the family can generally be described by the following characteristics:

1. The first-born is, for a while, an only child. He received much attention, but suddenly is dethroned when another arrives. He still wants to be first and strives to maintain that place. When supremacy is not maintained through positive behavior, he may seek to gain it in other ways, even with negative behavior.

2. The second-born is confronted with someone who is always ahead. He may feel inadequate because he has to keep up with someone older. He may try to become more than what the older child is – aggressive, passive, dependent, social, etc.

3. The middle-child frequently feels squeezed out, that life is terribly unfair or may decide to overcome the “disadvantaged position.” This child is concerned about fairness and sticking to the rules.

4. The youngest child, as the baby of the family, may appear to be at a disadvantage, but can become a tyrant. He is inclined to take advantage of this position – the cutest, pleasant, weakest, etc. The youngest may seek to become the clown or to rebel.

5. The only child lives the formative years among older and more capable people. Only children tend to develop a distinctive style which ensures them a place with adults; they may be very verbal, charming, intelligent, or – if it suits their need – shy and helpless.

Note these positions only influence the individual’s personality development; they do not directly determine it. Each individual makes his/her own decisions. Thus an “only child” does not have to act like a spoiled brat, the middle child does not have to rebel, etc.

Magazine articles have been published for years describing the four basic types of parents. Two of these types tend to cause their children to resent authority; two tend to produce positive-acting children. We need to find ourselves in these four types and see the natural consequences of our actions.

The Dominant Parent







This parent tends to produce the most expensive qualities in children. They have very high standards, are seldom warm and caring in support and give very few explanations for their rigid rules. They tend to be unbending and demanding. But because the children do not understand the reasons why the activities are wrong, they may participate in them.

Some serious conclusions have  been observed from dominant parenting: high aggression in younger children is evident; many, due to early aggression, lead to a future life of violence; aggression is evident in all associations the child has in life.

Here are some typical statements and actions of dominant parents:

  • Rules are rules. You’re late – to bed with no supper.
  • I won’t stand for your back talk. Just do what I say.
  • You don’t need reasons when I tell you to do something.

There are possible reactions by children who have dominant parents:

  • They rank low in self-esteem. They have little ability to conform to rules.
  • The rigid harshness of the parents breaks the spirit of the child and results in resistance –silence or rebellion.
  • The child usually does not want anything to do with the parent’s rules or values – he rejects them.
  • The child may be attracted to other children who rebel against parental and society’s rules. They often use drugs or become involved in illegal actions.
  • The child may be loud in demanding his rights.
  • In classes he may be disruptive to gain attention.

The Neglectful Parent







The neglectful parents tend to lack both loving support and control over children. They show an uncaring and immature attitude, lashing out at the children when irritated. These tend to isolate by excessive use of babysitters and to indulge in their own selfish activities.

Children are seen as a bother – parents can be neglectful even when they are at home. In this environment children are robbed of the greatest factor a parent can give: emotional involvement and attachment.

Studies reveal four reasons for this kind of parenting: the high divorce rate, an increase of mothers in the work force, excessive television watching, and an increasing mobile society. Here are some typical actions and statements made by neglectful parents:

  • Work it out for yourself…can’t you see I am busy?
  • No! I’m expected somewhere else…get your mother to help!
  • No, you can’t stay up…you wanted to stay up late last night…stay out of my way!
  • That’s your problem…I have to go to work!
  • Good grief! Can’t you be more careful
  • So you think  I’m stupid! That’s your problem…just get lost!

Here are some typical effects on children of neglectful parents:

  • The harshness and neglect tend to wound the child’s spirit causing rebellion
  • Neglect teaches the child that they are not worth spending time with them
  • The child develops insecurity because parents are never predictable
  • The child may not develop a healthy self-esteem because he is not respected and has not learned self-control
  • Broken promises break the child’s spirit and lowers self-worth
  • The child tends to do poorly in school because he has little motivation

The Permissive Parent







 Permissive parents tend to be warm, supportive people but weak in establishing and enforcing rules and limits for their children. They usually give in to their child’s demands. Even when the child is in trouble, they tend not to discipline, which affects in a negative way.

Permissive parents are great supporters: giving, understanding, and very comforting. But this type of parenting is responsible for allowing a “brat” to develop. The following are typical of permissive parents:

  • Well, OK, you can stay up late this time. I know how much you like this program
  • You’re tired aren’t you? A paper route is a tough job. Sure, I will take you around again.
  • I hate to see you under so much school  pressure. Why not rest tomorrow…I will say you were sick
  • You didn’t hear me call you to supper? Well, that’s all right. I must not have called loud enough. Sit down. I don’t want you eating a cold dinner
  • Don’t get angry at me…you’re making a scene
  • Please try to hurry … Mommy will be late again if we don’t start soon

These are possible reactions by children with permissive parents:

  • A child senses that he/she is in the driver’s seat and can play the parent accordingly
  • A child develops insecurity, like  leaning against a wall that appears to be firm, but falls over
  • A child may have little self-esteem because he has not learned to control himself and master personal disciplines
  • A child learns that because standards are not firm, he can manipulate around all rules

The Loving and Firm Parent




Loving   and Firm



Loving and firm parents usually have well defined rules, limits and standards. They take the time to train and explain them to their children so they understand these limits. But they also give support and affection to the child (physically spending time with them, etc.). They are flexible, willing to listen to all the facts if a limit has been violated. The loving and firm parent is a healthy and balanced combination of the dominant and permissive parent. There is firmness, but affection.

Here are some typical statements and actions by loving and firm parents:

  • You’re late again for dinner? How can we work this thing out?
  • I wish I could let you stay up late, but we agreed upon this time. Remember what you’ll be like tomorrow if you lose your sleep?
  • When we both cool off, we will talk about what needs to be done
  • You’re really stuck, aren’t you? I’ll help you this time, but let’s work out how you can get it done by yourself next time
  • You say all the others will be there. I want more information first

Typical characteristics of children who have loving and firm parents:

  • The warm support and clearly defined limits builds self-respect
  • A child is more content when he has learned to control himself
  • He is more secure when he realizes that some limits are unbending and he understands why
  • Lines of communication are open with parents – there is less chance of the “rebellious teen years”

Children from loving and firm parents rank highest in self-respect, capacity to conform to authority, greater interest in parent’s faith in God and have a greater tendency not to join a rebellious group.

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Posted by on November 30, 2018 in Family


Suggestions gleaned from 47 years of a happy marriage

The key to a successful marriage is treating your spouse as the ‘most important person in the world’ everyday and putting their needs ahead of your own. Image may contain: 2 people, including Terry J. Moore Davenport, people standing

  1. Listen
    To be truly heard is the longing  of every human heart, and your wife is no exception. It sounds simple, but  listening can be harder than it seems with so many distractions around us and within us. Set aside some time every day to look into your wife’s eyes and really listen to what she has to say. You may be surprised at what you hear. (James 1:19Matthew 11:15)
  2. Communicate
    Don’t make her guess what you are thinking or feeling. Talk.
  3. Sing  Her Praises
    Shamelessly brag about her good qualities and quietly pray about her bad ones. Her reputation is your reputation. (Proverbs 31:28-29)
  4. Pray For Her
    Praying on your wife’s behalf  not only enlists the help of the Almighty, but also puts her and her needs at the forefront of your heart and mind, right where they belong.(Philippians 4:6Matthew 18:19)
  5. Value Her Individuality
    Your wife is wonderfully unique. Don’t compare her to your mom, or your ex-wife, or your old girlfriend.  Your mom may make the best chocolate chip cookies in the world, but unfavorable comparisons won’t win you brownie points.
  6. Put the Seat Down
    Perpetually raised toilet seats are a pet peeve of wives everywhere. And while you’re at it, tidy up a bit. A little consideration goes a long way. (Philippians 2:4)
  7. Throw  Your Dirty Clothes in the Hamper
    It’s likely just a few steps from wherever you are dropping them anyway. Make this a habit, and it will let your wife know your don’t consider her your personal maid.
  8. Turn  Off the T.V.
    Lay aside the video games, pocket the iPhone, and shut off the computer, as well. It is staggering how many hours we waste gazing at some sort of screen instead of      interacting with the real people in our lives. Consciously set limits on      your tube-time, whatever form it takes. Use the time saved to invest in      your marriage: take a walk with your wife or play a board game together      instead. (Psalm 90:12)
  9. Loosen  the Purse Strings
    We all have to keep an eye on our budget, but an occasional splurge can be well worth it. Seemingly frivolous things like flowers, jewelry, and overpriced restaurants let her know that she is more valuable to you than a number in your bank account.
  10. Practice  Servant-Leadership
    All organizations have a  hierarchy. It’s impossible to function without one, but being a leader isn’t the same as being a dictator. The best role model is Jesus Christ, not Joseph Stalin. Jesus washed his disciples feet and then died on their behalf. It’s a challenge to exercise authority while maintaining a spirit of humility, but that is what being a godly leader entails. (Matthew 20:28,Philippians 2:1-8Mark 9:35)
  11. Remember that Intimacy’s a Two-Way Street
    Unfortunately, men are  notoriously selfish in the bedroom, yet are dumbfounded when their wives are less than enthusiastic in this arena. Make this area of your relationship as pleasurable for her as it is for you and it will pay huge dividends. It may mean washing the dishes or helping with the kids, so that she has energy left at the end of the day. It may mean cuddling  and candlelight, so that she can relax and let the worries on her mind drift away. If you aren’t sure where to begin, just ask her, and then listen. (1 Corinthians 7:3)
  12. Give Her Time to Herself
    Everyone needs an occasional break to rest and recharge, and this is especially important for a wife who is at home all day with young children. Yet it’s very easy to neglect this legitimate need unless you regularly and intentionally schedule time  for it. (Luke 5:16)
  13. Set Aside Couple Time
    Soak in the tub together each evening or go on a date night once a week — whatever gets the two of you alone on a regular basis. (Genesis 2:24-25)
  14. Be Careful with Female Friendships
    We all have friends and colleagues of the opposite sex, but tread cautiously. Not all affairs are physical ones. Honoring your marriage vows means remaining faithful in thought and word as well as in deed. (Matthew 5:27-28)
  15. Use Good Hygiene.
    It is amazing how meticulous guys can be prior to marriage in their attempts to impress a girl, but once they walk down the aisle, all bets are off. Clean up a little; I promise it won’t kill you.
  16. Limit the Gross Stuff
    Few women find burping nearly as hilarious as the typical guy does. Good manners are always a win. (Ephesians 5:4)
  17. Be Patient
    In whatever way this applies to you and your situation, apply it. (1 Corinthians 13:4Proverbs 14:29)
  18. Cherish  Her Children (they are your children, too)
    A mother’s bond to her children runs immeasurably deep. When you invest time or energy in them, you are investing in her as well. Kindness to them counts as kindness to her. (Malachi 4:6)
  19. Choose Her Over Hobbies and Buddies
    Invariably there will come times in your relationship when you will be forced to choose between your wife and something else that you enjoy. Always choose her.
  20. Provide for Her Needs
    This is so much more than just putting food on the table. It is all-encompassing. Whether it is physical needs, emotional needs, spiritual needs, you name it — do your best to provide. Sometimes life’s circumstances hinder us in one area, but we can      compensate in another area. Often the effort is as important as the outcome. (Galatians 6:2)
  21. Dial Down the Anger
    Your caveman instincts are handy on the battlefield, but horrible for a happy home life. Every outburst or flare-up is a relationship setback. To go forward, the first step is to stop going backwards. Learn to control your temper or it will control you, your marriage, and every other aspect of your life. Just because your wife puts up with it and your co-workers tolerate it, doesn’t make your short fuse an asset. Do whatever it takes to gain victory in this all-important struggle that has haunted man since Cain slew Abel. (Ecclesiastes      7:9,Ephesians 4:31)
  22. Cut Out the Condescension
    If you have been blessed with a quick wit, you can either be the life of the party or a pain in the neck depending on the circumstances. Condescension is anger’s younger brother. It isn’t as loud or as dramatic, but it can be equally hurtful and all the more so for its subtlety. Lay off the snide remarks, the sarcasm, and the belittling. Speak to your wife in the same way that you would speak to a respected colleague. She is, after all, your partner in the most valuable investment of your life — your family.(, (Ephesians 4:29Colossians 3:19)
  23. Actively Seek Your Wife’s Insights
    Value her input and give it a preferential place in your decision-making process. (Proverbs 19:2012:15)
  24. Learn to Forgive
    Freely forgive your wife’s past, present, and future offenses. Forgiveness is at the heart of the gospel and at the heart of every meaningful relationship. (Ephesians 4:32Colossians 3:13)
  25. Verbally Express Your Love
    There are lots of ways to show your love, but women still like to hear it spoken.

Obviously no list is comprehensive, and one size certainly doesn’t fit all, but hopefully this one will prompt you to compile a list of your own, tailor-made for your own wife.

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Posted by on July 2, 2018 in Family


Heaven In The Home: God’s Plan For His Family #4 – “The Biblical Model for Love”

151459597_640The meaning of love.

  1. Storge: family love; the love of parents for children, children for parents, brothers and sisters for each other.
  2. Eros: sensual love. It means a love that is egocentric, “wanting to have,” seeking union with the object of its desire. The value that evokes it is found in the thing loved.
  3. Philia: friendship; love given to all kinds of human beings, shown in such terms as philadelphia, brotherly love.
  4. Agape: a spontaneous impulse of the heart to desire that which is good for the one loved, and it will be at my cost. There are no prerequisites, no conditions, no requirements.

What these words mean to marriage.

  1. Storge: “my family is important to me. I want my family to be important to you. I recognize that your family is important to you. Your family will also be important to me.”
  2. Eros: “I am physically attracted to you.”
  3. Philia: “Í like you. I enjoy being with you, going places with you, experiencing things with you.”
  4. AgapSe: “I will be good to you. I will treat you with patience and kindness, with courtesy, consideration, and deep concern. That is an unconditional promise. I will always, under all circumstances, treat you that way.”


Agape is self-giving love, gift love, the love that goes on loving even when the other becomes unlovable. Agape love is not just something that happens to you; it is something you make happen.  Love is a personal act of commitment. Christ’s love (and hence the pattern for our love) is a gift love. Christ’s love for us is a sacrificial love. Christ’s love is unconditional. Christ’s love is an eternal love.

Agape is unconditional

That means:

  1. There are no conditions necessary.
  2. You don’t have to earn my love.
  3. You don’t have to deserve my love.
  4. You don’t have to measure up to any standard to get me to love you.
  5. You don’t have to work for my love.
  6. You don’t even have to appreciate my love.

Agape is not a feeling. It is an act of the will. Agape is a commitment to act in the best interest of another without any conditions on his/her part, except his/her need. Love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person.


In a good marriage, the husband and wife are also friends. Philia’s companionship is many things…being reasonably happy to go shopping with her…watching TV together and munching popcorn…feeling lonely when he/she is out of town.

Friendship also means communication. Philia’s communication is many things…sharing something you read in a book or magazine…reminiscing how you had to catch all the mice and remove all the bats before you could move into your apartment…eating breakfast together without the morning paper…agreeing on the design of the new wallpaper for Jane’s room…having the courage to tell you her you don’t that dress she’s trying on.

Philia is also cooperation. While eros is almost always face-to-face relationship, philia is very often a shoulder-to-shoulder relationship. When there is philia, husband and wife are working together on something greater than both of them. They are finding their oneness, not directly in each other, but in their interest in a common cause. In eros, each seeks fulfillment in the other; in philia, they both seek fulfillment in one mutual goal.

Married Love

“You have said to another, “I will,” and with those words you have declared your voluntary assent and turned a crucial point in their lives. You know full well all the doubts and suspicions with which a life-long partnership between two persons is faced. It is you as a married couple who must bear the whole responsibility for the success of your married life, with all the happiness it will bring. It is not your love which sustains the marriage, from now on the marriage sustains your love.”

“I will give to you a love that is patient…a love that is kind, a love that endures. I will pledge to you a love that is not jealous or possessive, a love that is not proud or selfish, a love that is not rude or inconsiderate.

“My love for you will not insist in its own way, will not be irritable or resentful, will not keep account of wrongs or failures. I will rejoice when good prevails.

“Our love will know no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope. It will outlast everything. Our love will stand when all else has fallen. Our life together will have three great qualities: faith, hope and love. But the greatest is love.”

Marriage was designed by God to provide companionship.

“…not good to be alone” the key to a great marriage is delightful companionship. Long-term, delightful companionship is at its best in an intimate friendship!

How Love Acts (1 Cor. 13:4-7)

(1 Corinthians 13:4-7) “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. {5} It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. {6} Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. {7} It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Some reasons why our families are in trouble

  1. Lack of commitment.

“When reference is made to an individual’s ‘commitment’ to marriage, what is being described is the degree to which that person is willing to compromise self-interest, personal ideals of perfection, indulgence in tastes, and so forth, so that a particular relationship can continue. The alternative to making a commitment is not having a relationship – that is remaining alone.” — William J. Lederer, The Mirages of Marriage, 1968, p. 196.

  1. Too much attention to the urgent; not enough attention to the important.
  2. Decentralization – the average home has released or delegated too much of its responsibility to others who are not as crucial to raising good children.
  3. The expectations for a marriage are set too high

Whatever marriage can be, it ought to be! Marriage is sustained by self-discipline and evaluated through growth.

Practical advice for the wife

  1. Remember why he fell in love with you in the first place. Remember and build on them. Don’t stop the courtship.
  2. Be his wife not his child….and don’t be his mother. Learn to handle difficulties like an adult. Be a helper – not a burden. He will worship the ground you walk on if you are a “trooper” when the going gets rough!
  3. Build him up. No one on earth can build him up as high as you can, and by the same token, no one on earth can tear him down as low as you can. If there is some way you want him to change or develop, encourage him in that direction, but don’t try to push him! Be very considerate of his feelings.
  4. Learn to live on his salary and make him feel like he is a very good provider. Never make him feel that he is a failure as a provider.
  5. Make his home his castle. Make home a refuge for him. Most men don’t notice if a house is deep-down clean, but they notice if it is upside down. Feed him meals he enjoys. Make sure he realizes that he is more important to you than your parents or your children. Make him glad he came home. Make it obvious to children as well as friends that he is the head of the family.
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Posted by on June 23, 2016 in Family, Marriage


10 Commandments for Guiding Our Children

What is the most powerful word in the English language? Is it “honor” or “love” or “country”? Maybe it’s “sacrifice.”

Stu Weber, who has written the book called Tender Warrior, says, “How about the word ‘dad’? Just walk through what you know about life. When it comes to power in a youngster’s world, I’ll put my money on the word ‘dad.’ As words go, hope, vision, and sacrifice don’t mean a whole lot to little ones, but the power of the word ‘dad’ reaches far beyond a youngster’s childhood.

   “In fact, it spans generations. There are two ways to recognize power. One is to see it at work. The other is to measure what happens when it is gone. Either way, the word ‘dad’ is pretty potent. Present or absent, positive or negative, the power of the father is incredible.”

To assist in your quest to be good parents, here are ten commandments for guiding your children.

  1. Teach them, using God’s Word – Deuteronomy 6:4-9 (ESV) “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5  You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6  And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.
    7  You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8  You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9  You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
  2. Tell them what’s right and wrong – ( 1 Kings 1:6 (ESV) His father had never at any time displeased him by asking, “Why have you done thus and so?” He was also a very handsome man, and he was born next after Absalom. 
  3. See them as gifts from God –  Psalm 127:3 (ESV) Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.
  4. Guide them in godly ways – Proverbs 22:6 (ESV) Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
  5. Discipline them –  Proverbs 29:17 (ESV) Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.
  6. Love them unconditionally –  Luke 15:11-32 (ESV) And he said, “There was a man who had two sons. 12  And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.’ And he divided his property between them. 13  Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. 14  And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. 15  So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. 16  And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything. 17  “But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! 18  I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. 19  I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.”’ 20  And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. 21  And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ 22  But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet.
    23  And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. 24  For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate. 25  “Now his older son was in the field, and as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. 26  And he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant.
    27  And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf, because he has received him back safe and sound.’ 28  But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him, 29  but he answered his father, ‘Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. 30  But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!’ 31  And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. 32  It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found.’”
  7. Do not provoke them to wrath –  Ephesians 6:4 (ESV) Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
  8. Earn their respect by example –  1 Timothy 3:4 (ESV) He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive…
  9. Provide for their physical needs –  1 Timothy 5:8 (ESV) But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
  10. Pass your faith along to them –  2 Timothy 1:5 (ESV) I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.

What if God should place in your hand a diamond, and tell you to inscribe on it a sentence which should e read at the last day, and be shown then as an index of our own thoughts and feelings? What care, what caution, would you exercise in the selection!

Now, this is what God has done, He has placed before you, the immortal minds of your children, more imperishable than the diamond, on which you are about to inscribe every day and every hour, by your instructions, by our spirit, or by your example, something which will remain, and be exhibited for or against you at the judgment day.

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Posted by on June 21, 2016 in Family


The Husband and Father in the Home

Happy-fathers-day-2016-Images-HD-Wallpapers-1Poets and other writers have been generous in heaping praise and adulation upon mothers. This is as it should be, for a godly mother cannot be given too much praise.

But fathers have received far fewer eulogies and have not been given the public honor and attention which their position and work deserve. This is probably due to the basic differences in male and female character.  Whereas mothers are usually gentle, tearful, tender and introspective in spirit, fathers are generally stern, ready to fight the battles of life and to take disappointments without a word or a tear.

Some have therefore judged fathers to be hard, unspiritual creatures who are devoid of feeling. This is an unjustified judgment! A father is not inferior to a mother; he is simply different. Remember that when God selected a figure to impress us with his love for his wayward children, he chose the figure of a father and his child. This, of course, is a reference to the father in the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32).

The father’s role in making a home successful and happy is equally as important as the mother’s — although vastly different in some respects. As in every other marriage relationship, husband and wife are complementary to each other. Each parent contributes his special abilities in such a way as to reinforce and strengthen the other.

Fathers, 100% of the responsibilities of parenthood are yours! The souls of your precious children depend upon you for proper guidance. We need to get all information and counsel concerning the role of a father that we can possibly come by.

And, since parenthood is a spiritual responsibility, we especially need to study the Bible for the information contained in its sacred pages relative to the responsibilities of a Christian Father/Husband.

God Says Organize!
The autocratic home must first of all be properly organized. God gives the blueprint for that organization in 1 Corinthians 11:3: “The head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.”

This particular scripture does not include children, but others do:
Ephesians 6:1 (ESV) Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.Happy-Fathers-day-2016-1-1024x640

Children come under Daddy and Mother’s authority. Any time we get Daddy, Mother, and the children’s positions out of kilter, we are in serious trouble. We certainly aren’t happy. Daddy is humiliated, Mother embarrassed, and the children aren’t content, either. Society suffers and the nation is weakened, too, by the way.

God has designated that men carry certain responsibilities and that women assume others. Men and women are not the same in purpose or responsibility, but they are equal in importance. God’s plan is that we are “a 100% Daddy and a 100% Mother.”

1. The Christian fatherhusband is to show himself a man.
When he was a child it was proper for him to act as a child. When he was immature he was not expected to function in the framework of maturity. However, with the coming of marriage and home responsibilities he is expected to act like a man.

Marriage is no place for two mates to behave like children! Children need adults to take care of their shelter, food, clothing, medical needs, and educational requirements. This is no realm for the immature who would care less about meeting this week’s grocery bill or from where money for monthly bills and the rent will come. Being a husband and father demands maturity in men.

2. To Lead (not to boss).

Be the head of the home. This simply entails being the one by whom and through whom all decisions and orders of the family’s business are approved. You give the ultimate yes and no. If you are wise, you will gladly share this with your spouse in many areas, but when it is all said and done, it is your responsibility.

Be the protector. This protection finds its fruit in both physical and emotional protection. God built with a man the ability to minimize his family’s fears and feelings of insecurity. With his deep, strong voice, he can scare any intruders away.

Be the physical provider. From the beginning of time, it has been God’s decree that the man is to make the living for his family (Gen. 3:17-19; Exodus 21:10). It’s important that the family be taught the lesson of contentment so ‘demand and command’ be held in check — in other words, live within your means.

Be the spiritual leader. A man’s spiritual welfare and that of his wife and children are resting in his hands. A woman is to submit willingly to man’s leadership (1 Cor. 11:3). Again, it is the wise husband who uses the nurturing skills and patience of the mother in this area.
The husband should be a dominant figure in the life of his family, even though he should not be dominating. He should be a leader without being a dictator. He should be the…head of the home, while carefully preserving the equal rights and privileges of the wife. He should be the decision-maker, after careful and thorough consultation and agreement with his partner.

The husband should assume the leadership role, not just proclaim it! The husband should have or develop the capacity to lead by model more than mouth. A study found a close tie between violence and the method a couple uses for making decisions. If the husband makes almost all decisions, he is far more likely to hit his wife or be hit by her. Between husbands and wives who share the decision making, there is almost no violence.

Most husbands/fathers don’t realize their homes have problems. 83% of the wives say their marriage could be improved while only 53% of their husbands agree that their marriage could be improved.

Major problems are caused by dominating husbands. The wife may respond with clinical depression, reaction formation, or apathy.

Since he permits no independent emotional reactions, he can drive someone who takes him seriously quite mad. However, since he seems so secure, correct, and normal, he attracts people who doubt themselves and feel security in his supposed strength.  They attract themselves to him and grow increasingly insecure as they find themselves reacting ‘incorrectly’ to life’s events.

Proclaimed Leadership                                                Assumed Leadership
gives orders without asking                                            asks questions, seeks to truly hear,

questions, without permitting questions                          suggests alternatives

makes demands, dishes out directions;                            respects freedom and dignity of  others,
lays down the law, is defensive if                                   can affirm the truth clearly and concretely

challenged                                                                    but non-defensively

requires compliance regardless of                                   values willing cooperation, works for
consent or agreement;                                                        open agreement and understanding;

pushes and manipulates; one man                                   leads, attracts, persuades personal relationships

rule in over under position                                             in side-by-side identification

says “You do, you must do,                                            says “Come, let’s do, we might have done,

you ought to have done;                                                 can we try?”

you’d better do”

depends on his own external                                          generates acceptance, cooperation, and

authority to motivate others;                                          reconciliation;

separates and isolates people.                                         unites and helps persons relate to each other

Men’s Complaints About Wives

1.      She demands immediate answers. I want to think about it for a while.

  1. She always looks for hidden meanings. She reads in meanings that aren’t there.
  2. She is never satisfied with what I tell her. I don’t like cross-examinations.
  3. She belabors the subject – wants all the details. Her stories take detours. Why can’t she get to the point?
  4. She can’t separate the issue from the person. She thinks “If you disagree with my view, then you don’t love me.”
  5. She brings unrelated issues into the argument.
  6. She interrupts me. She tends to break into whatever I say before I’m finished.
  7. She desires more to be understood than to understand.

Wives’ Complaints About Husbands

1.      He doesn’t listen to full conversations or even sentences but judges immediately.

  1. He doesn’t respect my opinion but hears it only when someone else says it.
  2. He won’t risk confrontation. If I complain, he doesn’t answer, and I feel like a nonperson.
  3. Reminding is taken as nagging.
  4. To him, his problems are major. Mine are insignificant and incessant.
  5. He doesn’t listen – just pretends – and when I catch him at it, he gets angry.
  6. He won’t share his true feelings, but they emerge heatedly later on.
  7. I share feelings and frustrations, but nothing happens.
  8. If something goes wrong in his life, he makes me feel as if I  have failed.
  9. He can’t share the deep feelings of intimacy I need.
  10. He’s too busy for communication (said by several women).
  11. When he’s mad at the dog or car, why is it my fault and why does he take it out on me?
  12. He can’t admit he’s wrong.
  13. Why tell me about the kids’ misbehavior? Why doesn’t he do something about it? Instead, he tattles.
  14. He ignores me all day and then wants quick and playful sex at night. I don’t want sex without attention first.

— From Stress and the Healthy Family by Dolores Curran, 1985.

1. Be fair. A man setting out to lead his wife and children must first of all be fair. Listen, especially to the wishes of your wife. Don’t expect of your family what you are not willing to do or be yourself. Take care of your family’s needs before your own.

2. Be firm. When there is no leader, there is no leadership. If you are seeking to be fair, you’ll know when to listen and make changes.

3. Be faithful. A family will do anything asked of them if they know you love them. How can you hurt your wife the most? Don’t love her; avoid her; don’t compliment her; make her feel as if she is inferior. Some treat the waitress better than their wife at home. Our wife needs to know, without doubt, that they are loved!

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Posted by on June 19, 2016 in Family


A God ‘who is near’


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Jeremiah proclaimed the truth about God to the people of his day. The land was filled with dishonesty, profanity, and immorality, and the false prophets of the day were not only condoning it but actually participating in it (Jeremiah 23:11,14). They assured the people that God would not judge them for their sin (verse 17). That is when God spoke through Jeremiah: Am I a God who is near, declares the LORD, And not a God far off? (verse 23)

I read somewhere about a little boy who believed it too: He was just a little lad, and on a fine Lord’s day, was wandering home from Sunday School and dawdling on the way. He scuffed his shoes into the grass; he found a caterpillar, he found a fluffy milkweed pod and blew out all the filler. A bird’s nest in the tree o’erhead, so wisely placed and high, was just another wonder that caught his eager eye.

A neighbor watched his zigzag course and hailed him from the lawn, asked him where he’d been that day, and what was going on. “Oh, I’ve been to Sunday school,” (he carefully turned the sod,  and found a snail beneath it). “I’ve learned a lot ’bout God.”God-is-good-all-the-time_re-500x500

“M’m, a very fine way,” the neighbor said, “for a boy to spend his time. “If you’ll tell me where God is, I’ll give you a brand new dime.” Quick as a flash his answer came, nor were his accents faint,  “I’ll give you a dollar, Mister, if you’ll tell me where God ain’t.”

Knowing this fact about God’s omnipresence is sufficient to give me the courage I need to be courageous each day I have upon this earth, “…because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”[1]

When we truly accept this fact, we can respond with courage. Conviction becomes our strength. We become bold in our words and our actions. We grow more immune to the normal despair brought on by pressure presented by peers.

Victor Frankl, the eminent German Jewish doctor, was arrested by the Gestapo during World War II.  As he was being interrogated by the Nazi secret police, Frankl was stripped of all his possessions–his clothes, his jewelry, his wedding band.  His head was shaved.  He was repeatedly taken from his prison cell, placed under bright lights, and questioned for hours.  He underwent many savage, senseless tortures. But Frankl realized he had one thing left:  “I still had the power to choose my own attitude.  Bitterness or forgiveness, to give up or go on.”


[1] Joshua 1:5; Deuteronomy 31:6

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Posted by on June 16, 2016 in Family

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