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Family, A Mummy, China Scenes, Future City, and Back to School

We have enjoyed our time with family, and my son Eric will be sending out a full report of Important Things when he arrives in Texas later this week. I hope you will be as excited as we are about progress being made here with both students and teachers!

I am sending a link with this newsletter that will allow any who are interested in seeing some of the tourist pictures….they are on shutterfly.com and allows an inexpensive way to order them online and delivered to your front door within a week.

The weather has been in the 95 degree range again, after a small break of the 85-range…air conditioner in the bedrooms having a hard time (82 degrees at 2 pm) keeping up but the fans are making it bearable.

We look forward to our students coming to campus on August 28 and getting our official schedules and textbooks.

This is a shortened newsletter, and we likely will publish fewer numbers as the second semester commences. Though our students will be new to us, and each will have compelling stories and varied interest…much of our weeks will no longer be the “first time.”

A good friend in South Florida, Gary Nix, made the observation back in March that “the newsletters the first few weeks are often the best since everything is brand new…and we enjoy seeing your reactions.” I think he is correct, as usual.

We will be making decisions about the next year (2012) in coming weeks. The school requires a decision on our second year in mid-November and will want a signed contract in December, we’ve been told. We have enjoyed our first semester, and know the second one will be even better, since we’ve developed great relationships and know more of what to expect.

Your prayerful support is greatly needed and appreciated! If you want to see our China pictures, copy-and-paste this address into your browser: http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8AatWrdq0ZtmbR

Time Heals All  Conflicts?

Leaders or group members may verbally acknowledge they have a conflict, but may avoid dealing with it directly. They may consciously or unconsciously hope that time will solve the conflict. They may acknowledge it, but avoid it by never clearly and definitely deciding to confront it.

Although there is a time for everything and time is required for problems to be solved, questions to be answered, and healing to take place, time in and of itself does not solve problems, answer questions, and heal wounds. Time itself does not create intrapersonal and interpersonal problems and cannot in and of itself solve such problems.

If time solved problems, then man would be only a robot and not responsible for himself and what he does. If time heals everything, then all one needs to do is just sit back and wait for time to do the healing.

It is true that through the financial, educational, vocational, marital and family changes which people experience, they may look at particular problems differently than they did at an earlier time in their lives. But it is not true that time alone brought about this change.

Individuals inappropriately use time to ignore, avoid, or deny their problems or to refuse to seek effective solutions to them. Such misuse of time guarantees that their problems will not be solved, and that they will become more complicated and require more wise use of time to solve them at a later date.

Therefore, it is important to see that time is valuable in problem solutions only in the sense of how an individual uses it. It is true that a person’s memory can become dull over a period of time and forgetfulness can even occur, but that which is not solved in time can be made worse through procrastination.

It takes time to learn how to deal with conflict within oneself and in one’s relationships, but time alone does not resolve conflicts.

Leaders and group members who say they want to leave conflicts to time may be revealing the following:

• They actually are shirking responsibility for themselves and to other group members.
• They really do not know what to do and are not willing to be honest with themselves and others.
• They are not interested enough in helping other group members with their problems to experience the painful process of growing and learning how to be more helpful.
• They do not care enough to risk getting involved.
• They do not care enough to use some of their time for learning how to be with another in his or her pain. One of the ways of being cruel to people is to dismiss their pain and let time take care of them.

One of the most effective ways for a group to use time is for the members to experience their feelings in their seasons, regardless of whether the feelings are painful or pleasant. This being true, timing becomes very important in every aspect of the members’ lives. The leader and group member who learn to use time creatively learn to live creatively.

Resolving Conflict — Searching for the causes of conflict is essential to be successful in resolving the conflict. Possible causes of conflict:

• Conflict with self.
• Needs or wants are not being met.
• Values are being tested.
• Perceptions are being questioned.
• Assumptions are being made.
• Knowledge is minimal.
• Expectations are too high/too low.
• Personality, race, or gender differences are present.

Reaching Consensus through Collaboration — Groups often collaborate closely in order to reach consensus or agreement. The ability to use collaboration requires the recognition of and respect for everyone’s ideas, opinions, and suggestions.

Consensus requires that each participant must agree on the point being discussed before it becomes a part of the decision. Not every point will meet with everyone’s complete approval. Unanimity is not the goal. The goal is to have individuals accept a point of view based on logic. When individuals can understand and accept the logic of a differing point of view, you must assume you have reached consensus.

Follow these guidelines for reaching consensus:

1.  Avoid arguing over individual ranking or position. Present a position as logically as possible.

2.  Avoid “win-lose” statements. Discard the notion that someone must win.

3.  Avoid changing of minds only in order to avoid conflict and to achieve harmony.

4.  Avoid majority voting, averaging, bargaining, or coin flipping. These do not lead to consensus. Treat differences of opinion as indicative of incomplete sharing of relevant information, keep asking questions.

5.  Keep the attitude that holding different views is both natural and healthy to a group.

6. View initial agreement as suspect. Explore the reasons underlying apparent agreement and make sure that members have willingly agreed

Conflict is destructive when it:

• Takes attention away from other important activities
• Undermines morale or self-concept
• Polarizes people and groups, reducing cooperation
• Increases or sharpens difference
• Leads to irresponsible and harmful behavior, such as fighting, name-calling joining in resolving the conflict

Conflict is constructive when it:

• helps individuals develop understanding and skills
• results in clarification of important problems and issues
• results in solutions to problems
• involves people in resolving issues important to them
• causes authentic communication
• helps release emotion, anxiety, and stress
• builds cooperation among people through learning more about each other

News from China: China is opening an international hotel every four days, making it the world’s fastest hotel market, Shanghai Morning Post reported. From 2010 until 2013, 90 new internationally branded hotels will have opened every year. The paper also said that the increase in business trips contributed to the healthy performance of the hotel market in 2010 and the first half of 2011, which also allowed hotels to increase incomes through occupancy-driven rather than price-driven patterns.

China’s inflation rose to a 37-month high of 6.5 percent in July on surging food costs.

General Motors Helping to Design City of the Future…in China

At the 1939 World’s Fair in New York, General Motors sponsored a “Futurama” exhibit that depicted what the world might look like 20 years in the future. Back then, suburbs connected to cities by high-speed expressways were the thing of dreams, but something that came to pass soon afterwards thanks in part to the vehicles built by GM and other automakers.

Now, the American company is collaborating with a Chinese-Singaporean consortium that is building a real-life city of the future where cars as we know them are set to play a much smaller role than they do today, but where a forward-thinking GM still sees a great opportunity for growth.

Located on the outskirts of one of China’s largest existing metropolises, the Tianjin Eco-City was conceived as a large-scale prototype for sustainable, high-density communities. A reliance on renewable energy sources and mass transit are key elements in its environmentally-friendly design.

But even though its creators are planning for 90 percent of its eventual population of 350,000 to get around town using a light rail system, there will still be a need for individual point to point transportation, and that’s where GM comes in.

At the 2010 Shanghai World Expo, the automaker unveiled the innovative EN-V concept, which mates a version of the self-balancing, two-wheel propulsion system used in the utilitarian Segway PT with an enclosed passenger compartment that seats either one or two people and has all of the creature comforts of a car.

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Family Arrives! Typhoon Muifa; Grandsons; Valentine’s Day; Museum Pics; Politics

Tonia, Eric & Aiden Arrive!

Our family has arrived in China! Hooray!  As we say in the Davenport household: “plenty of adventures.” Tonia travels more by air than any of our children, usually on weekends to visit friends and family. It almost always involves ‘adventures:’ weather delays, late arrivals, suspense, sleeping in airports, etc.This trip was mostly about the weather: she left South Florida on this trip to visit us ahead of tropical storm Emily.

She joined Eric and Aiden in Texas and they left California headed toward Shanghai and Muifa, the ninth typhoon to hit China this year and predicted to be one of the strongest in recent time. (No adventure means the travel was safe, relatively comfortable, no luggage lost, and everybody ‘had their sanity about them and were still friends’ when they arrived.)

Eric surprised us with his making the trip; we had been told all along that Wendy was coming…a special thanks to Terry at Northwest for a generous and loving gift to us! They arrived just a little late in Shanghai and had a wait to get our of Wuhan, due to many others who were stranded with weather issues. Eventually, we got them and headed out ‘talking a mile a minute.’

Their arrival became ‘official’ when Tonia began reading and Eric and Aiden played Stratego (see below). A trip covering over 9,000 miles and 30+ hours is never easy, but we are thrilled they are here for nine days. Our family have an on-going contest to see who has spent time in the most states and countries. Wendy and Eric (14 countries) have the lead over Terry (11). Gregory (42) leads in the states contest…Terry and I have 41 we have visited. (see table at right)

Two university professors with some time on their hands received the perfect gift (except for family coming to visit) ‘from afar:’ credit on an Amazon gift card. It enabled us to purchase books for Kindle we’ve wanted to read when we had the time to read them. Terry has especially been wanting to get A Tailor-Made Bride, on the recommendation from my sister, Jennifer and Ah Wing’s – Elizabeth Bernard (40 Years Among the Chinese) by Tom Tune, on sister-in-law Beth’s recommendation.

Richard Paul Evans has two books coming out soon that are on my shopping list, and John Grisham’s newest comes out just after my October 30 birthday (hint, hint) 🙂

The gift was especially meaningful since it came from ‘Uncle Mark’ in San Antonio. If you haven’t considered a Kindle, you might look into it. They are super convenient and wonderful when you have space issues with book storage and travel. It also allows you to convert any of your personal Word documents to Kindle format and load them via USB. I have read eight books this summer that were stored from a variety of sources, including some of my own material….which I can share with you if you send me an email address.

I wondered if my usual ‘cold pattern’ would continue here, and it did. I had my annual summer cold for 8-10 days and then was feeling just fine….am rarely sick, so can’t complain….went from the 3rd grade all through college without any sick days.

Greetings from Terry: I am in the midst of reading Courage  and  Consequence by Karl Rove….Gary read it just after we arrived. It is interesting to me; kind of like reading the TV series West Wing with a Republican slant.

Gary woke Sunday morning with a really bad cold. He is not complaining and doing what he can not to share it. Thankfully the worst of it will be finished before the family comes.

I am listening to my beautiful a cappella music on my mp3 player and missing the Harding Lectureships and the Spiritual Growth Workshop in Orlando. They always have such good classes, keynote speakers and wonderful singing.

Thursday, August 4. Well, the music did it. Today, listening to our favorite music collection we travel with I got so homesick for America I cried. Now I feel better. Even if I had the power to quit and go back right now I wouldn’t choose to. This is right where I want and need to be. But I do so much miss seeing my paintings (beautiful oil paintings my Dad painted), driving and listening to the radio, hearing Spanish spoken, going to the library, eating at The Golden Coral and going for walks in the many pretty neighborhoods. I will be fine. It was just a short lapse.

It reminded me of the time when we students from LCC had been working in Germany for about six weeks. We had taken a side trip to Brussels Belgium. As I remember it we were eating Pizza and listening to English country music and all of a sudden we all got soooo homesick for America most of us started crying.

An interesting quote on the page of my journal today says, “Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in one pretty and well preserved piece, but to skid across the line broadside, thoroughly used up, worn out, leaking oil, shouting GERONIMO!”  I say, Amen. Wear out not rust out.

Saturday, August 6. This morning we both got a text from one of our students wishing us ‘Happy Valentine’s Day.’ Isn’t that sweet of her to think of us? This is when China celebrates it. It is called Qixi, the Chinese Lovers Day. (There are huge marriage fairs, when  ads are put up in public by both men and women—and their parents—in hopes of finding marriage partners. The picture of the cat in front of a mirror got my attention and brought a smile—Gary).

Today is the big day! Tonia, Wendy and Aiden fly to China. Yahoo! We skyped with them this morning and heard about the typhoon/hurricane that is heading for land around Shanghai, right where they will land Sunday night. Well, our family always seems to travel with adventures. The One we depend upon is powerful enough to handle this and we ask for His care and help. It will probably alter their route and arrival time. —  Love, Terry

 How to deal with stress: Rule #1, don’t sweat the small stuff. Rule #2: it’s all small stuff.

During your childhood, do you remember your parents worrying about anything? If so, what did they worry about? Money? Health? House Payment? Crime? Job? Problem children? Weather? Politics?

Do you remember your parents as overworked? Were either of your parents “workaholics?” If so, what impact did their behavior have on your current attitude toward work?

Stress from work and failure – Work holds a central place in the lives of many of us. And we work for many different reasons – mainly to survive. We may also work to give our children or grandchildren a better life. Others of us work primarily to obtain material goods. And ideally, all of us would like to be involved in work that is “meaningful.”

An excessive workload, an unreasonable boss, monotonous work, and job insecurity are just a few of the stresses faced in the workplace. The flipside of work stress is experienced by the workaholic. The workaholic thrives on work and often experiences stress when he/she is away from work. Workaholism also directly affects other areas of a person’s life.

The issue is one of balance: too little work or meaningless work destroys our sense of worth…too much work or overly-demanding work destroys our bodies and psyches. Both extremes cause stress.

Stress from failure – Our society rewards success and punishes failure. There is great pressure to make it, do it right, to be together. We love winners; we shun losers. As a result, we grow up with a deep need to succeed. From little league baseball to grades in school to competition for places on sports teams and to get into the best colleges the message is the same: making it is what life is all about. Not surprisingly, stress is connected with avoiding failure.

All of us have failed at sometime or another. Failure really isn’t fun. But if we fear failure, we can be immobilized and kept from trying anything that involves a degree of risk.

We can learn much through failure. Often failure is a prerequisite to success. The stories of successful people invariably tell us that they have failed once or more times before they became successful. Abraham Lincoln considered himself to be a failure in the eyes of his contemporaries. Thomas Edison failed repeatedly before he hit his first incandescent bulb. Winston Churchill helps to give us a perspective on failure when he said: “Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.”

Stress from conflict – Life would be so much easier without conflict. Nations war with nations and people die and are maimed. Conflict in the workplace creates ulcers and unemployment. Interpersonal conflict can end friendships and marriages. Conflict between parents and children can create runaways and sleepless nights.

Conflicts hurts. Conflict undermines our whole world. Conflict dulls our life, brings physical disorders, psychological stress, emotional anguish, and behavorial problems. In other words, conflicts brings great stress. We must deal with a conflict if we are to be healthy people.

Stress from loss – It is nearly impossible to go through life without experiencing at least one major loss. Some people lose their health; others lost money and security; still others lose their freedom or self-respect. But perhaps the most painful loss of all is to lose a loved one – a child, a friend, a spouse, or a parent. Loss can produce some of the most intense stress we can experience.

Stress from burnout – Over the past several decades, the word “burnout” has come into common usage. Most simply defined, burnout is the state of physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual exhaustion. And in contemporary society, burnout has reached almost epidemic proportions. It is most evident in people in the so-called helping professions-nurses, social workers, teachers, doctors, ministers, etc. Out none of us are immune from the debilitating effects of burnout.

We see athletes and coaches burnout from the wear-and-tear of intense competition. We see parents burnout from the constant pressures of having to provide for their families. You can surely provide your own examples.

Slippery slops of burnout

Stage 1 – High energy, high enthusiasm, high idealism.

Stage 2 – less energy, less enthusiasm, less idealism.

Stage 3 – chronic exhaustion, diffused physical symptoms, irritability, depression, resentfulness.

Stage 4 – obsession with own problems, apathy, immobilization, career/life threatening.

Steps to set into place

1. Take charge and do what needs to be done. The more others are out of control, the more you need to be in control. The more you are out of control, the more you need to ask others to take over.

2. Acknowledge loss and allow yourself to grieve through it.

3. Don’t pay attention to simple answers that do not help. People usually mean well but sometimes say the wrong thing.

4. Restructure your life and family. Make adjustments for persons no longer there.

5. Don’t blame yourself for things you can’t help.

6. Do what you can and leave the rest to God.

7. Allow others to help.

8. Work toward a healthy attitude in your home.

9. Keep a list of persons to call in times of crisis.

10. Assemble with others weekly. God still loves you and you need your spiritual family.

Burnout Assessment Exercise

Instructions: Indicate how frequently you experience each of the following statements. Use the scale below to rate each statement.

0 almost never 1 = infrequently 2 = frequently 3 = almost always

_____ I am irritable with others (family, co-workers, etc.)

_____ I feel emotionally drained by my work

_____ I have difficulty falling asleep at night

_____ I lack motivation in my work

_____ I am disillusioned with my work (including housework)

_____ I think, “Why don’t people leave me alone?”

_____ I treat people more impersonally than I would like

_____ I wake up tired and have difficulty lacing another day

_____ I consider myself a failure

_____ I am bothered by stress-related ailments (such as indigestion, headaches, etc).

_____ I feel like I am at the end of my rope

_____ I feel trapped in my work

_____ I feel exhausted at the end of the workday

_____ I feel people make a lot of demands on me

_____ I feel unfulfilled and am dissatisfied with my life

_____ Total

Total your score.

A score of 0-15 indicates that you are probably not experiencing burnout.

A score of 18-30 indicates that you are probably experiencing moderate burnout (and should do something about it).

A score of 31-45 indicates that you are probably experiencing severe burnout (and definitely should do something about it).

Stress Test—Circle those events you have experienced within the past 12 months. Total your score. If you score more than 150 points, you are probably living under a whole lot of stress.

EVENT                  STRESS POINTS

Death of spouse 100

Divorce              73

Marital separation            65

Jail term, Death of family member     63

Personal injury or illness            53

Marriage                    50

Loss of job, Retirement            47

Marital reconciliation            45

Health problem            44

Pregnancy            40

Sex difficulties            39

Gain of new family member            39

Business readjustment            39

Change in financial state            38

Death of a close friend            37

Change in line of work            36

Arguments with spouse            35

Large mortgage taken out    31

Foreclosure on mortgage/loan    30

Change in work, trouble with in-laws 29

Son/daughter leaving home             29

Major achievement             28

Spouse starting/stopping work     26

Change in living conditions             25

Revision of personal habits             24

Trouble with boss             23

Change in work hours             20

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TJ on Skype; Sunday Assembly; China Scenes…Hot Weather..and Train Wreck Recovery

The temperatures are rising in all of our worlds, it seems. Heat index over 105+ here and similar everywhere we have family in America.

We went to our second Western-style restaurant with our first Chinese family and had a few surprises: first, some air conditioning was present, and also in the taxi home (a pleasant event now that temperatures are over 92 degrees and humidity very high). Second, they do pizza crust very well here, though my sausage pizza also had green peas and corn on it and very little tomato sauce.

Quite healthy, though, and it is working; on the way home I stepped on an outdoor store scale and weighed only a mere 174 pounds, and that was a night-time weight, which is usually a few pounds more than in the morning! I haven’t weighed that little since a sophomore in college when I was hungry at the end of most every day (do not know why I never bought a cafeteria meal ticket so I could get three regular meals a day).:-)

We have found simple things to be more difficult here: bought a plastic toilet seat and installed it, a simple thing with a Home Depot in the neighborhood, but not so easy in China. We were told by several people that a new toilet seat was nearly impossible to find; it took knowing the right person and a taxi ride eight miles away.

I installed on my trusty Dell Vostro 1720 a 60-day trial edition of Office 2010, and like some of the features with Publisher, which I have used for this newsletter since late-March. Have also upgraded to Adobe Professional 7.0 and Excel 2010, which are also part of my weekly use.

I don’t think I have mentioned earlier how many more spam messages are received here than at any time in my life. Every one of them wants me to send information in order to receive a huge financial windfall that is so ridiculous it is amazing that anyone ‘bites  on their ploy.’ Desperation, I suppose, can get hold of anyone as they grasp for something better in their life.

Our 2001 Chrysler Town & Country van being kept in Texas has rusted out, it seems. The brake and power steering lines just could not withstand any longer the rust from winter ice put on the streets during those 60” of annual snow.

It’s the second time a vehicle we bought in the snow-belt of Ohio has rusted away, though both times much of the car was still running OK. We will now need a rental when we return in January-February in order to visit family between California, Texas, and Florida. 🙂

I bought a DVD entitled Ciphers in the Snow on the internet with plans to show to as many teachers and students as possible here in coming semesters (Tonia is bringing it next week when she, Wendy, and Aiden come visit for 10 days). Why is it so special? Read the following review: “When a teenage boy dies unexpectedly, his math teacher is asked to notify his parents and write his obituary. Although he was the boy’s favorite teacher, he hardly knew him. Shy and ostracized, the boy was a “ciper”–an unknown number in a class roll book. As the teacher unravels the mystery of what led to the boy’s death, he commits himself to not letting others suffer the same fate.”

I made provisions to show this to a group of high school teachers several years ago in Chattanooga, Tennessee, and it was well received. It ‘hit me’ the other day that it could be good here, too. Work with teachers and students of all ages who might benefit from this lesson? Order from this site: http://creativeworks.byu.edu/catalog/viewitem.aspx?item=tm027.

I make a point of watching It’s A Wonderful  Life and Mr. Holland’s Opus regularly, to remind me that we do make a difference in others lives, even though we might not always believe it. Tonia is also bringing Opus to me next week 🙂

Greetings from Terry: One of my four young English students has been out for three sessions with the mumps. Another boy joined the class for the first time last week and we had two one-week guests this past week.

We enjoyed a great Sunday PM meeting with ten in attendance, after having 12 last week.

We have previously stated that there is no air-conditioning in stores or restaurants. Well, we have discovered several large stores and nice restaurants that do have AC.

Howard and his wife took us out to dinner at a nice Western-style restaurant; clean, pleasant music, very nice décor, good service and good Chinese and American type food, on the second floor, plus AC turned low enough to make it OK.

Most of the tables were separated by ¾ walls and light curtain which made them into spacious private dining areas, seating was upholstered sofas on both sides of the table. Each table had a button to call the server.

The hot meals, like steak dinners, were served on an iron plate on a wood platter like in America. The person being served was given a large cloth napkin and instructed to hold it up to shield from steam and splatter as the lid was removed from the dish and they poured the very spicy sauce on the steak.

We watched a little of the World Championships in Shanghai online and got to see China’s Ye Shiwen win one of the swimming races. It was exciting. The favored American (and world record holder) was third. — Love, Terry

Dealing With Conflict

Conflict has been experienced by individuals since Adam and Eve. It has been a part of all groups of people.

Some conflict can be prevented, and some is unhealthy. The fact remains, though, that conflict is inherent in meeting personal and group needs. When conflict emerges as a result of growth (personal or group) or in an attempt to grow, it is natural and potentially healthy for the individual and the group. Thus, growth-oriented conflict, if managed properly, is hopeful, and is a sign of spirituality.

Some conflicts can be prevented if the individuals involved genuinely accept the fact that personal and group conflict is inevitable. Failure on the part of the group to accept this fact will contribute to unnecessary conflict.

This deception influences members to use denial as a defense mechanism to keep them from facing conflict when it emerges. Conflict is dynamic; therefore, the longer it is avoided in continuing relationships, the more it grows.

Some conflicts can be prevented if the group has planned realistically and adequately for conflict resolution or management once it emerges. In many congregations there are no plans, much less realistic and adequate ones, for resolving or managing conflict.

I have heard leaders say for years such ridiculous things as “We should just get along.” No one with average intelligence would dare think, much less say, that a surgeon should wait until he has a patient to study how to do surgery. Yet, in some leaderships, there are no adequate plans for dealing with conflict once it emerges.

Some conflicts can be prevented if the group members accept that when conflict emerges, it does not necessarily mean that the persons involved are guilty of sin or that they will sin by confronting it.

Group leaders and members need to perceive clearly that conflict is inherent in being both an individual and a member of a group. Conflict in and of itself is not sinful. The ones who are in conflict may sin by the way they respond to each other verbally or nonverbally, but conflict in itself is not sinful.

If individuals think they will sin by confronting conflict, they most likely will tend to deny the conflict or try to avoid the issues. Obviously, group members can sin through the way they respond to conflict, but confronting it per se is not sinful. It is the way in which the conflict is confronted, not the confrontation itself, which may be sinful.

Some conflicts can be prevented if the group members have realistic expectations of themselves. Many conflicts emerge because the group members have expectations of themselves which just are not realistic.

Some of their expectations are as follows:

• We should like each other all the time and never dislike one another.
• We should always smile and be in a good mood.
• We should always be joyful and never sad.
• We should always be in agreement with each other and never disagree with one another – especially the leaders.
• We should always be on the mountain peak and never in the valley of the mountain, or we should always be up and never down.
• We should always count our assets (blessings) and never our liabilities (problems or conflicts).
• We should be idealistic, not realistic.

These and other types of unrealistic expectations create unnecessary conflict.

Some conflicts can be prevented if the leaders and the group members set realistic and achievable goals for themselves. They must then focus on the process of achieving them instead of focusing on the goals themselves.

Conflict within the group may arise from a failure to set goals, or it may result from the setting of unrealistic goals. Also, conflict may emerge as a result of focusing only on the goals instead of on the means to achieve them.

And let’s just put one other thing “on the table:” some conflicts can be prevented if each member learns how to mind his own business.

There are some conflicts which are unhealthy.

1. A conflict is unhealthy if it is the result of the members accusing, blaming and ridiculing each other, or if they take this approach in trying to resolve an otherwise healthy conflict.

2. A conflict is unhealthy if it results from trivia and not substance. In any group there will be conflict at times over trivia, but unless the group matures to a level where trivia is given up and their conflict is over substance, their conflict will be unhealthy. Another way of expressing the same concept is that group members must grow to the point where they differentiate their opinions from matters of faith.

3. A conflict is unhealthy if the members are arguing about words and engaging in godless chatter to avoid the deeper intrapersonal and interpersonal components of their conflict.

4. A conflict is unhealthy if the members do not process their pain (fear, anger, embarrassment, guilt, etc.) of growth and conflict resolution. Emotional pain is inherent in growing or resolving conflicts; therefore, a conflict which otherwise should be healthy becomes unhealthy if the pain is not processed.

5. A conflict is unhealthy if the group members are not willing to listen to each other. Even a healthy conflict becomes unhealthy if those who are in conflict with each other are not willing to listen to one another.

6. A conflict is unhealthy if some of the group members attempt to deal with it outside the relationship in which the conflict originated. This is a principle which leaders find very frightening; therefore, few percentagewise believe it or comply with it. However, the scriptures are very clear regarding this principle. We must involve only those who are part of the issue, and not gather around us others “to engage in a pity party” on our behalf. — Gary

From America and USA Today (we see this daily): Census data released last month found that 3.1 million children in the USA were living without a parent present in the household in 2009. Of those, 59% lived with grandparents.

Grandparents step in when parents are out of the picture due to substance abuse, physical or mental illness, financial problems, incarceration, death, and more recently, military deployment and the recession.

These grandparents, many of whom had planned for travel or more “me” time, are instead navigating the terrible twos, school, sports and the vast cultural and technological changes (think Lady Gaga and texting) that have occurred since their own children were young. As a result of this growth, there’s considerable new research about this demographic, sometimes referred to as “skip generation” households or “grandfamilies.”

“I wanted to be Grandma. You know, the kids come over and you treat them special and then you turn them home to their mother or father,” says Joyce Sylvia, 69, of Providence. “That’s what I had planned.”

An analysis released last fall by the Pew Research Center found that grandparents who are primary caregivers of grandchildren are relatively young: 67% are under 60 and 13% are under 45, says the 2009 data.

“I’m nowhere near as young and energetic as I was when I was raising my own children,” says Diane Bergt, 48, of Lacey, Wash., the mother of eight. “Sometimes it’s hard to keep up with two toddlers.”

“Some people say ‘Your grandchildren are so blessed.’ No, it’s me. I’m the one who is blessed,” Bergt says.

Interesting News From China—Since 2003, 72 billionaires in the Chinese mainland have died an unnatural death, the Changchun-based New Culture News reported.

The paper reached such a conclusion after conducting a survey of the public reports of billionaires’ deaths over the past eight years.

Among the 72 billionaires, 15 were murdered, 17 committed suicide, seven died from accidents, 14 were executed according to the law and 19 died from diseases.

There were approximately 60,000 people with 100 million yuan in the Chinese mainland at the end of 2010.

Entire Apple Stores Being Faked in China –  At first, it looks like a sleek Apple store. Sales assistants in blue T-shirts with the company’s logo chat to customers. Signs advertising the iPad 2 hang from the white walls. Outside, the famous logo sits next to the words “Apple Store.” And that’s the clue it’s fake.

China, long known for producing counterfeit consumer gadgets, software and brand name clothing, has reached a new piracy milestone — fake Apple stores.

An American who lives in Kunming in southern Yunnan province said Thursday that she and her husband stumbled on three shops masquerading as bona fide Apple stores in the city a few days ago. She took photos and posted them on her BirdAbroad blog.

The three stores are not among the authorized resellers listed on Apple Inc.’s website. The maker of the iPhone and other hit gadgets has four company stores in China — two in Beijing and two in Shanghai — and various official resellers. Apple’s Beijing office declined to comment.

The proliferation of the fake stores underlines the slow progress that China’s government is making in countering a culture of a rampant piracy and widespread production of bogus goods that is a major irritant in relations with trading partners.

China’s Commerce Minister promised American executives earlier this year that the latest in a string of crackdowns on product piracy would deliver lasting results.

The 27-year-old blogger, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said the set-up of the stores was so convincing that the employees themselves seemed to believe they worked for Apple.

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China company and scenes; TJ with teachers; Together Forever; Charles’ tooth…and a gorgeous sky

We came home from the market recently and Terry made this statement: “I am a rich woman. I have many jewels of green, orange, yellow and gold,” speaking of her green, orange, yellow, and gold vegetables. They are plenteous at this time of the summer, and it’s a good thing, since our “good and cheap” restaurant is closed for the summer. We are also able to get boneless, skinless chicken breasts, so we are doing just fine and lean pork.

One of Terry’s students told me via qq.com instant messenger that “all the students want both of you to teach us all the time” when I told him all of her students would be my students in the fall. A kind statement, but may be because our grades are 4-6 points higher than the other teachers, do you think?

Oh-h-h-h, no! Today we discovered a particular brand of ice cream across from the front gate. Had not really looked for them or one needed before….and we did not overdo it…but since most things are not eaten/drunk cold here, it was a treat, especially on a hot summer afternoon.

Terry will not have her official schedule till late August, but she found out today that because one of the teachers has resigned, they want her to teach the Pronunciation/Intonation course, rather than Oral English. She asked for, and received, the old book, since a new one is to come later in the summer…looks OK but will be something new…all freshmen on the West campus, which is what she wants. She will teach Oral English during the spring, using the book she used last semester.

Surprise! The new book Terry will use is the one we recorded for Dr. Yang last February-April! She also did the proof-reading. She had a meeting with Dean Catherine…was given that news…it is being printed and might be two weeks late, but we think it will be ‘worth the  wait.’ (Terry won’t be able to complain about the contents, huh?).

Every young boy has that moment when his ‘baby tooth’ is loose and it’s time to come out. That was the case with Charles (see photo, right). His tooth was barely hanging on…but as his English class proceeded, it was time to work it loose and get it out. Then they all celebrated the event together. Terry is so-o-o good with the guys…she is really enjoying the time with them.

We came to appreciate our students the initial week, and it has only grown as we watch their determination and admire their desire to learn English. To   (continued on page two)

them, it opens the world and many opportunities. And realize that the government is pushing more of its young people to learn the language, to explore the world, to reach for the ‘best they can be’ in this world.

I am thankful daily for those little ‘baby steps’ of President Richard Nixon many year ago to visit this country, to open the doors of communication, etc. The 2008 Beijing Olympics were billed as China’s ‘coming out party’ and I see firsthand that it was exactly that for the its people.

It is an exciting privilege and honor to be here…and amazing to realize that we will have ‘at our feet’ another 300+ new students this fall, adding them to the many others who are already our dear friends.

That number does not include the eight teachers who are regularly part of important discussions…and I am going to offer a pre-marriage series (Together Forever) on weekends in the fall and winter, with several teachers already saying they want to be part of it. We also have two groups of 12 sophomore students planning to be part of them in other sessions…in addition to our regular group of 11 who will be juniors this semester and were part of a weekly group. We like being busy with important things. 🙂

I have begun getting the word out to the 150+ juniors I had last semester to see if they are interested in this, their last year here. (see complete flyer at end of this newsletter).

We found air-conditioners at work on our monthly trek to the larger grocery store….a nice surprise! The RT had it on and the taxi was also cooler for the 27-minute ride home. A trip of some 2 hours…taxi was 36 yuan ($6 USD) for the round-trip.

We saw a construction crew working on the exterior of a five-story concrete building, putting red bricks on the outside with mortar. A six-person crew, two of them older than 55, and three of them were women. They do work side-by-side in many areas.

Greetings from Terry: I miss American libraries! The easy access of information in a system I understand. I know you can look up anything on the internet, but not me. Not the way my brain works.

I like to see and hold the book; to have someone point me in the right direction then leave me alone to discover, but be available for help if necessary.

To me, to be without a library is like being without a dictionary. And believe me, I use my dictionary. (I have to. I can’t spell worth a hoot.) The order of the letters just doesn’t stay in my mind. Remember when you asked your teacher the meaning of a word or how to spell something and she told you to look it up in the dictionary? Well, I was the student who would. I live with a dictionary close by. My dear Gary even bought me a little speller that is battery operated that I can carry with me.

In America, I use the library almost as often. Anytime I have a question (and believe me, I have a lot of questions) of who, what, when, or how, I can go to the library and usually find the answer. The reference people are kind, helpful and “upbraideth not”, which is very important.

My Daddy always told me, ”Never be afraid to ask questions.” As I think of it, that is what 12 year old Jesus was doing at the temple, ”listening to them and asking them questions.” Many times I have been very thankful that Benjamin Franklin used his talents and understanding to start the library system. (At least I think it was Ben) I’m not a detail person. 🙂

Our mandarin lessons are going well, even though learning a new language makes you feel like you‘re walking in the dark. We are making progress.

Yeah! I get to teach freshmen again. They asked me to teach pronunciation from the textbook Gary and I recorded for Dr. Yang. Then in the spring teach Oral English again using the same book as last semester. This is all very good news and I am looking forward to it.

Last night (Wednesday, July 20) we had our first Chinese family over for a meal (see photo below). We had chicken parmesan and all went well. Howard, Zhou Hao, is a thirty five year old English teacher and his wife, Luo Chun Lei, teaches Art. Theory; three year old son, Duo Duo, is so cute. They live one floor up from us. Howard is one of the people that has been very helpful to us in many ways. Even though Luo Chun does not speak English, she understands spoken and written English.

We had a very pleasant time. They are both loving parents and it is good to see the three of them interact. Until recently her mother lived with them and took care of Duo Duo while they both taught. After classes ended she moved away to help care for a relative who is terminally ill with cancer. — Love, Terry

Steps in building self-esteem

There are so many things we can do to leave behind the ‘thinking traps’ we set for ourselves in regard to self-esteem. We have the ability to analyze and correct our mind and thoughts. Here are some basic steps in building self-esteem:

1. Discover thinking mistakes that contribute to your low self-esteem. Look at your history, write down statements about yourself, keep a daily journal.

2. Challenge the validity of each self-statement: dispute, challenge, contradict, and reverbalize them one at a time. One idea that is often effective is to try and prove you are worthless. You will learn that worth has little link with competency.

3. Learn how these misconceptions originated and see that they are inaccurate, unrealistic, and distorted.

4. Write a new list of correct beliefs on a card and read the list daily…they become your new self-talk.

5. Role-play situations in which you have felt inferior in the past. Learn to perform tasks which you normally avoid.

6. Practice these new behaviors during the next week, perform needed tasks you previously avoided because of feelings of inferiority, and then properly assess the outcome. Do not be prejudiced against yourself because of improper assessment of outcomes.

We need to set realistic goals and press on to the High Calling: …one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal…”

We need to be fair to self: If you would forgive others by doing what you have done, forgive yourself. Don’t be prejudiced against yourself. It’s not fair!

Learn “stop thinking.” Label negative, unproductive thoughts as garbage! And substitute positive thoughts for negative thoughts.

Self-esteem is an experience. It is a particular way of experiencing the self. It is a good deal than a mere feeling. It involves emotional, evaluative, and cognitive components.

It also entails certain action dispositions: to move toward life rather than away from it; to move toward consciousness rather than away from it; to treat facts with respect rather than denial; to operate self-responsibly rather than the opposite.

Self-esteem is the disposition to experience oneself as being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness. It is confidence in the efficacy of our mind, in our ability to think.

By extension, it is confidence in our ability to learn, to make appropriate choices and decisions, and respond effectively to change.

It is also the experience that success, achievement, fulfillment-happiness-are right and natural for us.

Some might ask: doesn’t a focus on self-esteem encourage excessive and inappropriate self-absorption?
Rationally, one does not focus on self-esteem per se; one focuses on the practices that support and nurture self-esteem-such as the practice of living consciously, of self-acceptance, of self-responsibility, of self-assertiveness of purposefulness, and of integrity.

Self-esteem demands a high reality-orientation; it is grounded in a reverent respect for facts and truth.

Excessive and inappropriate self-absorption is symptomatic of poor self-esteem, not high self-esteem.

If there is something we are confident about, we do not obsess about it-we get on with living.

We believe we are here for a reason: to reach out to the 18-23 year old university students in Jingzhou, sowing seeds of knowledge and understanding wherever possible. We know it will not return  to us void. We have the opportunity to teach the future leaders of China, and to be ‘stretched’ ourselves in the process. Your thoughts and support are deeply appreciated!  — Gary and Terry

Some interesting news from China:  For decades China was an isolated nation due to the suppression and oppression by foreigners in various forms. It had severe turmoil and civil wars to reach towards the sunny light. The sunny light called ‘reform and opening-up’ initiated in 1978 opened China’s doors to the outside world.

It was just a matter of a few years before China’s economy flourished to gain the momentum of global growth. Today, China stands tall and competes with global players. The numbers of rich in China has superseded the numbers in many developing nations. The modern infrastructure encapsulates its march toward a modern lifestyle; and the rising social standard in cities mesmerizes those who visit China. Yet, the common Chinese find it amusing to see the presence of foreigners.

A sight of a foreigner amuses even a Chinese kid, who will be seen shouting “laowai”, even if this sounds annoying to some. A walking foreigner in many places of China is still strange for many ordinary Chinese. Everything about the foreigner becomes important sting from what one wears to what one carries. Probably to adapt the styles or to make a bit of fun, a foreigner in China is still a strange creature.

With the spread and popularity of Chinese language, many foreigners can now speak good Chinese. In fact, it is a must for the survival of foreigners in China. However, a simple “nihao” uttered from the mouth of a foreigner in proper sound and tone, and any ordinary Chinese will have an immediate reaction “your Chinese is very good.”

In case, one really speaks good Chinese, then one has to be ready to face the later part – which country do you belong to? How come your Chinese is so good? What are you doing in China?

If one passes in this general aptitude test, then a range of personal questions follow – are you married; if married, how many kids; if unmarried, why don’t you find a Chinese girl or a Chinese boy, I can help introduce; what is your age etc.. Are Chinese talkative? Yes, for the sake of understanding the life of a foreigner, almost all Chinese are talkative.

China posted a fiscal surplus of 1.25 trillion yuan ($193.3 billion) in the first half of the year as steady economic growth and rising prices lifted government revenues, the Ministry of Finance said. The surplus, equal to about 6.1 percent of China’s gross domestic product from January to June, is well above Beijing’s target for a full-year fiscal deficit of 2 percent of GDP.

That said, Beijing normally accumulates a fiscal surplus in the first three quarters of a year before accelerating spending at year-end to pull the annual budget into the red. National fiscal revenues in June rose 28 percent from a year ago to 1.01 trillion yuan, compared with May’s 34 percent increase and April’s 27 percent gain.

The economy grew 9.5 percent in the second quarter, beating expectations and easing concerns over a hard landing amid tight monetary policies targeting high inflation. The growth rate was higher than the 9.3 percent predicted by many economists. Other indicators also point to a soft landing for the economy.

Gross domestic product rose 9.7% in the first quarter and 9.8 percent in the fourth quarter of last year. The figure for the first half of this year stood at 9.6 percent.

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Children at play; Nice visitors, shared birthday pics; Chinese scenes

We have experienced the ‘patience of Job’

We celebrated with two friends the end of the semester at a Western-style steak place, and wonder if any of the owners have ever been to one in America before. It was like one, a little, but not really. But glad to “get it off our list” of things to try; not sure we’ll ever get to the McDonald’s, though. Except for their pancakes and sausage biscuits, I rarely have been to one of those even at home. 🙂

Found a Subway in Wuhan (3 hours away) on our only trip there, and it is almost exactly the same. Pizza Hut and KFC were closer to the “real thing.” Have found that French fries are exact and they did have pepperoni, though no one seems to know what it is. Our favorite ‘good and cheap’ restaurant off the front gate did close for the summer break, but we found other places and will be OK until August 28.

We have seen “the patience of Job” again in our life. Gillian and Jasmine are steady and full of encouragement, but understanding, as we are in the midst of learning Mandarin. Working through the four tones and list after list of vocabulary words is quite stimulating. We are making progress, which is the favorite word I use with our English students; am now applying it to myself.

Our Good Life from the Wisdom book got off to a good beginning, with ten in attendance. We’ll work toward “the conclusion of the matter” during the summer and fall…discussion was good and interest high. That discussion has already produced another weekly study on another night on related matters and some great questions.

Family we met will join our first day Assembly and we’re going to discuss lessons from James. Practical and basic seems to be the ‘order of the summer’ and there is lots of enthusiasm for our endeavor…expecting nearly a dozen.

I now have a ‘qq.com account,’ which is the email/instant message forum for the students. They installed it for me (found English version so I could read the screen) and put their account numbers in for me. We now get instant messages from them during the day as they arrive home and say “good morning” and tell us what’s happening, now that they are at home.

They are not children, but we enjoy hearing they are home safe and doing well…and miss them. We also know  their families are glad to have them around for about 50 days. Just a few are still in the area…they have found young students they can tutor, as a part-time job. Once a person gets older, they are not so much in a hurry to go home…they have ‘made the break’ and are more independent.

One of the students come from the Hainan province, which is ‘way south’ like South Florida in the USA. She got to the bus that would take her to the train station and go south…she was allowed to get on and continue her trip. Her classmates are actually still there (one day later) waiting for the crowd to diminish and get a seat…remember there are thousands trying to leave the area now, and the bus/train system is always strained. When she arrived at her province, there was not a bus available to go to her hometown, so she is staying with a friend while she waits.

We saw a store ritual as we came home: a group of female employees gathered in front of their store (on the sidewalk) did a series of chants and cheers, singing and laughing…after joining hands in a circle, separated and went into the store to begin the day (see photo). Quite positive and enthusiastic display as their workday commenced.

Another interesting (unique) three minutes with TJ: I began telling her of a thought I had when I realized her eyes were glazed over and she was not hearing a word. I’ve learned to stop and try to figure out what might be happening: she wasn’t praying (her eyes were open)…she wasn’t reading scripture (no bible open)…and it hit me…she was doing her stretching exercises (her body parts looked like twisted or shaken spaghetti or pretzels…she looks like a praying mantis or several of the cranes when the Karate Kid stood on one leg for that special pose that won the tournament at the end of the movie). 🙂

I told her of my dilemma, and we had a good laugh. Then she told me why her mind was somewhere else and she did not know I was talking: “I was counting, and when I get confused, sometimes I can do 10 or 20 seconds too-o-o much or too-o-o little, and that’s not good.” (As the conversation continued, I learned she now can count in English, Spanish, and Chinese, which keeps it from getting boring. She can only count to six in German and is trying to remember French, but can’t remember the numbers Tonia taught her when she was studying the language. We’ll have something to work on August 8-17 when she’s here visiting). That’s my TJ :-).

We were coming back from a walk to one of the stores further from our apartment. Terry was carrying one of the bags, and I asked, “Is the bag that heavy?” “No, it’s not bad at all.” “What about the bags under your eyes?” I innocently asked. “Actually, they are not as bad as the ones in America, though that could change any day,” she said with a chuckle, not missing a beat.

Have I mentioned that I have had no need or desire to wear a suit and/or tie since February 13, 2011? There simply is no requirement or event thus far. (Could have saved some room in my suitcases when we came over…glad I only brought two).

I have discovered iTunes podcasts to catch some of the news and sports reporting that have been part of my life for many, many years. There is even a world view of sports on CCTV 5 online here.

Want to see world news in English in China? The internet allows it: http://english.cntv.cn/01/index.shtml. Check out the China travelogues, as well.

It’s been a sad summer for Ohio State and Tennessee sports fans 😦

An interesting item  at the bank this week: we found out we will not receive August payroll until it is combined in September, since the university finance department is on vacation with the students. It could have been worst…sometimes the July is put off, too. They pay at the beginning of the month in advance, and we will see when/if July is deposited by the announced time.

With no classes, we have ‘time to think’ and it reminds me of our university ‘director days.’ I’d be up and out with the day demands by 7 a.m. and then up with students till after 9 p.m. It felt equally good then (and now) to have the break between semester classes. We’re staying busy, but it is a different kind of busy…and we are really enjoying it. Both of us are using our kindles often and daily.

Nothing is official until the classes actually begin, but I have already received my schedule for the fall. I will have 8 classes, all at 8 a.m. and 10:05 a.m. Tuesday –thru– Friday (Monday off for preparation).

I will have all of Terry’s freshman students from last fall in six classes, in addition to one of my freshman groups (seven oral English classes in all…around 365 sophomore students). I will also have one class of some 50 sophomore students for Teaching/Listening skills.  All the classes on the Central campus, a 4-minute leisurely walk from our apartment, so that is real nice…compared to three classes last semester on a different campus, one of them a 4-5:40 p.m. class.

Have I admitted ‘out loud to anyone’ that we both decided the Chinese classics we were going to read during the summer are a lot like many of the American classics…wordy and boring. I got through 213 pages and it was just t-o-o-o much of the same thing over and over…. 🙂

Greetings from Terry: The children gave me a really nice journal to record our experience in China. It is filled with quotes and scriptures. This one I like especially: “The really happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.”

There is no diagram, directory or map of this campus so my new project is to explore and gather information and then sketch one. It will be helpful to me and I can offer it to the new students in September.

Thursday, July 7 we had our first Mandarin lesson and it went pretty well. Since our two teachers have to travel so far on a hot bus to get here, we have decided to meet once instead of twice a week (for two hours). It was fun and we made progress, therefore it was successful.

We also had our first discussion/study of The Good Life with five English teachers and two other adults close to campus. It was very good. We are so glad to have the opportunity. They were all very interested. One person in particular called the next day after reading ahead in the text and had questions so she came over for additional discussion. This is our idea of a fun summer.

I have finished reading a very interesting and profitable book;  A Study of Angels by Edward P. Meyers (Gary had finished it and recommended it). He handles the text well. I appreciate his study, collection and presentation of the text in an understandable style. — Love, Terry.

Contentment: Where?

Do your circumstances bother you? Are you at that place in life where you wish nothing would change, and yet everything is changing? Are you having to adjust to new surroundings or new people?  We need to ‘learn’ what there is to learn about contentment.

It is a great mistake to build our happiness on circumstances or things, because circumstances change and things have a way of wearing out and losing their value. True internal peace cannot be based on changing external things. We need something deeper and more satisfying.

Yet, most people build their happiness on the passing, external things of this world. And, for this reason, they are never really happy.

Real contentment must come from within. You and I cannot change or control the world around us, but we can change and control the world within us. It has often been said that what life does to us depends on what life finds in us.

The word content does not mean “complacent.” Paul was anything but complacent! He felt a burden and carried good news to city after city regardless of peril or persecution.

Nor is contentment a dreamy attitude or vague feelings that lift you out of the world and make you immune to trouble and trial. Some people are always looking for new ways to be immunized against the hurts of life or protected from the bumps and scars of life. This is not contentment.

Actually, the word is best translated “contained.” It carries the idea of self-sufficiency. In other words, Paul is saying, “I don’t depend on things on the outside, because I carry my own sufficiency on the inside.”

Contentment, then, is actually containment: having the resources within to face life courageously and handle it successfully.

If you had all the props and crutches taken away from your life, would you be able to stand? Do you have that divine sufficiency and adequacy within?

We usually fall down because we want to receive inner contentment and spiritual adequacy instantly by reading a book, or saying a prayer, but that is not the way we become adequate in the inner man. We learn it by experience.
This means we must go through troubles and trials, difficulties and sacrifices, and we must face changes in our lives. If everything remains the same, then we will die of the status quo. Life will become a comfortable coffin; but who wants to be a comfortable corpse?

Resistance to change is one of the chief causes of discontent and worry. We want to keep ourselves, our children, and our lives just as they are. We fight change, and in so doing, we rob ourselves of the contentment.
There is not growth without challenge, and there is no challenge without change. If our lives are going to be isolated and insulated we will never face any challenges, but this means we will never have opportunities to mature.

For mature people, life is a battleground, but they are willing to face the battles and, by faith, win the victories.
For immature people, life is a playground; and they want to avoid battles, but this means they never have the joy of winning victories and growing.

We believe we are here for a reason: to reach out to the 18-23 year old university students in Jingzhou, sowing seeds of knowledge and understanding wherever possible. We know it will not return  to us void. We have the opportunity to teach the future leaders of China, and to be ‘stretched’ ourselves in the process. Your thoughts and support are deeply appreciated!  — Gary and Terry

News in China: China’s inflation escalated to the highest level in three years amid lingering pressure, with the consumer price index (CPI), the main gauge of inflation, jumping 6.4 percent year-on-year in June, the National Bureau of Statistics said.

The June inflation rate accelerated 0.9 percentage points from May’s 5.5 percent which stood at a 34-month high, both far exceeding the government’s annual inflation control target of 4 percent. Of the 6.4-percent CPI growth in June, 3.7 percentage points were contributed by the carryover effect of price increases last year, the NBS said in a statement on its website.

After South Koreans, U.S. citizens form the second-largest national group among the nearly 600,000 foreigners living on the Chinese mainland at the end of 2010, says China’s national statistics bureau.

At a time when many Americans back home worry whether fast-rising China is out to eat their lunch, the number of Americans living on the Chinese mainland has reached a record high of 71,493, according to Chinese census bureau figures released in April.

In addition, more than 60,000 Americans live in Hong Kong, according to the U.S. State Department. A 2005 estimate of 110,000 Americans living in China included Hong Kong residents. Another 430,000 people from Taiwan, Hong Kong and Macau lived in China at the end of 2010, but Beijing does not count them as foreign residents.

Some Americans in China have seen decades of dramatic change, from radical Maoism to cutthroat capitalism. Today, newbies arrive daily to take up jobs or hunt them down, in what has become the world’s second-largest economy behind the USA‘s. Many work for Fortune 500 firms or U.S. agencies. Others come to teach, study, volunteer, travel, blog and party.

To boost mutual understanding in what is an often tense relationship between the nations, Washington and Beijing are ramping up people-to-people exchanges, including a drive to send 100,000 U.S. students to China over the next four years.

“There are a lot of really bright young Americans who are here in business or studying, and they are building great bridges between the USA and China,” says Thomas Skipper, minister counselor for public affairs at the U.S. Embassy in Beijing.

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TJ’s birthday, summer students; Family; China’s high-speed train, long bridge, other scenes and politics

Students Move To Central Campus

We have gone through the emotional responses by some of our students as they moved some things to our campus, where they will spend the next three years of their lives when the fall term begins. (They are allowed to move some things in rather than having to take them all home for the summer.) All of Terry’s students, and half of mine, were on the West campus last semester

There were “ups and downs” as they adjusted to the ‘imagined’ contrasted with what ‘really is.’ Some of the teachers literally lied to them, apparently, telling them it would be “better than the dorm where you are now,” when they were going from almost-new to very old

The enrollment and housing costs on this campus are more expensive, since it is an independent one, compared to the other five locations, which are public. It is also older and in need of repairs. Some dorms are just much (!) nicer than other ones

Jingzhou is an old city, over 600 years. Deep history. A popular statement here: “there is dust here 600 years old.” We are glad to be here to help encourage and challenge them to make the most of their opportunities! The people can make other negative thoughts go away

Terry has taken on a part-time summer job,teaching English to four 10-year old boys. They have only just begun learning English at school in the past few months, but did very well at the first sessions.One is the nephew of our English department head, who lives in the apartment just above us. She has the boys in our apartment twice  a  week  for  90 minutes …. and  is so-o-o-o excited to have the contact with others in our educational community

Dean Catherine’s daughter, Lily, came to help with translation, where needed, the first few minutes. This small number is just fine, though there are others interested.We’ve had 90-plus temperature in recent days, but have a very good breeze most of the time, which brings me to another story:.

A not so ’funny’  thing happened on the way home with our 14” birthday/anniversary cake. An eight-foot aluminum sign on rollers was blown into my legs as I was ready to enter the front gate. It hit me hard, knocking me flat to my hands and knees. I had skinned knees and bumps/bruises, but was ok (see photo).

The cake was another matter! It landed right-side-up in the secure box, but it was no longer the same. I got home as quickly as possible so we could open the package and see what we could salvage. We were able to put it  into four smaller containers in the refrigerator until the group came to help eat it.

I have often told couples planning weddings that “a sense of humor is the best gift you can give each other. It acts as a shock absorber in the days ahead.”

My words proved prophetic. Our friends made it a wonderful occasion…and the cake was absolutely delicious: chocolate cake and icing, with real whipped cream and cherries in the middle. They had even put small serving plates and birthday candles in the package. We will have much to remember and laugh about at each anniversary forward. 🙂

We live in amazing times! Within the last few minutes, I have communicated through email on our cell phones/computers with friends in Beijing, Jingzhou, Tennessee, and my son in Georgia, at a Braves game.

Anybody have an old Blackberry you are not using due to upgrades but still works and is unlocked? I have a friend who is really wanting one for use here…you could send to family coming to China in early-August….let me know if that is a possibility.

Terry is being asked by some of the girls to help them with make-up advise, and is happy to share what she knows. They’re very kind and appreciate her time.

We met new Family at our Sunday discussions. They were told about our meeting and wanted to be a part….lots of enthusiasm and great singing. We sang some old favorites we’d not sung here yet…they knew most of them. It was good to meet them and look forward to other times together.

In an endearing way, we were called “old” for the first time yesterday, the comment coming around appreciation for “wisdom and experience.” We understood what was meant, but it did remind us that we are getting older (especially Terry, who just had her birthday …..and she is a little older than me).

Our Friday student discussion group treated us to lunch today…we had 11 there and tried some new Chinese dishes…most of them very good.

We were told that with most of the students gone, many of the small restaurants and grocery stores here at our front gate will be closed for the summer. We’ll find what we need…no problem…but it will not be as convenient. I guess we are a university town.

On a Skype session with Michael, Adona, and Louise, Terry was remembering our first two-room apartment 40 years ago…the kitchen was located along the wall in the hallway, under a set of stairs that went upstairs to the only bedroom. The kitchen we have now reminds her of that small, yet functional, place in our past. She is still a great cook.

We awoke today with temperatures in the 93 degree range, a heat index at 111, according to humidity readings. The temp will be close to 100 most of August, which is nothing new to us…we’ve lived in Tennessee and California during that month…and visited family in Texas.

It has become clear the past two days that both of our air conditioners cannot run at the same time…the electrical wiring in the apartment just won’t allow it. So-o-o, we moved our bed and desks into the same room (they barely fit) and we’re in the same situation we were in when we lived in a married housing apartment at MTSU 39.5 years ago.

Our one air conditioner wasn’t enough there, either, so we moved all of our furniture into one room. We have come full circle…and are grateful!! Our students have only their electric fans 😦   We are both pragmatic about life, so no big deal; once we saw things as they are going to be for the next few weeks. We will have close quarters when family visits in August for 10 days, but we love each other deeply and we’ll just have more time together…literally.

Terry was remembering a trip to City of Children in Mexico…hot there…the children had little relief…while the visitors got to go home to the “creature comforts.” We are grateful! Our approach to life for the past four decades is symbolized by a ‘salt shaker.’ We had brought some celery seed with us to China; we knew we could use it, but didn’t necessarily need a lot. When we finished it, we realized the container could be used for something else…realizing we had no salt shaker, well, it just made sense to use the container we already possessed.

Greetings from Terry: Last week Dean Catherine came over and asked me if I would consider spending some time with her ten year old nephew and a few friends working on their English pronunciation for the summer. We settled on twice a week for 1 ½ hours per session.

This Thursday, June 30 was the first session. They are four cute, enthusiastic, intelligent boys. Catherine’s teenage daughter sat in on the first half to be of help translation wise. They brought a text book with them and once we got started it went pretty well.

July 2 we celebrated our 40^th Wedding Anniversary and my birthday together with 15 students here in our apartment. Gary told of the bad “adventure” getting the cake. It was one of the best. But still can’t beat Kathe Addison’s wedding cake she used to make us in Mentor, Ohio for special occasions. Love, Terry.

We believe we are here for a reason: to reach out to the 18-23 year old university students in Jingzhou, sowing seeds of knowledge and understanding wherever possible. We know it will not return  to us void. We have the opportunity to teach the future leaders of China, and to be ‘stretched’ ourselves in the process. Your thoughts and support are deeply appreciated!  — Gary and Terry

Traveling Light….Divide the world into a rich one-third and a poor two-thirds. The rich one-third claims 87 percent of the gross world production each year. And the chasm between rich and poor is widening. In the United States, the average energy usage per person is twice that of persons in West Germany or England. It is 350 times that of the average Ethiopian.

Our average food consumption is five times that of persons in the developing countries. Our beef consumption; for example, increased from 55 pounds per person in 1940 to 136 pounds per person in 1992. (The amount have only increased as time has passed by).

We are an affluent society. Imagine the impression one of our shopping malls might make on a visitor from a less developed part of the world. There are busy crowds who have the leisure to “shop around.” Advertisements offer suggestions for the “man who has everything.” Well dressed people look for new outfits.

People come to automobile show rooms looking for a new car with an extra touch of class. The television show room offers a TV with a sharper picture. What I believe would be amazing to this visitor is the insatiable appetite for buying by people who do not appear to be in need.

Our society, our economy, and our sense of self-esteem often seem to be built on discontent. Imagine what would happen if we were all to decide to keep the winter wardrobe and the car for an extra year, and that we love our home more than any house on the market.

Look through your favorite national magazine and notice how much of the magazine is composed of advertisements telling us that we lack something which is a necessity. The ad tells you your home would be far more presentable if only you would get a new, elegant living-room suite.

The style of last year’s suit has been changed; even though the suit is in good condition, it would be a sign that you are not “keeping up” if you wear last year’s style. Possessing things says something important to your friends. It tells them that you are doing well and keeping up with the latest trend’.

Have you noticed that yesterday’s luxuries are today’s necessities? The result is that most of us now have “needs” we did not know we had until a few years ago. Let’s raise a serious question about all this, consumption. Is it really worth it to go on keeping up when we seem never to be satisfied with what we have?

The Price We Pay. Soren Kierkegaard told a parable about a wild dove in the forest. The wild dove lived near a farmer’s house where there were some tame doves. The wild dove, which each day had to gather its own food, met one day with its relatives. The tame doves told how their needs were totally taken care of, and how each day the farmer provided them with food. The wild dove had never thought of itself as unfortunate until now. It had always trusted that its needs would be met in the forest. Now it was dissatisfied. The wild dove decided to slip into the farmer’s barn through an opening. Never again would it have to find its own food.

The plan worked beautifully. But when the farmer came the next morning, he recognized the new dove immediately. He put it in a little box by itself until the next day, when it was killed-free from all anxiety for the necessities of life. We pay a big price with our discontent. If only the wild dove, which had always been provided for, had not been lured by its dissatisfaction to destroy itself!

I think of families I have known, and the price many of them have paid for their discontent. They bought new clothes when the style changed. They moved with each new raise. But there were pressures which went with all of the consuming. The father took a second job; the mother took her first. All of those purchases which they could not resist led ,to a dreadful pace of life. The children grew up almost by themselves. The parents seldom saw each other. When “I think of them, I think of my enjoyment of a relaxed Saturday afternoon or holiday-which they seldom have.

Our society also pays for this consumption. Unstable home situations have an impact on schools. Families which have no time together leave us with unstable individuals who become a burden for others.

There is the price we pay when our throw-away mentality causes us to contaminate the place where we live with plastics, pollutants, and wastes-the 7 million junked cars each year, the 26 billion bottles, the 48 billion metal cans.

I doubt if any reasonable person believes that we can go on consuming indiscriminately forever. It appears to be an unavoidable fact that if we do not change our lifestyle and live on less, these changes will be forced on us. In The Limits to Growth, an international team of experts predicted that we will run out of many basic minerals and fuels early in the next century if we go on using resources as we have been. As we run out of those fuels and minerals, their prices will become higher and this style of life will become increasingly difficult to maintain. There will be a time when there are no more trees to cut, no more oil to pump, and no more natural resources to exploit.

A few years ago E. F. Schumacher wrote a provocative little book entitled Small Is Beautiful. He argued that our compulsive consumption is rooted in a spiritual crisis that afflicts the affluent society. Someone else has said that our discontent is caused by a basic boredom with life, a boredom that comes from having no other goals worth pursuing. Schumacher suggested that the only answer to this style of life is to be found in recovering spiritual roots that will help us overcome this discontent.

Traveling Light—We all know times when the Master gave advise for traveling light…”take no bag for your journey, nor two tunics, nor sandals, nor a staff- for the laborer deserves his food.”

His advice was to “travel light.” He knew that a great many possessions would be like a weight to slow them down. Perhaps taking every kind of provision would take away their trust. We can easily be imprisoned by the things we own. What we possess then possesses us.

The soldier knows that the cause he fights for is too important to allow him to be burdened by things he carries along. Pioneers never have the luxury of taking with them huge wardrobes; they have to select carefully.

We also learn that our lives are a kind of pilgrimage toward the Ultimate Goal. We dare not take on any burdens that will interfere with that pilgrimage.

To travel light does not mean abandoning all ‘things’ and retiring to the desert. But it does mean not being so burdened by them that we cannot carry on the mission for which we have been sent.

A nineteenth-century story from Kierkegaard again illustrates this point. A prosperous man, on a dark but starlit night, drives comfortably with the lanterns of his carriage shining brightly. As he goes along he is safe; he fears no difficulty.

Because he carries his light with him wherever he goes, it is never dark in his presence. Yet because he has those strong lights close to him, he cannot see the stars. The poor peasant driving without lights can see the beautiful stars.

So we may become occupied with the necessities of life. In our prosperity and good days, everything is so satisfactory, so pleasant, so comfortable. But the view is lacking-the view of the stars. If we seek only the glittering lights of the shopping mall,  we will never see the stars.

We who have a mission can indeed travel light. (Borrowed from Harold Hazelip)

China News of Interest — Foreigners in Changsha who can’t speak Chinese should find it easier now getting help when in trouble as the city’s police have launched a multilingual emergency call service.

The service was launched on Friday and, according to the Changsha Public Security Bureau, the city’s 110 emergency center has eight volunteers offering translation services in English, German, Korean and Japanese.

According to the bureau, the emergency call center has received a growing number of calls from foreigners in recent years. In 2010, the 110 center received 67 calls from foreigners, a third of whom could not speak Chinese.

For those who did speak in Chinese, quite a number of them were hardly able to make themselves understood, the bureau said.

Interesting goal here — Whether China will reach its goal of spending 4 percent of its GDP on education by 2012 will depend on whether the central government can get its policy implemented to the letter at the local level.

The latest document issued by the State Council on Friday introduced new measures to meet the target set by the guidelines for education reform and development published last year. They include apportioning a larger share of local and central level taxes and 10 percent of revenue from land sales to education.

This is undoubtedly a significant move by the central government and is more than necessary given the fact the input for education dropped from 3.59 percent of GDP in 2009 to 3.57 percent in 2010.

Despite the 20 percent average increase in expenditure on education from 2001 to 2010, its percentage in the country’s total GDP is still not high enough. As early as 1993, the central government put forward the goal of increasing education spending to 4 percent of its GDP by the year 2000.

Summer camps in the US are the latest strategy for Chinese parents plotting a better future for their children. This year, more than 60,000 children will fly off for an immersion program that may, or may not, test their suitability for college abroad.

For around $5,000 or roughly 32,500 yuan, kids are flying across the Pacific for an opportunity to play sports with US students, attend summer classes, and most importantly, speak English.

They will be joining American summer camps, a mid-year ritual for many children in the United States, but still something for the privileged few in China. After two consecutive years at China-based summer camps, Lou Yong’s 13-year-old son, Tim, will take the experience to the next level by spending four weeks in Baltimore, USA. “I hope to enrich his summer vacation and let him experience different activities which he is interested in, but are not available at the local schools,” says Yong.

“American summer camps are a good complement to Chinese-style education. Chinese-style education focuses on academic achievement, while American-style camps allow the students to improve their overall abilities. If the child wants to study abroad in future, an American camp can help them make some adjustments beforehand,” she says.

Alex Abraham, the general manager of Blue Sky Study, a Shanghai-based overseas education consultancy, also sees the camps as a way of easing a child into a culture that he or she will most likely be a part of when they join the other Chinese undergraduates in the US.

The number of students going abroad does not appear to be dropping soon so, for those who can afford it, summer camps give them a head-start. “For parents who would one day like their child to study in the US full-time, it is a great way to introduce a foreign country to a young student,” Abraham says.

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Terry pics; school poster; 90th ‘Party; Last days in class; Campus/China scenes

Happy Birthday, TJ; 39…Again!

In the excitement of thinking about our coming celebration of the 40th wedding anniversary July 2, I remembered that the present Terry received on her July 5th birthday in 1971…was me!

We will celebrate her 39th birthday again, this time in China, but very low-key, since it is mixed in with our nation’s birthday on the 4th, as well. We did invite 15 of our students over for a piece of delicious chocolate cake with chocolate icing, from the bakery across from our front gate.

On our 35th anniversary, children couldn’t understand how we had been married that long when TJ was only 39! That’s easy: we got married when she was four!

She IS one amazing woman. The first weekday after her classes ended, she got into her ‘usual 20-minute routine,’ which I have marveled at since our first week of marriage. She works hard for 20 minutes several times a day, getting some of those ‘dirty jobs’ off her perpetual list.

It’s usually something to do with working hard on her knees scrubbing somewhere most people don’t want to think about even going. I call her ‘my little beaver,’ always busy, busy, busy. Her favorite expression during this time? Perpetual maintenance! 🙂

I’m working on transferring some of my POSB and Wisdom books to my kindle, so they can be ready for re-reading these next few months.

We’ve had trouble finding ripe peaches, despite the fact there are peach orchards aplenty in our area. It seems the tradition here is to pick them when they are barely ripe (not at all soft and   sweet). Understandable if they are being shipped far away, maybe…but where are the ripe ones? Watermelon, though, is outstanding…as we have found with apples, grapes, and bananas!

We found out that university students here know what a ‘yard sale’ is…many of the students had displays set up outside their dorms to sale different items from their rooms, which they did not want to take home for the summer. They seemed to have a good business…lots of crowds looking.

We just got back from our first 90-minute trip to the larger grocery store since it became more hot and humid…good to get home, where I told Terry “I plan to stay till the end of the month.” (it was June 22).

I am not sure I should ever get use to young children riding electric scooters with no helmets or belts holding them on, while mom or dad make their way through the hectic traffic. Many times there are two children ‘holding on for dear life.’

We were asked over and over one day last week if we were going to be at the ‘party’ on our campus at 7:30 p.m.? Graduation ceremonies had been taking place for two days, the students were having special class parties, etc., so we thought it was a celebration for the end of our school.

Well-l-l-l-l, we walked down the avenue from our apartment, about 100 yards, and saw the largest crowd we’d seen since coming, and found out very quickly it was a ‘party’ for the 90th anniversary of China’s Communist Party. We stayed long enough to see what it was about and left…wondering if anyone took pictures of the foreigners in attendance. 🙂

We had several students over after lunch today, and I walked out to the front gate with them and went to the bakery to order the chocolate birthday cake for next weekend.

They helped me communicate clearly with the bakery staff, and it will be delivered safely next week. I will report on our birthday party for TJ next weekend, with pictures, of course, as we send out the last newsletter of this semester. We will be busy with language classes after that and likely will have little English to share for a few weeks. 🙂

We received great advice from ‘Mama’ Bass during our MTCC days, about “don’t start something you can’t finish” when working with college-age students. It has served us well here, since we’re beginning what we want to be long-term relationships with our first classes.

We can see weekly times when students will be here studying, cooking, eating, discussions, and watching movies, etc. We plan to set times just for TJ and me, and, of course, we’ll be preparing lesson plans for our next 550+ students in the fall. It is kind of exciting having another group brought into our lives each semester…nice that we don’t have to move to get more interested folks.

Terry has been asked to consider teaching 3-4 primary school-age children English this summer, twice a week for around 90 minutes each session. It is in the early phases, but she is excited for the opportunity to reach out to others in the area. The idea originated from the dean of our English department, who lives above us in the apartment (more info to come as it reveals itself).

Greetings from Terry: Since my schedule is clearer for the summer I am taking on the project of keeping our stairwell swept; a little at a time (perpetual maintenance theory and all that). It will help keep down the dust tracked in. I’m also scrubbing down the tile walls in the bathroom and kitchen.

Gary has been busy having fun with his own chosen projects on the computer with his studies and files.

I have just finished reading The Screwtape Letters again and am in the midst of True North. They make very good companion books when read at the same time.

We had two new ones at the discussions this week. One of my classes invited us to their end of year party on the West campus. They had decorated the class room with streamers and balloons, handed out sunflower seeds, candy and bottled water, played a few games and performed skits (one completely in English) and songs. It was fun to see them in action.

I have not heard so many words from them the whole semester. They are clever and fun to be with. I will miss them. You could tell they were very happy we accepted their invitation. This is the class that gave us the photo album. We got to meet their Chinese teacher and share a taxi with her back to our campus when we left. She lives in our building on a different stairwell.

We got up and out early Wednesday morning trying to beat the heat on our way to the computer and grocery stores. The traffic was much heavier at that hour. We saw four traffic policemen at every busy intersection. Something we have not seen before.

It took us a little longer in transit but it was still better than going in the afternoon. All in all it was a productive trip. We were glad that we had gotten back to our apartment in time to get cooled off before our electricity went off that evening. S-o-o-o thankful it came back on before bedtime.

Thursday, June 23^rd, we saw many of the graduates in caps and gowns getting their pictures taken on campus as we walked to dinner. Then as we came back things were set up on the badminton court for some kind of performance.

Someone asked us if we were coming to the party at 7:00 (we assumed a graduation celebration). So as we were walking up to the crowd we find out it is the Communist Party 90^th Anniversary celebration. Can you believe it? (assumptions get you in trouble.) We visited with a few people explaining our misunderstanding and left.

I love my little kitchen. Making biscuits today I felt like I was playing house. It is just big enough for the basics.

I got to watch Seth and Caleb Taylor for a little while Friday while Lisa got some last minute packing done. I enjoyed reading to them and building a tower with some boxes and styrofoam I had saved for just that purpose. They loaded and moved out Saturday morning.

We are missing our students so we called up six of them and met them for lunch today, then came back to the apartment and visited. Some worked on my jigsaw puzzle. They had never seen one before.

This week I have received two very good gifts. One, Gary helped get my grades onto the spreadsheet on the computer. He was very patient and helpful. Our processing speeds are different so it was truly a gift of love.

Two, when a neighbor offered to put a program on the computer to make it work faster (it works very slow most of the time), right away  we started getting very inappropriate pop up ads. Gary immediately said take off the program.

I am so-o-o glad he didn’t even hesitate. That is what I would expect but I am still very thankful. The “shield” really works. It extinguished another fiery dart. I feel like the little pig that lit a fire under the chimney so the big bad wolf wouldn’t get in.

Believe me, I would rather have these kind of gifts any day. Gary is and always has been a great gift giver of this type and I fall in love with him all over again each time I receive one. — Love, Terry.

A Healthy Self-Esteem

I am thankful that, except for some time as a teenager, I have been ‘comfortable in my own skin.’ It has been helpful in China, where many eyes are constantly on the foreigner.

The acne-inflicted teenager had some tough moments, but athletics and the chance to develop my writing interests as a senior in high school helped me move past much of those self-doubts.

Josh McDowell tells us that “a healthy self-image is seeing yourself as the Father sees you—no more and no less.” That seemed good enough for me!

Others have spoken authoritatively on the subject:

He who is able to love himself is able to love others also; he who has learned to overcome self-contempt has overcome his contempt for others. — Paul Johannes Oskar Tillich.

I am as my Creator made me, and since he is satisfied, so am I. — Minnie Smith.

Building self-esteem is a hard and slow process. But it is not an impossible one. Self-esteem is how you feel about being you, how you feel about being alive. It results from an evaluation of your self-image, how you feel about the way you see yourself. It is influenced by the distance between your self-image and your ideal image.

For example: you can see yourself as being of average intelligence, feel all right about it, and experience high self-esteem. Or you can feel badly about it and experience low self-esteem. You can feel worthy or unworthy, competent or incompetent, significant or insignificant, valuable or worthless, hopeful or hopeless, truthful or deceptive, confident or fearful, withdrawn or sociable, preoccupied or spontaneous.

You may be preoccupied with self, feel unloved, overly sensitive to criticism or open to a healthy interaction with others. Self-esteem has an evaluative element: how do you feel about the way you see yourself?

A person with good self-esteem has a sense of self-worth, yet recognizes his/her limitations. Such a person is not conceited but rather is glad to be themselves. They accept themselves and others but are desirous of correcting their own shortcomings.

They are problem-centered, not self-centered: they appreciate the simple things of life, are ethical, able to discriminate between means and ends; they get along in their culture yet resist enculturation and have a genuine desire to help the human race.

Self-esteem can be classified into two divisions: basic self-esteem and functional self-esteem. Basic self-esteem is established in childhood, is hard but not impossible to change; whereas functional self-esteem is derived from daily experiences and changes more readily.

To build self-esteem, you need to know its roots. Parents probably have the greatest influence on self-esteem. Positive reinforcement and acceptance teaches children to value themselves.

Healthy self-esteem in MEN is thought to be derived to some extent from vocations, intelligence, wealth, achievements, education, positions of power, and competition.

FEMALE self-esteem results more from the achievement of goals, self and body image, education, money, everyday concerns, and family relationships.

Both sexes are usually affected by their view of how they are evaluated by significant others in their lives.

Self-esteem in children — Family strengths are so important that they can often overcome social rejection. For this to happen, parents must have definite values, a clear idea of what they perceive as appropriate behavior, and be able and willing to present and enforce their beliefs that self-esteem is highly influenced by personal beliefs about who we are.

We are worthwhile because of our creator. If we are worthwhile, then we have good reason to have good self-esteem. Our self-esteem is not a selfish sort of thing but is rooted in our Creator. He made us worthwhile!

Guidelines for parents in developing self-esteem

Try to improve your own mental health. In dealing with your children, you teach more by what you are than by what you say. Ask yourself such questions: Since I am accepted, why can’t I accept myself? Since I forgive others, why can’t I forgive myself? Am I easy to be around? Perhaps there is something in me that is worthwhile.

If you are married, establish a healthy marriage. Unhealthy marriages develop unhealthy patterns of interaction in your home which affect your children. If your family ‘health’ us not the very best, get some help in making it so. It isn’t a sign of weakness to see your own faults and to try to overcome them…rather, it’s a sign of maturity and strength! Weak people try to avoid such reality.

Provide for your family’s needs: physical, emotional, psychological, social and spiritual.

Spend much time with your family. You as a parent are often not only busy but tired and need rest yourself. Your children must be a priority, especially while they are young. Eat as many meals as possible (that means sitting down together at one place and talking, sharing, caring…and no food fights…eating everything on the plate isn’t really that important, is it?). No distractions should normally be allowed, such as watching TV or listening to music!

Teach them proper values. Children will pick up your values; if they see your emphasis for money and prestige, they will value those things, too. What is important to you will be important to them, unless they are eventually taught by someone is a role model position that counteracts your actions.

Let your children be children. Focus upon strengths rather than weaknesses. Be realistic, but recognize strengths. Morris Rosenberg in Society and the Adolescent Self-Image found that high self-esteem children tend to have mothers who are satisfied with average or below average performance. This may appear to go against the grain, but pushing our children to hard is more harmful.

The key: don’t create unrealistic expectations for them. We should help them overcome setbacks and compete in honest ways. We should provide encouragement and support in all efforts they choose…but keep first things first in all things!

Discipline your children with love. Set certain limits and enforce them but don’t over-do it. Be HIGH in love and standards.

Some other items? Encourage achievement in school: motivate, help, maximize his/her potential, yet accept them for that they are and not for what you wish them to be.

Try to avoid over-protection and dependence. Explain changes that will occur at puberty. Forgive them.

Don’t be partial to one child over another. Realize they are different! Learn to show affection. Help them to belong.

They are important to you…make certain they clearly see and understand that, by your words and actions.

Help them to develop a strong faith in God, the source of our true value.

Adolescents need attention and they will find a way to get it. It IS easier to get negative attention than positive attention: the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Teens often ask “why not” to get you as a parent to change your mind. They really are not wanting to know. They are just wanting you to acquiesce. You as a parent have a right to say “no” because you are “uncomfortable saying yes.”

Adult self-esteem

Accept personal responsibility for your own low self-esteem. Our past and the present influence you, but you are a creative factor in the formation of your own thoughts, actions, and feelings. If you do not take such responsibility, you will never change. You can choose to perceive the past differently!

Restructure your thinking. You are what you think about. You can choose to have a good day, every day, all day. It happens during those first few minutes when you awake each morning.

People who are down on themselves tend to make many thinking mistakes:

They over generalize. From one mistake, they conclude that they can’t do anything right.

They eternalize. From one failure, they conclude that they will never do anything right.

They personalize. They are too absorbed with themselves. They inappropriately apply comments and criticism from others to themselves: “They are all talking about me.” They blame themselves too much: “Others had nothing to do with it, circumstances had nothing to do with it, I caused it all. I am completely to blame.”

They catastrophize. What they do is the worst thing that has ever been done: If you only knew what I did, you would not want me in your group or to be your friend.”

They filter. Many positive things may have happened to them, yet they do not see them. They filter them out. Their whole world is thus negative.

They neutralize. If they see positive things in their lives, they negate them: “He doesn’t really like me. He just needed a date.” “My husband doesn’t really like me, he just wants a woman. Any woman.” We can make anyone look bad by filtering out his/her good points or by concentrating on his/her bad points.

They absolutize. Everything becomes a must. “People must like me, life must be easy, and I must be competent. If not, I am worthless and life is not worth living.” We must make a distinction between desire and demand: It would be nice if everyone liked me, but it is not necessary. Persons with low self-esteem often jump to conclusions without adequate evidence.

They dictomize. Everything is either black or white: there is no gray. Such persons are often very perfectionist. Their way is always the right way about everything. Their opinions are always the truth.

They self destruct. They set up negative self-fulfilling prophecies: “No one likes me.” So when a person does like them, they are suspicious and uncomfortable, which causes them to send out negative signals, which causes the other person to “back off.”

When they back off, the person says to himself or herself: “I was right. No one likes me.” It seems impossible for a person with low self-esteem to feel loved.

Love is something you do

We listened to a Bruce McLarty lesson on Love, with the electricity off in the apartment on a hot day for the second time. He quoted the words of Clint Black’s song, which we’d never heard before:

“I remember well the day we wed. I can see that picture in my head. I still believe the words we said. Forever will ring true. Love is certain, love is kind. Love is yours and love is mine. But it isn’t something that we find, It’s something that we do.

It’s holding tight, lettin’ go. It’s flying high and laying low. Let your strongest feelings show, and your weakness, too. It’s a little and a lot to ask. An endless and a welcome task. Love isn’t something that we have, it’s something that we do.

We help to make each other all that we can be. Though we can find our strength and inspiration independently. The way we work together is what sets our love apart. So closely that you can’t tell where I end and where you start. It gives me heart remembering how we started with a simple vow. There’s so much to look back on now, Still it feels brand-new. We’re on a road that has no end And each day we begin again. Love’s not just something that we’re in. It’s something that we do.

We help to make each other all that we can be Though we can find our strength and inspiration independently. The way we work together is what sets our love apart So closely that you can’t tell where I end and where you start. Love is wide, love is long. Love is deep and love is strong. Love is why I love this song. And I hope you love it too.

I remember well the day we wed I can see that picture in my head. Love isn’t just those words we said. It’s something that we do. There’s no request too big or small. We give ourselves, we give our all Love isn’t someplace that we fall. It’s something that we do. Amen!

Points for Party to ponder: A recent Ministry of Education survey shows that almost 80 percent of college students are willing to join the Communist Party of China (CPC). This will be a tremendous boost for the CPC, preparing to celebrate its 90th anniversary on July 1.The survey, which covered 25,000 students in 140 institutions of higher education, was conducted professionally and should reflect the true state of mind on college campuses today.

The study, 20th of its kind and published early this month, reveals very high approval ratings for major national achievements attributable to the CPC and an unusual optimism about what it will deliver. Nothing could have made a better birthday gift for the Party. With an overwhelming majority of the country’s young elites on its side, the world’s largest political party can rest assured of its impact on younger members of society.

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Father’s Day; China scenes/educational books, class party; Wuhan rain

What are you doing on your summer break?

What are you going to do this summer, during your break from teaching oral English to 260+ college students each per semester? A good question we have been asked many times in recent days.

Terry and I have hired two of my students, who will spend two 90-minute sessions weekly with us, to learn Mandarin, the English word for Chinese. We will be using a highly recommended book Chinese Made Easier by Martin Symonds and Tian Haohao. We ordered book 1, 2, and 3 in anticipation of several months/years of work ahead. It’s published by a university in China, has clear instructions, pronunciation exercises, and regular conversation practice…we’ll even try to learn the Chinese characters, little by little.

I also downloaded a Word edition of A Dream of Red Mansions, a Chinese classic in excess of 1,500 pages. With the simple conversion program provided free through Amazon, I have it on my kindle for daily enjoyment, though we’ve been warned that there are “many characters to follow and it is very tedious.” (I like the challenge).

Terry is working on another classic, Journey to the West by Wu-Cheng en….also on her kindle and over 1,400 pages and 100 chapters in length.

We have thoroughly enjoyed these last days, when our students have their final via a 3-6 minute speech, allowing us to test their English skills and ability to put thoughts together, intonation, and pronunciation. They work really hard, and we’re rewarding them with good grades. 🙂

We were told a few weeks back when our classes ended, and found out two days before the final week that we’d been told the wrong date. It means our freshman classes had one week, instead of two, to complete those speeches.

Since Terry and I have some classes with 50+ students, it means coming early and staying late to accomplish it. One of my classes came 85 minutes early! I entered the classroom  at 2:47 p.m. for a normal 4:05 start…and they had big smiles on their faces and were ready to go to work.

One of my class monitors invited me to a breakfast (local restaurant before 8 a.m. start) of Chinese dumplings. They were delicious, especially dipped in spaghetti sauce the next day for lunch.Our monitors are a big help to us each week, and she wanted to ‘treat me’ since it was our last day…a really nice gesture.

I am remembering advise given to Eric a few years back when he went into youth work: “remember that you will mature by leaps and bounds yearly while the students will always be the same maturity age (since they graduate and move on as seniors).” We’re realizing that, while we will grow older physically, we will have 18-23 year olds around us constantly, which should help keep us young at heart, anyway.

We are beginning a weekly discussion group on “The Good Life” from one of the Wisdom Book for fellow teachers who are in town this summer…should have 5-6 attend and I expect lively dialogue. Really looking forward to it.

We realized just today that we haven’t mentioned a unique grouping of the university students: they assign them to a group of 25-55 with the same major…and they attend every class from their freshman-thru-junior year together. That’s right…they are together for three years. A great way to bond and make great friends, unless you just do not ‘fit’ with the group.

Terry and I realized on Father’s Day weekend that this is the first year without Batsell, due to his death last summer. We talk about both of our dads a lot here, knowing they would ‘fit right in’ to our circumstances. (see photos in their honor)

We attended one of the class parties this weekend and enjoyed seeing their personalities and enjoying ‘good clean fun’ with their friends. They treated the teachers there as special guests. We told them to do exactly what they had planned, especially to speak in Chinese, if they wanted…we didn’t understand some of their words, songs, or skits, but it was great fun! We are looking forward to having these students on the Central campus next semester.

Greetings from Terry: Mom and Dad would really like the food here; the fresh vegetables, nuts, fruits, easy preparation and easy clean up, especially Dad.

That’s the way he had cooked and eaten for the past several years. I was thinking today, not only would he have loved all of the walking and stair climbing he would have loved the English Corner experience.

Mother would fit right in with the Chinese concept of gardening in flower pots on the window sills and using every inch outside for vegetables. She has been doing that for many years and has been very successful at it. I would love to have her with us but with our class load and other details it just isn’t practical.

A first time student at our discussion group brought us some dates and almonds. I have really enjoyed the treat.

This week we took Ron and Evelyn McFarland to lunch to say “Thank you” and “Good bye” before they leave for home and new adventures. We will miss them and their many helps and encouragements. Their work will continue reaping for many years.

In many of our student’s final speeches Gary and I have both heard the same acronym; FAMILY:  Father And Mother I Love You. I think it is worth remembering.

I have come to a realization that I am a unique kind of tourist. (Not weird, just unique.) Yes, I love to travel, but no, I do not enjoy or need to visit all the relics of the past or the posh tourist venues.

Instead I love getting down with the real, local people of the present and seeing life from their perspective. But I must admit that this sifting of different cultures does require a certain amount of “selective” vision, hearing and smelling, if you get my drift. (smile) But the faces and hearts you encounter in the process make it all worthwhile. To me that is walking in His footsteps. — Love, Terry.

Just For Today (shared by one of my Speaking Skills students; these students think positively and also ‘keep their head on straight.’  We are very impressed with their values. — Gary)

“Just for today I will be happy. This assumes what Abraham Lincoln said is true: ‘Most folks are about as happy as they make their mind up to be.’ Happiness comes from within; it is not a matter of externals.

Just for today I will try to adjust myself to what is; not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my family, my business, and my luck as they come and fit myself to them.

Just for today I will take care of my body. I will exercise it, care for it, nourish it, not abuse or neglect it, so that it will be a perfect machine for my bidding.

Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought, and concentration.

Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do someone a good turn and not get found out. I will do at least two chores I don’t want to do, as William James suggests, just for exercise.

Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, speak diplomatically, act courteously, be liberal with praise, criticize not at all, nor find fault with anything, and not try to regulate or improve anyone.

Just for today I will try to live through this day only, not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do things for twelve hours that would appall me if I had to keep them up for a lifetime.

Just for today I will have a program. I will write down what I expect to do every hour. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. It will eliminate two pests: hurrying and indecision.

Just for today I will have a quiet half hour by myself and relax. In this half hour sometimes I will think of God, so as to get a little more perspective into my life.

Just for today I will be unafraid. Particularly, I will be unafraid to be happy; to enjoy what is beautiful; to love; and to believe that those I love, love me.“— by Sybil Partridge

Things to remember when we’re treated unfairly

How do you react when someone treats you unfairly? Let’s say someone double crosses you or cheats you. Maybe someone lies about you and your reputation is damaged. Perhaps your boss chews you out for something you know you didn’t do or singles you out because he doesn’t like what you stand for. What is your typical response?

Do you…retreat into a depression? Withdraw from human interaction? Look for a way to get even? Vow that you’ll never do anything nice for anyone again? Cheat the next guy down the line because you conclude that it’s a dog-eat-dog world?

Become so cynical about the world that you no longer enjoy life? These responses are all too common.

The first thing to remember when you have been treated unfairly is that this life isn’t fair. I suppose some of you might think it is redundant for me to say that, but it never ceases to amaze me that so many get so upset when things don’t come out even.

Whoever said that this life was fair, anyway? I’m not aware of anything that guarantees all things working out.

Yet, it bugs us, doesn’t it? It bugs me! The bad guy sometimes wins. The criminal gets off Scot-free. The ladder climber who steps on everyone in his path gets the penthouse. The politician lies and gets away with it because the economy is good.

I’m not suggesting here that we shouldn’t do whatever we can when we can to make things right. I’m simply saying that sometimes making things even is beyond what we can do. At that point, so that we don’t go insane at the unbalanced nature of it all, we need to remember that it’s not always going to be fair.

I’m not recommending defeatism or fatalism. I’m simply trying to be realistic. Don’t set your expectations too high. In this life, no matter how you live or what you do, life isn’t always going to be fair.

The second thing to remember when you have been treated unfairly is that what happens in you is more important than what happens to you. Things are going to happen in this life that we are powerless to change. We usually cannot rearrange someone else’s behavior toward us, nor can we undo the moments in which someone has hurt us. Maybe it can be prevented next time, but once it has happened, it has happened. There is no backing up.

If we keep reliving the unhappy moment and devote endless hours to appealing the verdict of a wrongdoing in our minds, we will be left spent and miserable. Though it is sometimes hard to see, time passed in the courtroom of our mind trying the case over and over is really time wasted. Even though we’re sure the verdict is guilty, there is usually no way to bring about justice in this life without becoming guilty ourselves.

Suppose you hold a glass of water as you walk towards me. I carelessly (or deliberately) bump into you. Whatever you have in the glass will probably spill out.

That is the way our lives are. When we are bumped, whatever is inside comes out. For most of us, an injustice done to us personally is a very jarring bump. Sadly, it is disgraceful sometimes the things that spill out.

What happens in you is far more important than what happens to you.

The third thing to remember when you have been treated unfairly is others are watching to see what you will do. There is more happening when an injustice is done to us than just the unpleasantness of the moment. People want to know if our ‘walk and talk’ agree. Am I a person who wants to do what is best toward others, or one who will do it, no matter what is involved?

The fourth thing to remember when you have been treated unfairly is that you must not bow to bitterness.

All of us need to set some standards for ourselves. We need to draw the line in the sand and say, “Beyond this point I will not go – not for comfort – not for security – not for revenge – not for anything!

A doctor told a man that he had rabies. Upon hearing the diagnosis, he took out a piece of paper and started writing on it. The doctor thought, “Oh, he must be making up his will,” so he asked, “What are you doing, making up your will?” The man said, “No, I’m just writing down every person I’m going to bite.”

Sadly, that is how some folks handle injustice. They are so bitter that they bite everyone else around them. We must never bow to bitterness.

The fifth thing to remember when you have been treated unfairly is that what you do is more important than how you feel. Our behavior is determined by the values we have, and we’re guided by sayings from the most important book of  ill.

It isn’t particularly difficult to figure out what these say we must do. The difficult part is our feelings, isn’t it? Why is it so hard…

• To get on our knees on behalf of that person whose carelessness or neglect caused us so much pain?
• To go down to the store and buy a gift and send it to that person whom we know must hate us
• To say something that blesses them rather than cursing them under our breath?

The answer is simple. Every feeling in our bodies is screaming that it isn’t right!

Ah! We’ve come to an important crossroad in this matter. We’ve come to the place where we learn whether we’re serious about our values or not.

Many of us have yet to learn this very important part of our values. Doing the right thing isn’t always the thing that makes us feel good at the moment. Actions lead, feelings follow.

Good feelings that result from our doing right usually come after the act, not before. If we wait around in the beginning, hoping to get our feelings to go along with our actions, we’ll seldom do what is right.

How about it?  Are you returning good for evil? Are you turning the other cheek when it is appropriate? Are you walking the second mile? Are you praying for that person who has hurt you so?

Are you allowing whatever blessings you have in your life to Chfall on the just and the unjust, or are you selective, based on the records you’ve kept of wrongs done against you? Are you blessing rather than cursing? (The word “bless” in this case means literally, “to speak well of.”)

“But I don’t feel like it!” Welcome to the world of doing what is right. It’s that way for all of us.

 The sixth thing to remember when you have been treated unfairly is that you are still the bigger debtor. My friends, no matter whom might wrong us, we are still the bigger debtor. We always will be. So much has been done for us; we could never catch up, and forget about getting ahead!

A certain tenant farmer had worked hard for many years to improve the production of the land he leased. Then something happened that caused him to become very bitter.

When it was time to renew his lease, the owner told him he was going to sell the farm to his son who was getting married. The tenant made several generous offers to buy it himself, hoping the man’s decision would be reversed, but his pleading got nowhere.

As the day drew near for the farmer to vacate his home, his weeks of angry brooding finally got the best of him. He gathered seeds from some of the most pesky and noxious weeds he could find. Then he spent many hours scattering them on the clean, fertile soil of the farm, along with a lot of trash and rocks he had collected.

To his dismay, the very next morning the owner informed him that plans for his son’s wedding had fallen through, and therefore he would be happy to renew the lease. He couldn’t understand why the farmer exclaimed in agonizing tones, “What a fool I’ve been!”

Try as we might to even up the score when we’re treated unfairly, the result for us will be the same as it was for that tenant farmer. At the end, we’ll exclaim, “What a fool I’ve been!” — Gary

China Daily News: China’s hunger for luxury goods growing—China is continuing its march toward becoming the largest luxury market in the world. The nation is now seen as a second home to many of the world’s top brands, with everything from cars, handbags, watches, clothes and fine wines now sold in China.

Every year this market has grown more crowded, and it is becoming harder for luxury brands to tap into this market. The competition to grab a share of the Chinese wallet is immense now for luxury players. A new survey by KPMG titled, “Luxury experiences in China”, has highlighted the increasing brand recognition among Chinese consumers, at 57 brands this year compared with 45 last year.

Luxury brands are finding it increasingly difficult to find a niche and build market share. Amid rising competition, brands need to be innovative and explore new marketing avenues to stay ahead.

These findings are based on a survey of 1,200 consumers in 24 tier-one and tier-two cities across China, conducted by market research company TNS. Respondents were between 20-45 years of age, earning a minimum of 7,500 yuan (798.6 euros) per month in tier-one cities and 5,500 yuan elsewhere.

The survey also finds that China’s luxury buyers are basing their purchasing decisions on a wider range of factors. Consumers increasingly choose to reward or pamper themselves as opposed to seeking higher social status via their brand purchases. Emotive factors such as “experience” and “self-reward” have now emerged alongside status-seeking and needs-based factors as key drivers. They also continue to place a lot of importance on the heritage of luxury brands.

Inside China — The Chinese mainland and Taiwan will launch a pilot travel program on June 28 that will allow mainlanders to visit Taiwan as individual tourists, a Taiwan affairs official said Sunday.

Wang Yi, director of the State Council’s Taiwan Affairs Office, announced the plan during a conference held at the weeklong Straits Forum, which opened in the mainland’s coastal city of Xiamen on Saturday. Wang said the first phase of the program will apply to residents of the cities of Beijing, Shanghai and Xiamen, which is located in southeast China’s Fujian Province.

The two sides also agreed to give the green light to Fujian residents who wish to individually travel to Taiwan’s islands of Kinmen, Matsu and Penghu. The mainland and Taiwan have witnessed booming tourism in recent years after the two sides agreed to lift a ban on mainlanders’ traveling to Taiwan in July 2008.

The number of mainland tourists traveling to Taiwan in groups reached 930,000 in 2009 and shot up by 127 percent to hit 1.63 million in 2010, according to statistics from Taiwan tourism authorities.

Industry insiders estimate that the individual travel program will bring in 2 billion yuan ($307 million) in tourism revenues for Taiwan within half a year.

We believe we are here for a reason: to reach out to the 18-23 year old university students in Jingzhou, sowing seeds of knowledge and understanding wherever possible. We know it will not return  to us void. We have the opportunity to reach the future leaders of China, and to be ‘stretched’ ourselves in the process. Your thoughts and support are deeply appreciated!  — Gary and Terry

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Wedding anniversary and family pictures; entrance exams, prayer, parents; rice planted late due to drought; tennis champion

This newsletter will be a little different from the others…can’t hold in the excitement of our 40th wedding anniversary on July 2. The semester is almost over, we have a summer break, and some family is visiting in early August. We can hardly wait!

This time two years ago we had discussed taking a train from California to the Grand Canyon for a few days…to do ‘something different and exciting’ for our special event. Never imagined our Father would put us in China for the occasion! 🙂 His plans are always better!

I am one fortunate guy. I married the ‘love of my life’ and get to spend every day with her for the rest of my life.

She is my best friend! Perhaps the only one who could stand me for 2,080 weekends, 14,564 days, 349,525 hours, 20,971,440 minutes (exact at the moment this is being readied for publishing)…and counting!

She was in my parent’s thoughts since before our births, and in my deepest, most private utterances since the early teen years.

We announced to our families in June, 1972, that we planned to marry in September, after a summer of trying to save some money and making more definite plans.

We ended up moving the wedding up on nine days notice, figuring we wouldn’t have that much more money, and it would give us more time to prepare for our last year of school at MTSU.

I would marry her all over again…and do it exactly the same way (maybe we should give Adona more notice)! It’s tempting to suggest that I am one lucky guy, except that it was more than luck that we found each other when we did. Too many things simply had to be worked out by Father!

We had both separately felt as if we were not going to find that special person…Terry in Nashville and me in Murfreesboro. She had no idea there was a university there…never heard of it.

The first time I saw her, I was jealous another perfect stranger was talking to her.

Norman Douglas said “to find a friend one must close one eye; to keep them, two.” That might be one way TJ looks at me? It is true that a friend is one who knows all about you and likes you just the same. Terry is my friend, one who knows me as I am, understands where I’ve been, accepts who I’ve become, and still, gently invites me to grow. She is one who makes me be my best.

She has a special quotation: “A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.”

Our marriage is a series of successive surprises. Our life has been filled with adventure after adventure. And they continue!

The king of the comics, as far    As I’m concerned, is still Peanuts by Charles Schulz. I love Linus, Lucy, Schroeder, Piggen, the little red-haired girl, and Charlie Brown. There’s a ring of reality to their relationships.

One sequence comes to mind. Linus has just written a comic strip of his own, and he wants Lucy’s opinion. In the first frame, he tentatively hands Lucy his comic strip and  says, “Lucy, would you read this and tell me if you think it is funny?”

In the next frame, you see Lucy patting her foot, and a little bit of a grin comes across her face. She looks at Linus and says, “Well, Linus, who wrote this?”

Linus with his chest heaved out and a great big grin says, “Lucy, I wrote that.”

In the next frame, you see Lucy wadding it up, throwing it to the side, and saying, “Well, then, I don’t think it’s very funny.”

In the final frame, you see Linus picking up his comic strip, throwing his blanket over his shoulder, looking at Lucy and saying, “Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life.”

We find that humorous. I  dare say if you and I thought long and hard enough, we’d remember being the crab grass in the lawn of somebody else’s life. None of us wants to be a loser.

None of us wants to be a source of discouragement. And yet, if we’re not careful, we can find ourselves being more pessimistic than optimistic, more discouraging than encouraging.

As Terry says often, “the best vitamin for making friends: B1.”

We experienced first-hand what our students go through every day…we were without electricity in our apartment and it was quickly close to 85 degrees inside. Terry had no classes, while I had one morning class. The heat was bad enough…was even worse that we could not get anything accomplished…no electricity meant no clothes washed, no food warmed up, and no internet.

We had some confusion about when our classes end. It is based on majors, it seems, and we were told we had two more weeks…then found out on Saturday we had one more week. We did not mind, of course, that it was one week less than we had been told, but it was a little confusing getting everything completed, since we thought we had two weeks. We will manage to work it out. 🙂

My students have been so gracious as we finish up the semester and move toward finals, expressing their appreciation that we were willing “to leave our home and family and come to their country to help them improve their English.”

I will not have my junior speaking skills students in any more classes, and it’s likely they will be “out of here” quickly, as they begin  pursuing other educational goals. I have been the one blessed by their willingness to work, interest, enthusiasm and kindness…except for 3-4 of the 146 students who missed several classes…caught two cheating on a final project 🙂

I have received very positive reinforcement to our showing of Fireproof  to some of these students. We plan to make it part of our apartment ‘movie night’ for more next semester.

Even as we wind down our weekly discussions, we had a new English teacher attend this week…that’s five who have been a part of at least one session.

I said several years ago, when we began attending lectureships in Searcy, that is was “the only place I know that seems to appreciate the wisdom and experience older men can give,” due to the gray-haired teachers working there. They were so professional, with a ready smile and willingness to speak and answer any question of anyone, it seemed.

I was made to ‘feel my age’ when some students recalled in speeches this week seeing me for the first time, with “my white hair and large computer bag” on the first day of classes. They said it as a compliment and a pleasant memory and offered enthusiastic appreciation for us “leaving family and America and coming so far to help them learn English.”

I got my third Chinese haircut today and it seemed that many of the men in the shop were having someone “paint their hair” black. 🙂

Greetings from Terry: The new cuckoo clock we thought our neighbors had turns out to be the real thing. I haven’t laid eyes on it yet, but it is a real bird. Gary and I hear it from different directions when I am in the kitchen during the mornings.

Friday evening the discussion group stayed and watched The Ultimate Gifts with us. We had pop corn and Pepsi. It was so much fun. I like movies and sharing them with others makes it even more fun.

Hope we can have more “movie nights” next semester. They can practice their English, learn American culture and it opens more topics for discussion.

We had four of my students over for lunch last Saturday. After meeting them at the front gate, we ordered food and took it back to the apartment, where we had a leisure visit while we ate.

The students gave me a very nice photo album with a few pictures of themselves and their classmates this semester. It was very thoughtful of them.

I will be very interested in what becomes of these students in the future, where they will go and what they will accomplish. There is a plan for their lives; of that I am sure.

I encouraged the class monitor, who is a natural leader, to make wise choices and be careful where he leads. I am so glad we will be able to see these students on this campus next year as sophomores. Gary may even have some in his classes, since he wants to teach mostly on the Central campus.

After many days of labor, two of the graduate students that come for discussions turned in their dissertation papers. We called and rejoiced with them over the phone and invited them over for a bowl of orange Jello and Chinese cookies. Now the hard part of finding a job begins. I am glad they will be close by for about a month. We are still cultivating, planting and watering

I finished the book Forgiveness by Gary Inrig. It is a thought-provoking book we have both  read…and recommend to others.

“We love our crazy job.” Love, Terry.

Chinese high school students prepare for Gaokao — June 7th and 8th were tense dates for millions of Chinese high school students as they took one of the most important exams in their life, the college entrance examination. More than 9.3 million students sat for this year’s test. As millions of students were doing some last-minute cramming for the national college entrance examinations, authorities launched a crackdown on sales of high-tech devices used to cheat on the tests.

The National College Entrance Examination (NCEE), or “gaokao,” is the world’s largest standardized test. However, a string of cheating scandals featuring the use of high-tech devices have cast a shadow over the test.

Since late April, police have busted eight criminal rings that have admitted to selling devices such as wireless earphones and transmitter-receiver sets that allow their buyers to cheat on the exams.

Fourteen of the 18 arrested ring members are still in custody. Wireless communication devices are used by some students to obtain answers from people outside of the examination venues.

In the news after the first day: one student was 10 minutes late in arriving, and was not allowed to enter and take the test. He was found later having committed suicide by jumping off the nearest building. Pressure on them is intense…and everything hangs in the balance, in their mind, because the grade determines whether they get to attend a first-tier school.

This country celebrated French Open winner Li Na (see photo) a few days ago. Newspaper accounts responded to words of support in Mandarin: “Jia you!” — which loosely translates to “Let’s go!” After so many years of “Come on” and “Allez” and “Vamos,” there’s a new language on the tennis landscape.”

Li became the first Chinese player, man or woman, to win a Grand Slam singles title by beating defending champion Francesca Schiavone of Italy 6-4, 7-6 (0) at Roland Garros.

She already was the first woman from that nation of more than 1.4 billion people to win a WTA singles title, the first to enter the top 10 in the rankings, and the first to make it to a Grand Slam final — she lost to Kim Clijsters at the Australian Open in January.

Tennis is considered an elite sport in China, and while participation is rapidly increasing, it still trails basketball, soccer and table tennis, among others. But Li’s victory was big news back home.

Li broke away from the Chinese government’s sports system in late 2008 under an experimental reform policy for tennis players dubbed “Fly Alone.”

Li was given the freedom to choose her own coach and schedule and to keep much more of her earnings: Previously, she turned over 65 percent to the authorities; now it’s 12 percent. That comes to about $205,000 of the $1.7 million French Open winner’s check.

At her news conference, Li wore a new T-shirt with Chinese characters that mean “sport changes everything,” and offered thanks to Sun.

When a reporter mentioned the June 1989 crackdown on pro-democracy demonstrators in Tiananmen Square and asked whether her victory could spark a sports revolution, Li said she’s “just” a tennis player and added, “I don’t need to answer … this question.”

Finding Friendships — Faithful friends are one of life’s greatest assets

Men’s Life magazine surprised itself with a survey – asking its readers “What’s the most important thing in your life?”  And no, it was not sex, it was not career, it was neither fame nor fortune.

The most important things to 63 percent of the men were their wives and ninety percent of married men called their wives their best friend.

I wish we knew the author who wrote: “There are those who pass like ships in the night. Who meet for a moment, then sail out of sight With never a backward glance of regret; Folks we know briefly then quickly forget. Then there are friends who sail together Through quiet waters and stormy weather Helping each other through joy and through strife. And they are the kind who give meaning to life.”

One man summarized what he had learned during a Dale Carnegie course: “If you want to keep friends and have people like you, there are three things you must never do. Each one of these begins with a “C”. The first one is, “Never complain”; the second, “Never condemn;” and the last one, “Never criticize.”‘

I especially find C. S. Lewis’ words delightful: ‘Eros will have naked bodies; friendship naked personalities.”  I suppose anything you can do together as a couple helps strengthen your marriage.

I love the poem that describes what I enjoy: “O, the comfort — the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, Having neither to weigh thoughts, Nor measure words — but pouring them right out — just as they are — Chaff and grain together, Certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them — Keep what is worth keeping — And with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.”

Real friends don’t care if your socks don’t match. Real friends have a great time doing absolutely nothing together. A real friend warms you by her presence, trusts you with her secrets, and remembers you in her prayers.

Our friends are the people whom we choose; usually friends are the same sort of people as ourselves. My neighbor is the man whom I do not choose; he is the man whom the Father gives to me. He is the man who happens to live in the house next to mine; he is the man who happens to sit opposite to me in the train; he is the clerk who works at the desk next to mine. I have no right to say that he is no concern of mine, because, if I am a Follower, I know that he is the man who has given to me.

A friend is one who warns you. A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you today just the way you are.

Jay Kesler has said that one of his great hopes in life is to wind up with at least eight people who will attend his funeral without once checking their watches.  I love it!  Do you have eight people who’ll do that?

“Two boys in the last war were devoted pals and friends. After a bitter battle one day, one of the boys found that his pal was missing and knew that he was somewhere out there in No-man’s Land.  He asked for permission to go out after his friend but the commander said it was no use for no one was alive out there after the withering fire of many hours.

“After great insistence, he was finally given permission to go.  Some time later he came back with the limp body of his friend over his shoulder. The commander said, “Didn’t I tell you it was no use to go?”  to which the boy replied with radiance in his eyes, “But it was.  I got there in time to hear him whisper, ‘I knew you’d come.'”

We don’t know the source of these words, but they speak to all of us who have that ‘special person’ in our life.

A friend is: a push when you’ve stopped, a word when you’re lonely, a guide when you’re searching, a smile when you’re sad,  a song when you’re glad.

A friend will joyfully sing with you when you are on the mountaintop, and silently walk beside you through the valley. — Gary

10 Commandments of Friendships

1. Speak to people — there is nothing as nice as a cheerful word of greeting.

2. Smile at people — it takes 72 muscles to frown, but only 14 to smile!

3. Call people by name — the sweetest music to anyone’s ear is the sound of their own name.

4. Be friendly and helpful — if you would have friends, be friendly.

5. Be cordial — speak and act as if everything you do were a real pleasure.

6. Be genuinely interested in people — you can like everyone IF YOU TRY.

7. Be generous with praise; cautious with criticism.

8. Be considerate of the feelings of others — it will be appreciated.

9. Be thoughtful of the opinions of others.

10. Be alert to give service — what counts most in life is what we do for others!

Signs ‘You Have No Friends’

1. No calls from salespeople pushing MCI’s “Friends and Family” plan.

2. You go to a video store and say out loud to yourself, “Well, what do you want to rent tonight?”

3. You send birthday cards to members of “The McLaughlin Group.”

4. You are one of the five best solitaire players in the world.

5. At your funeral, the entire eulogy is, “Yep, he’s dead.” or  6. Having a Super Bowl party means dressing up your dogs and tying then to the furniture.

7. James Taylor sings the first bars of “You’ve Got a Friend,” notices you in the audience and stops.

8. All your phone calls start with “900.”

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Terry’s photo on University poster; Alvin in Shanghai; Dragon boat races and Zongzi; students who will teach us Chinese; another holiday; ‘experts’ judge two speech groups; China drought; two of Gary’s classes; eating at Pizza Hut; photo album gift from TJ’s students; parasols protect students from the sun

Begin with the end in mind “…this concept has given us such patience with the work we are doing here”

Henry Ward Beecher  said, “it is not the going out of port but the coming in that determines the success of a voyage.” And Paul told Timothy “to stay the  course” when he was discouraged in Ephesus and must have been tempted to leave.

To say the same thing differently, “begin with the end in mind.”

That is what has given us such patience with the work here. While we are pleased with our progress thus far, we know that it takes time to build relationships, and even more time to overcome a nation’s way of looking at important matters.

When these first-year students are on the same campus with us…and we have a semester behind us….and we learn more Chinese…wow. We’re already looking forward to September!

By the way, we have found two students who are going to spend 3 hours per week with us, learning Chinese during our 7-week summer vacation.

If you have not read True North by Gary Inrig, I suggest you go to Amazon and get a used copy for one cent…plus $3.99 shipping. It’s one of those books you’ll read many times over the years…his book on Forgiveness is even better. I decided that with Oprah off the air, maybe I should begin my own book club suggestions 🙂

I showed several of my junior female students the movie Fireproof, wanting them to learn the marriage values presented before they get outside of my direct influence. Their “ooh and ahh” reactions were in the right spots…they clapped heartily when it ended…so romantic. 🙂

I have enjoyed following DWade and the Miami Heat from afar…not really a Lebron James fan, even when we lived 23 miles east of Cleveland. It certainly gives me good conversation with the young men in my classes, and I particularly enjoy rooting against the Lakers 🙂

It is becoming normal to have the Best Book read in Chinese weekly in our apartment, but not yet used to listening/watching sports in the Chinese language.

We observed another holiday with Monday off from classes: The Chinese Dragon Boat Festival is a significant holiday, and the one with the longest history.

The Dragon Boat Festival is celebrated by boat races in the shape of dragons. Competing teams row their boats forward to a drumbeat racing to reach the finish end first.

The boat races are traditional customs in attempts to rescue the patriotic poet Chu Yuan. Chu Yuan drowned on the fifth day of the fifth lunar month in 277 B.C. Chinese citizens now throw bamboo leaves filled with cooked rice (like those below, right) into the water. Therefore the fish could eat the rice rather than the hero poet. This later on turned into the custom of eating tzungtzu and rice dumplings.

The celebration’s is a time for protection from evil and disease for the rest of the year. It is done so by different practices such as hanging healthy herbs on the front door, drinking nutritious concoctions, and displaying portraits of evil’s nemesis, Chung Kuei.

One of the events we have been asked to take part in, as mentioned earlier, is to judge speech competitions. They are in English, so we are the ‘experts’ so they feel we are  able to do the best job with the intonation and pronunciation, etc. I do not agree, but they are hard to convince otherwise. Some of the Chinese teachers are highly educated in phonetics!

One of the parts most difficult, for Terry, especially, is the expectation that we should have some ‘comments’ to the students when it is over.

Greetings from Terry: I have figured out how to handle the thick ice that forms on the back wall of our refrigerator (not freezer) every week. I just unplug it for about four hours then dry up the moisture. It doesn’t bother the food and it is a lot easier and safer than chiseling.

Saturday, May 28: We took two of Gary’s freshman, female students out to lunch then back to our apartment for a visit. It was a delight to be with them. That same evening we had the pleasure of going to dinner with the group from Harding: Jon & Amber White, Laura, Brenda and Rebecca. Then we brought them back to our apartment for a good visit. We had met Hannah previously, but she was not feeling well the night we ate with them.

Sunday, May 29: I was able to spend almost two hours with one of my students bringing her up to date in class work. She has had to miss several classes because of leg surgery.  —- Love, Terry

One student took the Best Book last week and began reading that same day. Her roommates chided her with the statement “do you want to become a daughter of the god” when they observed her actions. She told us about it the next day, but seemed resolved to continue reading.

The other night, when we were on Skype with Tonia, there were over 25.6 million online at the same time. What a service offered to those of us who are away from their family!  Here’s hoping that their being sold to Microsoft changes the service and the fact it is free! We’ve had a few glitches, but it has worked lately just fine.

Worst drought in 50 years along Yangtze: Dry spell ravages Central China

WUHAN – The worst drought in 50 years to hit provinces along the Yangtze River may continue to plague Central China. The China Meteorological Administration warned on Tuesday that little rain is expected in the coming 10 days and highs of 36 C are likely to hit the central and southern parts of China.

These regions will mostly see hot, dry weather during the coming week, the administration said, adding that local departments will activate cloud seeding when weather conditions are fit. Data indicated that rainfall in these regions is 30 to 80 percent less compared to normal years, while the provinces of Anhui, Jiangsu, Hubei, Hunan, Jiangxi, Zhejiang and Shanghai municipality continue to suffer the worst drought since 1954.

Between January and April, the Yangtze River basin received 40 percent less rainfall than the average level of the past 50 years. The water area of Dongting Lake in the middle reaches of the Yangtze River was 73 percent less on May 20 than the same day last year, according to statistics from the administration.

As of Monday, the lingering drought in Hubei has affected nearly 10 million people, about one sixth of its population, and influenced 1.2 million hectares of farmland, causing direct economic losses of 7.1 billion yuan ($1.1 billion), according to the provincial civil affairs department. Since the end of last autumn, most areas of Hubei have received 50 percent less rainfall than the same period in 2010.

      The Office of State Flood Control and Drought Relief Headquarters asked the Three Gorges Dam to increase water discharges to up to 12,000 cubic meter per second (about 3,000 cu m per second more than the water flowing in) from May 25 to June 10, in order to raise the water level in the middle and lower reaches.The water level in more than 1,300 reservoirs in Hubei province have dropped below the allowable discharge level for irrigation, said Yuan Junguang, director of the reservoir management office of Hubei provincial water resources department. 

(We’re at Yangtze River University, Hubei province)

Devoted to Family…A happy family is but an early heaven

During a visit to the children’s Bible class, a preacher looked into their serious faces and asked, “Why do you love God?” After a moment a small voice came from the back: “I guess it just runs in the family.”

Some of us are blessed to be ‘lifers.’ It’s a phrase I first heard in Mansfield, Ohio, many years ago, used to describe a person “who has been around the church his whole life.”

What a blessed person! To have grandparents and parents who knew the value of God, Christ, the Bible, and the church! To attend worship and classes “every time the doors are opened” is a blessed way of life that benefits into eternity.

Some aren’t so fortunate, for many children don’t even feel as if they know their parents, much less the Lord. The story is told of a young boy who wanted a new suit of clothes, and he asked his mother if she would ask his father to buy it for him. The mother suggested that it might be better if the boy would ask the father himself. The response of the boy was, “Well, I would, but you know him much better than I do.”

Sadly, it’s not easy to bring about much-needed change. Herbert Prochnow tells of a little girl who wrote in an essay on Parents: “We get our parents at so late an age that it is impossible to change their habits.”

In Japan, many workers are finding themselves either too busy or too stressed to visit their parents.  An enterprising business is now offering a solution for lonely parents.  For $1,130 a day, the Japan Efficiency Headquarters company will send actors to provide “family” time.  The actors have been trained in psychology to ensure a more realistic family visit.

Lee Iacocca said, “Your job takes up enough time without having to shortchange your family. Still, I’ve seen a lot of executives who neglect their families, and it always makes me sad. You can’t let a corporation turn into a labor camp. Hard work is essential. But there’s also a time for rest and relaxation, for going to see your kid in the school play or at a swim meet. And if you don’t do these things while the kids are young, there’s no way to make it up later on. I learned about the strength you can get from a close family life. I’ve had a wonderful and successful career, but next to my family, it hasn’t really mattered at all.”

It is sad commentary on our times that families have become so fragmented and splintered some must hire a surrogate family to provide companionship.

A family is more than a collection of human beings who are blood kin.  A family is more than the sum of its parts.  It is a living, shaping, powerful unit that teaches us our most important lessons in life.  It teaches us who we are, how to act, whom to relate to, and what is important in life.

I am the second of nine children in my family.  I’m used to hearing remarks about the size of our family. Once when my father had taken four of us to the grocery store, a woman asked him, “Are these all your children?”

“Oh, no,” he innocently replied.

Seeing the look of relief on her face, Dad said with a twinkle in his eye, “The other five are at home.”

Close friends of our family used to tease Mom (a nurse) and Dad (a chemist). “You do know what causes children, don’t you?” they would ask. Their response made it crystal clear of their knowledge: “Some people put their efforts and their money into houses or vacations. We’re investing in children.”

Grandchildren are a different discussion! They bless our lives in ways we could never have imagined!

A woman had a very precocious grandchild who was visiting her.  She was about 10 or 11 years old.  She asked, “Grandma how old are you?” And grandma said, “Well, honey we don’t tell our ages, it is not polite to ask a women her age.”  “Oh, come on grandma, tell me how old you are.”  “No, honey.  I am not going to tell you how old I am.”  So, the girl disappeared.

Grandma heard something up stairs and went up and found the little girl in her purse. The little girl had found her driver’s license and she was adding up the date of birth to the present time, and she said, “Grandma you are 78 years old.”  “Now honey, you shouldn’t be in there,” grandma said.  “Plus, grandma, I see that you got an F in sex.”

There is a story about a father who became disturbed about the length of time his six year old son was taking to get home from school. The father decided he would make the trip to discover for himself how long it should take a small boy to cover the distance. The father settled on 20 minutes but his son was still taking an hour. Finally the father decided to make the trip with his son.

After the trip, the man said, “The 20 minutes I thought reasonable was right, but I failed to consider such important things as a side trip to track down a trail of ants — or an educational stop to watch a man fix a flat — or the time it took to swing around a half dozen telephone poles — or how much time it took for a boy just to get acquainted with two stray dogs and a brown cat.

“In short,” said the father, “I had forgotten what it is really like to be six years old.”

In her best-seller, What Is a Family?, Edith Schaeffer devotes her longest chapter to the idea that a family is a perpetual relay of truth.  A place where principles are hammered and honed on the anvil of everyday living.  Where character traits are sculptured under the watchful eyes of moms and dads.  Where steel-strong fibers are woven into the fabric of inner constitution. The relay place.  A race with a hundred batons.

• Determination.  “Stick with it, regardless.”
• Honesty.  “Speak and live the truth – always.”
• Responsibility.  “Be dependable, be trustworthy.”
• Thoughtfulness.  “Think of others before yourself.”
• Confidentiality.  “Don’t tell secrets.  Seal your lips.”
• Punctuality.  “Be on time.”
• Self-control.  “When under stress, stay calm.”
• Patience.  “Fight irritability.  Be willing to wait.”
• Purity.  “Reject anything that lowers your standards.”
• Compassion.  “When another hurts, feel it with him.”
• Diligence.  “Work hard.  Tough it out.”

And how is this done?  Over the long haul, believe me.  This race is not a sprint, it’s a marathon.  There are no 50-yard dash courses on character building.  Relays require right timing and smooth handoffs – practiced around the track hour after hour when nobody is looking.

And where is this practice track? Where is this place where rough edges cannot remain hidden, must not be left untouched?  Inside your own front door.

The home is the Father’s built-in training facility.

Many couples in my generation need to learn that a happy home is not having a good paying job, a mortgage of $100,+, a brand new car every five years, trying to keep up with everyone else.  Home is really a state of mind; ideally, it is a created situation where two people who love each other are committed to one another’s well being, living in harmony, love, forbearance, and consideration.

There are at least two primary joys of a Christian home: First there  is the joy of knowing that someone cares for you. God cares for me (John 3:16) and there is not a greater self-esteem builder in the world. God created us with the desire to feel wanted, important, and necessary.  He created the home to aid in fulfilling the need to feel needed!

In the Christian home, the husband and wife have said to one another, “I care so much for you that I   selected you from all others to share my life.”  Likewise, our children should be convinced that we care for them!

Second, there is the joy of knowing that there is someone I can depend upon! A great joy to know this – standing together in good times and bad. Children need to know there is someone they can depend on when the trials of life come knocking.

Being able to depend upon someone is described in the word “commitment.” In a proper home situation there is someone to whom I am committed and who is committed to me.

A truly Christian home is a place where sinners live; but it is also a place where the members of that home admit this fact and understand the problem, know what to do about it, and as a result grow by grace.

It is important that this environment be in place so all members of the family will have a loving, graceful, safe, and warm place in which to grow. It’s vital that we treat each other in the same way Jesus treated His 12 apostles.  As they stumbled and made mistakes, he was patient with them because of one simple point: He knew they were not yet what they would become. We need to “be patient, God’s not finished with us yet! — Gary