Think back to the time when you first came to the Lord and made your decision to become a Christian. You might have been a young child in Sunday school. It may have been when you were a teenager at church camp, or later on as an adult.

It could have been a sudden and dramatic experience where you felt the load of sin and guilt lift off of you in such a way that it was overwhelming to say the least. Or it could have been a gradual experience–steady and sure–but you realized that a transformation was taking place.

Look back to that time–then and now. Has your Christian experience been all smooth sailing? All joy? All uphill with no disappointments?

Sometimes we get our eyes too much on people and the inconsistencies we see in their lives. New Christians especially will be overwhelmed by Christians who do not “practice what they preach” and allow these people to become stumbling blocks to them.

This really hurts when you see others that you have looked up to do something that shocks you. You might say, “I just can’t believe that they did that!”

This may occur in Bible classes, meetings, anywhere & harsh words can be destructive! They see those not practicing what they preach. It hurts when it happens in whom they look up to.

Hypocrisy:

1. Peer pressure. Peter withdraws from the Gentiles and even leads Barnabas astray for fear of his Jewish brethren (Galatians 2:11-14).

2. Immorality. Some preach morality, but are themselves immoral (1 Corinthians 5:1-13; cp. Romans 2:21-23).

3. Partiality. Fussing over rich visitors and ignoring poor visitors (James 2:1-6).

Unfaithfulness:

1. Turning back. John Mark turned back and went to Jerusalem while with Paul and Barnabas on a missionary journey (Acts 13:13; cp. 15:36-41).\

2. Straying. Hymenaeus and Philetus strayed from the truth and preached false doctrine (2 Timothy 2:16-18)

3. Forsaking. Demas forsook Paul and fell away due to his love of the world (2 Timothy 4:9-10).

What can be done?

1. What God has promised: (i) He has promised to “never forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5),

(ii) despite any discouragement, He will give you the strength to carry on (Philippians 4:13),

(iii) He provides others to comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3-4) and encourage us (Romans 1:11-12) – Barnabas was an encourager (Acts 11:23).

2. What you can do: a. What you need to realize: (i) Your faith is your own. It is you that shall stand before the judgment seat of Christ (Romans 14:10), which means you strive on your own to obtain the prize; we must not allow the behavior of others to become an excuse to fall away1 (1 Corinthians 9:24). Note Paul’s attitude when all forsook him: “But the Lord stood with me” (2 Timothy 4:16-18),

(ii) You are seeking to please God (2 Corinthians 5:9), not men, and obtain His praise (Romans 2:29), and

(iii) you must “work out [cultivate, carry out to the goal, and fully complete] your own salvation with fear and trembling” (Philippians 2:12).

1. Change your focus – don’t focus on those that discourage you, focus on those that encourage you (Philippians 2:19; 1 Thessalonians 3:2; Hebrews 6:11-12),

(ii) encourage yourself in the Lord (1 Samuel 30:6),

(iii) give yourself to prayer and study (Psalms 119:25, 28; Jeremiah 15:16).

3. What others can do: (i) encourage those that are discouraged (1 Thessalonians 5:14). Timothy was sent to Thessalonica to encourage the brethren (1 Thessalonians 3:1-2),

(ii) Set yourself forth as an example of steadfastness in the face of discouragement (1 Timothy 4:12; Titus 2:6-8); encouraging them to press on (Philippians 3:12-14),

(iii) show them that others are experiencing the same discouragement (1 Peter 5:8-9)

One instance between Paul and Peter certainly tells us that this is not new. Galatians 2:11–14 (ESV) But when Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned. ¹² For before certain men came from James, he was eating with the Gentiles; but when they came he drew back and separated himself, fearing the circumcision party. ¹³ And the rest of the Jews acted hypocritically along with him, so that even Barnabas was led astray by their hypocrisy. ¹⁴ But when I saw that their conduct was not in step with the truth of the gospel, I said to Cephas before them all, “If you, though a Jew, live like a Gentile and not like a Jew, how can you force the Gentiles to live like Jews?”

Paul and Peter got into it over some inconsistencies. It is critical in our Christian life not to pattern our lifestyle after people because there is always the chance that they may let you down and you will be disappointed.

Other times Christians are disappointed by the way that other Christians treat people. Harsh words and criticism may cut to the bone especially for new Christians. This can happen in the church, in Sunday school classes, committee meetings or anywhere. Insensitive, harsh words can cause new Christians, especially, to turn away from the faith. How do you treat other people? Are you abrasive and rude to people? How do people even know that you are a Christian?

Warnings of Paul: Galatians 5:15 (ESV) But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another.

1 Corinthians 11:17–22 (ESV) But in the following instructions I do not commend you, because when you come together it is not for the better but for the worse. ¹⁸ For, in the first place, when you come together as a church, I hear that there are divisions among you. And I believe it in part, ¹⁹ for there must be factions among you in order that those who are genuine among you may be recognized. ²⁰ When you come together, it is not the Lord’s supper that you eat. ²¹ For in eating, each one goes ahead with his own meal. One goes hungry, another gets drunk. ²² What! Do you not have houses to eat and drink in? Or do you despise the church of God and humiliate those who have nothing? What shall I say to you? Shall I commend you in this? No, I will not.

1 Corinthians 1:11–13 (ESV) For it has been reported to me by Chloe’s people that there is quarreling among you, my brothers. ¹² What I mean is that each one of you says, “I follow Paul,” or “I follow Apollos,” or “I follow Cephas,” or “I follow Christ.” ¹³ Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Or were you baptized in the name of Paul?

Harsh words can be devastating to those new in the faith.

Be consistent in our judgments Matthew 7:1–5 (ESV) Judge not, that you be not judged. ² For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. ³ Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? ⁴ Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

Allow love to rule Ephesians 4:1–3 (ESV) I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, ² with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, ³ eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Jesus said in John 13:34-35, “A new commandment I give unto you that ye love one another as I have loved you–BY THIS shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if you have LOVE ONE TO ANOTHER.

You can tell people, “I love you with the love of the Lord,” but if you don’t treat them nice, it is just an empty statement and does more harm than good.

ILLUSTRATION: We had a preacher’s wife who would hug people and say, “I love you with the love of the Lord.” Then she would treat you really nasty.

I Timothy 4:12 tells us to “…set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.” We need to be careful to set better examples for others by the way we relate to others.

2 Timothy 1:15 (ESV) You are aware that all who are in Asia turned away from me, among whom are Phygelus and Hermogenes.

2 Timothy 4:10 (ESV) For Demas, in love with this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia, Titus to Dalmatia.

2 Timothy 4:16 (ESV) At my first defense no one came to stand by me, but all deserted me. May it not be charged against them!

We can help by confessing wrong when it occurs. Reminding them that older Christians are also growing.

Philippians 3:12–14 (ESV) Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. ¹³ Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Both Peter and James speak about disappointments especially that new Christians face. Although we all face disappointments as we go through our Christian journey, sometimes the disappointments seem more overwhelming for anyone new in their faith. Problems and disappointments not only overwhelm us but some even fall by the wayside and give up–some quit going to church altogether and say, “I just can’t make it. It’s no use. I just give up… Things are a mess.”

Peter and James wanted to help people understand some of the disappointments that they would face and help them to progress in their faith rather than to become a “spiritual drop out.”

1 Peter 1:6–9 (ESV) In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, ⁷ so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. ⁸ Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, ⁹ obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

Peter is connecting with the people when he says, “I know how you feel when you have to put up with every kind of aggravation in the meantime.” But he goes on to say, “Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it PROVED to be pure. Genuine faith put through this suffering comes out PROVED genuine” (Message Bible I Peter 1:6-9).

James 1:2–4 (ESV) Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, ³ for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. ⁴ And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

James follows up this same idea by saying, “Count it a sheer gift when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well developed–not deficient in any way” (Message Bible, James 1:2-4).

These two writers are telling us that we will face disappointments when we become a Christian, but it is not necessarily a bad thing for it only serves to test our faith and to show that it is genuine. The hassles we go through serve their purpose–to help us become strong and mature in our faith.

STORY: Justin had two goals in life. One was to have fun and the other was to do nothing. According to his Mother, he does both quite well. He headed for the school bus one fall morning and a few minutes later, he was back at the front door. His mother opened the door and saw Justin standing there. She demanded to know why he was not on the bus. He said, “I’ve quit school.” “Quit school,” she repeated in disbelief. “Why have you quit school?” Without hesitation the six-year old dropout said, “It’s too long, it’s too hard, and it’s too boring!” “Justin,” his Mother said firmly, “You have just described life! Now get back on that bus!”

Peter and James are telling us the same thing in these scriptures. Throughout this paragraph Paul maintained a balance between conscious personal responsibility for one’s own life and looking out for the needs of others. By laying aside our attitudes of superiority, we can be ready to help others.

Realize that you will not always maintain the “ball of fire” stage. There is also the “reality stage” when disappointments start to come but where growth begins to take place. Faith is tested but that is not a bad thing. There are the “up and down stages” like Peter experienced as well. But keep on going–you’ll get to the “steady as a rock stage” where growth is progressive and steady.

Proverbs 4:18 says, “But the path of the just is like the shining sun, that shines brighter unto the perfect day.”

This lesson is designed to help us understand and deal with some of the disappointments new Christians face. The way to handle disappointment doesn’t change, because the key is re-focusing on God, and He doesn’t change. He is good, and He is faithful, all the time. No matter what.

I have found two “power tools” for dealing with the pain of when our hopes and expectations are deferred or, worse, obliterated.

First, take a firm hold on the comforting truth of the sovereignty of God: a good and loving God is in control. He permits nothing to touch our lives without His express permission, with a perfect purpose. If God allows disappointment to darken our days, it is His good gift of a “something better” later.

Disappointment may be preparation for something in the future. It may be a just-right tool for producing Christlikeness—spiritual maturity—in us. It may prevent something bad we couldn’t possibly foresee.

The second power tool is God’s command to give thanks for all things (Ephesians 5:20), in all things (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

We don’t have to feel goose-bumpy, warm-and-fuzzy thankful; giving thanks is a choice of the will. When we give thanks for something God has chosen to allow into our lives, we are acknowledging He is Lord, that He is “large and in charge.”

We are acknowledging that He has the right to allow disappointment to cast its shadow on our lives, and it keeps us connected rightly to our Creator, as His creature. “Lord, I thank You for allowing this deep disappointment into my life, even though I don’t understand how You could possibly redeem it and make it okay.” That’s what trust looks like, and it pleases the Lord. It also helps us maintain an eternal perspective, that everything—everything—is part of a much bigger picture we cannot see.