John Leo, in Time, reviewing the book: An Immodest Agenda: Rebuilding America Before the 21^st Century: “…found that 17% of Americans are deeply committed to a philosophy of self-fulfillment—a feeling that ego needs, sensation, and excitement take priority over work and the needs of others, including spouse and children.

Another 63% (called the ambivalent majority) embrace the self-centered philosophy in varying degrees. ..they also say that to hold on to old beliefs is important but it does not belie the fact that 80% of Americans have been affected by the new mentality…in the age of ego, marriage is often less an emotional bond than a breakable alliance between self-seeking individuals.”

Can this way of thinking be at least partially responsible for the crumbling of the American family, the core of which is the marriage relationship?

The home is the basic unit of our society. And it’s axiomatic that a nation is only as strong as its homes – enough weak homes add up to a weak nation.

The home was once an anvil upon which convictions were hammered out and character was forged. But it’s taken a terrible beating in the last 20-30 years, in my view. It’s been bashed on the talk shows and battered on the big screen.

⁴ Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”

There was a time when those committing adultery were branded with the letter ‘A’ on their foreheads so their shame would be visible to all. Now, sexual trysts and extramarital affairs are not only openly discussed in the mainstream…and talk shows…they are even encouraged by some to cure marital boredom and relieve emotional deprivations.

Hebrews presents two specific ways to “remain faithful.” Believers can stay away from immoral behavior and adultery. Immorality and adultery have split marriages for thousands of years. God’s commands against such actions (given for people’s own good) have been in place for just as long (see Exodus 20:14, 17; Job 24:15–24; Proverbs 5:15–23). Christians, however, are to maintain high standards (Matthew 5:27–28).

Hebrews makes the point that even if no consequences are seen right away, promiscuous people will incur God’s wrath—God will surely judge them.

Why is integrity in marriage so important for the church? Honesty, moral purity, and faithfulness are essential to the proper worship of God (see also 12:16). Because the marriage relationship often illustrates the relationship of God with his people, a relationship on earth with one’s spouse ought to illustrate the love, trust, and devotion available with the Creator (see the book of Hosea; Revelation 18:23; 19:7; 21:2, 9; 22:17).

Also, in times of persecution and pressure, a believer needs help and encouragement from his or her spouse. A good marriage relationship provides one of the best deterrents against apostasy.

There is a law at work when promiscuous oats are sown: the law of the harvest seed.

Gal. 6:7: “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.”

Though there is pleasure in sin, it is only for a season: Heb. 11:25: “He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time.”

After the sowing season comes the harvest!

There is the mark of purity in marriage and morality. This is an absolute essential for believers.

1. Marriage is to be honored by all believers.

The word “honor” means highly esteemed, counted as the most precious, warm and tender bond, held as the most valuable of bonds, as being the dearest of relationships.

In God’s eyes, marriage is honorable. He established it at creation and has honored it ever since. In much of the world today, of course, marriage is anything but honored. A great many couples who marry do so as a temporary convenience, not as a social, much less a divine, requirement for their living together.

Let marriage be held in honor among all may have been a reaction to certain ascetic influences in the early church that held celibacy to be a holier state than marriage. Some men, such as the famous Origen of the third century, had themselves castrated, under the mistaken notion that they could thereby serve God more devotedly. Paul warns that in the last days apostate teachers will “forbid marriage” (1 Tim. 4:3). But God holds marriage not only to be permissible, but honorable, and we are to have the same high regard for it.

God honored marriage by establishing it. Jesus honored marriage by performing His first miracle at a wedding. The Holy Spirit honored marriage by using it to picture the church in the New Testament. The whole Trinity testifies that marriage is honorable. No person, therefore, is justified in disparaging marriage.

Scripture gives at least three reasons for marriage. One is the propagation of children. At creation, mankind was commissioned to “be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth” (Gen. 1:28).

Marriage is also provided as a means of preventing sexual sin. “Because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband” (1 Cor. 7:2), Paul advises, and then goes on to counsel the unmarried and widows to marry if they do not have self-control (vv. 8–9).

Marriage is also provided for companionship. “God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him’ ” (Gen. 2:18).

Marriage can be held in honor in many ways. One is by the husband’s being the head. God is glorified in a family where the husband rules. “Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman” (1 Cor. 11:3). “The husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church” (Eph. 5:23). Another way is a corollary of the first, namely, that wives be submissive to their husbands, as Sarah was to Abraham (1 Pet. 3:1, 6). A third way marriage is honored is by being regulated by mutual love and respect. “You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (v. 7). The concern of both husband and wife should center on the welfare and happiness of the other, on what can be given rather than on what can be obtained.

HONORING YOUR SPOUSE Giving honor to marriage will require the utmost in Christian conviction and sensitivity. Modern social theory may redefine the family, and the new definitions may be far from its biblical foundation. What can you do? •     Witness to the depth of God’s love for you by keeping your marriage happy and strong. •     Pray for your spouse. Take delight in him/her. •     Honor biblical marriage (consenting, man-woman unions) by resisting political pressure to recognize and legalize other sexual preferences. •     Teach children the meaning of marriage. Pray early for their own eventual partners and family. •     Make marriage enrichment the goal of your small group discussions and study.

2. The bed is undefiled.

God is serious about sexual purity. Men and women may play around with illicit sex and be perfectly within their rights in the eyes of most people. But in the eyes of God, it is always sin and will always be judged. Paul warns, “Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience” (Eph. 5:6). The apostle also tells us to “flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body” (1 Cor. 6:18). “Immorality” (porneia, “fornication”) is from the same basic Greek term as fornicators (pornos). In other words, the same sexual sin is involved in the two passages. Sexual sin not only is against God and other persons, it is also against ourselves. Part of our moral responsibility to ourselves is to be sexually pure.

The world today is obsessed with sex as never before. Sexual activity apart from marriage is considered acceptable and normal by more and more people. The publisher of a leading pornographic magazine maintains that “Sex is a function of the body, a drive which man shares with animals, like eating, drinking and sleeping. It’s a physical demand that must be satisfied. If you don’t satisfy it, you will have all sorts of neuroses and repressive psychoses. Sex is here to stay; let’s forget the prudery that makes us hide from it. Throw away those inhibitions, find a girl who’s like-minded and let yourself go.”

Some of the more obvious results of such views are the heartbreaking increases in extramarital pregnancies, forcible rapes, illegitimate births (despite birth control measures and abortions), and in venereal diseases of all sorts. Billy Graham has commented that writings coming out of contemporary authors are “like the drippings of a broken sewer.” Judgment already exists in the broken homes, the venereal disease, the psychological and physical breakdowns, and the murder and other violence that is generated when passion is uncontrolled. It is not possible to live and act against the moral grain of the universe established by God and not suffer terrible consequences.

When Christians are immoral, the immediate consequences may even be worse, because the testimony of the gospel is polluted. I will never forget a young coed who came to my office, obviously shaken. She said she was a new Christian and that soon after her conversion she started attending a church youth group. The president of the group asked her for a date, and she was flattered and thrilled to be going out with a Christian. “How different it will be from what I’m used to,” she thought. But before the night was over, he had destroyed her purity, shattered her faith, and ruined his own testimony. The last I heard from the girl her life was still a shambles.

Within marriage, sex is beautiful, fulfilling, creative. Outside marriage, it is ugly, destructive, and damning. “But do not let immorality or any impurity or greed even be named among you, as is proper among saints” (Eph. 5:3).

The word “undefiled” means that the bed is unstained by sin, absolutely free from all moral impurity, uncleanness, and defilement. This is saying at least three things.

1. First, husband and wife are free and encouraged to be close in bed. Closeness and intimacy are a gift from God; it is even a type of the church (cp. Ephes. 5:22f).
2. Second, the closeness in bed between husband and wife will prevent unfaithfulness.
3. Third, the bed is to be kept undefiled. Only husband and wife are to be close in bed, and only with each other. There is absolutely no place for anyone else in the bed.

The importance of the bed in marriage cannot be overemphasized. God’s Word says that it is so important that husband and wife are not to separate for any period of time except for fasting and prayer, and even then separation is not to occur unless it is by mutual consent.

3. Whoremongers and adulterers will be judged by God.

These two words include all forms of sexual vice: premarital sex, adultery, homosexuality, and abnormal sex. Note several stated facts.

1. God knows who commits these vices. He has to know them for Him to judge them, and He has to know them by name. He knows every single person who is immoral. He sees every immoral act, exactly what is done. No one—not a single immoral person—can hide from Him. There is not a closed door or any darkness anyplace that blocks His sight. God knows.
2. God calls every sexual vice by its proper name. Men may call it love and care and exciting and stimulating. They may call it an act of manhood and womanhood, of gallantry and of conquest. But not God. God calls it by its real name: whoredom and adultery. God knows what immorality causes:

a loss of innocence   broken homes   damaged minds    destroyed lives   disease unwanted pregnancies

abortion    guilt

The list could go on and on, but such devastation and destruction of life and emotions are the reasons why God pulls no punches with sexual vice. Sexual vice is one of the most destructive vices on earth, no matter what men may say. It is so by the very nature of man.

God made man’s very nature for the love of a spouse and a family. And any refusal to live by his nature as God made him can only damage man.

The great tragedy with sexual vice is this: it always involves others, not only the illicit partner but the parents and family including children, brothers and sisters, and often grandparents, other relatives, friends, and neighbors. It involves all those who care for and look up to the immoral person.

In these days, when sexual sins are paraded as entertainment in movies and on television, the church needs to take a stand for the purity of the marriage bond. A dedicated Christian home is the nearest thing to heaven on earth, and it starts with a Christian marriage.

Today, marriage is looked on by some as an antiquated institution that inhibits the full development of self. The marriage vows are viewed as just words and the marriage certificate as just a piece of paper.

But simply because an institution is old, it doesn’t follow that it is outdated. God looked down on man in the Garden and said that it was not good for him to be alone without a mate. His assessment still stands. And so does His institution: the home.

Sexual immorality can never be contained to simply physical consequences because it is not merely a physical act. It involves the whole person – body, emotions, will, and spirit. And it affects the whole person. The memory becomes permanently etched with the experience, the conscience becomes scarred, and the spirit becomes polluted.

Commitment to marriage! Commitment to purity!

That means no compromise with our culture when the shifting standards of society are at odds with the firm standards of God. Remember, God is the one who sits on the throne, not the best-selling author or the most popular talk show host or the biggest box office star.

Majority opinion may rule in America; but God rules heaven and earth. He has the power to veto any opinion – no matter how prevailing.

 Satisfaction with What We Have

⁵ Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” ⁶ So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?”

You do not have to acquire a lot of things to be covetous. In fact you do not have to acquire anything at all. Covetousness is an attitude; it is wanting to acquire things, longing for them, setting our thoughts and attention on them—whether we ever possess them or not.

When John D. Rockefeller was a young man, a friend reportedly asked him how much money he wanted. “A million dollars,” he replied. After he had earned a million dollars, the friend asked him again how much money he wanted. The answer this time was, “Another million.”

Covetousness and greed follow a principle of increasing desire and decreasing satisfaction, a form of the law of diminishing returns. “He who loves money will not be satisfied with money, nor he who loves abundance with its income. This too is vanity” (Eccles. 5:10). The more you get the more you want. When we focus on material things, our having will never catch up with our wanting. It is one of God’s unbreakable laws.

Love of money is one of the most common forms of covetousness, partly because money can be used to secure so many other things that we want. Loving money is lusting after material riches, whatever the form is.

A Christian should be free from such love of material things. Love of money is sin against God, a form of distrust. For He Himself has said, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you.” Among other things, loving money is trusting in uncertain riches rather than the living God (1 Tim. 6:17), looking for security in material things instead of in our heavenly Father. “Beware, and be on your guard against every form of greed,” Jesus warned, “for not even when one has an abundance does his life consist of his possessions” (Luke 12:15).

It is not wrong, of course, to earn or to have wealth. Abraham and Job were extremely wealthy. The New Testament mentions a number of faithful believers who had considerable wealth. It is love of money that “is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith, and pierced themselves with many a pang” (1 Tim. 6:10). It is longing after it and trusting in it that is sinful. “If riches increase, do not set your heart upon them,” David counsels (Ps. 62:10). Job puts the principle clearly: “If I have put my confidence in gold, and called fine gold my trust, if I have gloated because my wealth was great, and because my hand had secured so much; … That too would have been an iniquity calling for judgment, for I would have denied God above” (Job 31:24–25, 28). Trust in money is distrust in God.

Some persons love money but never acquire it. Other persons’ love of money is in acquiring it. They live for the thrill of adding to their bank accounts, stock holdings, or conglomerates. For others, loving money is hoarding it. Misers are not so much interested in increasing their possessions as in simply holding on to them. They love money for its own sake. Still others are more interested in the things they can buy and display with their wealth. The conspicuous consumer is the big spender who flaunts his wealth. Whatever form love of money may take, the spiritual result is the same. It displeases God and separates us from Him. Nicer clothes, a bigger house, another car, a better vacation tempt all of us. But God tells us to be satisfied. Be content with what you have.

Many of those addressed in the book of Hebrews had lost most, or all, of their material possessions, because they knew they had “a better possession and an abiding one” (10:34). Some of them might have been longing to get back what they lost, thinking the cost was too high. They are told not to return to trust in material things. We confidently say, “The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What shall man do to me?” If we have the Lord, we have it all. Loss of anything else can be no worse than a bad inconvenience, an inconvenience that, surrendered to the Lord, will always be for our good. Material possessions are temporary, anyway. We are going to lose them sooner or later. If the Lord decides we should lose them sooner, we should not worry. Proverbs 23:5 says “wealth certainly makes itself wings.”

Among the scriptural requirements for overseers, or bishops (also referred to as elders, Titus 1:5–7), is that of being “free from the love of money” (1 Tim. 3:3). No Christian can live effectively, much less lead effectively, who is longing after money.

Love of money weakens our faith, weakens our testimony, and weakens our leadership. When we love money, our eye is on the wrong kind of gain. “Godliness actually is a means of great gain, when accompanied by contentment. For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either. And if we have food and covering, with these we shall be content” (1 Tim. 6:6–8). Discontentment is one of man’s greatest sins. Contentment is one of God’s greatest blessings.

How do we enjoy contentment? How do we become satisfied with what we have? First, we must realize God’s goodness. If we really believe that God is good, we know He will take care of us, His children. We know with Paul that “God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28).

Second, we should realize—not just acknowledge, but truly realize—that God is omniscient. He knows what we need long before we have a need or ask Him to meet it. Jesus assures us, “Your Father knows that you need these things” (Luke 12:30).

Third, we should think about what we deserve. What we want, or even need, is one thing; what we deserve is another. We should confess with Jacob, “I am unworthy of all the lovingkindness and of all the faithfulness which Thou hast shown to Thy servant” (Gen. 32:10). The smallest good thing we have is more than we deserve. The least-blessed of God’s saints are rich (see Matt. 19:27–29).

Fourth, we should recognize God’s supremacy, his sovereignty. God does not have the same plan for all of His children. What He lovingly gives to one, He just as lovingly may withhold from another. The Holy Spirit gives varieties of gifts, ministries, and effects, “But one and the same Spirit works all these things, distributing to each one individually just as He wills” (1 Cor. 12:4–11). In regard to material blessings, we should listen to Hannah’s wisdom, “The Lord makes poor and rich” (1 Sam. 2:7). If He were to make us rich, we might be of outstanding service to Him. On the other hand, our becoming rich might be our spiritual undoing. The Lord knows what we need, and will provide us with no less.

Fifth, we should continually remind ourselves what true riches are. It is the worldly, including the wealthy worldly, who are poor, and it is believers, including poor ones, who are rich. Our treasure is in our homeland, in heaven, and we should set our minds “on the things above, not on the things that are on earth” (Col. 3:2).

Supremely, however, contentment comes from communion with God. The more we focus on Him the less we will be concerned about anything material. When you are near Jesus Christ, you are overwhelmed with the riches that you have in Him, and earthly possessions simply will not matter. Contentment is having confidence that the Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What shall man do to me?

⁵ Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” ⁶ So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?

The New Testament talks a lot about our relationship with money and material things:

(Phil 4:11-12)  “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. {12} I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.”

 (1 Tim 6:6-8)  “But godliness with contentment is great gain. {7} For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. {8} But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.”

Contentment keeps us from being crabby about our cupboards, regardless of how bare they are. It helps us to be thankful for what we’ve got, rather than critical about what we don’t have.

“The avaricious man is never content: ungenerous and grasping, he always wants more and is always afraid of losing what he has. How different from the serenity of the Christian who knows that, having Christ, he lacks nothing that is essential for his well-being.”

Contentment stems from a realization that all we have is ultimately a gracious provision from the hand of God – not merely from the sweat of our own brow or the skill of our brain.

Contentment also arises from our ability to see the difference between the cost of something and its true value.

1. “Covetousness” (aphilarguros) means a lover of money or possessions.

A person can love money, property, estates, houses, cars—anything on earth. The believer’s very thoughts are to be free from covetousness. His thoughts are to be focused upon Christ and the glorious hope of eternity, not upon this passing world and its possessions. The believer is to have no secret lust for the things of this world.

2. A believer is to be content with what he has.

This does not mean that a believer is not to improve himself, nor that he is not to work and make money and be wise in investments. Scripture teaches the very opposite: we are to work and invest and make money. We are to make enough so that we can meet the needs of the world.

What this passage means is that we are…

• to be satisfied with our lot in life: our ability, capacity, job, position, opportunities, and on and on.
• to be satisfied with the home, possessions, clothing, goods and everything else we have, whether it is little to nothing.
• to be satisfied with our present conditions.

Again, this does not mean that we do not plan and focus upon improving everything around us—ranging from our personal possessions over to the world’s ecomony and environment. Believers are to work and labor more diligently than anyone else in the world.

But while we labor, we know…

• that God never leaves us or forsakes us (Job 1:5).
• that God is our helper, and we are secure no matter what men may do to us (Psalm 118:6).

Even if the world’s ecomony and peace collapsed, believers—true believers—would be secure in God. God provides for His dear followers until He is ready to take them home to heaven (Matthew 6:33).

Matthew Henry sums it up well: “This promise contains the sum and substance of all the promises. I will never, no, never leave thee, nor ever forsake thee. Here are no fewer than five negatives heaped together, to confirm the promise; the true believer shall have the gracious presence of God with him in life, at death, and for ever” (Matthew Henry’s Commentary, Vol. 6, p.962).

 There are two ways for a person to go about taking care of himself in this world.

1) Working and seeking in his own strength: depending upon his own ability and energy alone; fighting and struggling to make it through life and fretting and worrying about succeeding.

2) Working and seeking in both God’s strength and his own strength: trusting and acknowledging God while doing all he can; putting his hand to the plow and plowing; working and working and not looking back, and while working, trusting the results to God. God says He will see to it that such a trusting person will always have the necessities of life.

 The believer whose work fails in the eyes of the world can know four sure things—if he has really put God first.

1) His failure is temporary. God will help and strengthen and even teach him through the trying times.

2) God will work all things out for good, for the believer loves God and has been called by God (Romans 8:28f).

3) God will see to it that the necessities of life are given him.

4) God has much better things in store for him—eternally. The believer has been faithful in his work, so God will reward him as a faithful servant, even if his labor has failed in the eyes of the world.

The believer who goes through a failure needs to remember just one thing: be faithful—continue to be faithful. If you put God first, God will lift you up now and eternally.

 Man’s major mistake is this: material things can only make a person comfortable. The things of the world can only look good, taste good, and feel good; but this is all they can do. Think about it! They are external, outside man, and this is just the problem. The need that man senses within is not to be externally comfortable, but to be inwardly satisfied and spiritually satisfied.

1) Material things cannot touch the inside of man. They can only make him comfortable outside.

2) Man really knows down deep within that all material things pass away, even himself. He subdues the knowledge, pushes it out of his thoughts, yet he knows it.

 Man can have the necessities of life; but he has to do one thing: “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness….”

If we love God and others as we should, then we will have a right relationship to material things (Heb. 13:5-6). Times of suffering can either be times of selfishness or times of service. It is not easy to take “joyfully the spoiling of your goods” (Heb. 10:34). But with the economic and ecological problems in our world today, comfortable Christians may soon find themselves doing without some luxuries that they now consider necessities.

Contentment cannot come from material things, for they can never satisfy the heart. Only God can do that. “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions” (Luke 12:15, niv). When we have God, we have all that we need. The material things of life can decay or be stolen, but God will never leave us or forsake us. This promise was made to Joshua when he succeeded Moses (Deut. 31:7-8; Josh. 1:5, 9); and it is fulfilled to us in Jesus Christ (Matt. 28:20; Acts 18:9-10).

The important thing is that we know Jesus Christ as our Lord and Helper, and that we not put our trust in material things. Contented Christians are people with priorities, and material things are not high on their priority lists.