Love does not think evil (logizetai to kakon): does not consider the wrong suffered; is not resentful; does not hold the evil done to oneself. Love suffers the evil done to it and forgets it.

Believers must not allow themselves to become easily angered, and they must not keep record of wrongs. Such people will remember every offense against them as though it were written in a book and tallied. These “wrongs” are not sins that need to be dealt with in the congregation (such as that described in chapter 5) but minor offenses or misunderstandings between believers. Those who keep record of these wrongs and personal injuries will harbor resentment against other believers. Love, however, makes allowances for people’s foibles and flaws and willingly forgets when wrongs were done. This frees all believers to grow and mature in Christ and to grow in their ability to serve and use their gifts. When mistakes are made, love overlooks them and allows believers to continue to serve with the gifts God has given them. God does not keep a record of believers’ wrongs (2 Corinthians 5:19).

Love does not store up the memory of any wrong it has received.  The word translated store up (logizeshthai) is an accountant’s word.  It is the word used for entering up an item in a ledger so that it will not be forgotten.  That is precisely what so many people do.  One of the great arts in life is to learn what to forget.  A writer tells how “in Polynesia, where the natives spend much of their time in fighting and feasting, it is customary for each man to keep some reminders of his hatred.  Articles are suspended from the roofs of their huts to keep alive the memory of their wrongs-real or imaginary.”  In the same way many people nurse their wrath to keep it warm; they brood over their wrongs until it is impossible to forget them.  Christian love has learned the great lesson of forgetting.

Paul tells us that love “does not take into account a wrong suffered.” I like what Morris writes on this point: “Paul’s next point is that love does not, so to speak, go around with a little black book making a note of every evil thing. ‘Love keeps no score of wrongs,’ says Paul (the NEB translation). We find it hard to forget it when people offend us, often storing up such grievances.’”¹⁸⁵ Some saints seem to have photographic memories when it comes to offenses against them. One little irritation brings to mind an entire file of previous offenses, carefully annotated and documented. This kind of mental bookkeeping¹⁸⁶ only serves to fuel resentment and certainly does not facilitate true reconciliation.

This (take into account) is a bookkeeping term that means to calculate or reckon, as when figuring an entry in a ledger. The purpose of the entry is to make a permanent record that can be consulted whenever needed. In business that practice is necessary, but in personal matters it is not only unnecessary but harmful. Keeping track of things done against us is a sure way to unhappiness—our own and that of those on whom we keep records.

The same Greek word is used often in the New Testament to represent the pardoning act of God for those who trust in Jesus Christ. “Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will not take into account” (Rom. 4:8). “God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them” (2 Cor. 5:19). Once sin is placed under the blood of Christ there is no more record of it. It is blotted out, “wiped away” (Acts 3:19). In God’s heavenly record the only entry after the names of His redeemed is “righteous,” because we are counted righteous in Christ. Christ’s righteousness is placed to our credit. No other record exists.

That is the sort of record love keeps of wrongs done against it. No wrong is ever recorded for later reference. Love forgives. Someone once suggested that love does not forgive and forget, but rather remembers and still forgives. Resentment is careful to keep books, which it reads and rereads, hoping for a chance to get even. Love keeps no books, because it has no place for resentment or grudges.

Chrysostom observed that a wrong done against love is like a spark that falls into the sea and is quenched. Love quenches wrongs rather than records them. It does not cultivate memories out of evils. If God so completely and permanently erases the record of our many sins against Him, how much more should we forgive and forget the much lesser wrongs done against us (cf. Matt. 18:21-35; Eph. 4:32)?

The Pelicano is the world’s most unwanted ship. Since 1986 she has been the hobo of the high seas. No one wants her. Sri Lanka doesn’t. Bermuda doesn’t. The Dominican Republic turned her away. So did the Netherlands, the Antilles, and Honduras.

The problem is not the boat. Though rusty and barnacled, the 466-foot freighter is seaworthy. The problem is not the ownership. The owners have kept the license current and taxes paid. The problem is not the crew. They may feel unwanted, but they aren’t inefficient.

Then what is the problem? What is the reason for years of rejections? Waved away in Sri Lanka. Turned away in Indonesia. Rejected in Haiti. Why is the Pelicano the most unwanted ship in the world?

Simple. She is full of trash. Fifteen thousand tons of trash. Orange peelings. Beer bottles. Newspapers. Half-eaten hot dogs. Trash. The trash of Philadelphia’s long summer of 1986. That’s when the municipal workers went on strike. That’s when the trash piled higher and higher. That’s when Georgia refused it and New Jersey declined it. No one wanted Philadelphia’s trash.

That’s when the Pelicano entered the picture. The owners thought they would turn a quick penny by transporting the rubbish. The trash was burned, and the ashes were dumped into the belly of the boat. But no one would take it. Initially it was too much. Eventually it was too old. Who wants potentially toxic trash? ^[1]1

The plight of the Pelicano is proof. Trash-filled ships find few friends. The plight of the Pelicano is also a parable. Trash-filled hearts don’t fare any better.

I wonder if you can relate to the Pelicano. Are you unwanted at the dock? Drifting farther from friends and family? If so, you might check your heart for garbage. Who wants to offer dock space to a smelly heart?

Life has a way of unloading her rubbish on our decks. Your husband works too much. Your wife gripes too much. Your boss expects too much. Your kids whine too much. The result? Trash. Load after load of anger. Guilt. Pessimism. Bitterness. Bigotry. Anxiety. Deceit. Impatience. It all piles up.

Trash affects us. It contaminates our relationships. It did Cain’s. He had anger in his mind before he had blood on his hands. And Martha? Martha was meddlesome in her attitude before she was quarrelsome with her tongue. And what about the Pharisees? They killed Christ in their hearts before they killed him on the cross.

Mark it down. Today’s thoughts are tomorrow’s actions.

Today’s jealousy is tomorrow’s temper tantrum.

Today’s bigotry is tomorrow’s hate crime.

Today’s anger is tomorrow’s abuse.

Today’s lust is tomorrow’s adultery.

Today’s greed is tomorrow’s embezzlement.

Today’s guilt is tomorrow’s fear.

Today’s thoughts are tomorrow’s actions. Could that be why Paul writes, “Love … keeps no record of wrongs” ( 1 Cor. 13:5 niv )? Let trash on board, and people are going to smell it. The troubles for the Pelicano began with the first shovelful. The crew should have turned it away at the gate. Life would have been easier for everyone on board if they had never allowed the trash to pile up.

Life will be better for you if you do the same.

Some folks don’t know we have an option. To listen to our vocabulary you’d think we are the victims of our thoughts. “Don’t talk to me,” we say. “I’m in a bad mood.” As if a mood were a place to which we were assigned (“I can’t call you. I’m in Bosnia.”) rather than an emotion we permit.

Or we say, “Don’t mess with her. She has a bad disposition.” Is a disposition something we “have”? Like a cold or the flu? Are we the victims of the emotional bacteria of the season? Or do we have a choice?

Paul says we do: “We capture every thought and make it give up and obey Christ” ( 2 Cor. 10:5 ).

Do you hear some battlefield jargon in that passage—“capture every thought,” “make it give up” and “obey Christ”? You get the impression that we are the soldiers and the thoughts are the enemies. Our assignment is to protect the boat and refuse entrance to trashy thoughts. The minute they appear on the dock we go into action. “This heart belongs to God,” we declare, “and you aren’t getting on board until you change your allegiance.”

Selfishness, step back! Envy, get lost! Find another boat, Anger! You aren’t allowed on this ship. Capturing thoughts is serious business.

It was for Jesus. Remember the thoughts that came his way courtesy of the mouth of Peter? Jesus had just prophesied his death, burial, and resurrection, but Peter couldn’t bear the thought of it. “Peter took Jesus aside and told him not to talk like that.… Jesus said to Peter, ‘Go away from me, Satan! You are not helping me! You don’t care about the things of God, but only about the things people think are important’” ( Matt. 16:22–23 ).

See the decisiveness of Jesus? A trashy thought comes his way. He is tempted to entertain it. A cross-less life would be nice. But what does he do? He stands at the gangplank of the dock and says, “Get away from me.” As if to say, “You are not allowed to enter my mind.”

What if you did that? What if you took every thought captive? What if you refused to let any trash enter your mind? What if you took the counsel of Solomon: “Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life” ( Prov. 4:23 ).

 

You are driving to work when the words of your coworker come to mind. He needled you about your performance. He second-guessed your efficiency. Why was he so hard on you? You begin to wonder. I didn’t deserve any of that. Who is he to criticize me? Besides, he has as much taste as a rice cake. Have you seen those shoes he wears?

At this point you need to make a choice. Am I going to keep a list of these wrongs? You can. Standing on the gangplank is Self-pity and her seven sisters. They want on board. Are you going to let them? If you do, you’ll be as smelly as the Pelicano by the time you reach your office.

Or you can do something else. You can take those thoughts captive. You can defy the culprit. Quote a verse if you have to: “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse” ( Rom. 12:14 niv ).

Another scene. Anger at your parents is keeping you awake. You want to sleep, but this afternoon’s phone call won’t let you. As always, all they did was criticize. No compliments. No applause. Just pick, pick, pick. Why aren’t you married? When are you coming home? Why don’t you have a good job like your cousin Homer at the bank? Grrrr. See that fellow at the bottom of the gangplank? The one wearing the dark robe? He’s a judge from the court of critical attitudes. Judge Mental. Let him on board, and the two of you can spend the night passing out guilty verdicts. You can alphabetize and codify all the parents’ mistakes. Are you going to let him on board? Do so at great risk, my friend. By morning you’ll be smelling like a landfill.

Remember, just because there is trash on the dock, that doesn’t mean there must be trash on your ship. You are not a victim of your thoughts. You have a vote. You have a voice. You can exercise thought prevention. You can also exercise thought permission.

How could you change the plight of the Pelicano ? Change her cargo. Load the decks with flowers instead of trash, presents instead of ash, and no one would turn the ship away. Change the cargo, and you change the ship.

By the same token, change the thoughts, and you change the person. If today’s thoughts are tomorrow’s actions, what happens when we fill our minds with thoughts of God’s love? Will standing beneath the downpour of his grace change the way we feel about others?

Paul says absolutely! It’s not enough to keep the bad stuff out. We’ve got to let the good stuff in. It’s not enough to keep no list of wrongs. We have to cultivate a list of blessings. The same verb Paul uses for keeps in the phrase “keeps no list of wrongs” is used for think in Philippians 4:8 : “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” ( rsv ). Thinking conveys the idea of pondering—studying and focusing, allowing what is viewed to have an impact on us.

Rather than store up the sour, store up the sweet.

You want to make a list? Then list his mercies. List the times God has forgiven you. Stand face to feet with the form of your crucified Savior and pray, “Jesus, if you can forgive me for hurting you, then I can forgive them for hurting me.” You didn’t deserve to be hurt by them. But neither did you deserve to be forgiven by him.

But I’m a decent person. I’ve never done anything to hurt Christ. Be careful now. That opinion can lead to trouble. Do you really think you haven’t done things that hurt Christ?

Have you ever been dishonest with his money? That’s cheating. Has your love for flesh or fame ever turned you away from him? That’s adultery. Ever spoken an angry word with the intent to hurt? In the corpus juris of heaven, you are guilty of assault.

Have you ever been silent while he was mocked? Don’t we call that treason? Ever gone to church to be seen rather than to see him? Hypocrite. Ever broken a promise you’ve made to God? Whoa. Deceit. That’s serious.

Need we go further? Only six questions, just two inches of copy, and look at you. Guilty of dishonesty, adultery, assault, treason, hypocrisy, and deceit. A list worthy of indictment. Don’t you deserve to be punished? And yet, here you are. Reading this book. Breathing. Still witnessing sunsets and hearing babies gurgle. Still watching the seasons change. There are no lashes on your back or hooks in your nose or shackles on your feet. Apparently God hasn’t kept a list of your wrongs. Apparently David knew what he was saying: “[God] has not punished us as our sins should be punished; he has not repaid us for the evil we have done” ( Ps. 103:10 ). And he meant it when he prayed, “ Lord , if you kept a record of our sins, who, O Lord, could ever survive?” ( Ps. 130:3 nlt ).

Listen. You have not been sprinkled with forgiveness. You have not been spattered with grace. You have not been dusted with kindness. You have been immersed in it. You are submerged in mercy. You are a minnow in the ocean of his mercy. Let it change you! See if God’s love doesn’t do for you what it did for the woman in Samaria.

 

Talk about a woman who could make a list. Number one, discrimination. She is a Samaritan, hated by Jews. Number two, gender bias. She is a female, condescended to by the men. Third, she is a divorcée, not once, not twice. Let’s see if we can count. Four? Five? Five marriages turned south, and now she’s sharing a bed with a guy who won’t give her a ring.

When I add this up, I envision a happy-hour stool sitter who lives with her mad at half boil. Husky voice, cigarette breath, and a dress cut low at the top and high at the bottom. Certainly not Samaria’s finest. Certainly not the woman you’d put in charge of the Ladies’ Bible class.

Which makes the fact that Jesus does just that all the more surprising. He doesn’t just put her in charge of the class; he puts her in charge of evangelizing the whole town. Before the day is over, the entire city hears about a man who claims to be God. “He told me everything I ever did” ( John 4:39 ), she tells them, leaving unsaid the obvious, “and he loved me anyway.”

A little rain can straighten a flower stem. A little love can change a life. Who knew the last time this woman had been entrusted with anything, much less the biggest news in history! In fact, flip to the left out of John 4 , and you’ll make this startling discovery. She is Jesus’ missionary! She precedes the more noted. The lineage of Peter and Paul, St. Patrick and St. Francis of Assisi can be traced back to a town trollop who was so overwhelmed by Christ that she had to speak.

Another Pelicano forever fumigated. Why?

Not just because of what Jesus did, though that was huge. But because she let him do it. She let him on board. She let him love her. She let him change her cargo. He found her full of trash and left her full of grace. She and Zacchaeus and the apostle Paul and the woman in Capernaum and millions of others invited him into the hold of their hearts.

She didn’t have to. They didn’t have to. And you don’t have to. You really don’t.

You can stick with your long lists and stinky cargo. And drift from port to port. But why would you? Let the Pelicano have the high seas. Your Captain has better plans for you. ^[2]

[1]1 Jerry Schwartz, “Where Does One Stash That Trash Ash?” San Antonio Express News, 3 September 2000, sec. 29A.

[2] Lucado, M. 2002. A love worth giving : Living in the overflow of God’s love. W Pub. Group: Nashville, Tenn.

A man of quick temper acts foolishly, and a man of evil devices is hated. Proverbs 14:17

Love is not easily provoked: not easily angered; not ready to take offence; not quick tempered; not “touchy.”  It is not easily aroused to anger; does not become “exasperated.”

The word for “easily angered” could also be translated “touchy,” “irritable,” or “sensitive to slights.” Such people let things ‘linger’ so they eventually ‘get on their nerves.’

We live in a world where we are looking for reasons to be upset. The courts are filled with people being sued over words/actions that a few years back would have been laughed at.

Anger is an emotion that was God’s idea. “Be angry,” he urges, “and do not sin” (Ephesians 4:26 nkjv ).

Don’t let the sun go down while you are angry.

It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.^[1] (When something occurs in our day, IF we do not handle it quickly, we forfeit the ‘right’ to bring it up on another day/week).

Anger is not a sin, but it can lead to sin. Perhaps your anger doesn’t lead you to shed blood, but does it make you touchy, irritable, quick-tempered, quick to take offense? Do you fly off the handle? Can you let ‘words slide off your back?’

When believers exercise their gifts in love, they will be able to give one another some latitude to follow God as they see fit. They will not let themselves be easily provoked over disagreements, but they will be able to always respond in a loving manner.

Anger can be a motivating factor when directed against wrongs or injustices. People who are “easily angered…this can stifle their service for God and the use of their gifts.

Love controls the emotions, and never becomes angry without a cause (Romans 12:18).

• The real meaning of this is that Christian love never becomes exasperated with people.
• Exasperation is always a sign of defeat.
• When we lose our tempers, we lose everything.

Kipling said that it was the test of a man if he could keep his head when everyone else was losing his and blaming it on him, and if when he was hated he did not give way to hating.  The man who is master of his temper can be master of anything.

Aristotle: Anybody can become angry—that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way—that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.

Paul uses the term to describe a short-fused person who is easily and quickly provoked to take action which is not edifying to either party.

Love does not “blow its cork,” “lose its cool,” or “blow a fuse.” Love does not have a chip on its shoulder, looking for some tiny straw of offense so it can ventilate all its anger and hostility.

The apostle does not rule out righteous indignation. Love cannot “rejoice in unrighteousness” (1 Cor. 13:6).

• To be angered by the mistreatment of the unfortunate or by the maligning and contradiction of God’s Word is righteous indignation.
• But when it is truly righteous, indignation will never be provoked by something done against us personally. When Jesus cleansed the Temple, He was angered at the profaning of His Father’s house of worship (Matt. 21:11-12). But on the many occasions when He was personally vilified or abused, He did not once become angry or defensive.
• This you know, my beloved brethren. But let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God (James 1:19-20).
• 1 Peter 2:20–23: But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. ²¹ For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. ²² He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. ²³ When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.^[2]
• Paul was only angered by the things that anger God. He responded strongly against such things as heresy, immorality, and misuse of spiritual gifts. But he did not become angry at those who beat him, jailed him, or lied about him (see Acts 23:1-5).

The Corinthians are obviously provoked in a number of areas. Some are provoked enough to take their brethren to court (chapter 6). Others seem provoked to divorce their mates (chapter 7). Still others are provoked to go on ahead with the Lord’s Supper without waiting for all to arrive (chapter 11).

There is a time for righteous indignation, but let us be certain it is truly righteous wrath and not just human anger with a pious label:

Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom. 14 But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. 15 This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. 16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. 17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. 18 And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace (James 3:13-18).

We get angry when another person gains a privilege or recognition we want for ourselves, because it is our “right.” But to put our rights before our duty and before loving concern for others comes from self-centeredness and lovelessness.

The loving person is more concerned about doing what he should and helping where he can than in having what he thinks are his rights and his due. Love considers nothing its right and everything its obligation.

• Telling our wives or husbands that we love them is not convincing if we continually get upset and angry at what they say and do.
• Telling our children that we love them is not convincing if we yell at them for doing things that irritate us and interfere with our own plans.
• It does no good to protest, “I lose my temper a lot, but it’s all over in a few minutes.” So is a nuclear bomb.

A great deal of damage can be done in a very short time. Temper is always destructive, and even small temper “bombs” can leave much hurt and damage, especially when they explode on a regular basis. Lovelessness is the cause of temper, and love is the only cure.

Love that takes a person outside of himself and centers his attention on the well-being of others is the only cure for self-centeredness.

Do not do to others that which would anger you if others did it to you. Isocrates (436–338 b.c.)

Don’t fly into a rage unless you are prepared for a rough landing.

^[1] Tyndale House Publishers, Holy Bible: New Living Translation (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, 2015), 1 Co 13:5.

^[2] The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016), 1 Pe 2:20–23.

Love is not easily provoked (paroxunetai): not easily angered; not ready to take offence; not quick tempered; not “touchy.”  It is not easily aroused to anger; does not become “exasperated.”  Love controls the emotions, and never becomes angry without a cause (Romans 12:18).

The word for “easily angered” could also be translated “touchy,” “irritable,” or “sensitive to slights.” Such people let things get on their nerves. One believer, in the process of exercising his or her gifts, may irritate another believer. These “easily angered” believers may not like the style or manner in which these others exercise their gifts. Or they may get easily angered at anyone who crosses them. This is not the way of love. When believers exercise their gifts in love, they will be able to give one another some latitude to follow God as they see fit. They will not let themselves be easily provoked over disagreements, but they will be able to always respond in a loving manner. This does not mean that anger is wrong, for anger can be a motivating factor when directed against wrongs or injustices. People who are “easily angered,” however, are usually upset about personal affronts or minor issues. This stifles their service for God and the use of their gifts.

IRRITABILITY

Paul says that true love isn’t easily angered. Sometimes we’re irritated or angered by others, and we don’t know why. Not all irritability stems from sinful or selfish motives, although the irritable treatment of others surely is wrong. Much irritability comes from a love of perfection, a deep desire that programs, meetings, and structures be run perfectly. A desire to run things perfectly can erupt into anger at events or people who get in the way or ruin that desire. Those who are easily irritated need to remember that perfection exists only in God. We need to love him and our fellow Christians, not the visions we have for perfection here on earth.

The real meaning of this is that Christian love never becomes exasperated with people.  Exasperation is always a sign of defeat.  When we lose our tempers, we lose everything.  Kipling said that it was the test of a man if he could keep his head when everyone else was losing his and blaming it on him, and if when he was hated he did not give way to hating.  The man who is master of his temper can be master of anything.

The Greek here translated provoked, means to arouse to anger and is the origin of the English paroxysm, a convulsion or sudden outburst of emotion or action. Love guards against being irritated, upset, or angered by things said or done against it. It is not provoked.

The apostle does not rule out righteous indignation. Love cannot “rejoice in unrighteousness” (1 Cor. 13:6). To be angered by the mistreatment of the unfortunate or by the maligning and contradiction of God’s Word is righteous indignation. But when it is truly righteous, indignation will never be provoked by something done against us personally. When Jesus cleansed the Temple, He was angered at the profaning of His Father’s house of worship (Matt. 21:11-12). But on the many occasions when He was personally vilified or abused, He did not once become angry or defensive.

Like his Lord, Paul was only angered by the things that anger God. He responded strongly against such things as heresy, immorality, and misuse of spiritual gifts. But he did not become angry at those who beat him, jailed him, or lied about him (see Acts 23:1-5).

The being provoked that Paul is talking about here has to do with things done against us or that are personally offensive. Love does not get angry at others when they say or do something that displeases us or when they prevent us from having our own way (cf. 1 Pet. 2:21-24). Love never reacts in self-defense or retaliation. Being provoked is the other side of seeking one’s own way. The person who is intent on having his own way is easily provoked, easily angered.

This Greek term, rendered “provoked” in the NASB, is used in Hosea 8:5 and Zechariah 10:3 to depict provocation to anger. The term is by no means used only with a negative connotation. In Acts 17:16, it describes how Paul’s spirit is so provoked within him that he begins to preach to the idol-worshiping inhabitants of Athens. In Hebrews 10:24, the writer urges the saints to “stimulate one another to love and good deeds.” Here in 1 Corinthians, Paul uses the term to describe a short-fused person who is easily and quickly provoked to take action which is not edifying to either party. Love does not “blow its cork,” “lose its cool,” or “blow a fuse.” Love does not have a chip on its shoulder, looking for some tiny straw of offense so it can ventilate all its anger and hostility.

The Corinthians are obviously provoked in a number of areas. Some are provoked enough to take their brethren to court (chapter 6). Others seem provoked to divorce their mates (chapter 7). Still others are provoked to go on ahead with the Lord’s Supper without waiting for all to arrive (chapter 11).

Often today, Christians are provoked by minor offenses and leave the church or take some form of retaliatory action. Some are provoked by their mates and act in a destructive way to their marriage. Parents may be provoked by their children or children by their parents (see Ephesians 6:4). There are all too many abusive parents or mates, whose explosive anger cannot be predicted or avoided but only dreaded.

Having warned of being very careful about becoming too quickly provoked, I must add that some saints really need to get upset about what they see. In the supermarket, and even in the church, I see children throwing temper tantrums while their parents look on helplessly as though they can do nothing. There is something they can do, and if they cannot remember what it is, I suggest they read the Book of Proverbs.

We ought to be angered at sin, but in our anger, we should act appropriately and not explosively (see Ephesians 4:26).

There is a time for righteous indignation, but let us be certain it is truly righteous wrath and not just human anger with a pious label:

19 This you know, my beloved brethren. But let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God (James 1:19-20).

13 Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom. 14 But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. 15 This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. 16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. 17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. 18 And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace (James 3:13-18).

We get angry when another person gains a privilege or recognition we want for ourselves, because it is our “right.” But to put our rights before our duty and before loving concern for others comes from self-centeredness and lovelessness. The loving person is more concerned about doing what he should and helping where he can than in having what he thinks are his rights and his due. Love considers nothing its right and everything its obligation.

Telling our wives or husbands that we love them is not convincing if we continually get upset and angry at what they say and do. Telling our children that we love them is not convincing if we often yell at them for doing things that irritate us and interfere with our own plans. It does no good to protest, “I lose my
temper a lot, but it’s all over in a few minutes.” So is a nuclear bomb. A great deal of damage can be done in a very short time. Temper is always destructive, and even small temper “bombs” can leave much hurt and damage, especially when they explode on a regular basis. Lovelessness is the cause of temper, and
love is the only cure.

Love that takes a person outside of himself and centers his attention on the well-being of others is the only cure for self-centeredness.

A glance at the two brothers would raise no suspicion. To see them exit the worship service would give you no cause for concern. Like any other set of siblings, they had their differences. One more like Mom, the other more like Dad. One with a bent toward livestock, the other interested in farming. Beyond that, they seemed alike. Compatible. Raised in the same culture. Romped in the same hills. Played with the same animals. Spoke with the same accent. Worshiped the same God.

Then why did one kill the other? Why the violent assault? What made one brother turn on the other and spill his blood? Why did Cain kill Abel?

To answer that question is to shed light on a larger one. Looming behind the question of murder is the question of anger. For “Cain was very angry” ( Gen. 4:5 nkjv ). Angry indeed. Angry enough to kill. What made him so mad?

Anger in and of itself is not a sin. The emotion was God’s idea. “Be angry,” he urges, “and do not sin” ( Eph. 4:26 nkjv ). It’s possible to feel what Cain felt without doing what Cain did. Anger is not a sin, but it can lead to sin. Perhaps your anger doesn’t lead you to shed blood, but does it make you touchy, irritable, quick-tempered, quick to take offense? Do you fly off the handle? Those aren’t my terms. They are Paul’s. According to the apostle, love is not:

“touchy” ( tlb ),

“irritable” ( nlt ),

“quick tempered” ( cev ),

“quick to take offence” ( neb ),

“easily angered” ( niv ),

and love “doesn’t fly off the handle” ( msg ).

Cain was all of these and more. But why? Why the short fuse? Again the text gives an answer. “The Lord accepted Abel and his gift, but he did not accept Cain and his gift. So Cain became very angry and felt rejected ” ( Gen. 4:4–5 , emphasis mine).

Interesting. This is the first appearance of Anger in the Bible. He’ll pop up some four hundred more times between here and the maps in the back, but this is the first occasion. He pulls up to the curb and gets out of the  car, and look who is in the front seat with him—Rejection. Anger and Rejection in the same sentence.

This isn’t the only time the couple are spotted in Scripture. Anger singes many pages. And more than once Rejection is charged with arson.

The sons of Jacob were rejected by their father. He pampered Joseph and neglected them. The result? The brothers were angry. Joseph’s “brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers; and so they hated him and could not speak to him on friendly terms” ( Gen. 37:4 nasb ).

Saul was rejected by his people. In choosing heroes, they chose the fair-haired David over the appointed king. The result? Saul was ticked off. “The women sang as they played, and said, ‘Saul has slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands.’ Then Saul became very angry” ( 1 Sam. 18:7–8 nasb ).

David’s work was rejected by God. His plan to move the ark of the covenant by cart didn’t please the Father. And when Uzzah touched what he shouldn’t have touched, “God smote him … and he died” ( 2 Sam. 6:7 rsv ). Before David was afraid, he fumed. “David became angry because of the Lord ’s outburst against Uzzah” ( 2 Sam. 6:8 nasb).

And Jonah. The fellow had a whale of a problem with anger. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.) He didn’t feel the Ninevites were worthy of mercy, but God did. By forgiving them, God rejected Jonah’s opinion. And how did the rejection make Jonah feel? “It greatly displeased Jonah and he became angry” ( Jon. 4:1 nasb).

I don’t want to oversimplify a complex emotion. Anger has many causes: impatience, unmet expectations, stress, referees who couldn’t see a pass-interference call if you painted it on their garage door—oops, sorry, a flashback to a high-school football game. The fire of anger has many logs, but according to biblical accounts, the thickest and the hottest block of wood is rejection.

Why do we often get so angry? What stirs our frustration? In the great scheme of things, no single event should bother us. Perhaps it can be narrowed it down to one word. Rejection. Maybe the salesperson had rejected us…we had not received any attention. It could also be taken that she didn’t accept us.

Multiply that emotion by a zillion to understand the anger of an abandoned teen or a divorced spouse. I didn’t even know the lady, and I was angry. What happens when you feel the same from your boss, friend, or teacher?

You hurt. And because you get hurt, you get hot. Tacky-toned, cold-shouldered, name-calling, door-slamming, get-my-pound-of-flesh sort of hot. Anger is your defense mechanism.

Envision a teenager receiving a lecture. His dad is going down the list: poor grades, missed curfews, messy room. Each accusation is like a shove in the boy’s chest. Back and back and back until he perceives a Grand Canyon between his father and him. His initial response is silence and shame. Lower and lower he bows. But somewhere a line is crossed, and an innate survival technique kicks in, and he lashes back, “I’ve had it!” And he stands and storms out.

Consider the wife of the insensitive husband. Every other woman in her office received a card or flowers for Valentine’s Day. She kept thinking a delivery boy would stop at her desk, but none ever did. She drives home thinking, Surely there will be something on the table. The table is empty. The phone rings. It’s him. He’ll be late for dinner. No word about Valentine’s Day. He forgot. How could he forget? When this happened last year, she was sad. When he did something similar at Christmas, she was hurt. But when he forgot their anniversary, she started to harden. And now this? Her tears are hot. Rejection leads to anger.

And if rejection from people makes us angry, what about when we feel rejected by God? Case study #1? Cain.

The account is sketchy and not without gaps, but we are told enough to re-create the crime scene. Cain and Abel went to worship, perhaps at the same time. They each brought an offering. How did they know to do so? God had told them. Hebrews 11:4 says, “It was by faith that Abel offered God a better sacrifice than Cain did.” From where does one get faith? “Faith comes by hearing” ( Rom. 10:17 nkjv ). Cain and Abel had heard God’s instructions. And when Abel brought the best parts of a firstborn from his flock, he did so out of obedience to what he had heard.

And when Cain brought “some food” from the ground, he was acting out of disobedience. Surely he had heard what Abel had heard. Would God hold him accountable otherwise? He knew what Abel knew. He knew that forgiveness of sin came through the shedding of blood ( Heb. 9:22 ). But still he was angry that God returned his sacrifice unopened. God cautioned him to be careful.

God asked Cain, “Why are you angry? Why do you look so unhappy? If you do things well, I will accept you, but if you do not do them well, sin is ready to attack you. Sin wants you, but you must rule over it.” At this point in the story, Cain had not sinned. A dose of humility and he would have been fine. But Cain had other plans.

“Cain said to his brother Abel, ‘Let’s go out into the field.’ While they were out in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him” ( Gen. 4:3–8 ).

Cain gave up. He gave up on God. He gave up on his ability to please him. And he took it out on Abel. Cain would have related to the frustration of the struggling missionary who wrote:

God’s demands of me were so high, and His opinion of me was so low, there was no way for me to live except under His frown.… All day long He nagged me: “Why don’t you pray more? Why don’t you witness more? When will you ever learn self-discipline? How can you allow yourself to indulge in such wicked thoughts? Do this. Don’t do that.” … When I came down to it, there was scarcely a word or a feeling or a thought or a decision of mine that God really liked. ^[1]1

Many have written letters like that. If not with pen and paper, at least with thoughts. Cain would have penned: “I can’t satisfy him. I work in the field and bring my crops. I give him my best, and it’s not enough.”

Others would write:

“Why won’t God hear our prayers! We go to church, we pay our bills, but still the crib is empty.”

“Why won’t God give me a job? I’ve done nothing wrong. People who curse him have jobs. I’ve served him all these years and can’t even get an interview.”

“What do I have to do to be forgiven? Do I have to spend the rest of my life paying for one mistake?”

Such thoughts will heat your collar. Stoke your anger. Make you snap at those shallow minds like Abel who do half the work but get all the blessings—

Stop for a second. Did you just make a discovery? Did a light go on? Have you for the first time found the headwaters of your anger? Can your bitterness be traced upstream to a feeling of divine rejection? If so (I’m glad to tell you this), in finding the cause you have also found the cure.

When I really want a person to listen to me, I scoot my chair a couple of inches in their direction and lower my voice. If you and I were having a chat about your anger, this is where I’d start scooting, and I’d say the next sentence so softly you’d have to lean forward to hear. So incline a tad and listen to this thought.

If rejection causes anger, wouldn’t acceptance cure it? If rejection by heaven makes you mad at others, wouldn’t acceptance from heaven stir your love for them? This is the 7:47 Principle. Remember the verse? “He who is forgiven little loves little.” We can replace the word forgiven with accepted and maintain the integrity of the passage. “He who is accepted little loves little.” If we think God is harsh and unfair, guess how we’ll treat people. Harshly and unfairly. But if we discover that God has doused us with unconditional love, would that make a difference?

The apostle Paul would say so! Talk about a turnaround. He went from bully to teddy bear. Paul b.c . (Before Christ) sizzled with anger. He “made havoc of the church” ( Acts 8:3 nkjv ). Paul a.d. (After Discovery) brimmed with love. Could a raving maniac write these words?

To the Corinthians: “I always thank my God for you” ( 1 Cor. 1:4 ).

To the Philippians: “I have you in my heart.… I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus” ( Phil. 1:7–8 niv ).

To the Ephesians: “I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers” ( Eph. 1:16 niv ).

To the Colossians: “We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you” ( Col. 1:3 niv ).

To the Thessalonians: “We were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children” ( 1 Thess. 2:7 niv ).

His heart was a universe of love. But what about his enemies? It’s one thing to love your coworkers, but did Paul love those who challenged him? “I would be willing to be forever cursed—cut off from Christ!—if that would save them” ( Rom. 9:1–3 nlt ). On every occasion that he had to enter their synagogues and teach, he did so ( Acts 13:4–5 ; 14:1 ; 17:1–2 , 10 ). His accusers beat him, stoned him, jailed him, mocked him. But can you find one occasion where he responded in kind? One temper tantrum? One angry outburst? This is a different man. His anger is gone. His passion is strong. His devotion is unquestioned. But rash outbursts of anger? A thing of the past.

What made the difference? He encountered Christ. Or, to use his phrase, he was hidden in Christ: “Your life is now hidden with Christ in God” ( Col. 3:3 niv ).

The Chinese language has a great symbol for this truth. The word for righteousness is a combination of two pictures. On the top is a lamb. Beneath the lamb is a person. The lamb covers the person. ^[2]2 Isn’t that the essence of righteousness? The Lamb of Christ over the child of God? Whenever the Father looks down on you, what does he see? He sees his Son, the perfect Lamb of God, hiding you. Christians are like their ancestor Abel. We come to God by virtue of the flock. Cain came with the work of his own hands. God turned him away. Abel came, and we come, dependent upon the sacrifice of the Lamb, and we are accepted. Like the Chinese symbol, we are covered by the lamb, hidden in Christ.

When God looks at you, he doesn’t see you; he sees Jesus. And how does he respond when he sees Jesus? He rends the heavens and vibrates the earth with the shout, “You are my Son, whom I love, and I am very pleased with you” ( Mark 1:11 ).

The missionary was wrong. We don’t live under the frown of God. We stir an ear-to-ear smile of joy. “He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing” ( Zeph. 3:17 nkjv ).

Through Christ, God has accepted you. Think about what this means. I’m scooting forward and talking softly again: You cannot keep people from rejecting you. But you can keep rejections from enraging you.

Rejections are like speed bumps on the road. They come with the journey. Tacky purse peddlers populate the world. You’re going to get cut, dished, dropped, and kicked around. You cannot keep people from rejecting you. But you can keep rejections from enraging you. How? By letting his acceptance compensate for their rejection.

Think of it this way. Suppose you dwell in a high-rise apartment. On the window sill of your room is a solitary daisy. This morning you picked the daisy and pinned it on your lapel. Since you have only one plant, this is a big event and a special daisy.

But as soon as you’re out the door, people start picking petals off your daisy. Someone snags your subway seat. Petal picked. You’re blamed for the bad report of a coworker. Three petals. The promotion is given to someone with less experience but USC water polo looks. More petals. By the end of the day, you’re down to one. Woe be to the soul who dares to draw near it. You’re only one petal-snatching away from a blowup.

What if the scenario was altered slightly? Let’s add one character. The kind man in the apartment next door runs a flower shop on the corner. Every night on the way home he stops at your place with a fresh, undeserved, yet irresistible bouquet. These are not leftover flowers. They are top-of-the-line arrangements. You don’t know why he thinks so highly of you, but you aren’t complaining. Because of him, your apartment has a sweet fragrance, and your step has a happy bounce. Let someone mess with your flower, and you’ve got a basketful to replace it!

The difference is huge. And the interpretation is obvious.

God will load your world with flowers. He hand-delivers a bouquet to your door every day. Open it! Take them! Then, when rejections come, you won’t be left short-petaled.

God can help you get rid of your anger. He made galaxies no one has ever seen and dug canyons we have yet to find. “The Lord … heals all your diseases” ( Ps. 103:2–3 niv ). Do you think among those diseases might be the affliction of anger?

Do you think God could heal your angry heart?

Do you want him to? This is not a trick question. He asks the same question of you that he asked of the invalid: “Do you want to be well?” ( John 5:6 ). Not everyone does. You may be addicted to anger. You may be a rage junkie. Anger may be part of your identity. But if you want him to, he can change your identity. Do you want him to do so?

Do you have a better option? Like moving to a rejection-free zone? If so, enjoy your life on your desert island.

Take the flowers. Receive from him so you can love or at least put up with others. ^[3]

ANGER

A man who can’t control his temper is like a city without defenses. Jewish Proverb

An angry man opens his mouth and shuts his eyes. Cato the Elder (234–149 b.c.)

Anger can be an expensive luxury. Italian Proverb

Anger is a weed; hate is the tree. Saint Augustine of Hippo (354–430)

Anger is quieted by a gentle word just as fire is quenched by water. Jean Pierre Camus (1584–1652)

Anybody can become angry—that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way—that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy. Aristotle (384–322 b.c.)

Arrows pierce the body, but harsh words pierce the soul. Spanish Proverb

Control yourself! Anger is only one letter short of danger.

Do not do to others that which would anger you if others did it to you. Isocrates (436–338 b.c.)

Don’t fly into a rage unless you are prepared for a rough landing.

Don’t get angry at the person who acts in ways that displease you. Give him the smile he lacks. Spread the sunshine of your Lord’s limitless love. Joni Eareckson Tada

[1]1 Dwight Edwards, Revolution Within (Colorado Springs, Colo.: WaterBrook Press, 2001), 57–58.

[2]2 Ibid., 58.

[3]Lucado, M. 2002. A love worth giving : Living in the overflow of God’s love. W Pub. Group: Nashville, Tenn.

Love seeks not her own: is not selfish; does not insist upon its own rights. Love is not focused upon who one is nor upon what one has done. Love seeks to serve, not have others serving oneself. Love is acknowledging others, not insisting that others acknowledge oneself; it is giving to others, not insisting that others give to oneself.

“It is easy to tell the size of a man by the size of what it takes to upset him.” A small person gets upset over anything and everything. We need to be bigger people than that. We should overlook small problems and save our energy for the big ones!

People who are self-seeking always want their own way. They are selfish, self-centered, wanting what they think is best for them. This is the opposite of love. Love (agape) looks out for others, seeks their best interests, willingly gives up its own for the sake of another. A self-seeking person may use his or her gifts but not with a serving attitude or a desire to build the kingdom. Instead, the gifts are only used if they can somehow benefit the self-seeking person. This is not God’s way. Instead, because of love, the believers use their gifts to benefit others first, without “self” or selfish desires getting in the way.

In the last analysis, there are in this world only two kinds of people-those who always insist upon their privileges and those who always remember their responsibilities; those who are always thinking of what life owes them and those who never forget what they owe to life.  It would be the key to almost all the problems which surround us today if men would think less of their rights and more of their duties.  Whenever we start thinking about “our place”, we are drifting away from Christian love.

I understand that the inscription on a tombstone in a small English village reads, Here lies a miser who lived for himself, and cared for nothing but gathering wealth. Now where he is or how he fares, nobody knows and nobody cares.

In contrast, a plain tombstone in the courtyard at St. Paul’s Cathedral in London reads, “Sacred to the memory of General Charles George Gordon, who at all times and everywhere gave his strength to the weak, his substance to the poor, his sympathy to the suffering, his heart to God.”

Love does not seek its own. Here is probably the key to everything. The root evil of fallen human flesh is in wanting to have its own way.

Lenski said, “Cure selfishness and you have just replanted the garden of Eden.” Adam and Eve rejected God’s way so that they could have their own. Self replaced God. That is the opposite of righteousness and the opposite of love. Love is not preoccupied with its own things but with the interests of others.

Again, the Corinthian believers were models of what loving Christians should not be. They were selfish in the extreme. They did not share their food at love feasts, they protected their rights to the point of suing fellow believers in pagan law courts, and they wanted what they thought were the “best” spiritual gifts for themselves. Instead of using spiritual gifts for the benefit of others, they tried to use them to their own advantage.

Paul therefore tells them, “Since you are zealous of spiritual gifts, seek to abound for the edification of the church” (14:12). They did not use their gifts to build up the church but to try to build up themselves.

The Corinthians are completely self-absorbed. They measure themselves by their gifts and ministries and do not think of themselves as a part of the body of Christ. They have marvelous “self-esteem,” but they disdain Paul and the other apostles (see chapter 4). They are so self-centered they are willing to demand the freedom to practice their alleged liberties, even if it destroys a weaker brother (chapter 8). They assert themselves in the church meeting with little or no regard for others and for edification.

The church of our day is hardly different. The word “self” is found often on the lips of professing Christians. Love is a matter of prioritizing. I am to love God above any and all others; He has first priority. I am to love my wife above all mankind, just as Christ has set His love on His church. I am to love my neighbor and even my enemy. That is, I am to put the interests of others above my own (see Philippians 2:1-8). If I love myself first, I cannot love my neighbor, because loving my neighbor means putting him first. I am to love my neighbor as myself; that is, I am to love my neighbor in the same ways I find it natural to love myself (see Ephesians 5:28-30).

Some Christians see self-love for what it is, but there are other forms of self-absorption, and some people are self-centered in other ways. Some put themselves first by continually leveling blame or guilt toward themselves, rather than accepting and appropriating God’s forgiving grace. Others wallow in the mired waters of self-pity, constantly meditating on the ways others have abused them. Any preoccupation with self is self-centered and contrary to the way of love. Let us not forget that ours is the way of the cross; the Christian life is about dying daily and the mortification of the flesh. Too many Christians try to coddle that which needs to be crucified.

There is a malady that makes the Black Plague appear as mild as the common cold.  Tally the death tolls of all infections, fevers, and epidemics since the beginning of time, and you’ll still fall short of the number claimed by this single infirmity.

And, forgive me for being the one to tell you, but you are infected. You suffer from it. You are a victim—a diseased carrier. You have shown the symptoms and manifested the signs. You have a case of—brace yourself—selfishness.

Don’t believe me?  Suppose you are in a group photo. The first time you see the picture, where do you look? And if you look good, do you like the picture? If you are the only one who looks good, do you still like the picture? If some are cross-eyed and others have spinach in their teeth, do you still like the picture? If that makes you like it even more, you’ve got a bad case.

What about the physical manifestations?

Clutching hands. Do your fingers ever wrap and close around possessions?

Protruding teeth. Do fangs ever flare when you are interrupted or irritated?

Heavy feet. When a neighboring car wants to cut in front of you, do you sense a sudden heaviness of foot on the accelerator?

Extended shoulder. Any inflammation from patting yourself on the back?

And your neck. Is it sore from keeping your nose in the air?

But most of all, look into your eyes. Look long into your pupils. Do you see a tiny figure? An image of a person? An image of you?

The self-centered see everything through self. Their motto? “It’s all about me!” The flight schedule. The traffic. The dress styles. The worship styles. The weather, the work, whether or not one works—everything is filtered through the mini-me in the eye. Selfishness.

Such a condition can be fatal.

Listen to the words of James. “Whenever people are jealous or selfish, they cause trouble and do all sorts of cruel things” ( James 3:16 cev ).

Need proof? Let’s examine one newspaper. Today’s edition. How many examples of selfishness will we find in the first few pages?

Selfishness is to society what the Exxon Valdez was to scallops and sea otters—deadly. Is it any wonder that Paul writes: “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others” ( Phil. 2:3–4 nasb)?

At first glance the standard in the passage seems impossible to meet. Nothing? We shouldn’t do anything for ourselves? No new dress or suit. What about going to school or saving money—couldn’t all of these things be considered selfish?

They could, unless we are careful to understand what Paul is saying. The word the apostle uses for selfishness shares a root form with the words strife and contentious. It suggests a self-preoccupation that hurts others. A divisive arrogance. In fact, first-century writers used the word to describe a politician who procured office by illegal manipulation or a harlot who seduced the client, demeaning both herself and him. ^[1]1 Selfishness is an obsession with self that excludes others, hurting everyone.

Looking after your personal interests is proper life management. Doing so to the exclusion of the rest of the world is selfishness. The adverb highlighted in verse 4 is helpful. “Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”

Desire success? Fine. Just don’t hurt others in achieving it. Wish to look nice? That’s okay. Just don’t do so by making others look bad. Love isn’t selfish.

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. ( Phil. 2:3–4 nasb)

Remember the passage that describes the Word of God as a sword? I was impaled. As a doctor pronounces a disease, so the passage declared mine. Selfishness. Because of the little me in my eyes, I couldn’t see my blessings.

Love builds up relationships; selfishness erodes relationships. No wonder Paul is so urgent in his appeal: “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit” ( Phil. 2:3 nasb ).

But aren’t we born selfish? And if so, can we do anything about it? Can we get our eyes off of self? Or, better asked, can we get the little self out of our eyes? According to Scripture, we can.

Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind. ( Phil. 2:1–2 nasb )

Paul’s sarcasm is thinly veiled. Is there any encouragement? Any consolation? Any fellowship? Then smile!

What’s the cure for selfishness? Get your self out of your eye by getting your eye off your self. Quit staring at that little self, and focus on your great Savior.

If Christ becomes our focus, we won’t be like the physician in Arkansas. He misdiagnosed the patient. He declared the woman to be dead. The family was informed, and the husband was grief-stricken. Imagine the surprise of the nurse when she discovered that the woman was alive! “You better tell the family,” she urged the doctor.

The embarrassed physician phoned the husband and said, “I need to talk to you about the condition of your wife.”  “The condition of my wife?” he asked. “She’s dead.” The doctor’s pride only allowed him to concede, “Well, she has seen a slight improvement.”

Slight improvement? Talk about an understatement! Lazarus is walking out of the tomb, and he calls that a “slight improvement”?

He was so concerned about his image that he missed an opportunity to celebrate. We laugh, but don’t we do the same? We’ve gone from cremation to celebration. We deserve a lava bath, but we’ve been given a pool of grace.

Yet to look at our faces you’d think our circumstances had made only a “slight improvement.” “How’s life?” someone asks. And we who’ve been resurrected from the dead say, “Well, things could be better.” Or “Couldn’t get a parking place.” Or “My parents won’t let me move to Hawaii.” Or “People won’t leave me alone so I can finish my sermon on selfishness.”

Honestly. We worry about acid rain in silver linings. Do you think Paul might like to have a word with us? Are you so focused on what you don’t have that you are blind to what you do? Have you received any encouragement? Any fellowship? Any consolation? Then don’t you have reason for joy?

Come. Come thirsty. Drink deeply from God’s goodness. You have a ticket to heaven no thief can take,

an eternal home no divorce can break.Every sin of your life has been cast to the sea. Every mistake you’ve made is nailed to the tree.You’re blood-bought and heaven-made.A child of God—forever saved.

So be grateful, joyful—for isn’t it true?What you don’t have is much less than what you do.^[2]

The story is told of a chauffeur who drove up to a cemetery and asked the minister who served as caretaker to come to the car, because his employer was too ill to walk. Waiting in the car was a frail old lady with sunken eyes that showed years of hurt and anguish. She introduced herself and said she had been sending five dollars to the cemetery for the past several years to be used for flowers for her husband’s grave. “I have come in person today,” she said, “because the doctors have given me only a few weeks to live and I wanted to see the grave for one last time.”

The minister replied, “You know I am sorry you have been sending money for those flowers.” Taken aback, she said, “What do you mean?” “Well, I happen to be a part of a visiting society that visits patients in hospitals and mental institutions. They dearly love flowers. They can see them and smell them. Flowers are therapy for them, because they are living people.”

Saying nothing, she motioned the chauffeur to leave. Some months later the minister was surprised to see the same car drive up, but with the woman herself at the wheel. She said, “At first I resented what you said to me that day when I came here for a last visit. But as I thought about it, I decided you were right. Now I personally take flowers to the hospitals. It does make the patients happy and it makes me happy, too. The doctors can’t figure out what made me well, but I know I now have someone else to live for.”

As always, Jesus is our perfect model. He “did not come to be served, but to serve” (Matt. 20:28). The Son of God lived His life for others. God incarnate was love incarnate. He was the perfect incarnation of self-giving love. He never sought His own welfare, but always the welfare of others.

SELFISHNESS

Affluent society” is a euphemism, in the context of our poverty-stricken and starvation-ridden world, for selfishness. John Fowles (1926– )

\Christ regarded the self-loving, self-regarding, self-seeking spirit as the direct antithesis of real living. His two fundamental rules for life were that “love-energy,” instead of being turned in on itself, should go out first to God and then to other people. J. B. Phillips (1906–1982)

Glory built on selfish principles is shame and guilt. William Cowper (1731–1800)

He is a slave of the greatest slave who serves nothing but himself.

He who lives only for himself is truly dead to others. Publilius Syrus (First Century b.c.)

I doubt that there has ever been one recorded case of deep and lasting fulfillment reported by a person whose basic mind-set and only question was: What am I getting out of this? John Powell

If I really love God, my innate and persistent selfishness will have received its death-blow. Alexander Smellie

If you wish to be miserable, think much about yourself; about what you want, what you like, what respect people ought to pay you, and what people think of you. Charles Kingsley (1819–1875)

People who are self-centered always live in unpleasant surroundings.

Selfishness is never so exquisitely selfish as when it is on its knees. Self can turn what would otherwise be a pure and powerful prayer into a weak and ineffective one. I may cry loudly to God that the church be restored to her New Testament splendor, and be secretly dreaming that I may be the one to lead her. A. W. Tozer (1897–1963)

Selfishness turns life into a burden. Unselfishness turns burdens into life! Robert Harold Schuller (1926– )

Some people are for seeing God with their eyes, as they can see a cow (which they love for the milk, and for the cheese, and for their own profit.) Thus do all those who love God for the sake of outward riches or of inward comfort; they do not love aright, but seek only themselves and their own advantage. Meister Eckhart (c. 1260–c. 1327)

That man who lives for self alone Lives for the meanest mortal known. Joaquin Miller (1837–1913)

There is no room for God in the man who is full of himself. Jewish Proverb

[1]1 Gerhard Kittel and Gerhard Friedrich, eds., Theological Dictionary of the New Testament, trans. Geoffrey W. Bromiley (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1971), 2:660.

[2]Lucado, M. 2002. A love worth giving : Living in the overflow of God’s love. W Pub. Group: Nashville, Tenn.

Love does not behave itself unseemly (aschemonei): unbecomingly, rudely, indecently, unmannerly, disgracefully. Love does nothing to shame oneself. Love is orderly and controlled; and it behaves and treats all persons with respect, honoring and respecting who they are.

The word translated “is rude” (aschemonei) refers to actions that are improper. Also translated as “love does not behave in an unseemly way,” this means that love does not behave impolitely, discourteously, or crudely. Believers who use their gifts with love will be careful to act in a manner worthy of their calling before God. They will never humiliate others. This may also have been a problem in Corinth, especially in their worship services (see 11:2–16).

It is a significant fact that in Greek the words for grace and for charm are the same.  There is a kind of Christianity which takes a delight in being blunt and almost brutal.  There is strength in it but there is no winsomeness.

Lightfoot of Durham said of Arthur F. Sim, one of his students, “Let him go where he will, his face will be a sermon in itself.”

There is a graciousness in Christian love which never forgets that courtesy and tact and politeness are lovely things.

I went to Louisiana recently to visit some of the finest grandchildren one could ever meet (I admit to being very prejudiced toward my own!). I watched a man in the airport really make a fool of himself. You know the picture…loud…over-bearing…no concern for others, especially the helpful airlines people.

The Bible has a four-letter word for such behavior: rude. When defining what love is not, Paul put rudeness on the list. “It is not rude” ( 1 Cor. 13:5 niv ). The Greek word for rude means shameful or disgraceful behavior.

(1 Corinthians 13:5 NIV)  It is not rude….

(1 Corinthians 13:5 NNAS)  does not act unbecomingly …

The principle here has to do with poor manners, with acting rudely. It is not as serious a fault as bragging or arrogance, but it stems from the same lovelessness. It does not care enough for those it is around to act becomingly or politely. It cares nothing for their feelings or sensitivities. The loveless person is careless, overbearing, and often crude.

The Corinthian Christians were models of unbecoming behavior. Acting unseemly was almost their trademark. Nearly everything they did was rude and unloving. Even when they came together to celebrate the Lord’s Supper they were self-centered and offensive. “Each one takes his own supper first; and one is hungry and another is drunk” (1 Cor. 11:21). During worship services each one tried to outdo the other in speaking in tongues. Everyone talked at once and tried to be the most dramatic and prominent. The church did everything improperly and in disorder, the opposite of what Paul had taught them and now advised them against (14:40).

God calls us to a higher, more noble concern. Not “What are my rights?” but “What is loving?”

• Do you have the right to dominate a conversation? Yes, but is it loving to do so?
• Do you have the right to pretend you don’t hear your wife speaking? I suppose so. But is it loving?
• Is it within your rights to bark at the clerk or snap at the kids? Yes. But is it loving to act this way?

William Barclay translates our text as, “Love does not behave gracelessly.” Love is gracious. Graciousness should begin with fellow believers, but it should not end there. Many Christians have forfeited the opportunity for witnessing by rudeness to an unbeliever who offends them by a habit the Christian considers improper. As with Simon, sometimes our attitude and behavior in the name of righteousness are more improper, and less righteous, than some of the things we criticize.

Love is much more than being gracious and considerate, but it is never less. To the extent that our living is ungracious and inconsiderate it is also unloving and unchristian. Self-righteous rudeness by Christians can turn people away from Christ before they have a chance to hear the gospel. The messenger can become a barrier to the message. If people do not see the “gentleness of Christ” (2 Cor. 10:1) clearly in us, they are less likely to see Him clearly in the gospel we preach.

Parenting today seems to operate on just the opposite premise as that set down here by the apostle Paul. Many parents seem to think that in order to be loving parents they must tolerate bad behavior from their children rather than insist on good behavior. Children throw screaming fits, and parents helplessly shrug their shoulders, as though they were powerless to change things and as though they have forgotten what Proverbs says about disciplining a child. Wives and husbands seem to think that if their mate really loves them, they will put up with their bad behavior. Paul turns the tables. He informs us that love requires us not to behave badly.

I cannot go on without pointing out some ways Christians behave badly, all in the name of “spirituality.” Often “spiritual considerations” become our “lion in the road,” not only excusing bad behavior, but, in our minds, demanding it.¹⁸¹ One way is found in evangelism. Many of us use the gospel as an excuse to be pushy or overly aggressive with others. We confront, buttonhole, badger and bully others, all in the name of soul-winning. Who can fault the faithful “soul-winner”? But Jesus never intruded, never forced Himself upon an unwilling, uninterested victim. Soul-winning is no excuse for running over people rough shod so we can put another notch on our evangelistic gun: “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned, as it were, with salt, so that you may know how you should respond to each person” (Colossians 4:6).

Maintaining an attitude of love

As the husband looks in the jewelry case, he rationalizes, “Sure she would want the watch, but it’s too expensive.

She’s a practical woman, she’ll understand. I’ll just get the bracelet today. I’ll buy the watch … someday.”

Someday. The enemy of risky love is a snake whose tongue has mastered the talk of deception. “Someday,” he hisses.

“Someday, I can take her on the cruise.”

“Someday, I will have time to call and chat.”

“Someday, the children will understand why I was so busy.”

But you know the truth, don’t you? You know even before I write it. You could say it better than I.

Somedays never come.

And the price of practicality is sometimes higher than extravagance.

But the rewards of risky love are always greater than its cost.

Go to the effort. Invest the time. Write the letter. Make the apology. Take the trip. Purchase the gift. Do it. The seized opportunity renders joy. The neglected brings regret. (From And the Angels Were Silent by Max Lucado)

 

Introduction

Another aspect of the dark backdrop that puts love brightly in the foreground is pride. Thus, Paul says, “love …does not boast; it is not arrogant or rude” (1 Cor. 13:4-5). This is perhaps one of the most important considerations in living a life of love that has abiding value and true meaning. It is the key to becoming a Christian and receiving the sure promise of the glories of heaven. The Christian life begins with the eyes facing downward and the lips saying, “God, have mercy on me a sinner” (Lk. 18:13). Like the prodigal we will claim only unworthiness before the Lord: “I am not worthy to be called your son” (Lk. 15:21). Those who are poor in spirit are the ones who have the riches of forgiveness and peace with God (Matt. 5:3).

In the Christian life, it is radically important that we carefully weigh the danger of a proud spirit because this is something greatly opposed by the Lord. The Lord arrays Himself in battle gear against the proud! He resists the proud (Jam. 4:6). I realize that Romans 8:28 is in the Bible (that is, that God works all things for good in the lives of His people). But I do not want good to come to me by the Lord arming Himself in battle array against me. That tells me that I will find the good but it is going to be through a lot of unnecessary pain. When I am lying on the battlefield with my enemies trampling all over me, I may then recognize that the one who knocked me down is the Lord. This is one warning you do not want to miss as we are cautioned against a proud spirit as backdrop in the pursuit of love.

Therefore, my topic for today is the call to humble love that is found in Paul’s three-fold description of pride. I have two points: the description of pride and the exhortation to humble love.

1A. Paul’s three-fold description of pride

In 1 Corinthians 13:4-5, Paul mentions three things that love is not: it is not boastful, it is not arrogant, and it is not rude. If we think of these three things as dots on a canvass and we draw lines that connect them, then the picture that emerges is a sketch of pride. This sketch will enable us to put humble love into bold relief.

Love is not arrogant. Arrogance refers to pride as something deep within the inner man of the heart. It is distinctively a way of thinking about yourself. This stress of thinking is strikingly evident in Romans 12:3 where Paul refers to thinking four times in the same verse. “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought” is literally, “do not think more highly of yourself than you ought to think, but think so as to think soberly.” He is warning about pride. We are not to think a certain way regarding ourselves. Namely, we are not to have too high a view of ourselves. Pride is first a matter of attitude and thought. It is a view of one’s self. But it does show up in a corresponding manner of life.

This is a self-knowledge issue. As it has been put, self-knowledge is like a window to correct knowledge of the world. If self-knowledge is blocked then a true knowledge of the world is blocked. Thus pride is a mindset in which we do not see ourselves in proper perspective: we have too elevated of a view of self.

Love does not boast. Contrasted with envy, boasting looks at what we have whereas envy looks at what others have and we want but lack. When tempted to boast, we are concentrating the wrong way on what we have attained or obtained in prestige, accomplishments, or possessions.

Being boastful refers to self-applause showing that the proud person wants the elevated view he has of himself to be shared with others. In applauding oneself, praise is being sought from those who hear. The proud person wants others to see, hear, and acknowledge his accomplishments.

This proud quest for praise may be religious (or as it is in truth, sacrilegious). It was the religious leader who praised himself in prayer and was condemned. The poor man who humbled himself was justified (Lk. 18:14a). Thus Jesus said, “For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted” (Lk. 18:14b).

Interestingly, boasting applies to our work when we do what we do and speak about it without stating our dependence on the Lord. Boasting is speech that lacks something, that lacks this acknowledgement. Therefore, it is boasting if you speak of going to work, doing this and that, getting gain, and eventually retiring without acknowledging your dependence on God (James 4:13-17). You ought to say, “The Lord willing.” If you do not do so somewhere in your speech over time, then your speech is boastful (thus, “you boast in your arrogance,” v.16). You are living out of the spirit of independence. This is the assertion of human autonomy and self-sufficiency where you tacitly claim to be the master of your fate.

Thus, boasting is not just praising self and seeking the praise of men. It is failing to speak of God’s sovereign rule over the affairs of your life. It is failing to confess that God made you to differ from others in natural gifts, abilities, and attainments. It is pride to not acknowledge that all the distinguishing advantages you have come from God (1 Cor. 4:6, “who made you to differ? What do you have that you have not received? Then why boast?”).

Love is not rude. Do you intuitively connect rudeness with pride? Rudeness is a wrong view of oneself coming out in contexts where superiors are present. By superiors I simply refer to the fact that we are all under God ordained human authority structures. It begins with the relationship we have to our mothers and fathers. We are commanded to honor them (cf. the 5th of the Ten Commandments). The principle carries over to all authority structures that God has ordained for life on this earth. There may be some gray areas here as to how we carry out the fifth commandment in its true spirit and intent. But it still has a vital relevance that should be sought after diligently.

In contexts where we relate to those in authority over us (mom, dad, police, governors, elders, and pastors, etc), rudeness expresses wrong thinking about ourselves. You operate in such a way that you show that you are full of yourself. You think of yourself more highly than you ought to think. That is what often drives disrespect, poor manners, and the lack of common courtesies (cf. Titus 3:1-2 where submission to authority includes courtesy that shows maturity).

Consider the case of the mother that taught her daughter to call her by her first name. The child is obedient to do this. She even “honors” her mother by respecting mom’s wishes in this regard. Probably, the parent seeks in this way to build a bond of friendship with the child by closing the distance between them. This is trying to establish a kind of equality by removing the title, mother, and replacing it with a first name basis. If it is wrong, and I think it is wrong, it is not the worst thing that could be done. It is well intentioned and many other things may balance it. However, because of the fifth commandment, which is an important guideline for us to follow, the wrong thing is being cultivated. Instead of cultivating equality by first name familiarity, parents ought to instill a sense of respect for the authority that mother and father have by God’s appointment. In other words, they should cultivate a sense of the inequality that pertains or better they should cultivate a sense of the authority that parents have as mother and father. A helpful way that this is done is in the manner of address.

There are gray areas in how this applies to various authority structures in various cultures and contexts. But on balance the spirit and intent is to express respect for those in authority over us (cf. the disrespect of calling the president of the United States “slick Willy” even though he may not have carried himself honorably).

Even table manners show a respect for others that involves giving place to them, it involves yielding to their wishes, and putting them first. Teaching children to speak when spoken to instills respect for adults. Listening when someone else is speaking is courteous rather than rude. In the college classroom, sometimes I have to remind the students that carrying on side conversations when someone is speaking is rude.

In this connection, is it rude to refer to the pastor by his first name? Some pastors make a point of establishing a first name relationship. Is that the right way to go? Let me give you some thoughts on this. This is somewhat delicate and I aim to be as moderate in my conclusions as I can be.

First, let’s talk about children. Children should be taught to respect mom and dad and by extension to respect adults, office holders, and thus pastors. Just as young children should not go around calling adults by their first names, likewise, they should not refer to their teachers at school or their pastors at church by their first names. What about teens, are they to avoid a first name familiarity with their teachers? What about college students ranging from young people to much, much older young people? Are they to avoid a first name familiarity? I am not sure on how insistent that we ought to be on this point. But I will say that when students refer to the instructor in terms that show respect for his learning and his position in the classroom (obviously with a respectful tone and hopefully with a respectful heart) they honor the teacher and they cultivate a healthy learning environment. The instructor is thus not treated as my best friend but as an educated person that is helping me overcome my ignorance. A tone is set that encourages teaching by the teacher and learning by the student. By analogy, I would say that referring to ministers as pastors acknowledges the God appointed office they hold and it sets a tone that encourages pastors in their labors and that encourages disciples of Christ in their learning under pastoral care. The idea of being under pastoral care involves humble submission in the context of gospel preaching and teaching (cf. 1 Thess. 4:12-13; 1 Tim. 5:17-18; Heb. 13:7, 17).

Second, let’s distinguish between heart submission and “nouns of address.” If church members do not value the principle of submission to their pastors, then they have a problem of pride. That is the case because submission is a matter of humility, of humble love. Furthermore, if they can never bring themselves to address the pastor as “pastor,” it may be due to a spirit of pride. However, one may have respect without cultivating it in nouns of address (as in the mother/daughter example cited above because of other things that have a balancing effect).

Third, let me speak to this in a subjective way. I feel honored when you refer to me as your pastor and when you address me in this way. Without question, I feel more honored to be addressed as pastor than to be called Reverend, doctor, or by my first name. When you call me by my first name I gladly own our friendship. Our friendship is very important to me and I highly value it. But when you call me by my first name I do not feel honored as your pastor. It is not that I feel dishonored, probably because I am honored to be your friend. In the use of first names, being honored as your pastor is simply not in the picture; it’s a different ball game. However, when you address me as pastor, it is like a call to attention for me; it gets my attention in a very endearing way. It is a reminder to me of my office and when you use this noun of address, it is a polite way of telling me that you think of me in this way, namely, as your pastor, yours personally. This is a little thing that goes a long way on the path of encouraging me. It removes fog from the road and serves as an invitation to me to be your pastor in the best way that I can. It is encouraging to me. By your use of this title, I feel respected, honored, and encouraged in my work in the gospel (cf. Heb. 13:17). It is one way that I feel loved by you (cf. 1 Thess. 5:12).

Using a person’s first name is a lesser and an external matter. The real issue is the cultivation of honor, avoiding obvious and offensive rudeness, and thus cultivating love. Calling me “pastor” is a polite way for you to affirm my calling before our risen Lord and to push me forward in serving you in a personal way. As I mentioned before, this may be a little thing but “little things mean a lot.” I may have stated this somewhat poorly but there is a relationship of some kind between pride in the heart, speech (like boasting), and courtesies that express and promote God ordained authority structures.

2A. The implied exhortation to humble love

As we have stated before, the description of love is given to unpack the duty of following the excellent way (1 Cor. 12:31). The duty is like changing clothes. We have the duty to our risen Lord to take some things off and to put other things on. We are to infer to the opposite of pride. In this way we are to turn from pride to humble love. Here are some inferences we can draw in this connection.

1) Commit your greatness to God. A text in Jeremiah states this point succinctly: “Should you then seek great things for yourself? Seek them not” (Jer. 45:5).

The opening section of the love chapter shows us how to be somebody (cf. the “I am” phrases). What the proud person wants is only obtained by turning away from pride to humble love. By humble love true meaning is given to who I am. If I really want to be someone great, I must pursue the excellent pathway of love. Here is the opposite of pride: I must leave it to God to give what greatness He chooses, how it will be made evident, and when it will become a reality in my experience (in the now or in the not yet). So, the exhortation is, “go the way of humble love.” Put your personal ambitions aside. Leave whatever greatness shall be yours in the hands of the Lord to give as He pleases.

2) Let your “yielded-ness” be evident to all. Pride shows up in seeking the greatest regard. An arrogant person has a certain “air” about him; he has his nose in the air. His ideas are the best and are to be followed by everyone else. The exhortation here is to yield to the wants, wishes, needs, goals, desires, and perspectives of others as much as you can (in little things and in larger things). This is especially true in the life of the church and in the Christian home. It is a great quality of humble love to have husband and wife trying to out do each other in yielded-ness: “you go first, let’s do what you want, no not what I want but what you want.” In this connection, it is a difficult problem when one party gives and the other only takes: the proud person says, “yea, me, what I want is most important.”

3) Replace scorn with kindness. To scorn is to belittle by words, gestures, or actions, to make people feel small or unworthy in our presence. It comes out in sneering ridicule (directly or indirectly given). Sometimes we learn how to improve when we are scorned but it still hurts (I recall becoming aware of how I spoke by being ridiculed for using words like “chimly” for chimney and “tager” for “tiger” as in the Detroit Tagers). Thus, by kind words and deeds protect the feelings of others. This exalts others while curbing self-exaltation.

4) Express a teachable spirit or be teachable. Stubborn pride leads to contention because the stubborn person wants everything to go his way and if it does not then he will make things difficult for others.

Here is a needed caution. When you disagree with pastoral exhortations or correction from others and you say to yourself (and perhaps to others), “I disagree” be careful, you think you stand but you are in danger of falling. If you say, “I don’t need this,” then mark it down, you probably need it in a big way. There is something there for you that you need. But you will never tap into it if your stance is characterized by an unwillingness to take a hard and possibly painful look at yourself. Here is a valuable perspective by which to guard the heart: whenever you find yourself in a spirit of resisting something, of hand waving, and of throwing up barriers to block full consideration of something, then at that very point you need to humble yourself before God and others.

Let me say something more about “I disagree.” It is usually a sign of need. It can be ostentation in a subtle way. Other people are informed that I do not agree with x or y. What does this contribute to the discussion? It often simply polarizes and ends discussion if any were about to take place. My view is placed out in bold relief over against “so and so’s” view. The accent is on “my” view. It is totally different if a) reasons are given for my view and reasons are given that justify rejecting the other view. It is totally different b) if discussion is engaged with the person I disagree with. If I am unwilling to engage hearty interchange and godly argument then the “I disagree” phrase is a smoke screen for closed mindedness.

For example, let’s say you disagree with my preaching on some important areas of the law of God in relation Christian living. We can all agree that that is a legitimate posture for you to take and you are a believer-priest with no authoritative pope over you. We gladly and enthusiastically grant that as Protestants in the reformed tradition. However, if you disagree with your pastor-teacher and never engage him on that point then something is wrong, perhaps seriously wrong. This is a case where seeking out different views (seeking discussion with those who disagree with you) is most relevant for the valuable exercise of iron sharpening iron (Prov. 27:17). Ultimately it helps both parties and humble “one anothering” love will so engage (cf. how a sparring partner advances a boxer).

Open-mindedness goes hand in hand with humility. Unwillingness to compare with empathy (looking for the good) shows how narrow mindedness manifests a proud spirit. A good question to ask ourselves when confronted and the “I don’t agree” phrase comes out is, “Do I have a pride problem, am I thinking of myself more highly than I ought?” A humble person will oppose taking the hard line first with inflexibility.

Hence there is a two-tiered problem here. a) In particular, there is the issue of correction regarding whatever it is that is on the table. For example, when those close to us have some problem with our conduct and they tell us about it, this is a correction that ought to be received, pondered, and carefully weighed to whatever benefit we can get. b) But in general is the issue of pride. Which is worse? Most likely, the worse thing is the general disposition of pride, especially when the particular issue arises directly from pride and is driven by it. Even if the correction is inaccurate and unfair, it is evident that the proud spirit that is aroused is the most important real problem.

Thus, willingly receive teaching, admonition, and correction. Recall the fact that pride makes us uneasy when we are exposed. It may make us angry. Humility will dispose us to accept and even prize correction. It is seen as the work of a friend in kindness (Ps. 141:5; Prov. 12:13, 18). Peter directly says “clothe yourselves with humility” (1 Pet. 5:5-7; he weaves humility before God and before man into the same fabric of godly conduct).

Conclusion

1) Admit your need to the Lord. Swallow your pride. Own up to the hidden man problem like Augustine did: “Yes, Lord I wear a mask looking in the mirror of your holy word. Take me from behind my back where I have placed me and show me how foul I truly am. Let me see this sin squarely but in light of the healing balm of the humble love of Christ who gave Himself for me.” This is how we are exposed to the all-seeing eyes of God without being reduced to shameful things and shattered into a thousand pieces. Again, recall that Jesus said, “he that humbles himself will be exalted” (Lk. 18:14).

2) The ultimate remedy to pride is to give all glory to God. That means to turn away from self, from autonomy, self-applause, boasting, and rudeness.

1. a) To give God glory is to acknowledge your comparative smallness before Him admitting that you are finite and sinful. In Genesis18: 27, Abraham says, “I am but dust” in contrast to God whose throne is in the heavens. With Job, the humble person says, “I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes”(Job 42:6). This attitude “before God” is the most essential thing. Say, with the Psalmist, “not unto us, not unto us, but to your name give glory.”
2. b) Hence the flip side of this is even more important. You are to confess His comparative greatness (His incomparable greatness) by submitting to Him, praising Him, seeking His will in your daily life, and seeking to glorify God in everything you do. For example, consider Psalm 139:1-6 and the Psalmist’s confession of sin and ignorance before the Lord whose knowledge is “too wonderful for me, it is high and I cannot attain unto it.” Also, consider how God is independent needing nothing whereas we totally need Him “in whom we live and move and have our being” (Acts 17:24-26).
3. c) So humility begins with knowing God. If you get a true view of the sovereign majesty of God manifest in the work of Jesus Christ the risen Lord, then you will worship. You will worship Him, praise Him, and seek to honor Him in all you do. It presupposes the belief that man is created by God to be His image. We can never have a proper view of ourselves without a proper view of the Creator/creature distinction and relationship presented in the Bible. Humility is a comparative thing. Comparing is where we often get into trouble yet this is exactly where humility comes into play. It is a matter of how we see ourselves in relation to God and from that perspective how we see ourselves in relation to others.

3) Subject yourself wholly to the risen Lord Jesus Christ. This is the way to greatness, exaltation, peace, and rest of soul (cf. Matt. 11:28-30).

I close with the following thoughts from Edwards:

Distrust yourself. Rely only on God. Renounce all glory except from him. Yield yourself heartily to his will and service. Avoid an aspiring, ambitious, ostentatious, assuming, arrogant, scornful, stubborn, willful, leveling, self-justifying behavior; and strive for more and more of the humble spirit that Christ manifested while he was on earth. Earnestly seek, then, and diligently and prayerfully cherish, a humble spirit, and God shall walk with you here below, and when a few more days shall have passed, he will receive you to the honors bestowed on his people at Christ’s right hand (Charity, 155-56).

The Cookie Thief

A woman was waiting at an airport one night. With several long hours before her flight.
She hunted for a book in the airport shop, Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop.

She was engrossed in her book, but happened to see, That the man beside her, as bold as could be,
Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag between, Which she tried to ignore, to avoid a scene.

She read, munched cookies, and watched the clock, As the gutsy “cookie thief!” diminished her stock.
She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by, Thinking, “If I wasn’t so nice, I’d blacken his eye!”

With each cookie she took, he took one, too. When only one was left, she wondered what he’d do.
With a smile on his face and a nervous laugh, He took the last cookie and broke it in half.

He offered her half, as he ate the other. She snatched it from him and thought, “Oh brother,
This guy has some nerve, and he’s also rude, Why, he didn’t even show any gratitude!”

She had never known when she had been so galled, And sighed with relief when her flight was called.
She gathered her belongings and headed for the gate, Refusing to look back at the “thieving ingrate.”

She boarded the plane and sank in her seat, Then sought her book, which was almost complete.
As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise. There was her bag of cookies in front of her eyes!

“If mine are here,” she moaned with despair, “Then the others were his and he tried to share!”
Too late to apologize, she realized with grief, That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief!

Source Unknown

(1 Corinthians 13:4 NIV)  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

Love is not puffed up (phusioutai): prideful, arrogant, conceited; oes not think nor act as though oneself is better or above others. Love is modest and humble and recognizes and honors others.

Love is not inflated with its own importance.  Napoleon always advocated the sanctity of the home and the obligation of public worship-for others.  Of himself he said, “I am not a man like other men.  The laws of morality do not apply to me.”

The really great man never thinks of his own importance.

Carey, who began life as a cobbler, was one of the greatest missionaries and certainly one of the greatest linguists the world has ever seen.  He translated at least parts of the Bible into no fewer than thirty-four Indian languages.  When he came to India, he was regarded with dislike and contempt.  At a dinner party a snob, with the idea of humiliating him, said in a tone that everyone could hear, “I suppose, Mr.  Carey, you once worked as a shoe-maker.”  “No, your lordship,” answered Carey, “not a shoe-maker, only a cobbler.”

He did not even claim to make shoes-only to mend them.  No one likes the “important” person.  Man “dressed in a little brief authority” can be a sorry sight.

Arrogance and boasting are the reverse side of the coin. Jealousy is my sinful response to the prosperity of others. Arrogance and boasting are my sinful response to my own prosperity.

Arrogance (or pride) takes credit for my “success,” as though it were due to my own merit or superior efforts. Boasting is letting other people know about my success in a way that tempts others to be jealous of that success.

These Christians had a problem with boasting:

(1 Corinthians 1:29 NIV)  so that no one may boast before him.

(1 Corinthians 1:31 NIV)  Therefore, as it is written: “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.”

(1 Corinthians 3:21 NIV)  So then, no more boasting about men! All things are yours,

The Corinthian believers thought they had arrived at perfection. Paul already had warned them “not to exceed what is written, in order that no one of you might become arrogant in behalf of one against the other. For who regards you as superior? And what do you have that you did not receive? But if you did receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it? You are already filled,” he continues sarcastically, “you have already become rich, you have become kings without us; and I would indeed that you had become kings so that we also might reign with you” (1 Cor. 4:6-8).

Becoming still more sarcastic, he says, “We [the apostles] are fools for Christ’s sake, but you are prudent in Christ; we are weak, but you are strong; you are distinguished, but we are without honor” (v. 10). A few verses later the apostle is more direct: “Now some of you have become arrogant, as though I were not coming to you” (v. 18).

(1 Corinthians 5:6 NIV)  Your boasting is not good. Don’t you know that a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough?

Paul’s response was very different:

 (1 Corinthians 9:15-16 NIV)  But I have not used any of these rights. And I am not writing this in the hope that you will do such things for me. I would rather die than have anyone deprive me of this boast. {16} Yet when I preach the gospel, I cannot boast, for I am compelled to preach. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!

 (1 Corinthians 15:31 NIV)  I die every day–I mean that, brothers–just as surely as I glory over you in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Everything good that the Corinthians had came from the Lord, and they therefore had no reason to boast and be arrogant. Yet they were puffed up and conceited about their knowledge of doctrine, their spiritual gifts, and the famous teachers they had had.

They were so jaded in their pride that they even boasted about their carnality, worldliness, idolatry, and immorality, including incest, which was not even practiced by pagans (5:1). They were arrogant rather than repentant; they bragged rather than mourned (v. 2). Love, by contrast, is not arrogant.

The Confession of John the Baptist – John 3:22-36

“After these things came Jesus and his disciples into the land of Judaea; and there he tarried with them, and baptized. {23} And John also was baptizing in Aenon near to Salim, because there was much water there: and they came, and were baptized. {24} For John was not yet cast into prison.

John alone bears witness to Jesus’ early Judean ministry which lasted 8-9 months. In the Synoptics we have no hint of this period which took place between Matthew 4:11 and 12 (cf. Mk 1:13-14; Lk 4:13-14). Jesus came to Jerusalem for the Passover (Jn 2:13, about April) and stayed until four months before harvest (Jn 4:35). During this time Jesus cleansed the temple (Jn 2:13-22), performed many miracles (Jn 2:23; 3:2), and baptized disciples (Jn 3:23). But we have very meager details of his actual words and deeds.

During these days, John’s popularity was falling off as quickly as Jesus’ was growing. That is, in fact, exactly what John desired. But in their fraternal competition, John’s disciples saw this as a real setback. This is the impetus behind our text.

Jesus’ ministry had been in Galilee up to this time. Now He moves into John’s domain. The six disciples of Jesus were with Jesus here…John 4:2 tells us that Jesus did not personally baptize anyone. Have you ever wondered why?  Is it likely that Jesus knew “fan clubs” would develop later if they had been baptized by THE SON OF GOD? We need only look at the church at Corinth (cpt. 1) to see the problem manifested.

When Jesus began to preach He soon overshadowed the ministry of John the Baptist. Yet John spoke of Him as “He who comes after me, the thong of whose sandal I am not worthy to untie” (John 1:27).

 “An argument developed between some of John’s disciples and a certain Jew over the matter of ceremonial washing. {26} They came to John and said to him, “Rabbi, that man who was with you on the other side of the Jordan–the one you testified about–well, he is baptizing, and everyone is going to him.” {27} To this John replied, “A man can receive only what is given him from heaven. {28} You yourselves can testify that I said, ‘I am not the Christ but am sent ahead of him.”

These are the last recorded words of John the Baptist. They show John’s dignity and Jesus’ superiority. His first statement, “A man can receive nothing, unless it has been given him from heaven,” can apply either to himself or to Jesus. If he means Jesus, he would be saying, “Jesus received his ministry from God, therefore, I am pleased that he has so many disciples.” But if John is talking about himself, he may be saying, “My ministry I received from God. Therefore, I have no right to promote myself or exceed the bound of my purpose.” This makes a lot of sense, especially in the context of vv. 28-30.

John’s picture from verse 29 was a joyous and common one in his day (cf. Jer 7:34; 25:10; 33:11). The friend of the bridegroom would announce his coming, ask for the hand of the bride, and prepare the arrangements for the reception. But his joy was in promoting his friend, not himself. Likewise, John’s joy is in Jesus’ advancement, not in his own. Never were more noble words spoken from a disciple than these of John, “He must increase, but I must decrease.”(vs. 30).

His response incorporates four ideas:

1. God is in charge, not man (vs. 27).
2. All work is significant, but only one work is preeminent (vs. 28).
3. Joy comes from being obedient, not from getting glory (vs. 29).
4. Humility calls attention to Christ, not self (vs. 30).

It is interesting to note that four of the greatest men in the Bible faced this problem of comparison and competition: Moses (Numbers 11:26-30), John the Baptist, Jesus (Luke 9:46-50), and Paul (Phil.1:15-18). A leader often suffers more from his zealous disciples than from his critics!

The similar response can be seen in Moses as he deals with the competitive spirit that has surfaced in his followers regarding two young, upstart prophets.

Numbers 11:26-29: “However, two men, whose names were Eldad and Medad, had remained in the camp. They were listed among the elders, but did not go out to the Tent. Yet the Spirit also rested on them, and they prophesied in the camp. {27} A young man ran and told Moses, “Eldad and Medad are prophesying in the camp.” {28} Joshua son of Nun, who had been Moses’ aide since youth, spoke up and said, “Moses, my lord, stop them!” {29} But Moses replied, “Are you jealous for my sake? I wish that all the Lord’s people were prophets and that the LORD would put his Spirit on them!”

If the new teacher was winning more followers it was not because he was stealing them from John, because God was giving them to him. John understood that no man could receive more than God gave him.

It would ease life a great deal if more people were prepared to play the subordinate role. So many people look for great things to do; John was not like that. He knew well that God had given him a subordinate task.

It would save us a lot of resentment and heartbreak if we realized that there are certain things which are not for us, and if we accepted with all our hearts and did with all our might the work that God has given us to do.

To do a secondary task for God makes it a great task! Mrs. Browning said, “All service ranks the same with God.”

Jealousy and envy are often used interchangeably, but there is a difference. Envy begins with empty hands, mourning for what it doesn’t have. Jealousy is not quite the same.

It begins with full hands but is threatened by the loss of its plenty. It is the pain of losing what I have to someone else.

John and Moses certainly knew how to cope with envy and jealousy. So did the psalmist in Psalm 75:6-7: “No one from the east or the west or from the desert can exalt a man.  {7} But it is God who judges: He brings one down, he exalts another.”

“The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom’s voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. {30} He must become greater; I must become less.”

John used a vivid picture which every Jew would recognize, for it was part of the heritage of Jewish thought. He called Jesus the bridegroom and himself the friend of the bridegroom (one of the great pictures of the Old Testament is of Israel as the bride of God and God as the bridegroom of Israel. The New Testament took this image and spoke of the church as the bride of Christ {2 Cor. 11:2; Eph. 5:22-32}).

The friend of the bridegroom, the “shoshben,” had a unique place at a Jewish wedding. He acted as the liaison between the bride and the bridegroom; he arranged the wedding; he took out the invitations; he presided at the wedding feast. He brought the bride and the bridegroom together.

And he had one special duty: it was his duty to guard the bridal chamber and to let no false lover in. He would open the door only when in the dark he heard the bridegroom’s voice and recognized it.

When he heard his voice he let him in and went away rejoicing, for now his task was completed and the lovers were together.

He did not begrudge the bridegroom the bride. He knew that his only task had been to bring bride and bridegroom together.  And when that task was done he willingly and gladly faded out of the picture.

John the Baptist had the task of bringing Christ and Israel together; to arrange the marriage between Christ the bridegroom and Israel the bride. That task completed he was happy to fade into obscurity for his work was done.

It was not with envy that he said that Jesus must increase and he must decrease—it was with joy. It may be that sometimes we would do well to remember that it is not to ourselves we must try to attach people; it is to Jesus Christ! It is not for ourselves we seek the loyalty of men; it is for him.

“The one who comes from above is above all; the one who is from the earth belongs to the earth, and speaks as one from the earth. The one who comes from heaven is above all. {32} He testifies to what he has seen and heard, but no one accepts his testimony. {33} The man who has accepted it has certified that God is truthful. {34} For the one whom God has sent speaks the words of God, for God gives the Spirit without limit.”

Once again, John’s theology of Jesus astounds us (vv. 31-36). Here we have a fully developed understanding of Jesus’ divinity and sonship, as well as obedient faith in response to him.

Like wisdom, love says, “Pride and arrogance and the evil way, and the perverted mouth, I hate” (Prov. 8:13).

Other proverbs remind us that “when pride comes, then comes dishonor” (11:2), that “through presumption comes nothing but strife” (13:10), and that “pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before stumbling” (16:18; cf. 29:23).

Pride and arrogance breed contention, with which the Corinthian church was filled. In such things love has no part. Arrogance is big-headed; love is big-hearted.

Swallow your pride occasionally. It’s nonfattening.    — Tyger, Frank. Men of Integrity, Vol. 3 No. 3 p. 52.

He who takes his rank lightly raises his own dignity.   — Hebrew Proverb, quoted in Men of Integrity, Vol. 3, no. 3, p. 55

In Charles Colson’s book about his experiences during Watergate, he shares one of President Nixon’s problems — he could never admit he was wrong in anything. In fact, Colson said that even when Nixon obviously had a cold — nose running, face red, sneezing, all the symptoms of a cold — he would never admit it.

Some people’s egos are so huge that they have to be either the bride at the wedding or the corpse at the funeral.  They think other people exist only to serve them in some way or another.  Adolf Hitler was like that.  According to Robert Waite, when Hitler was searching for a chauffeur, he interviewed thirty candidates for the job.  He selected the shortest man in the group and kept him as his personal driver for the rest of his life; even though the man required special blocks under the driver’s set so that he could see over the steering wheel.  Hitler used others to make himself appear bigger and better than he really was.  A person consumed with himself never considers spending time raising others up.   — Robert G.C. Waite

(1 Corinthians 13:4 NIV)  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast…

Love does not vaunt itself (peopereuetai): is not boastful; does not brag nor seek recognition, honor, or applause from others. On the contrary, love seeks to give: to recognize, to honor, to applaud the other person.

While some believers may have a problem with envy, those with the “greater” gifts might have a problem with boasting or pride. Again, it seems that this may have been a problem in Corinth.

When spectacularly gifted believers begin to boast, they have directed their energy toward themselves. The gift becomes not a tool of service for the kingdom but a way of self-advancement. Such believers are proud. While some pride can be positive, this kind of pride takes credit for an undeserved gift.

Gifted believers who are caught up in pride and boasting over their gifts are unable to serve. Without love, they may feel that by using their gifts, they are doing someone a favor, that others should be grateful to them, and that they are far superior.

Before we look at the aspect of love that is part of our series from 1 Cor. 13, we need to read the words of Paul in Phil. 2:4-11: “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. {5} Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: {6} Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, {7} but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. {8} And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death– even death on a cross! {9} Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, {10} that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, {11} and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”

Paul understood what was  really important in life. The understanding he had of the cross put a proper focus on  all of life’s endeavors.

Love is no braggart.  There is a self-effacing quality in love.  True love will always be far more impressed with its own unworthiness than its own merit.

Some people confer their love with the idea that they are conferring a favor.  But the real lover cannot ever get over the wonder that he is loved.  Love is kept humble by the consciousness that it can never offer its loved one a gift which is good enough.

I found myself working early hours during the fall of 1971. Terry and I had just been married two months and she was finishing her last semester of school, which involved student teaching in a local elementary school.

I went to school part-time that semester and finished two semesters later. But I gladly did what needed to be done so we could both get out of school and “get on with our lives;” I went to work at 2:30 a.m.,  got off around 1:00 p.m. and took classes at night (though I admit I did very little studying that semester …literally getting my days and nights confused).

I found myself getting the lowest jobs on the totem pole – you know, the jobs no one else was forced to do. Why?  The answer is found in two words: pecking order.

We can thank Norwegian naturalists for the term. They are the ones who studied the barnyard caste system. By counting the number of times chickens give and receive pecks, we can discern a chain of command. The alpha bird does most of the pecking, and the omega bird gets pecked. The rest of the chickens are somewhere in between.

Those days in Murfreesboro, Tennessee taught me that me something: I understood the pecking order.

You do too. You know the system. Pecking orders are a part of life. And, to an extent, they should be. We need to know who is in charge. Ranking systems can clarify our roles. The problem with pecking orders is not the order. The problem is with the pecking.

Just ask the shortest kid in class or the janitor whose name no one knows or cares to know. The minority family can tell you. So can the new fellow on the factory line and the family scapegoat. It’s not pleasant to be the plankton in the food chain.

A friend who grew up on a farm told me about a time she saw their chickens attacking a sick newborn. She ran and told her mother what was happening. Her mother explained, “That’s what chickens do. When one is really sick, the rest peck it to death.”

For that reason God says that love has no place for pecking orders. Jesus won’t tolerate such thinking. Such barnyard mentality may fly on the farm but not in his kingdom. Just listen to what he says about the alpha birds of his day:

They do good things so that other people will see them. They make the boxes of Scriptures that they wear bigger, and they make their special prayer clothes very long. Those Pharisees and teachers of the law love to have the most important seats at feasts and in the synagogues. They love people to greet them with respect in the marketplaces, and they love to have people call them “Teacher.” ( Matt. 23:5–7 )

Jesus blasts the top birds of the church, those who roost at the top of the spiritual ladder and spread their plumes of robes, titles, jewelry, and choice seats. Jesus won’t stand for it. It’s easy to see why.

How can I love others if my eyes are only on me? How can I point to God if I’m pointing at me? And, worse still, how can someone see God if I keep fanning my own tail feathers?

Jesus has no room for pecking orders. Love “does not boast, it is not proud” ( 1 Cor. 13:4 niv ).

His solution to man-made caste systems? A change of direction. In a world of upward mobility, choose downward servility. Go down, not up. “Regard one another as more important than yourselves” ( Phil. 2:3 nasb ). That’s what Jesus did.

He flip-flopped the pecking order. While others were going up, he was going down.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross! ( Phil. 2:5–8 niv )

When the loving person is himself successful he does not boast of it. He does not brag.

To brag” is used nowhere else in the New Testament and means to talk conceitedly. Love does not parade its accomplishments. Bragging is the other side of jealousy. Jealousy is wanting what someone else has. Bragging is trying to make others jealous of what we have. Jealousy puts others down; bragging builds us up. It is ironic that, as much as most of us dislike bragging in others, we are so inclined to brag ourselves.

The Corinthian believers were spiritual show-offs, constantly vying for public attention. They clamored for the most prestigious offices and the most glamorous gifts. They all wanted to talk at once, especially when speaking ecstatically. Most of their tongues-speaking was counterfeit, but their bragging about it was genuine. They cared nothing for harmony, order, fellowship, edification, or anything else worthwhile. They cared only for flaunting themselves. “What is the outcome then, brethren? When you assemble, each one has a psalm, has a teaching, has a revelation, has a tongue, has an interpretation” (1 Cor. 14:26). Each did his own thing as prominently as possible, in total disregard for what others were doing.

Charles Trumbull once vowed: “God, if you will give me the strength, every time I have the opportunity to introduce the topic of conversation it will always be Jesus Christ.” He had only one subject that was truly worth talking about. If Christ is first in our thoughts, we cannot possibly brag.

1. S. Lewis called bragging “the utmost evil.” It is the epitome of pride, which is the root sin of all sins. Bragging puts ourselves first. Everyone else, including God, must therefore be of less importance to us. It is impossible to build ourselves up without putting others down. When we brag, we can be “up” only if others are “down.”

Jesus was God incarnate, yet never exalted Himself in any way “Although He existed in the form of God, [He] did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and … being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself” (Phil. 2:6-8).

Jesus, who had everything to boast of, never boasted. In total contrast, we who have nothing to boast of are prone to boast. Only the love that comes from Jesus Christ can save us from flaunting our knowledge, our abilities, our gifts, or our accomplishments, real or imagined.

Arrogance and boasting are the reverse side of the coin. Jealousy is my sinful response to the prosperity of others. Arrogance and boasting are my sinful response to my own prosperity. Arrogance (or pride) takes credit for my “success,” as though it were due to my own merit or superior efforts. Boasting is letting other people know about my success in a way that tempts others to be jealous of that success.

Arrogance and boasting are not Christian virtues; humility is a virtue. Arrogance is a character trait of Satan. In Isaiah 14 and Ezekiel 28, political potentates are rebuked for their arrogance in a way that suggests a close kinship to Satan himself. It is not possible to take pride in that which we are given, apart from merit or works.

We cannot boast or take credit for the gift of salvation, and neither do we dare be proud of our spiritual gifts or ministries: “For who regards you as superior? And what do you have that you did not receive? But if you did receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it?” (1 Corinthians 4:7).

Grace pulls the rug out from under pride and boasting. Paul once took great pride in his performance as a Pharisee, but not after he was saved.

Parenting today seems to operate on just the opposite premise as that set down here by the apostle Paul. Many parents seem to think that in order to be loving parents they must tolerate bad behavior from their children rather than insist on good behavior. Children throw screaming fits, and parents helplessly shrug their shoulders, as though they were powerless to change things and as though they have forgotten what Proverbs says about disciplining a child. Wives and husbands seem to think that if their mate really loves them, they will put up with their bad behavior. Paul turns the tables. He informs us that love requires us not to behave badly.

The Corinthians are not behaving themselves very well. There are divisions and factions. There is immorality, even such that pagans are shocked (chapter 5). There are lawsuits (chapter 6), and some are actually participating in heathen idol worship celebrations (chapters 8-10). Some Corinthians are not waiting for the rest, before they begin to observe the Lord’s Supper (chapter 11). All in all, the Corinthians are behaving badly. This is not what love is all about. Love is about behaving in an appropriate manner. It is about conduct befitting the circumstance. The Book of Proverbs has a great deal to say on this subject of appropriate behavior.

I cannot go on without pointing out some ways Christians behave badly, all in the name of “spirituality.” Often “spiritual considerations” become our “lion in the road,” not only excusing bad behavior, but, in our minds, demanding it.  One way is found in evangelism. Many of us use the gospel as an excuse to be pushy or overly aggressive with others. We confront, buttonhole, badger and bully others, all in the name of soul-winning. Who can fault the faithful “soul-winner”? But Jesus never intruded, never forced Himself upon an unwilling, uninterested victim. Soul-winning is no excuse for running over people rough shod so we can put another notch on our evangelistic gun: “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned, as it were, with salt, so that you may know how you should respond to each person” (Colossians 4:6).

Being “Spirit-led” is another pretext for bizarre behavior. Much of the conduct of the Corinthians in the church meeting was not Spirit-led but merely compulsive self-assertion. Let us never blame God for our bad behavior, and if we are those who truly do love God and others, let us not act badly, whether excused by pious language or not. Love does not act unbecomingly. Love is that kind of conduct which is winsome, which draws people to us, and which prompts them to ask us about our faith (see 1 Peter 3:13-15).

As a Christian, Paul saw his contribution to the work of God in a new light:

1 Finally, my brethren, rejoice in the Lord. To write the same things again is no trouble to me, and it is a safeguard for you. 2 Beware of the dogs, beware of the evil workers, beware of the false circumcision; 3 for we are the true circumcision, who worship in the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh, 4 although I myself might have confidence even in the flesh. If anyone else has a mind to put confidence in the flesh, I far more: 5 circumcised the eighth day, of the nation of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the Law, a Pharisee; 6 as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to the righteousness which is in the Law, found blameless. 7 But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. 8 More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish in order that I may gain Christ, 9 and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, 10 that I may know Him, and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death (Philippians 3:1-10).

Our calling in this life is not to “enter into the glory” of our Lord, the glory yet to come; rather, we are to enter into His sufferings:

24 Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I do my share on behalf of His body (which is the church) in filling up that which is lacking in Christ’s afflictions. 25 Of this church I was made a minister according to the stewardship from God bestowed on me for your benefit, that I might fully carry out the preaching of the word of God, 26 that is, the mystery which has been hidden from the past ages and generations; but has now been manifested to His saints, 27 to whom God willed to make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. 28 And we proclaim Him, admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom, that we may present every man complete in Christ. 29 And for this purpose also I labor, striving according to His power, which mightily works within me (Colossians 1:24-29).

12 Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; 13 but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing; so that also at the revelation of His glory, you may rejoice with exultation. 14 If you are reviled for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you (1 Peter 4:12-14).

The Corinthians were arrogant¹⁷⁹ (1 Corinthians 4:6, 18, 19; 5:2; 8:1; 2 Corinthians 12:20) and boastful (1 Corinthians 1:29, 31; 3:21; 4:7; 5:6; 9:15-16; 15:31; 2 Corinthians 7:4, 14; 8:24; 9:2-3; 10:8, 13, 15-17; 11:10, 12, 16-18, 30; 12:1, 5-6, 9). But how does pride and boasting manifest itself in the church—our church—today? Let me suggest some areas where pride might be found.

Pride and boasting are found wherever the most coveted gifts and ministries are present. People who mean well may compliment those with outstanding gifts, and their words may become flattery; the thoughts of those so praised may produce arrogance. One area of pride is the family. Those who may have prayerfully and diligently (though not infallibly) sought to raise their children in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4) may be broken-hearted because of the outcome, at least as judged at the moment.

And those whose children appear to have turned out “right” may, without knowing it, be inclined to take credit for these results. In truth, good parenting is never a guarantee of good children. God is sovereign in the election and salvation of our children, and He is under no obligation to save them because of any work or merit on our part. When our children walk with the Lord, it is solely due to the grace of God and not to our good parenting. We, as parents, are obligated to be faithful in the rearing of our children, just as we are to be faithful in proclaiming the gospel. But faithful parenting, like faithful proclamation, does not assure us of the results.

Many of us have discovered that we have nothing worth boasting about in ourselves. But we nevertheless find ways to boast in a second-hand manner. The Corinthians, for example, boasted in their leaders: “I am of Paul, Apollos, …” etc. We can do the same: “I go to _________’s church.” Or we can boast in our church: “I go to a New Testament church that teaches the Bible.” “Our church is serious about Bible study or Bible doctrine.” “Our church believes and teaches the full gospel.” Many of these statements may be desirable and even true, but our attitude can be one of pride, our speech boasting.

Advertising is yet another difficult area. I have yet to hear a radio commercial for a church that says anything negative about that church. Can you imagine hearing a local Christian station advertisement: “We are nothing really special. We are not all that successful. In fact, our membership has declined over the past ten years, our budget has slipped, we are giving less to missions, and we’re becoming liberal in our theology.”

Our Christian radio station advertisements offer invitations to attend the church where “things are happening,” where “the Lord is at work,” where “the Spirit of God is blessing as never before … .” If we were to believe our own publicity, we would be proud, and if we actually advertise in this way, we are boasting.

Jesus never found it necessary to send a promotional team ahead of Him, to have radio spots, full-page advertisements, or other propaganda devices. In fact, Jesus often commanded those for whom He did miracles to keep quiet about them and not to advertise Him. Would that the power of God were so evident in the church today that no advertising would be needed.

Would you do what Jesus did? He swapped a spotless castle for a grimy stable. He exchanged the worship of angels for the company of killers. He could hold the universe in his palm but gave it up to float in the womb of a maiden.

If you were God, would you sleep on straw, nurse from a breast, and be clothed in a diaper? I wouldn’t, but Christ did.

If you knew that only a few would care that you came, would you still come? If you knew that those you loved would laugh in your face, would you still care? If you knew that the tongues you made would mock you, the mouths you made would spit at you, the hands you made would crucify you, would you still make them? Christ did. Would you regard the immobile and invalid more important than yourself? Jesus did.

He humbled himself. He went from commanding angels to sleeping in the straw. From holding stars to clutching Mary’s finger. The palm that held the universe took the nail of a soldier.

Why? Because that’s what love does. It puts the beloved before itself. Your soul was more important than his blood. Your eternal life was more important than his earthly life. Your place in heaven was more important to him than his place in heaven, so he gave up his so you could have yours.

He loves you that much, and because he loves you, you are of prime importance to him.

Christ stands in contrast to the barnyard. He points to the sparrow, the most inexpensive bird of his day, and says, “Five sparrows are sold for only two pennies, and God does not forget any of them.… You are worth much more than many sparrows” ( Luke 12:6–7 ).

God remembers the small birds of the world. We remember the eagles. We make bronze statues of the hawk. We name our athletic teams after the falcons. But God notices the sparrows. He makes time for the children and takes note of the lepers. He offers the woman in adultery a second chance and the thief on the cross a personal invitation. Christ is partial to the beat up and done in and urges us to follow suit. “When you give a feast, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind” ( Luke 14:13 ).

Want to love others as God has loved you? Come thirsty. Drink deeply of God’s love for you, and ask him to fill your heart with a love worth giving. A love that will enable you to:

Put others before yourself. Esther Kim knows what this means. For thirteen years she had one dream. The Summer Olympics. She wanted to represent the United States on the Olympic tae kwon do squad.

From the age of eight, she spent every available hour in training. In fact, it was in training that she met and made her best friend, Kay Poe. The two worked so hard for so long that no one was surprised when they both qualified for the 2000 Olympic trials in Colorado Springs.

Everyone, however, was surprised when they were placed in the same division. They’d never competed against each other, but when the number of divisions was reduced, they found their names on the same bracket. It would be just a matter of events before they found themselves on the same mat. One would win and one would lose. Only one could go to Australia.

As if the moment needed more drama, two facts put Esther Kim in a heartrending position. First, her friend Kay injured her leg in the match prior to theirs. Kay could scarcely walk, much less compete. Because of the injury Esther could defeat her friend with hardly any effort.

But then there was a second truth. Esther knew that Kay was the better fighter. If she took advantage of her crippled friend, the better athlete would stay home.

So what did she do? Esther stepped onto the floor and bowed to her friend and opponent. Both knew the meaning of the gesture. Esther forfeited her place. She considered the cause more important than the credit. ^[1]1

This is a good time for a few poignant questions. What’s more important to you—that the work be done or that you be seen? When a brother or sister is honored, are you joyful or jealous? Do you have the attitude of Jesus? Do you consider others more important than yourself?

And then:  Accept your part in his plan.

True humility is not thinking lowly of yourself but thinking accurately of yourself. The humble heart does not say, “I can’t do anything.” But rather, “I can’t do everything. I know my part and am happy to do it.”

When Paul writes “ consider others better than yourselves” ( Phil. 2:3 niv, emphasis mine), he uses a verb that means “to calculate,” “to reckon.” The word implies a conscious judgment resting on carefully weighed facts. ^[2]2 To consider others better than yourself, then, is not to say you have no place; it is to say that you know your place. “Don’t cherish exaggerated ideas of yourself or your importance, but try to have a sane estimate of your capabilities by the light of the faith that God has given to you” ( Rom. 12:3 phillips ).

And finally: Be quick to applaud the success of others. To the Romans, Paul gives this counsel: “Give each other more honor than you want for yourselves” ( Rom. 12:10 ).

William Barclay tells of a respected educator of a century past. He was known not just for his success but the way he handled it. On one occasion as he stepped to a seat on a platform, the public noticed who he was and began to applaud. Shocked, he turned and asked the man behind him to go ahead. He then began to applaud the man, assuming the applause was for him, and he was quite willing to share in it. ^[3]3

The humble heart honors others. Again, is Jesus not our example? Content to be known as a carpenter. Happy to be mistaken for the gardener. He served his followers by washing their feet. He serves us by doing the same. Each morning he gifts us with beauty. Each Sunday he calls us to his table. Each moment he dwells in our hearts. And does he not speak of the day when he as “the master will dress himself to serve and tell the servants to sit at the table, and he will serve them” ( Luke 12:37 )?

If Jesus is so willing to honor us, can we not do the same for others? Make people a priority. Accept your part in his plan. Be quick to share the applause. And, most of all, regard others as more important than yourself. Love does. For love “does not boast, it is not proud” ( 1 Cor. 13:4 niv ).

Someone is piecing this all together. His thoughts are something like this: If I think you are more important than I am … and you think I am more important than you are … and he thinks she is more important than he is … and she thinks he is more important than she is … then in the end everyone feels important but no one acts important.  H’m. You think that’s what God had in mind?  ^[4]

[1]1 Dan McCarney, “Courage to Quit,” San Antonio Express News, 13 July 2000, sec. 4C.

[2]2 Gerald F. Hawthorne, Philippians, vol. 43 of Word Biblical Commentary (Waco, Tex.: Word Publishing, 1983), 70.

[3]3 William Barclay, The Letter to the Romans, rev. ed. (Philadelphia: Westminster Press, 1975), 164.

[4]Lucado, M. 2002. A love worth giving : Living in the overflow of God’s love. W Pub. Group: Nashville, Tenn.

Jealousy is an ugly word. “It’s the green-eyed monster,” said Shakespeare in Othello. 

It has overtones of selfishness, suspicion, and distrust, and implies a hideous resentment or hostility toward other people because they enjoy some advantage.

It stifles freedom and individuality, it degrades and demeans, it breeds tension and discord, it destroys friendships and marriages. We view jealousy as a horrible trait and we hate it.

We do not read very far in the Bible before we hear God saying, Exodus 20:4-5 (ESV) “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. ⁵  You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me.”

A jealous God! How can a God who is holy, just, loving, gracious, merciful, and long-suffering possibly be jealous? We need to explore a side of jealousy that may have escaped us.

Yes, God is a jealous God. Why? Because He will not share His praise with another: “I am the LORD; that is my name; my glory I give to no other, nor my praise to carved idols” (Isaiah 42:8).

God carefully maintains and protects what is rightly His. This is divine jealousy, and it is worlds apart from the type of sinful jealousy that causes people to envy, suspect, and resent others.

The Meaning of God’s Jealousy

The root idea in the Old Testament word jealous is to become intensely red. It seems to refer to the changing color of the face or the rising heat of the emotions which are associated with intense zeal or fervor over something dear to us.

In both the Old and New Testament words for jealousy are also translated “zeal.” Being jealous and being zealous are essentially the same thing in the Bible. God is zealous—eager about protecting what is precious to Him.

One thing He views as especially important to Him in the Old Testament is the nation Israel. She belongs to Him as His special possession, His unique treasure.

For the LORD has chosen Jacob for Himself, Israel for His own possession (Psalm 135:4).

In fact, He views her as His wife. Through the Prophet Hosea He said to the nation, “And I will betroth you to Me forever” (Hosea 2:19).

In Exodus 20:5, it is not that God is jealous or envious because someone has something He wants or needs. “You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God…”

Notice that God is jealous when someone gives to another something that rightly belongs to Him.

In these verses, God is speaking of people making idols and bowing down and worshiping those idols instead of giving God the worship that belongs to Him alone.

God is possessive of the worship and service that belong to Him. It is a sin (as God points out in this commandment) to worship or serve anything other than God. It is a sin when we desire, or we are envious, or we are jealous of someone because he has something that we do not have.

It is a different use of the word “jealous” when God says He is jealous. What He is jealous of belongs to Him; worship and service belong to Him alone, and are to be given to Him alone.

The marital relationship may be the best way to help us understand the difference between sinful jealousy and righteous jealousy. I can be jealous over my relationship with my wife in a wrong way or in a right way.

For example, if I feel resentment or anger merely because I see her talking to another man, that would be self-centered possessiveness and unreasonable domination—in other words, sinful jealousy. It would stem from my own selfishness or insecurity rather than from my commitment to her and to what is right.

But, on the other hand, if I see some man actually trying to alienate my wife’s affections and seduce her, then I have reason to be righteously jealous.

God gave her to me to be my wife. Her body is mine just as my body is hers. I have the exclusive right to enjoy her fully, and for someone else to assume that right would be a violation of God’s holy standards.

Being jealous for something that God declares to belong to you is good and appropriate. Jealousy is a sin when it is a desire for something that does not belong to you.

Worship, praise, honor, and adoration belong to God alone, for only He is truly worthy of it. Therefore, God is rightly jealous when worship, praise, honor, or adoration is given to idols.

This is precisely the jealousy the apostle Paul described in 2 Corinthians 11:2, “I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy…”

He Is Jealous for His Holy Name. 

It wasn’t long after God first spoke of His jealousy that He had occasion to demonstrate it. Moses had come down from the mount with the two tablets of the law in his hands only to find the people of Israel carousing in idolatrous worship before the golden image of a calf. He dashed the tablets to the earth, burned the calf and ground it to powder, then commanded the Levites to discipline the people. It was a vivid expression of God’s jealousy operating through His servant Moses.

When the crisis was past, God invited Moses back to the mount for a fresh encounter with Himself. That was when He revealed His glory to Moses as no one had ever seen it before.

Moses saw Him as a compassionate, gracious, long-suffering God who abounds in mercy and truth (Exodus 34:6).

The culmination of that revelation came a few moments later when God said, “Watch yourself that you make no covenant with the inhabitants of the land into which you are going, lest it become a snare in your midst. But rather, you are to tear down their altars and smash their sacred pillars and cut down their Asherim—for you shall not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God” (Exodus 34:12-14).

God’s name is the epitome of who and what He is, and He says His name is Jealous. Jealousy is not merely a passing mood with God. It is the essence of His person. He cannot be other than jealous.

Since He is the highest and greatest being there is, infinitely holy and glorious, He must be passionately committed to preserving His honor and supremacy. He must zealously desire exclusive devotion and worship. To do less would make Him less than God. He said about Himself:

God is sovereign and supreme over all. Were He to share His glory with other so-called gods, He would be elevating them to a position that would not be consistent with their true nature, and it likewise would be making Him untrue to His own nature—less than the preeminent God He is.

He must be faithful to Himself and maintain His high and holy position, and He wants His creatures to attribute to Him that degree of honor. Basically, that is what He means when He says, “I shall be jealous for My holy name” (Ezekiel 39:25).

”You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain” (Exodus 20:7) (relate to careless words we use: exclamation of excitement surprise, crisis (OMG). We are not talking to God…not talking about God…we ARE taking His name in vain!

His jealousy does not grow out of insecurity, anxiety, frustration, covetousness, pride, or spite, as ours usually does. It is the natural and necessary by-product of His absolute sovereignty and infinite holiness.

We live in a pagan society where money is god and material possessions are the chief object of man’s worship. We need people who will be very jealous for the Lord God of hosts, people who will stand alone if need be against this insidious and contagious brand of idolatry and show the world that the Lord is God, people who will adopt a simpler lifestyle and use their resources for His glory rather than for their own comforts and pleasures.

We should be reminded, however, that it is possible to be jealous for God in the wrong way. Paul accused the Jews of his day of having a misdirected jealousy: “For I bear them witness that they have a zeal [jealousy] for God, but not in accordance with knowledge” (Romans 10:2). 

The Jews thought they were exalting the Lord above all gods, but in their system of salvation by performing religious rituals and deeds they actually exalted themselves above God. It was a jealousy for God all right, but not consistent with the knowledge God has revealed about Himself in His Word.

He Is Jealous for Our Best Interests. Not only is God jealous for Himself, but He is also jealous for us. He has a passionate, consuming zeal for our best interests, and He wants us to share that zeal by being jealous for one another.

• If we shared God’s jealousy for other believers, we would be busily engaged in intercessory prayer, faithfully bringing their needs to God’s attention.
• Our prayer lives would not be wholly occupied with our own problems, but we would beseech God on behalf of the specific needs of others in the body of Christ.
• We would want what is best for them, and we know that patterning their lives according to His Word will always result in their greatest possible good. If we cared enough we would share the very best—the eternal truths of God’s Word.

So our God is a jealous God! The truth of His jealousy challenges us to give God His due and to put Him before all else.

But it likewise guarantees that He is looking out for our best interests. Getting to know Him as a jealous God will increase our level of devotion to Him, deepen our trust in Him, and strengthen our dedication to pray for others and faithfully share His truth with them.

————–

Forty great soldiers from Cappadocia in Rome’s vaunted 12^th legion sha red Paul’s jealousy for God some 250 years after his death.

Licinius was reigning over the eastern portion of the empire but was sensing an increasing military threat from the west. He became more and more repressive in his policies, particularly toward Christians. To solidify his strength, he called on his armies to demonstrate their support by offering a sacrifice to the pagan gods.

Most of the legion stationed at Sebaste, a city south of the Black Sea, dutifully complied, but the 40 Cappadocians, all Christians, respectfully declined.

For more than a week they were placed under guard, where they sang and prayed together continually. Their captain pleaded with them: “Of all the soldiers who serve the emperor, none are more loved by us and more needed right now.

Do not turn our love into hatred. It lies in you whether to be loved or hated.” “If it rests with us,” they replied, “we have made our choice. We shall devote our love to our God.”

It was sundown when they were stripped and escorted shivering to the middle of a frozen lake with guards stationed along the shore. A heated Roman bathhouse stood ready at the shore for any of them who were prepared to renounce their faith in Christ and offer a pagan sacrifice. Their jailer stood by with arms folded, watching, as a bitter winter wind whipped across the ice.

But through the whistling wind the soldiers could be heard singing: 40 good soldiers for Christ! We shall not depart from You as long as You give us life. We shall call upon Your Name whom all creation praises: Fire and hail, snow and wind and storm. On You we have hoped and we were not ashamed!

As midnight approached, their song grew more feeble. Then a strange thing happened. One of the forty staggered toward shore, fell to his knees and began crawling toward the bathhouse.

“39 good soldiers for Christ!” came the weakening, trembling song from the distance. The jailer watched the man enter the bathhouse and emerge quickly, apparently overcome by the heat, then collapse on the ground and expire.

The other guards could not believe what they saw next. The jailer wrenched off his armor and coat, dashed to the edge of the lake, lifted his right hand and cried, “40 good soldiers for Christ!” then disappeared over the ice into the darkness.

All 40 were dead by the next day, but it was the jailer who caught the captain’s notice as their bodies were being carted away. “What is he doing there?” he demanded.

One of the guards replied, “We cannot understand it, Captain. Ever since those Christians came under his care, we noticed something different about him.”

The martyrs of Sebaste were jealous for the name of their God, and it had a profound impact on that jailer who looked on.

Our jealousy for God will have a similar effect on the people around us. ( Related in Decision, December 1963, page 8.)

Love does not envy (zeloi): is not jealous; does not have feelings against others because of what they have, such as gifts, position, friends, recognition, possessions, popularity, abilities. Love does not begrudge or attack or downplay the abilities and success of others. Love shares and joys and rejoices in the experience and good of others.

Jealousy is self-centered, miserable, and mean-spirited. A jealous individual cannot enjoy his food if someone else has tastier food. He cannot enjoy his possessions if another person has more. He cannot enjoy success if a companion is more successful. Jealousy affects a person’s life, his relationships with others, and his relationship with God. Because of jealousy, Cain killed his brother (Genesis 4:1–8). Because of jealousy, Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery (Genesis 37:11). Because of envy, the Jewish leaders handed Jesus over to Pilate (see Matthew 27:18). The KJV refers to envy as “rottenness of the bones” (Proverbs 14:30). One paraphrase says, “A relaxed attitude lengthens a man’s life; jealousy rots it away” (LB).

Here is the first of eight negative descriptions of love. Love is not jealous. Love and jealousy are mutually exclusive. Where one is, the other cannot be. Shakespeare called jealousy the “green sickness.” It also has been called “the enemy of honor” and “the sorrow of fools.” Jesus referred to it as “an evil eye” (Matt. 20:15, kjv).

Jealousy, or envy, has two forms. One form says, “I want what someone else has.” If they have a better car than we do, we want it. If they are praised for something they do, we want the same or more for ourselves. That sort of jealousy is bad enough. A worse kind says, “I wish they didn’t have what they have” (see Matt. 20:1-16).

The second sort of jealousy is more than selfish; it is desiring evil for someone else. It is jealousy on the deepest, most corrupt, and destructive level. That is the jealousy Solomon uncovered in the woman who pretended to be a child’s mother. When her own infant son died, she secretly exchanged him for the baby of a friend who was staying with her.

The true mother discovered what had happened and, when their dispute was taken before the king, he ordered the baby to be cut in half, a half to be given to each woman. The true mother pleaded for the baby to be spared, even if it meant losing possession of him. The false mother, however, would rather have had the baby killed than for the true mother to have him (1 Kings 3:16-27).

One of the hardest battles a Christian must fight is against jealousy. There is always someone who is a little better or who is potentially a little better than you are. We all face the temptation to jealousy when someone else does something better than we do. The first reaction of the flesh is to wish that person ill.

The root meaning of zēloō (“to be jealous“) is “to have a strong desire,” and is the term from which we get zeal. It is used both favorably and unfavorably in Scripture. In 1 Corinthians 13:4 the meaning is clearly unfavorable, which is why 12:31, part of the immediate context, should be taken as a statement of fact (“you are now earnestly desiring the greater, or showier, gifts”) and not a command to seek “the greater gifts.” The Greek word there translated “earnestly desire” is the same as that translated here is… jealous. One of the basic principles of hermeneutics is that identical terms appearing in the same context should be translated identically.

When love sees someone who is popular, successful, beautiful, or talented, it is glad for them and never jealous or envious. While Paul was imprisoned, probably in Rome, some of the younger preachers who then served where he had ministered were trying to outdo the apostle out of envy. They were so jealous of Paul’s reputation and accomplishments that, with their criticism, they intended to cause him additional “distress” while he suffered in prison. But Paul did not resent their freedom, their success, or even their jealousy. Though he did not condone their sin, he would not return envy for envy, but was simply glad that the gospel was being preached, whatever the motives (Phil. 1:15-17). He knew the message was more powerful than the messenger, and that it could transcend weak and jealous preachers in order to accomplish God’s purpose.

Jealousy is not a moderate or harmless sin. It was Eve’s jealousy of God, sparked by her pride, to which Satan successfully appealed. She wanted to be like God, to have what He has and to know what He knows. Jealousy was an integral part of that first great sin, from which all other sin has descended. The next sin mentioned in Genesis is murder, caused by Cain’s jealousy of Abel. Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery because of jealousy Daniel was thrown into the lion’s den because of the jealousy of his fellow officials in Babylon. Jealousy caused the elder brother to resent the father’s attention to the prodigal son. And there are many more biblical illustrations of the same kind.

“Wrath is fierce and anger is a flood, but who can stand before jealousy?” (Prov. 27:4). In its extreme, jealousy has a viciousness shared by no other sin. “If you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart,” says James, “do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing” (James 3:14-16). Selfish ambition, which is fueled by jealousy, is often clever and successful. But its “wisdom” is demonic and its success is destructive.

In stark contrast to the many accounts of jealousy in Scripture is the story of Jonathan’s love for David. David not only was a greater and more popular warrior than Jonathan but was a threat to the throne that Jonathan normally would have inherited. Yet we are told of nothing but Jonathan’s great respect and love for his friend David, for whom he would willingly have sacrificed not only the throne but his life. “He loved him (David] as he loved his own life” (1 Sam. 20:17). Jonathan’s father, Saul, lost his throne and his blessing because of his jealousy, primarily of David. Jonathan willingly forsook the throne and received a greater blessing, because he would have nothing of jealousy.

Eliezer of Damascus was the heir to Abram’s estate, because Abram had no son (Gen. 15:2). When Isaac was born, however, and Eliezer lost the privileged inheritance, his love for Abram and Isaac never wavered (see Gen. 24). A loving person is never jealous. He is glad for the success of others, even if their success works against his own.

“Envy” refers to strong jealousy of another person. The envious person desires what another person has. This seems to have been a particular problem in Corinth—those with “lesser” gifts envied those with “greater” gifts. The seed of envy can lead to seething anger and hatred. Those who are too busy envying each other’s gifts are unlikely to be using their own gifts in loving service to God and others. Envy stagnates the church, causing the envious believers to remain self-centered and self-focused, feeling sorry for themselves, and not fulfilling their God-given role. When there is love, believers will gladly use whatever gifts they have been given to work together for the advance of God’s kingdom. They will be glad that others have different gifts so that the entire job can get done.

Before we rush to trivialize these words about love by assuming they can easily fit us, let’s stop to consider that they actually describe God’s character. These are not sugary claims. They are hard-edged descriptions of God’s perfection-in-relationship. The Holy Spirit inspired the apostle to write a breathtakingly beautiful description of the nature of God. Only God can put His character in us. Neil Wilson

It has been said that there are really only two classes of people in this world-“those who are millionaires and those who would like to be.”  There are two kinds of envy.  The one covets the possessions of other people; and such envy is very difficult to avoid because it is a very human thing.  The other is worse-it grudges the very fact that others should have what it has not; it does not so much want things for itself as wish that others had not got them.  Meanness of soul can sink no further than that.

Love is not jealous. Jealousy or envy is resenting another person because of what they have or how they have succeeded. Envy possessively wants what somebody else has. Love, in contrast, is glad for somebody who is popular or successful or beautiful or talented or married or have children….the list could go on and on.

Jealousy is a feeling of displeasure caused by the prosperity of another, coupled with a desire to wrest the advantage from the person who is the object of one’s envy. The loving person will rejoice at the success of others. Jealousy has destroyed many a home and church.

We have a variety of people from an equally varied set of circumstances here today. Often we’re disappointed with the direction our life is taking, especially if you are a single Christian who would like to be married but have not yet found that Christian mate.

In despair and frustration, we often allow similar circumstances to cause a “flicker” to occur in our attitude. And this can become a problem: for what is a flicker today can turn into a fire tomorrow.

Suppose you spotted a flame in your house. Not a blaze and certainly not a fire, but tiny tongues of heat dancing on the hem of a curtain, on the fringe of the carpet, to the side of the stove. What would you do? How would you react? Would you shrug your shoulders and walk away, saying, “A little fire never hurt any house.”

Of course not. You’d put it out. Douse it, stamp it, cover it—anything but allow it. You would not tolerate a maverick flame in your house. Why? Because you know the growth pattern of fire. What is born in innocence is deadly in adolescence. Left untended, fire consumes all that is consumable. You know, for the sake of your house, you don’t play with fire.

For the sake of your heart, the same is true. A warning should be offered about the fire in the heart, which, left unchecked, can burst into a hungry flame and consume all that is consumable. The name of the fire? Solomon tagged it. “Jealousy is cruel as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire” ( Song of Sol. 8:6 rsv ).

Paul was equally aggressive in his declaration. “Love does not envy” ( 1 Cor. 13:4 nkjv ). No doubt he’d read about and seen the results of unmanaged jealousy.

Here is the first of eight negative descriptions of love. Love is not jealous.  Love and jealousy are mutually exclusive. Where one is, the other cannot be.  Shakespeare called jealousy the “green sickness.” It also has been called “the  enemy of honor” and “the sorrow of fools.” Jesus referred to it as “an evil eye”  (Matt. 20:15, KJV).

Jealousy, or envy, has two forms. One form says, “I want what someone else  has.” If they have a better car than we do, we want it. If they are praised for  something they do, we want the same or more for ourselves. That sort of jealousy  is bad enough.

A worse kind says, “I wish they didn’t have what they have” (see  Matt. 20:1-16). The second sort of jealousy is more than selfish; it is desiring evil  for someone else. It is jealousy on the deepest, most corrupt, and destructive  level.

Look at Joseph’s brothers. They started out taunting and teasing Joseph. Harmless sibling rivalry. But then the flicker became a flame. “His brothers were jealous of him” ( Gen. 37:11 niv ). Soon it was easier to dump Joseph into a pit than see him at the dinner table. Before long, Joseph was in Egypt, the brothers were in cahoots, and Jacob, the father, was in the dark. He thought his boy was dead. All because of envy.

And what about the Pharisees? Were they evil men? Criminals? Thugs? No, they were the pastors and teachers of their day. Little League coaches and carpool partners. But what did they do with Jesus? “They had handed Him over because of envy” ( Matt. 27:18 nkjv ).

Solomon uncovered in the woman who pretended to be  a child’s mother. When her own infant son died, she secretly exchanged him for  the baby of a friend who was staying with her. The true mother discovered what  had happened and, when their dispute was taken before the king, he ordered the  baby to be cut in half, a half to be given to each woman. The true mother pleaded  for the baby to be spared, even if it meant losing possession of him. The false  mother, however, would rather have had the baby killed than for the true mother  to have him (1 Kings 3:16-27).

One of the hardest battles a Christian must fight is against jealousy. There is  always someone who is a little better or who is potentially a little better than you  are. We all face the temptation to jealousy when someone else does something  better than we do. The first reaction of the flesh is to wish that person ill.

The root meaning “to be jealous” is “to have a strong desire,”  and is the term from which we get zeal. It is used both favorably and unfavorably  in Scripture. In 1 Corinthians 13:4 the meaning is clearly unfavorable, which is  why 12:31, part of the immediate context, should be taken as a statement of fact  (“you are now earnestly desiring the greater, or showier, gifts”) and not a  command to seek “the greater gifts.”

Jealousy is a term which conveys “earnest desire.” It can be a good desire or a bad desire. In our text, the desire is bad. We might define jealousy here as “a sadness or sorrow on my part, due to the success of another.” Jealousy causes me pain when someone else feels pleasure. It is the kind of feeling a person feels when his or her competitor wins.

Asaph confesses his jealousy of his fellow Israelites in Psalm 73, and David warns of being jealous of the wicked in Psalm 37:1. Cain is jealous of Abel’s acceptance (Genesis 4:1-8), and Haman is jealous of Mordecai’s success (Esther 6). Saul is jealous of David and his success (1 Samuel 18:7), so much so that he seeks to kill him. The scribes and Pharisees are jealous of Jesus’ popularity and power over the people (Matthew 27:18). Peter is concerned about John’s fate in comparison with his own (John 21).

Jealousy is incompatible with love for a very good reason. Love seeks the benefit and well-being (edification) of another, so much so that it is willing to make a personal sacrifice to facilitate it. When others prosper at our expense, this is precisely what love intends. Jealousy is not consistent with love. Jealousy would rather prosper at the expense of the other, and so when another prospers, jealousy results where love is absent.

The gospel is the supreme example of love, in contrast to jealousy. God made the ultimate sacrifice in the death of His Son, to bring about our salvation. The Lord Jesus sacrificed Himself for our salvation, paying the ultimate price His own blood. If this kind of sacrifice was required to bring about our salvation, how can we regret God’s blessing on others? Ironically, because Christians are a part of the body of Christ, the prosperity of one member is not at the expense of the rest of the body, but for the benefit of the whole body (see 1 Corinthians 12:26).

Someone might protest, “But isn’t God jealous? Why can’t Christians be jealous if God is a jealous God?” There is a great difference between our jealousy and God’s. God is jealous over that which belongs to Him. We are jealous over that which belongs to someone else and not to us. God is jealous over what He has; we are jealous over what we do not have that someone else does have. There are times when we can exemplify godly jealousy (see 2 Corinthians 11:2), but this is not what Paul has in mind in our text.

Jealousy is quite prevalent in the church at Corinth. The Corinthians are jealous of the gifts and ministries of their fellow-believers. Some despise their own gifts and calling and wish to have the gifts and ministries of others. They seem to be jealous of those visible and verbal ministries. They even seem to be jealous of Paul’s time which he spends in ministry to others. In both 1 and 2 Corinthians, Paul has to speak to the issue of his absence which some seemed to resent: “If Paul really cared about us, he would spend more time with us.”

Sadly, Christians today manifest the same kinds of jealousy. We are jealous of the (apparent) success of others in business and in the church. Some can be jealous of those who are given a leadership position in the church. We can be jealous of those who appear to be (or at least claim to be) more spiritual than we are. I see a great deal of jealousy in the ministry. We may be jealous of the success of others in ministry or the opportunity to speak in the meeting/seminar circuit. We may be jealous of the salary, the prestige, or the size of church others might have. All of this betrays a lack of love and the sacrificing, servant spirit which love engenders.

Jealousy may be among us in other ways. First, we may be guilty of provoking people to jealousy by distorting the gospel which we preach and share with others. Consider these words of the apostle Paul:

3 If anyone advocates a different doctrine, and does not agree with sound words, those of our Lord Jesus Christ, and with the doctrine conforming to godliness, 4 he is conceited and understands nothing; but he has a morbid interest in controversial questions and disputes about words, out of which arise envy, strife, abusive language, evil suspicions, 5 and constant friction between men of depraved mind and deprived of the truth, who suppose that godliness is a means of gain. 6 But godliness actually is a means of great gain, when accompanied by contentment (1 Timothy 6:3-6).

Paul specifically identifies envy as one of the evils in this text (verse 4). I believe Paul establishes a connection between envy and greed and a distorted gospel. People may come into (or at least along side) the faith because they are given false expectations of what their conversion will produce. Some approach the Christian faith as a means of “getting ahead” in life, seeing the gospel as a “means of great gain.”

This is certainly possible when one listens to the “health-and-wealth gospeleers” who abound today, trying to lure people into the faith (or into their congregations or list of supporters) by promising them prosperity if they join their ranks.

When Jesus invited men to follow Him, He did not make sweeping promises of prosperity. Instead, He sought to dispel any misconceptions about His ministry by stressing discipleship and its cost, and by talking in terms of “taking up one’s cross.” Some in churches today who envy the success of others may have been tempted to do so by those who promised them prosperity rather than the forgiveness of sins and eternal life through Jesus Christ. Let us preach the gospel as Jesus did and never seek to lure people into the faith with unbiblical bait (see 1 Corinthians 4:1-2; 2 Corinthians 2:17; 4:1-2).

Second, we should view the “how to” books on Christian bookstore shelves in the light of jealousy. Why do those who are apparently successful write books so the rest of us can be successful too? Why are the “how to be successful” books so popular, outselling books of real substance and value? I fear that the answer is “jealousy.” As we buy or read these books, why do we wish to be “successful” like the author? Perhaps it is because we are hopeful of the same success.

Buying or reading “how to be successful like me” books can be wrong for several reasons. We must carefully consider whether we are doing so out of jealousy (of that person’s success) rather than out of a sincere desire to be faithful to our Lord and good stewards of our gifts and calling. It is also wrong if we are trying to be just like someone else, to duplicate their ministry rather than to fulfill the unique role God has given us. It may be wrong because we assume that another’s success is the result of their “method,” rather than the sovereign blessing of God upon His work. Let us beware of trying to imitate others to be as successful as they appear to be.

When love sees someone who is popular, successful, beautiful, or talented, it  is glad for them and never jealous or envious. While Paul was imprisoned,  probably in Rome, some of the younger preachers who then served where he had  ministered were trying to outdo the apostle out of envy. They were so jealous of  Paul’s reputation and accomplishments that, with their criticism, they intended to  cause him additional “distress” while he suffered in prison.

But Paul did not  resent their freedom, their success, or even their jealousy. Though he did not  condone their sin, he would not return envy for envy, but was simply glad that  the gospel was being preached, whatever the motives (Phil. 1:15-17). He knew  the message was more powerful than the messenger, and that it could transcend  weak and jealous preachers in order to accomplish God’s purpose.

Jealousy is not a moderate or harmless sin. It was Eve’s jealousy of God,  sparked by her pride, to which Satan successfully appealed. She wanted to be like  God, to have what He has and to know what He knows. Jealousy was an integral  part of that first great sin, from which all other sin has descended. The next sin  mentioned in Genesis is murder, caused by Cain’s jealousy of Abel.

Joseph’s  brothers sold him into slavery because of jealousy Daniel was thrown into the  lion’s den because of the jealousy of his fellow officials in Babylon. Jealousy  caused the elder brother to resent the father’s attention to the prodigal son. And  there are many more biblical illustrations of the same kind.

“Wrath is fierce and anger is a flood, but who can stand before jealousy?”  (Prov. 27:4). In its extreme, jealousy has a viciousness shared by no other sin. “If  you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart,” says James, “do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing” (James 3:14-16). Selfish ambition, which is fueled by jealousy, is often clever and successful. But its “wisdom” is demonic and its success is destructive.

In stark contrast to the many accounts of jealousy in Scripture is the story of  Jonathan’s love for David. David not only was a greater and more popular warrior than Jonathan but was a threat to the throne that Jonathan normally would have inherited. Yet we are told of nothing but Jonathan’s great respect and love for his friend David, for whom he would willingly have sacrificed not only the throne but his life. “He loved him (David] as he loved his own life” (1 Sam. 20:17). Jonathan’s father, Saul, lost his throne and his blessing because of his jealousy, primarily of David. Jonathan willingly forsook the throne and received a greater blessing, because he would have nothing of jealousy.

Eliezer of Damascus was the heir to Abram’s estate, because Abram had no son (Gen. 15:2). When Isaac was born, however, and Eliezer lost the privileged inheritance, his love for Abram and Isaac never wavered (see Gen. 24). A loving person is never jealous. He is glad for the success of others, even if their success works against his own.

We find that problem even in ministry, when we hear of “the church across town” doing well and don’t respond with  praise for what God is doing in the lives of others in the kingdom.

It’s sickening. The Lord didn’t leave us to indulge in such territorialism for long. In a profound moment of conviction, he lets us know that the church is his church.

Our job is not to question him but to trust him. “Don’t be jealous.… Trust the Lord and do good” ( Ps.  7:1 , 3 ).

The cure for jealousy? Trust. The cause of jealousy? Distrust.

The sons of Jacob didn’t trust God to meet their needs. The Pharisees didn’t trust God to solve their problems. What are the consequences of envy?

Loneliness tops the list. Solomon says, “Anger is cruel and destroys like a flood, but no one can put up with jealousy!” ( Prov. 27:4 ). Who wants to hang out with a jealous fool? In a cemetery in England stands a grave marker with the inscription: SHE DIED FOR WANT OF THINGS. Alongside that marker is another, which reads: HE DIED TRYING TO GIVE THEM TO HER. ^[1]1

Sickness is another consequence. The wise man also wrote, “Peace of mind means a healthy body, but jealousy will rot your bones” ( Prov. 14:30 ).

Violence is the ugliest fruit. “You want something you don’t have, and you will do anything to get it. You will even kill!” ( James 4:2 cev ). “Jealousy,” informs Proverbs 6:34 , “enrages a man” ( nasb ).

The Jews used one word for jealousy, qua-nah. It meant “to be intensely red.” Let me ask you, have you seen such envy? Have you seen red-faced jealousy? Are you acquainted with the crimson forehead and the bulging veins? And—be honest now—have they appeared on your face?

God withholds what we desire in order to give us what we need. You desire a spouse; he gives you himself. You seek a larger church; he prefers a stronger church. You want to be healed so you can serve. He wants you confined so you can pray. Such is the testimony of Joni Eareckson Tada. Three decades after a diving accident rendered her a quadriplegic, she and her husband, Ken, visited Jerusalem. Sitting in her wheelchair, she remembered the story of the paralytic Jesus healed at the pool of Bethesda. Thirty years earlier she’d read the account and asked Jesus to do the same for her.

That day in Jerusalem she thanked God that he had answered a higher prayer. Joni now sees her chair as her prayer bench and her affliction as her blessing. Had he healed her legs, thousands of prayers would have been sacrificed to her busy life. She sees that now. She accepts that now. Jealousy was eclipsed by gratitude as she surrendered her will to his. ^[2]3

Facebook Envy

If we’re facebook friends, chances are I’ve been jealous of you. You, with your great vacation shots and funny one-liners about your husband and kids. If we’re facebook friends, you may have even been jealous of me. Me, with my life in a foreign country complete with exciting places to travel to and exotic foods to eat. “Facebook envy.” They’re starting to do studies on this hyperreality that is created by seeing exciting snippets of each other’s lives. Which parties have we missed? What else could life have held for us? Who posts more verses and is therefore godlier than us? What’s a Christian on facebook to do?

Charles L. Allen in The Miracle of Love writes of a fisherman friend who told him that one never needs a top for his crab basket. If one of the crabs starts to climb up the sides of the basket, the other crabs will reach up and pull it back down. Some people are a lot like crabs.

NOTES FOR PREACHERS AND TEACHERS: Some writers make a distinction between “envy” and “jealousy.” In this study, we treated them as synonyms. Others point out that the words translated “jealous” and “zealous” come from the same root. These points could be addressed, but most people understand what human jealousy is. Other passages on envy and jealousy include Numbers 16:1–40 (see Psalm 106:16–18); Acts 5:17; 13:45; 17:5; Romans 1:29; 13:8–14; 1 Corinthians 3:3 (see 1:12); 2 Corinthians 12:20; 1 Timothy 6:4; Titus 3:3; James 3:14, 16; 4:2.

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Others May, You Cannot

If God has called you to be really like Jesus, He will draw you into a life of crucifixion and humility, and put upon you such demands of obedience, that you will not be able to follow other people, or measure yourself by other Christians, and in many ways He will seem to let other good people do things which He will not let you do.

Other Christians and ministers who seem very religious and useful, may push themselves, pull wires, and work schemes to carry out their plans, but you cannot do it; and if you attempt it, you will meet with such failure and rebuke from the Lord as to make you sorely penitent.

Others may boast of themselves, of their work, of their success, of their writings, but the Holy Spirit will not allow you to do any such thing, and if you begin it, He will lead you into some deep mortification that will make you despise yourself and all your good works.

Others may be allowed to succeed in making money, or may have a legacy left to them, but it is likely God will keep you poor, because He wants you to have something far better than gold, namely, a helpless dependence on Him, that He may have the privilege of supplying your needs day by day out of an unseen treasury.

The Lord may let others be honored and put forward, and keep you hidden in obscurity, because He wants you to produce some choice, fragrant fruit for His coming glory, which can only be produced in the shade. He may let others be great, but keep you small. He may let others do a work for Him and get the credit for it, but He will make you work and toil on without knowing how much you are doing; and then to make your work still more precious, He may let others get the credit for the work which you have done, and thus make your reward ten times greater then Jesus comes.

The Holy Spirit will put a strict watch over you, with a jealous love, and will rebuke you for little words and feelings, or for wasting your time, which other Christians never seem distressed over. So make up your mind that God is an infinite Sovereign, and has a right to do as He pleases with His own. He may not explain to you a thousand things which puzzle your reason in His dealings with you, but if you absolutely sell yourself to be His love slave, He will wrap you up in a jealous love, and bestow upon you many blessings which come only to those who are in the inner circle.

Settle it forever, then, that you are to deal directly with the Holy Spirit, and that He is to have the privilege of tying your tongue, or chaining your hand, or closing your eyes, in ways that He does not seem to use with others. Now when you are so possessed with the loving God that you are, in your secret heart, pleased and delighted over this peculiar, personal, private, jealous guardianship and management of the Holy Spirit over your life, you will have found the vestibule of Heaven.

1. D. Watson, in Living Words

 What is envy?

As something opposite of a loving spirit, what is it? What is the sin of envy?

1B. Explanation

At the very center of this evil is excessive desire. It is an attitude of the heart. It is a motive deep in the inner man. Additionally, it is excessive desire for something that you do not have. It may or may not be focused on material possessions. What is desired in this way may be some kind of notice and the inflation of the ego.

But this is still incomplete because envy does not function in a vacuum. If we liken envy to some warm coals, what is it that fans the coals into a flame? We all have the tendency to be envious as part of our sin nature. It is there, perhaps latent or dormant, just like the calm smoldering of warm coals. We should acknowledge this fact of its presence. But to my point, what fans it into turbulent flames? Envy is stirred up by comparing what we want but do not have with what others have. There is an “each other” dimension to envy (Gal. 5:26). It is personal: Scripture tells us to avoid envying one another. It is a person to person issue.

The hallmark of envy, its distinguishing feature, is oriented to this personal comparative aspect. I am envious when I dislike someone because he or she has what I want but lack in some comparative way. How this dislike manifests itself depends on many factors whether others are in some regard above us, equal to us or below us (in rank, annual salary, age, standing, and opportunities, etc.). Thus envy may manifest itself in a host of ways.

It is an internal attitude that underlies many external evil acts. This sin that is contrary to love is denounced in lists of evil practices that are very onerous and odious. In Galatians 5:26 envying is associated with provoking. Envying and provoking are acts of the sinful nature (5:19) along with things like enmity, strife, jealously, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, and divisions (5:20). Envy lies behind enmity or malice and it drives strife, quarreling, angry fits, and dissension. And Paul gives a very pointed warning to the effect that “those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God” (5:21). In this light, Edwards says that envy is “ranked among the abominable works of the flesh” and it is thus a “hateful sin” that Christians practiced before they were redeemed; it is a sin that they should now confess and forsake (Charity 117). We don’t want to go down this road. Give envy an inch and it will take a mile (sow to the wind and you will reap a whirlwind). From the Corinthian letters we can put it like this: If you associate with envy you will rub shoulders with strife, quarreling, anger, hostility, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder (cf. 1 Cor. 3:3; 2 Cor. 12:20).

The account of Joseph and his brothers in the OT (Gen. 37ff) gives a very revealing picture of the nature and manifestations of envy. In a word, this example shows that envy is a major obstacle to loving-kindness. Note how the comparative element leaps from the text: “his brothers saw that their father loved him [Joseph] more than all his brothers” (v. 4). Their hearts were filled with envy (jealousy, v. 11) that manifested itself in hatred and non-peaceful speech (v. 4). Remarkably, they hated him and could not speak peacefully to him. What an ugly sin to lack peace in your speech toward someone. Their speech stirred up quarreling, strife, and dissension. What they wanted was something good in itself, the love of their father. Having that desire was not wrong. It was not wrong to have that desire in a deep and consuming way. Sin enters the picture when what they want but lack is given to their brother and they dislike him for it. The wants in question may be okay in themselves. But when we step off the path of righteousness in jealous pursuit of our wants we sin. When our wants are enflamed, unsettled, and stirred up by the knowledge that others have what we want, then we tend toward envy in attitude and action. Then our attitude is such that we cannot rejoice in their joy in some good that we want but lack in a comparative way.

2B. Analogies, illustrations, and examples

1) If we think of an envy tree, what holds the tree in place, what roots it to the earth? It is held in place by pride. The comparative aspect helps us see how envy is rooted into our conduct. Pride is “the great root and source of envy. It is because of men’s hearts that they have such a burning desire to be distinguished, and to be superior to all others in honor and prosperity, and which makes them uneasy and dissatisfied in seeing others above them” (Charity 121).

How does it branch out? It involves attitudes like malice and bitterness and various actions that overflow in tearing others down. This leads to various branches on the tree of envy such as hating them, wishing for their demise, and being glad when they fall. In our actions, we may tare them down with the hidden agenda of raising self up.

2) An example can be taken from my tennis playing. I want to win at singles. But here I go each week for “my weekly beating” as if I am a glutton for punishment. But another player wins in singles all the time (or 99% of the time). An envious spirit shows up when I have feelings of dislike for this person because he does what I want to do but cannot do. An envious spirit would include thoughts like being happy to hear that he has tennis elbow or upon hearing that he dropped some weights on his foot, I say to myself, “I hope he broke it good.”

3) Comparison with covetousness will help us see what envy is clearly. Envy overlaps with coveting, excessively wanting what others have. But as we have seen the hallmark of envy is comparison by which we become acutely aware of the relationship between what others have and what we want but do not have. Like coveting, envying involves being discontent with what we have. We are discontent in a way that takes us down a path of sin in thought and deed.

When we covet we have excessive desire for something that belongs to another. We may covet their spouse and their possessions. Coveting leads to adultery and theft. But the excessive desire of envy is not so much that we want something that belongs to another (to move it from their home to ours). It is an excessive desire that is inflamed by a competitive or comparative spirit. We want a higher salary, more success, more friends, and more praise than someone with whom we are comparing ourselves. We want to race ahead of them. We want to excel above others within our circle of influence. And we dislike it if we are unable to do so while someone else is able to do so. At the point of such comparison and dislike of their success we have an envious spirit.

4) Consider the scenario of a college graduate. Imagine that you have a child that finishes college and gets a better paying job than you have, that took you twenty-five years to get. Will you be envious? You will probably not be envious of someone so close to you because this case involves either your love or your pride. But the temptation to envy commonly occurs when someone inferior to you in education, experience, or prestige has a child that graduates from college and gets a salary far above what you get from the same company where you work. The desire to excel can be so aggravated that you find yourself disliking the young graduate. You may wish for his down fall. You may speak ill of him telling others about his faults. You may even do things that help him fall. If he does fall, you will experience a cruel sense of joy (cf. Charity, 123-125).

5) Finally, envy may exist in matters spiritual like preaching the gospel out of envy (Phil 1). This is a subtle and perverse aspect of the sin of envy because spiritual growth involves advancement in righteousness. If we seek to grow in righteousness and at the same time we dislike it when others appear to grow in righteousness at a faster pace than we do then an area in which we most need growth is the area of envy. Its scope is such that any area of need and want could become an occasion for envy.

2A. How do we deal with our tendency to be envious rather than loving?

1) We should humbly acknowledge this tendency.

The coals are there warm and ready to be fanned into a flame. And we should call it sin without making excuses or covering it up.

2) Focus the duty in its true spirit and intent.

This command is given in many places in the NT and it has quite a bite given the evils with which it is associated. It is also commanded here in the context of the love chapter (cf. 12:31), that shows that Paul is commanding by description. The love that He describes is the excellent way in which we are to walk. Weighing this fact will help us find the proper stance to take in this field of battle.

It is a command to believers to put off a style of life, of the inward life (of attitude and desire). And a command to believers comes with a promise of grace to help in time of need. So consider the fact that part of the true spirit of this command is that it comes with promise. In this way we can take our stance with confidence and hope that God will be our strength and shield.

Labor to absorb it into your heart and soul as a foundation for diligent application. Again, here is the duty: we are to throw up a red flag whenever we feel malice in our hearts toward those who prosper in ways we seek for ourselves but cannot prosper for the time being. The duty we have is to check responses that arise from seeing this disparity. Turn your thoughts away from comparing your progress with that of others, and set your mind on things above. Guard speaking out of such comparison (bite your tongue).

3) Consider the example of Christ

He made Himself poor (humbling Himself) that you may be made rich. Note that your state in life as to outward affairs is temporary. You are a pilgrim on this earth, just passing through. Your citizenship is in heaven. Ponder the fact that you have riches untold in the storehouse of things new and old. In this light, be assured that Christ will see to it that you receive this inheritance in glory when the very creation is delivered up into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. You really do not need to bother yourself with comparative attainments in possessions or honor on this earth. These are as God gives them. And the attainments and glory that matter most are promised with certainty. Consider His example and follow in His steps trusting in His promises.

4) You should attack the tree at the root level, which is pride.

One of the most important related virtues is that of humility. Put in the form of a prayer this simply means that you say, “Lord, I submit myself to you. I accept the limits you place on my life in relation to others. I know that you know best. So if I want to excel in some area but cannot do so, I leave that in your hands. If you choose to give what I want to others and not to me, then so be it. Your will is most important. Not my will but your will be done. I resign myself to your plan as it unfolds perfectly in every detail. I commit myself to the doing of your will of precept and commandment” (cf. the song, “My Jesus as thou wilt”).

Focus the fact that how you deal with what you attain in relation to what others attain is a double submission to the authority of your sovereign Lord. On one hand, it is a matter of submission to His command to avoid envy. On the other hand, it is a matter of submission to His Fatherly love accepting what He gives and withholds. Disobedience in the sin of envy is both rebellion and ingratitude rolled into one. We honor Him by submission to His providence and precepts, and we arrogantly dishonor Him when we do not submit to His providence and precepts.

5) Think of envy as a caterpillar and as a cancer.

This is a reminder of consequences. Edwards compares the envious person to a caterpillar that delights in devouring the most flourishing plants and trees (Charity 126). A consequence of envy is that it retards prosperity by wasting energy in quarrels and dissension.

Furthermore, envy is not only hateful in itself but it brings great discomfort to the envious person. Edwards cites the Proverb that says, “envy is the rottenness of the bones” (14:30). It is like a powerful cancer eating away on our vital organs. It is thus offensive and full of corruption. Therefore, it is nothing other than foolish self-injury “for the envious make themselves trouble most needlessly, being uncomfortable only because of others’ prosperity, when that prosperity does not injure themselves, or diminish their enjoyments and blessings. But they are not willing to enjoy what they have, because others are enjoying also” (127). Its foolishness should cause us to abhor it and shun its excuses as we seek the spirit of Christian love that will lead us to rejoice in the welfare of others (127).

3A. What positive aspect of love is implied (in the denial of envy)?

We get perspective here when we remember that desires are good. Strong desires are good as well, even consuming desires. This is the dynamic of the positive that is implied here. We are to have a consuming passion for holiness and righteousness in our daily living born of a deep longing and earnest desire to please the Lord Jesus and glorify His name.

This is the hungering and thirsting for righteousness that Jesus spoke of in the Sermon on the Mount. This has to mean that we cultivate a good diet on His word taking it into our hearts by memory, study, and understanding for application. It involves crying out for wisdom in prayer to the Lord and seeking to have all that we have in dedication and devotion to our risen Lord.

We thus sell all that we have for the kingdom and its righteousness (Matt. 13:44). But, lo and behold, we still possess things. “Sell all” means that we give it all away in exchange to receive it back with every earthly thing tied and connected to the kingdom. Thus in all earthly things (food, clothing, job, money, skills, accomplishments, and possessions) we seek His kingdom and His righteousness first (Matt. 5:19-21, 33). This is the passionate priority of our living across the board of all that we have and desire to have. What you want you want for His glory. Your wants are subject to His will and honor.

Conclusion

To not be satisfied with what we have so far attained in our Christian walk is not a sinful desire but the good kind of strong desire, and zeal. It is a consuming passion for the things of Christ. Like our Savior, accepting and doing the will of God becomes our food and drink.

How do we cultivate this kind of wanting and desiring? One way is to look deep into the value of the kingdom. When you see it you will seize it. When you see it as a treasure, you will seize it as a prize.

Be like a squirrel that climbs down a one-sixteenth of an inch wire to get some sunflower hearts, doing what it takes to get what he wants. Focus your desires and wants on Christ and His kingdom righteousness. Seek first and foremost to do His will of precept, surrender to His will of sovereign decree aiming at His glory in promoting the good of others. That is love.

With this heavy-duty obstacle to loving-kindness removed, with envy countered, we can then deeply desire the good of others and go about promoting their good in every way we possibly can. And by this obedience, the good that we passionately desire above all other things is the glory and honor of Jesus Christ our risen Lord.

[1]1 Paul Lee Tan, Encyclopedia of 7,700 Illustrations (Rockville, Md.: Assurance Publishers, 1979), 274.

[2]3 Hank Hanegraaff, The Prayer of Jesus (Nashville, Tenn.: W Publishing Group, 2001), 13–14.

Love is kind (chresteuetai): courteous, good, helpful, useful, giving, showing and showering favors. Love does not resent evil; it does not revel in the hurt and neglect. Love reaches out in kindness: in helpfulness, in giving, and in showering favors upon the person who neglects or hurts oneself.

Paul speaks of “the kindness and love of God our Savior” ( Titus 3:4 niv ). He is exuberant as he announces: “Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it” ( Eph. 2:7–8 msg).

A wise man declared: “That which makes a man to be desired is his kindness” (Prov. 19:22). Kindness includes attributes like friendliness, compassion, generosity, and tenderness. To be kind is to be God-like (Luke 6:35).

Origen had it that this means that love is “sweet to all.”  Jerome spoke of what he called “the benignity” of love.  So much Christianity is good but unkind.

There was no more religious a man than Philip the Second of Spain, and yet he founded the Spanish Inquisition and thought he was serving God by massacring those who thought differently from him.

Cardinal Pole declared that murder and adultery could not compare in heinousness with heresy.  Apart altogether from that persecuting spirit, there is in so many good people an attitude of criticism.

In a world that is saturated with harshness, a kind disposition is a refreshing breeze. There is many a woman who would trade a handsome husband for a kind one. Kindness would stifle the plague of child abuse. More kindness among brothers in the Lord would alleviate so much church trouble. The Scriptures demand that we be kind to each another (Eph. 4:32).

David is one of the most striking examples of kindness. He loves Jonathan, one of his closest friends. After Jonathan dies, David wishes to demonstrate his love toward his deceased friend. Since Jonathan is dead, the only way to show kindness to Jonathan is through his offspring. David is delighted when he is informed that Jonathan has a living heir. His surviving son, Mephibosheth, is crippled in both feet. In one sense, this is even better for David’s purposes, because this man’s handicap presents a need David can meet. By David’s decree, Mephibosheth would now eat regularly at the king’s table (2 Samuel 9). David’s love manifests itself in kindness, a predisposition to do good to others.

Kindness is characteristic of God and should thus characterize the Christian as well:

35 But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men (Luke 6:35).

4 Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance? (Romans 2:4)

7 In order that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus (Ephesians 2:7).

32 And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you (Ephesians 4:32).

4 But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, 5 He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, 6 whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7 that being justified by His grace we might be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life (Titus 3:4-7).

24 And the Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged (2 Timothy 2:24).

8 To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit (1 Peter 3:8).

The Christian is commanded to be kind (Ephesians 4:32), and thus, failing to show kindness is disobedience. Kindness is also a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22). Paul reminds the Corinthians of the kindness which he manifested toward them even though they were unkind to him (see 1 Corinthians 4:6-21; 2 Corinthians 6:1-13). Kindness was surely lacking in the Corinthian church.

• Kindness is not the spirit which produces strife and divisions in the church (chapters 1-3).
• It was not the response of many Corinthians toward Paul or the other true apostles (chapter 4).
• It surely was not kindness that caused the church to embrace a man living in sin (chapter 5).
• Neither is it kindness which compels two believers to square off with each other in a secular law court (chapter 6).
• Kindness does not cause one spouse to withhold sex from the other (chapter 7).
• Kindness did not prompt one believer to assert his or her alleged rights to the detriment of another (chapter 8).
• It was not kindness that motivated some Corinthians to indulge themselves before their brethren arrive (chapter 11).
• Nor did kindness make one believer look down upon the gifts of another (chapter 12) or cause certain individuals to assert themselves in the church meeting for their own personal gain (chapter 14).

When the Corinthian saints are described, kindness is not the first word which pops into one’s mind!

According to Paul, love is demonstrated by two general characteristics: (1) longsuffering in the face of adverse treatment by others and (2) kindness toward those who abuse us. Longsuffering endures ill treatment without responding in a retaliatory fashion, and kindness seeks to do good to those who delight to cause us harm. That is what love is like. Now, in the second half of verse 4 through verse 6, Paul lets us know what love is not like. If these characteristics exist in Corinth—or in our church—we need to confess our lack of love.

Just as patience will take anything from others, kindness will give anything to  others, even to its enemies. Being kind is the counterpart of being patient. To be kind () means to be useful, serving, and gracious. It is active goodwill. It not only feels generous, it is generous. It not only desires others’ welfare, but works for it.

When Jesus commanded His disciples, including us, to  love their enemies, He did not simply mean to feel kindly about them but to be kind to them. “If anyone wants to sue you, and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. And whoever shall force you to go one mile, go with him two” (Matt. 5:40-41). The hard environment of an evil world gives love almost unlimited opportunity to exercise that sort of kindness.

Again God is the supreme model. “Do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?” (Rom. 2:4), Paul reminds us.

To Titus he wrote, “But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior” (Titus 3:4-6).

Jesus’ invitation offers the sweetest proof of the kindness of heaven:

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. ( Matt. 11:28–30 nkjv )

Farmers in ancient Israel used to train an inexperienced ox by yoking it to an experienced one with a wooden harness. The straps around the older animal were tightly drawn. He carried the load. But the yoke around the younger animal was loose. He walked alongside the more mature ox, but his burden was light. In this verse Jesus is saying, “I walk alongside you. We are yoked together. But I pull the weight and carry the burden.”

I wonder, how many burdens is Jesus carrying for us that we know nothing about? We’re aware of some. He carries our sin. He carries our shame. He carries our eternal debt. But are there others?

Has he lifted fears before we felt them? Has he carried our confusion so we wouldn’t have to? Those times when we have been surprised by our own sense of peace? Could it be that Jesus has lifted our anxiety onto his shoulders and placed a yoke of kindness on ours?

And how often do we thank him for his kindness? Not often enough. But does our ingratitude restrict his kindness? No. “Because he is kind even to people who are ungrateful and full of sin” ( Luke 6:35 ).

In the original language, the word for kindness carries an added idea the English word does not. Chiefly it refers to an act of grace. But it also refers to a deed or person who is “useful, serviceable, adapted to its purpose.” ^[1]2

Kindness was even employed to describe food that was tasty as well as healthy. Sounds odd to our ears. “Hey, honey, what a great meal. The salad is especially kind tonight.”

But the usage makes sense. Isn’t kindness good and good for you? Pleasant and practical? Kindness not only says good morning, kindness makes the coffee. Again, doesn’t Jesus fit this description? He not only attended the wedding, he rescued it. He not only healed the woman, he honored her. He did more than call Zacchaeus by name; he entered his house.

Hasn’t he acted similarly with you? Hasn’t he helped you out of a few jams? Hasn’t he come into your house? And has there ever been a time when he was too busy to listen to your story? The Bible says, “Whoever is wise will observe these things, and they will understand the lovingkindness of the Lord ” ( Ps. 107:43 nkjv ). Hasn’t God been kind—pleasantly useful—to you? And since God has been so kind to you (you know what I am about to say), can’t you be kind to others?

Paul’s question is for all of us: “Do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?” ( Rom. 2:4 nasb ).

Repentance from what? Certainly from ungodliness, rebellion, and sin. But can’t we equally state that God’s kindness leads to repentance from unkindness?

Some may think that all this talk of kindness sounds, well … it sounds a bit wimpy. Men in particular tend to value more dramatic virtues—courage, devotion, and visionary leadership. We attend seminars on strategizing and team building. But I can’t say I’ve ever attended or even heard of one lecture on kindness. Jesus, however, would take issue with our priorities. “Go and learn what this means,” he commands. “‘I want kindness more than I want animal sacrifices’” ( Matt. 9:13 ). Paul places kindness toward the top of the pyramid when he writes, “Love is kind” ( 1 Cor. 13:4 niv ).

A friend of mine witnessed a humorous act of kindness at an auction. The purpose of the gathering was to raise money for a school. Someone had donated a purebred puppy that melted the heart and opened the checkbooks of many guests. Two in particular.

They sat on opposite sides of the banquet room, a man and a woman. As the bidding continued, these two surfaced as the most determined. Others dropped off, but not this duo. Back and forth they went until they’d one-upped the bid to several thousand dollars. This was no longer about a puppy. This was about victory. This was the Wimbledon finals, and neither player was backing off the net. (Don’t you know the school president was drooling?)

Finally the fellow gave in and didn’t return the bid. “Going once, going twice, going three times. Sold!” The place erupted, and the lady was presented with her tail-wagging trophy. Her face softened, then reddened. Maybe she’d forgotten where she was. Never intended to go twelve rounds at a formal dinner. Certainly never intended for the world to see her pit-bull side.

So you know what she did? As the applause subsided, she walked across the room and presented the puppy to the competition.

Suppose you did that with your competition. With your enemy. With the boss who fired you or the wife who left you. Suppose you surprised them with kindness? Not easy? No, it’s not. But mercy is the deepest gesture of kindness. Paul equates the two. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you” ( Eph. 4:32 nkjv).

Jesus said: Love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you.… If you love only the people who love you, what praise should you get? … [L]ove your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without hoping to get anything back. Then you will have a great reward, and you will be children of the Most High God, because he is kind even to people who are ungrateful and full of sin. Show mercy, just as your Father shows mercy. ( Luke 6:27–28 , 32 , 35–36 )

Kindness at home. Kindness in public. Kindness at church and kindness with your enemies. Pretty well covers the gamut, don’t you think? Almost. Someone else needs your kindness. Who could that be? You.

Don’t we tend to be tough on ourselves? And rightly so. Like the young couple at the wedding, we don’t always plan ahead. Like Zacchaeus, we’ve cheated our share of friends. We’ve been self-serving. And like the woman with the illness, our world sometimes seems out of control.

But did Jesus scold the couple? No. Did he punish Zacchaeus? No. Was he hard on the woman? No. He is kind to the forgetful. He is kind to the greedy. He is kind to the sick.

And he is kind to us. And since he is so kind to us, can’t we be a little kinder to ourselves? Oh, but you don’t know me, Gary. You don’t know my faults and my thoughts. You don’t know the gripes I grumble and the complaints I mumble. No, I don’t, but he does. He knows everything about you, yet he doesn’t hold back his kindness toward you. Has he, knowing all your secrets, retracted one promise or reclaimed one gift?

No, he is kind to you. Why don’t you be kind to yourself? He forgives your faults. Why don’t you do the same? He thinks tomorrow is worth living. Why don’t you agree? He believes in you enough to call you his ambassador, his follower, even his child. Why not take his cue and believe in yourself?

Peter tells us that we should “long for the pure milk of the word” and thereby “grow in respect to salvation,” because we “have tasted the kindness of the Lord” (1 Pet. 2:2-3).

The first test of Christian kindness, and the test of every aspect of love, is the home. The Christian husband who acts like a Christian is kind to his wife and children. Christian brothers and sisters are kind to each other and to their parents.

They have more than kind feelings toward each other; they do kind, helpful things for each other—to the point of loving self-sacrifice, when necessary. For the Corinthians, kindness meant giving up their selfish, jealous, spiteful,  and proud attitudes and adopting the spirit of loving-kindness.

Among other things, it would allow their spiritual gifts to be truly and effectively ministered in the Spirit, rather than sup+erficially and unproductively counterfeited in the flesh.

Dear Ann Landers:  I have a message for that 16-year-old boy who has a “21-year-old problem” — his brother.  My brother drowned three weeks ago.  One minute he was alive and full of fun.  The next minute he was gone, forever.

I never felt especially close to my brother.  We fought and didn’t agree on many things.  But now I realize how much a part of my life he was.  Sure, he got on my nerves, and I’d tell him to bug off.  But now I remember all the favors he did that only a brother could.

I’m just trying to urge people to think about what their brothers and sisters mean to them and to express their appreciation.  I hope they do it today because tomorrow may be too late.  — Miss Him a Lot

Dear Friend: I’m sure your letter will make millions of brothers and sisters think.  Thanks for expressing those beautiful sentiments. —Ann Landers, 8-24-92

Eighty percent of the problem patients that have come to me, come because good manners were never taught them as children.  As adults, they made mistakes and were rejected.  They couldn’t play the game of life because they didn’t know the rules.   — Dr. Smiley Blanton

Compassion lies at the heart of our prayer for our fellow human beings. When I pray for the world, I become the world; when I pray for the endless needs of the millions, my soul expands and wants to embrace them all and bring them into the presence of God. But in the midst of that experience I realize that compassion is not mine but God’s gift to me. I cannot embrace the world, but God can. I cannot pray, but God can pray in me. When God became as we are, that is, when God allowed all of us to enter into the intimacy of the divine life, it became possible for us to share in God’s infinite compassion.

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these.   — George Washington Carver

A little girl one day went to her mother to show some fruit that had been given her. “Your friend,” said the mother, “has been very kind.”

“Yes,” said the child. “She gave me more than these; but I have given some away.”

The mother inquired to whom she had given them.

She answered, “I gave them to a girl who pushes me off the path, and makes faces at me.”

When asked why she gave them to her, she replied, “Because I thought it would make her know that I wish to be kind to her, and she will not, perhaps, be so rude and unkind to me again.”

 

KINDNESS

Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses. Chinese Proverb

Hatred and anger are powerless when met with kindness.

Have you had a kindness shown? Pass it on; ’Twas not given for thee alone, Pass it on;

Let it travel down the years, Let it wipe another’s tears, ’Till in heaven the deed appears—Pass it on.  Henry Burton (1840–1930)

He was so benevolent, so merciful a man that he would have held an umbrella over a duck in a shower of rain. Douglas William Jerrold (1803–1857)

I expect to pass through life but once. If therefore, there be any kindness that I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again. Stephen Grellet (1773–1855

It is easier to catch flies with honey than with vinegar. English Proverb

Keep what is worth keeping— And with a breath of kindness Blow the rest away. Dinah Maria Mulock Craik (1826–1887)

Kind words are the music of the world. They have a power that seems to be beyond natural causes, as if they were some angel’s song that had lost its way and come on earth. It seems as if they could almost do what in reality God alone can do—soften the hard and angry hearts of men. No one was ever corrected by a sarcasm—crushed, perhaps, if the sarcasm was clever enough, but drawn nearer to God, never. Frederick William Faber (1814–1863

Kind words don’t wear out the tongue. Danish Proverb

Kind words toward those you daily meet, Kind words and actions right, Will make this life of ours most sweet, Turn darkness into light. Isaac Watts (1674–1748)

Kindness has converted more sinners than zeal, eloquence, or learning. Frederick William Faber (1814–1863)

Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love. Lao–tse (c. 604–c. 531 b.c.

Kindness is a language the dumb can speak, the deaf can hear, and the blind can see. Kindness is like a rose, which though easily crushed and fragile, yet speaks a language of silent power. Frances J. Roberts

Kindness is love in work clothes.

Kindness is loving people more than they deserve. Joseph Joubert (1754–1824

Kindness is the sunshine in which virtue grows.

Kindness will always attract kindness. Sophocles (c. 496–406 b.c.)

Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things, in which smiles and kindness and small obligations win and preserve the heart. Humphrey Davy (1778–1829)

Life is mostly froth and bubble, Two things stand like stone— Kindness in another’s trouble

Courage in your own. Adam Lindsay Gordon (1833–1870)

Life is short and we have not too much time for gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark way with us. Oh, be swift to love! Make haste to be kind! Henri Frédéric Amiel (1821–1881)

Little drops of water, little grains of sand, Make the mighty ocean and the pleasant land.

Little deeds of kindness, little words of love, Help to make earth happy like the heaven above. Julia A. Fletcher Carney (1823–1908)

 

Make a rule and pray to God to help you to keep it, never, if possible, to lie down at night without being able to say: “I have made one human being at least a little wiser, or a little happier, or at least a little better this day.” Charles Kingsley (1819–1875

One kind act will teach more love of God than a thousand sermons

One kind word can warm three winter months. Japanese Prover

Speak your kind words soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late

The best portions of a good man’s life—His little, nameless, unremembered act

Of kindness and love. William Wordsworth (1770–1850)

The greatest thing a man can do for his heavenly Father is to be kind to some of his other children. Henry Drummond (1851–1897)

The heart benevolent and kind The most resembles God. Robert Burns (1759–1796

The kindest are those who forgive and forget.The sun makes ice melt; kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate. Albert Schweitzer (1875–1965)

There is a grace of kind listening, as well as a grace of kind speaking. Frederick William Faber (1814–1863)

This world is but the vestibule of eternity. Every good thought or deed touches a chord that vibrates in heaven.

What time is it? Time to do well, Time to live better, Give up that grudge, Answer that letter,

Speak the kind word To sweeten a sorrow, Do that kind deed You would leave ’till tomorrow.

Wise sayings often fall on barren ground; but a kind word is never thrown away. Arthur Helps (1813–1875)

You are best to yourself when you are good to others. You may be sorry that you spoke, sorry you stayed or went, Sorry you won or lost, Perhaps, sorry so much was spent. But as you go through life, you’ll find you’re never sorry you were kind.

Abraham Lincoln

Despite his busy schedule during the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln often visited the hospitals to cheer the wounded. On one occasion he saw a young fellow who was near death. “Is there anything I can do for you?” asked the compassionate President. “Please write a letter to my mother,” came the reply. Unrecognized by the soldier, the Chief Executive sat down and wrote as the youth told him what to say.

The letter read, “My Dearest Mother, I was badly hurt while doing my duty, and I won’t recover. Don’t sorrow too much for me. May God bless you and Father. Kiss Mary and John for me.” The young man was too weak to go on, so Lincoln signed the letter for him and then added this postscript: “Written for your son by Abraham Lincoln.”

Asking to see the note, the soldier was astonished to discover who had shown him such kindness. “Are you really our President?” he asked. “Yes,” was the quiet answer. “Now, is there anything else I can do?” The lad feebly replied, “Will you please hold my hand? I think it would help to see me through to the end.” The tall, gaunt man granted his request, offering warm words of encouragement until death stole in with the dawn.

Source unknown

Mamie Adams always went to a branch post office in her town because the postal employees there were friendly. She went there to buy stamps just before Christmas one year and the lines were particularly long. Someone pointed out that there was no need to wait on line because there was a stamp machine in the lobby. “I know,” said Mamie, ‘but the machine won’t ask me about my arthritis.”

Bits and Pieces, December, 1989, p. 2

Somerset Maughan’s mother was an extraordinarily beautiful woman married to an extraordinarily ugly man. When a family friend once asked how such a beautiful woman could have married such an ugly man, she replied, “He has never once hurt my feelings.”

Source unknown

Kindness makes a person attractive. If you would win the world, melt it, do not hammer it.
– Alexander Maclaren

But in all things commending ourselves…by kindness,…by love unfeigned. 2 Corinthians 6:4, 6

When William McKinley was President of the United States, he had to make a decision about the appointment of an ambassador to a foreign country. Two candidates were equally qualified, so McKinley was still a Congressman, he had observed an inconsiderate action by one of the men. He recalled boarding a streetcar at the rush hour and getting the last vacant seat. Soon an elderly woman got on, carrying a heavy clothesbasket. No one got up to offer her a seat, so she walked the length of the car and stood in the aisle, hardly able to keep her balance as the vehicle swayed from side to side. One of the men McKinley was later to consider for ambassador was sitting next to where the woman was standing. Instead of getting up and helping her, he deliberately shifted his newspaper so it would look like he hadn’t seen her. When McKinley noticed this, he walked down the aisle, graciously took her basket, and offered her his seat. The man was unaware that anyone was watching, but that one little act of selfishness would later deprive him of perhaps the crowning honor of his lifetime. – H.G.B.

• Our Daily Bread, Monday, November 8

 

CULTIVATING KINDNESS

What is the kindest thing someone has done for you lately? Have you tried to do something kind for someone? What is it? What do usually think about when we think about kindness? Opening the door for others. Being nice to the cashier at the store. Leaving a generous tip for the waiter. Sending a card of thanks. What do you think of when you think of kindness?

All of these are good things. Typically, kindness is equated with being polite or nice. Some years ago a movement started that called people to practice random acts of kindness. In other words, be nice and be polite. I am not sure if the goal was to make people feel better about themselves or to make the world a better place. Either way, both are good things. Now think of the fruit of the spirit, among which is kindness, and ask yourself, is kindness just being nice and polite, or is there even more to it?

Kindness in scripture is more often equated with love. The word for kindness in Hebrew and Greek is interchangeable with mercy, goodness, loyalty, faithfulness, but most of all steadfast love. Kindness is the visible action of love directed toward others. God is praised for being kind – for showing his steadfast love in so many ways. There is an example in the Bible of a mortal like you and me putting the kindness of God into practice. Read from 2 Samuel 9.

There’s more in this story than politeness. Here is kindness with long lasting implications that spanned generations. What does this tell us about the character of God and the kindness of God? It shows that kindness is the fruit of the spirit that holds us together. It is love directed toward others for their sake and not just our own. Talk about life on the vine – kindness is like a ground covering vine or ivy that binds the earth so that it doesn’t erode away. It is the raw material of the social fiber.

Knowing what the kindness of God is, we can understand why it is hard to cultivate kindness in our culture. Our culture is hostile to kindness because …

1. Our culture tolerates rude, angry, unkind, and violent behavior. No one really likes this, but they have become so commonplace that we have just accepted it. Talk shows and sports thrive on a culture of conflict in which it is more important to be tough and take no “guff” from anybody. We mentioned random acts of kindness – recall that this is a take +off on the phrase random acts of violence. Maybe we crave something as refreshing as nice and polite because we have suffered enough from the RAV.

 

Even in church it is possible to accept and tolerate crude and unkind behavior. One of the reasons we find it difficult to debate and discuss serious and controversial matters is because there has been too many occasions of attacking the person rather than the argument. One of my delights in Restoration History was being in class with a man who had lived ministry in the 20th century. When the class began discussing one well known “debating minister,” this man chuckled and told us how he had seen that minister debate many times. He described how he would turn red, sweat, call his opponents names and ridicule them. “Nobody bought the man’s argument,” said our wise classmate, “but it was a sight to see him get mad.” We all appreciated our classmate’s humor but his wisdom also reminded us that many people and many churches are hurt by such behavior.

 

But this sort of behavior is a symptom of the deeper problem. The rude behavior we see is the product of radical independence and self-sufficiency. Why is there road rage? Because people act and drive as if they are the only ones who matter. Why do people get rude at restaurants? Because they hold their satisfaction in higher esteem than the person who waits on them. Our culture promotes radical independence and self-sufficiency.

Technology has enabled us to be radically independent. Remember when phones operated on a party line? Now you and every member of your family can have your own mobile phone. Against the experience of the public concert or radio broadcast is the iPod or MP3 player which allows you to have your own personal concert with every song you can ever imagine. [Have you seen the MP3 commercial of people going about their lives stoically while their reflections enjoy their own private party?]

2. But technology is not the cause; it is just the enabler. For many generations now we have praised the self-made man and the pioneer spirit. We have acclaimed the rugged individual who pulls himself up by his own bootstraps. We learned from Shakespeare that we should “neither a borrower or a lender be, but to thine ownself be true.” Many people in our culture assume that the old maxim “God helps those who help themselves” is really in the Bible.

• I love to watch when two fiercely strong-willed and independent individuals fight over who will pick up the check at a restaurant. They will even trick one another out of paying and bribe waiters and waitresses. A few even threaten the friendship if the other pays the bill. Why? Why would someone risk a friendship over an act of kindness? Well even those of us who aren’t quite in that league still understand the awkward feeling of obligation and dependence. We would rather be the giver than the recipient because receiving erodes our feeling of self-sufficiency.

Knowing the disease is the first step to taking the cure. Isn’t it wonderful when medical science affirms that something very simple might be a solution to some of the worst problems we know? Recently studies showed that blueberries have a greater effect at reducing the development of cancer than any other fruit. You can prevent cancer by eating blueberries! It is that simple.

Likewise, cultivating kindness will overcome so many of the problems we suffer from as a culture. It is that simple. If David could demonstrate the kindness of God then I believe we can too with the help of the Holy Spirit.

The Kind Ones: It is said that in the ancient world the early Christians were sometimes called the Kind Ones rather than Christians. This is due in part to the fact that there is just one letter of difference in the word for Christ (christos) and the word for kindness (chrēstos). People were confused about the name.

I would think that it is also due to the fact that the early church demonstrated the kind of life that would make them live up to both names. My hope is that the people of our age will also be confused as to whether we are Christians or the Kind Ones. Let us strive to live up to both names.

 

Introduction

The text (1 Cor. 13:4) combines the patience of love with its kindness: love is patient and kind (as in Gal. 5:22). These are two aspects or elements of love that are presented in explanation of what love is (cf. the subject “love” is repeated here, love is patient, love is kind; except for a variant after the word envy, the term love is not used again until v. 8). Then comes a list of eight things that love is not (4b-6a). Of course, from what love is not we learn what it is by implication to its opposite. And from what love is, we can infer nuances of what it is not. The negative is like a dark background that helps you see what’s in the foreground more clearly. Paul shows us this interplay between the negative and the positive in verse 6 where he begins with the negative and then moves to the positive (showing the implication of the positive that is contained in the negative statement).

The list and the way it is set up show the fullness of the subject under discussion. Paul is concatenating. He is squeezing volumes into a few paragraphs (four to be exact). Such fullness justifies the effort to understand a specific virtue in light of the entire Bible, and by thinking carefully and logically.

Thus, two important things need to be kept in mind as we work our way through this famous love chapter. a) Each dimension of love presented needs to be appreciated in its uniqueness. Each element of love is a distinct reflection of the love diamond. b) Also, the virtues of love are interdependent. They overlap with one another and they imply one another. One reflection of the diamond implies the reality of other reflections and it implies the diamond as a whole.

Therefore, we have two overall goals. We want to find a good definition of each love fruit. Such defining should reveal as much as possible the distinctiveness of each grace. And at the same time, we want to see how the graces overlap and imply one another. Otherwise, we will fail to see the richness and fullness of each grace.

These goals are important because this richness and fullness for learning and living is what true disciples seek. Remember, if you understand all mysteries and all knowledge but have not love then you are nothing (v. 2). Without love, communication is ultimately meaningless (a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal, v. 1); your sacrifices, however great, gain nothing (v. 3). Therefore, learners show themselves to be Christ’s disciples by their love, which means they learn with the immediate goal of obedience and with the ever present ultimate goal of glorifying Christ.

To that end, let’s consider the love fruit of kindness this morning. If we put these words together literally we can come up with a title for the message: loving-kindness. I have two main points: an explanation of loving-kindness and an exhortation to loving-kindness.

1A. An Explanation of loving-kindness

So what is kindness? As a love fruit, what is the nature of loving-kindness? Three words will cue our answer: comparison, definition, and pattern.

1B. A comparison of kindness with patience as love fruits

When we unpack patience toward sinners and note that it means we do not retaliate in thought, word, or deed, we discover that instead of being harsh it involves being gentle and kind. So we ask, “what is the difference between kindness and patience?” The answer is that patience has the context of being injured particularly in mind, it is a reaction to the sins of others against us. And in this context, patience shows itself in kind thoughts (good will), kind words, and kind deeds despite the fact that someone has hurt us deeply. Kindness here is being viewed from the perspective of patience in the face of injury.

When the kindness quality of love is the subject of attention, let’s say viewed in itself, it is concerned with contexts larger than that of being injured. Here kindness is the whole pie and one slice of the pie is kindness in relation to those who afflict us. To say it is the whole pie is to say that it is the subject now being considered. To switch analogies, this means that we are looking at love as a diamond again and we are now looking at the kindness reflection. If we look deep into the diamond from this angle we will see that it includes a response to the sins of others around us and against us. If you look into the diamond, into the patience reflection you see kindness in there. If you look into the kindness reflection you see patience in there. But they are different reflections or sides of the diamond each with its own hues and accents.

Hence, there is much more to kindness than a response to sins against us; it has many applications where our response to injury is not the point (it may, for example, be a response to someone else’s suffering).

2B. Definition

Kindness can be described by explaining its core, its independence, its universality, its comprehensiveness and its spirituality. At its core, kindness is doing good to others. It is doing good to others from the heart (from a heart of good will); it means to do good to others in thought, word, and deed. This is the core or center of loving-kindness.

Kindness has an interesting independent quality about it. It means to do good to others in a way not dependent on their character, conduct, or responses to you. Its universality simply means that no one is excluded in principle. We are to extend loving-kindness to all that come across our path in need. That is the neighbor as defined by Jesus in the parable of the Good Samaritan. The comprehensiveness of kindness refers to the fact that love seeks to do physical, temporal, emotional, and eternal good to others. By this fruit, we do what we can to promote their physical and emotional well being, their wealth, and the safety of their entire selves before God in the final judgment.

But let’s not leave out the spiritual depth that applies here. We should not have a specialist mentality about a person’s total health and well being. That is, we should not think that the physical needs of the body are the exclusive responsibilities of the medical doctor and the emotional needs of man are the exclusive responsibilities of the head doctor. That is a sacred/secular way of thinking. It is not a Christian way of thinking. My point is that spiritual laws, principles, and graces apply to our physical, temporal, emotional, and eternal needs. It is not as if the physical/temporal/emotional is over here and the eternal is over there. It is not that the former means that a person is non-spiritual or secular and the latter means that he is spiritual or sacred.

All of the areas of human need have a spiritual dimension. For example, we pray for daily bread in conjunction with praying for the hallowing of God’s name (cf. the Lord’s Prayer).

If we are kind, we will promote the good of others in any way that we can, whether inward or outward, temporal or eternal as the Holy Spirit enables us through His words in Scripture (i.e., the spiritual applies across the board). For example, it is not the job of the church to have wealth and prosperity seminars. But Christians should be alert to opportunities to help others with work by recommending to a job. It is a marvelous opportunity if one has a business and can put others to work. This issue of a weekly paycheck is a spiritual matter as an outflow of obedience to the Lord Jesus Christ (cf. the implications of the 8th commandment, work to eat, and the workman is worthy of his wages, etc).

In this light a great quote from Edwards is made even greater. He stated that to be instruments of spiritual good is to do to others greater good than if we had given them the riches of the universe (Charity, 97). Of course, this does not exclude giving of our material possessions; it simply puts it into perspective as a sacred duty.

3B. Pattern

If I asked you the following question, how would you reply? Loving-kindness has what pattern? If it follows a pattern, then what might that pattern be? Reach as high as you can to answer this question. Once you do, I think we will have the same answer. God’s kindness is the pattern. If you the six and one pattern of creation came to mind, you went in thought to a superlative example of God’s loving-kindness in making a habitable place for man to live (in the work of the six days) and promising rest with Him at the end of our work on earth (the rest of the 7th day that is enjoyed week by week in fellowship with God is a foretaste of the eternal Sabbath rest).

God’s kindness is our pattern for kindness even in this fallen world. Speaking to unbelievers Paul says that God gives rain and crops in their seasons to give man the enjoyable things of life (Acts 14:17; cf. Rom. 2:4, His witness extends a overture of grace inviting sinners to Himself; cf. His outstretched hands, Rom. 10:21). This is part and parcel of His call to sinners to seek Him and live. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus told us of the Father’s love that sends the rain and sunshine on the just and unjust alike (Matt. 5:43-48). There is loving-kindness that is common to all (cf. common grace and common goodness). His kindness is our pattern and it has independence in that it does not rest on the character, conduct, or responses of others as is clear in the “therefore you” of verse 48.

However, it should be noted that God’s kindness has limits that reveal His severity. Paul tells us to consider His kindness and His severity, kindness to you and severity to others (Rom. 11:22). Therefore we have to balance the fact of His common goodness with His special goodness to His covenant people.

The OT has many occurrences of God’s abundant kindness to His covenant people (cf. the same Greek word for kindness in the LXX). In Psalm 25:7, the Psalmist pleads to be remembered according to God’s love that he grounds in the fact that God is good (for you are kind). God is great in kindness that is public and protective (Ps. 31:19-20). His bounty is abundant (Ps. 65) and includes atonement (v. 3), awesome deeds of righteousness, giving of joy, and the blessing of the water cycle (vs. 5, 9, 12). But we must not miss two things. 1) His kindness is parallel with holiness, which reminds us of God’s severity. 2) His kindness is shown in election (v. 4; cf. the good figs versus the bad figs, Jer. 24:1f).

In Ephesians 2:7, Paul refers to the riches of God’s grace “in kindness” toward us in Christ. His loving-kindness appeared in the Savior and when it did, He saved us (Titus 3:4). Thus, it is not based on our character, conduct, or response to God. We love Him because He first loved us (1 Jn. 4:19). His goodness to us generated our response and cannot be based on it in any way.

We follow the pattern He sets when we do good to all men, especially to those of the household of faith and when we seek their good despite their character, conduct, and responses to us.

2A. An exhortation to loving-kindness

Let me exhort you to show kindness to all men everywhere seeking their physical, emotional, temporal, and eternal good. In a word, my exhortation is, “Go about doing good” as Jesus did and thus follow in His steps. Do so with a spiritual depth that opposes a sacred/secular worldview. Do so after God according to the pattern He has laid out in front of us.

1) Go about doing good because of God’s fatherly goodness to you. Note the exhortation in Titus 3 to every good work in speech, demeanor, and common courtesy that is based on the fact that we ourselves were once foolish. But when Christ appeared He saved us by doing good to us that we do not deserve (work of the Spirit, justification, entitlement, and hope, Titus 3:1-7). Because He has been good to you, go and do good to others.

2) Go about doing good because you are the sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father. Bring some of His heaven to this earth. Thus imitate God, as dearly loved children live a life of love as Christ loved (Eph. 4:32-5:1)! What a packed statement!

3) Go about doing good because in this way you show that you are children of God. Show you are children by doing good to others whatever posture they may take toward you.

Do good to those who persecute you. Pray for them who despitefully use you. Do good to the thankful, the unthankful, the good, the evil (whether directed toward you or not), the friend, and the enemy. All of these things are in Luke 6:27-36: do good to those who hate you (v. 27), bless, pray, turn the other cheek, go extra mile, practice the golden rule (v. 31). What credit do you have if you do good to those who are good to you? That is, what can be credited to your account as a child of God that shows you are God’s child? Doing good to the enemy leads to great reward and then, Jesus says, you are sons. Namely, you demonstrate sonship and daughtership to God because He is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked.

Loving-kindness is a good work and its takes work (cf. the delicacy of trying to tell a mature adult that they have lice in their hair!). There are many pitfalls and responses to us will vary.

One translation renders 1 Thessalonians 5:15 in this way, “try to be kind.” This exhortation is preceded by many references to Paul’s example (2:1ff.). It is an example worth following. It is for ministers and for all believers. A case in point within this context is 2:9-12. Consider Paul’s kind-heartedness (his heart attitude) and loving kindness (in outward actions). These things lead up to the final instructions of his letter (5:12-15) and the crisp exhortation, “don’t pay back but try to be kind to one another and to every one” (5:15). Thus seek to be kind, make that a determined goal of your life. Make this a conscious goal in life: try to be kind!

I close by noting that ultimately loving-kindness begins with the love of Christ for us. On that basis, live a life of love and go about seeking to do good to everyone but especially to the household of faith.

[1]2 Gerhard Kittel and Gerhard Friedrich, eds., Theological Dictionary of the New Testament, trans. Geoffrey W. Bromiley (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1971), 9:483.