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Category Archives: Family

Parents must do the ‘parenting’…..or it won’t happen in our homes


A new sermon has been posted on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPI1p9rI1mo

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Consider these words: ‘Children now live in luxury, they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love to chatter in place of exercise. Children are now t rants of the household. They no longer rise when an elder enters the room, and they contradict their parents. They chatter before company and gobble up the food at the table; they cross their legs and tyrannize their teachers.” Who said it? Socrates said over 2,000+ years ago.

Our own times are no different. But it is still true that “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

Many of us as parents have found ourselves in the middle of a conversation in the living room when our toddler comes into the room and literally ends all conversation.

Picture1They interrupt, complain, grumble, and certainly do not listen to our commands. Not only is it against what we wanted to occur, it is also quite likely an embarrassing situation.

What can we do to make certain it won’t happen again? We can begin by acknowledging that parenting is the most difficult and important job in the world…yet is usually performed by amateurs. And it also requires from parents a willingness to be taught. The sole purpose of this publication is to help us be better parents, have a peaceful home, and rear happy, responsible, and productive children.

It begins with parents being just that…parents. Parents are those responsible for deciding on acceptable behavior in our homes and it is also their responsibility to see that it occurs on a frequent basis.

One feature of our society which must be taught and expected is respect. This involves a respect for each family member as well as those in the community and our ‘church family.’ It must be taught in respect to those older and also with consideration to possessions.

Consider the following three tips as they relate to this important process:

DECIDE  —  Parents must first decide what behavior they expect in a given situation. You must determine this at the outset and realize that you have the option to make changes…but it must be communicated clearly and often to the child.

Do you want your child to come when you call their name? Do you expect them to sit at the supper table until they have asked to be excused? Are they allowed to run in a crowded, public place? At the church building, are they allowed to walk on eating tables or to rearrange furniture? Your decisions affect their behavior.

ACT—The second step is to act upon the decisions you have made. You must explain to the child involved what you expect of them. It needs to be clear and the consequences which will also be in effect must be taught. Make certain they hear what you say…have them repeat your words…and even take a moment with younger children to ‘practice’ the action you expect.

BE CONSISTENT  – This is the crucial area that determines if this works…..you must be consistent in your follow-up.  Don’t allow yourself to be ‘dragged’ into begging, yelling, or simply ignoring your child when something is expected and they have not responded according to your decisions.  Remember, you are the parent: quickly and lovingly, you must make certain that their actions are not allowed and especially not encouraged.

And be quick to praise them when their actions are appropriate. A phrase used often by those trained in parenting: When that child is aware of your directions and willfully does not comply, you must make certain this is one ‘struggle’ that has only one winner —- you!

One thing is certain: items that are ‘cute’ when done by a two-year old are not cute when done by a five-year old.

THREE PHILOSOPHIES OF CHILD REARING. There are three philosophies of child rearing that should be considered:

1. Autocratic. In this method, the parents are the authority. The children may have ideas and suggestion; but when decision time comes, the parents’ word is final. Hassling and arguing is simply not permitted. The word of the parents is athe law.

2. Democratic. Here we have a situation in which everyone is on equal ground. Neither the parents nor the children are the final authority — all attempts to settle conflict are done so that everyone is happy. The problem: the children are essentially placed in an environment without direction.

3. Laissez-Faire. With this philosophy you leave the child to himself. He may do as he/she pleases. He will be what he will be – so why be bothered? The only thing the parents feel they can do is hope that through chance he will turn out all right.

The autocratic system is the Biblical approach: Eph. 6:1: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord; for this is right.” Col. 3:20: “Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.”

THE PRESENT GENERATION…ARE THEY MISSING OUT? The young people across the nation born in 1980…they have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan era and did not know he had ever been shot. They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged. They can only really remember one pres dent. They were 11 when the Soviet Union broke apart and do not remember the Cold War. They have never feared a nuclear war.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS. They never had a Polio shot and likely do not know what it is. Bottle caps have not only always been screw off, but have always been plastic. The expression “you sound like a broken record” means nothing to them. They have never owned a re cord Player. They have likely never played Pac Man and have never heard of Pong.

The Compact Disc was introduced when they were 1 year old. They have always had an answering machine. Most have never seen a TV set with only13 channels, nor have they seen a black and white TV. They have always had cable. There have always been VCR’s, but they have no idea what Beta is. They cannot fathom not having a remote control.

Popcorn has always been cooked in a microwave. They have never seen and remember a game that included the St. Louis Football Cardinals, the Baltimore Colts, the Atlanta Flames, or the Denver Rockies (NHL hockey, that is). They do not consider the Colorado Rockies, the Florida Marlins, the Florida Panthers, the Ottawa Senators, the San Jose Sharks, or the Tampa Bay Lightning “expansion teams.” They have never seen Larry Bird play, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is a basketball player. The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as WWI, WWII or even the Civil War.

They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran. They cannot remember the Cardinals ever winning a World Series, or even being in one. Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America and Alabama are places, not groups. As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 32 cents. Zip codes have always had a dash in them.

Do you feel old now? Remember, the people who don’t know these things are in college this year. It certainly should remind us that every generation needs to hear those items which relate to their family and spiritual heritage.

 

 
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Posted by on June 24, 2014 in Family

 

Choosing character…the ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy


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 Mark Twain’s advise…Always do right; it will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

His words were intentionally piercing, wanting them to find their mark in the hearts of the Pharisees. They needed what was being offered. Their souls were in trouble.

“For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.”

brinson toyTheir problem was pronounced: they coveted the attention given to those in places of spiritual authority, wanting the acclaim and fanfare. They liked to be noticed when performing ‘acts of righteousness.’ They looked down on people, and had replaced praying to God for praying about themselves to God.

They received the praise of men, but God had other words when referring to them, even in public. Hypocrites! Brood of vipers! They noticed specks of sawdust in other’s eyes and missed the plank in their own!

Forty-eight percent of American workers admit to taking unethical or illegal actions in the past year. USA Today listed the five most common types of unethical/illegal behavior that workers say they have engaged in because of pressure:
–Cut corners on quality control
–Covered up incidents
–Abused or lied about sick days
–Lied to or deceived customers
–Put inappropriate pressure on others.

D. L. Moody was certainly seeking our attention when he said that “character is what a man is in the dark.”

Honest Abraham Lincoln understood this principle: “Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.”

Bryant Kirkland has character—a minister of his church for 25 years. But now Dr. Kirkland’s beloved wife has Alzheimer’s and is unable to respond. I mean, you talk about suffering. Some of you know what that’s like when love is one way, don’t you, when you love and the person cannot love you back. But Dr. Kirkland doesn’t complain about it. He loves his beloved wife one way. He loves her and loves her and loves her.

And you know what’s happened as he’s hung in there? His suffering has produced endurance, and his endurance has produced character. He is a man of integrity. He is one of the great religious leaders of this time in history at the age of 80 because he has character. His sermons ring true with authenticity and fire because we know he’s been there, and he’s been steadfast. But that doesn’t come in a week.

The supreme test of goodness is not in the greater but in the smaller incidents of our character and practice; not what we are when standing in the searchlight of public scrutiny, but when we reach the firelight flicker of our homes; not what we are when some clarion-call rings through the air, summoning us to fight for life and liberty, but our attitude when we are called to sentry-duty in the grey morning, when the watch-fire is burning low. It is impossible to be our best at the supreme moment if character is corroded and eaten into by daily inconsistency, unfaithfulness, and besetting sin.

Mark Twain’s advise? Always do right; it will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

God is more concerned about our character than our comfort. His goal is not to pamper us physically but to perfect us spiritually. It is right to be contented with what we have, never with what we are.

The story is told of an Irishman who was being tried in a Kansas town. His was a petty offense. The judge asked if there was anyone present who would vouch for his character. “To be sure, your Honor,” he declared, “there’s the sheriff.” The sheriff looked amazed. “Your Honor,” he said, “I do not even know the man.” “Your Honor,” came back the Irishman as quick as a flash, “I’ve lived in this county for more than twelve years, and the sheriff does not know me yet. Isn’t that a character for you?”

How we live makes a difference. And our character lives on even after the dirt is pushed onto the casket.
In the old cemetery at Winchester, Virginia, that starlit abbey of the Confederacy, there is a monument to the unknown Confederate dead. On it are cut these two lines: Who they were, none knows, What they were, all know.

In all our journey as a believer, we will have two categories of spiritual experiences. One is tender, delightful, and loving. The other can be quite obscure, dry, dark, and desolate. God gives us the first one to gain us; he gives us the second to purify us.

No professional football team that plays its home games in a domed stadium with artificial turf has ever won the Super Bowl. A climate-controlled stadium protects players and fans from the misery of sleet, snow, mud, heat, and wind. Everyone is comfortable. But athletes who brave the elements are disciplined to handle hardship. Apparently such rigors have something to do with the ability to win the Super Bowl.

Long before there was football, the Christian’s playbook declared the purpose of hardship. It builds Christlike character.

For several summers during the mid-1990s, Dave Wolter, head women’s basketball coach for Concordia University in Irvine, California, flew to Asia and put on basketball clinics for both players and coaches.
On one flight, his plane experienced mechanical trouble at 30,000 feet. Panic broke out. People were screaming, crying and standing up in the aisles. Wolter, on the other hand, sat calmly and prayed. When a woman sitting next to him saw how different his demeanor was to the rest of the passengers, she shouted in Wolter’s face, “Why aren’t you hysterical?”

Fortunately, the crew was able to correct the problem, and nervous tranquility was restored in the cabin. For the rest of the flight, Dave answered the woman’s question as she and several others listened intently to how his faith in Christ Jesus enables him to face death with confidence.

Our Christian influence has an effect not only through our words, but also through our actions. Stated another way, the fish symbol on the rear bumper of our car definitely makes a statement, but people will probably pay more attention to how we drive.

Our task as laymen is to live our personal communion with Christ with such intensity as to make it contagious.

What other people think of me becomes less and less important; what they think of Jesus because of me is critical.

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Billy Graham often says, “Mountaintops are for views and inspiration, but fruit is grown in the valleys.”
It is our choices . . . that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.

Character is not made in a crisis. It is only exhibited in a crisis! A flaw in one’s character will show up under pressure.

The Christian character is simply a life in which all Christian virtues and graces have become fixed and solidified into permanence as established habits. It costs no struggle to do right, because what has been done so long, under the influence of grace in the heart, has become part of the regenerated nature.

The bird sings not to be heard, but because the song is in its heart, and must be expressed. It sings just as sweetly in the depths of the wood with no ear to listen, as by the crowded thoroughfare.

Beethoven did not sing for fame, but to give utterance to the glorious music that filled its soul.

The face of Moses did not shine to convince the people of his holiness, but because he had dwelt so long in the presence of God that it could not but shine.

Truest, ripest Christian life flows out of a full heart –a heart so filled with Christ that it requires no effort to live well, and to scatter the sweetness of grace and love.

It must be remembered, however, that all goodness in living begins first obeying rules, in keeping commandments. Mozart and Mendelssohn began with running scales and striking chords, and with painful finger-exercises.

The noblest Christian began with the simplest obedience. The way to become skillful is to do things over and over, until we can do them perfectly, and without thought or effort. The way to become able to do great things, is to do our little things with endless repetition, and with increasing dexterity and carefulness.

The way to grow into Christlikeness of character, is to watch ourselves in the minutest things of thought and word and act, until our powers are trained to go almost without watching in the lines of moral right and holy beauty. To become prayerful, we must learn to pray by the clock, at fixed times.

It is fine ideal talk to say that our devotions should be like the bird’s song, warbling out anywhere and at any time with sweet unrestraint; but in plain truth, to depend upon such impulses as guides to praying, would soon lead to no praying at all.

This may do for heavenly life; but we have not gotten into heaven yet, and until we do we need to pray by habit.

So of all religious life. We only grow into patience by being as patient as we can, daily and hourly, and in smallest matters, ever learning to be more and more patient until we reach the highest possible culture in that line.

We can only become unselfish wherever we have an opportunity, until our life grows into the permanent beauty of unselfishness.

We can only grow better by striving ever to be better than we already are. and by climbing step by step toward the radiant heights of excellence.

Character is like the foundation of a house. Most of it is below the surface.

In Acts 27, the angel appears to Paul and says that he will reach Rome safely and that everyone aboard the ship will be saved. As Paul says later, “Not one of you will lose a single hair from his head.” Absolute blanket, unequivocal authority.

But Paul doesn’t settle down in his bunk and go to sleep. He goes out on deck, and seeing the sailors escaping, he says to the soldiers, “Unless these men stay with the ship, you cannot be saved.”
Paul says that depending on what human beings do — two sets of them: the pagan soldiers and sailors–in the next 30 seconds the Word of God will be true or false.

It’s as if the Word of God dangles over the side of the ship alongside the lifeboats. The lifeboat is about to be cut off; a knife’s cut can do it. The Word of God could be falsified in a second by the soldier saying, “Who are you?” Or the sailors saying, “We don’t care; we’re off on our own.”

For Paul, God’s sovereignty is the springboard on which he bounces in faith to obediently do what he must do so they do what they must do so that what God says will be done is done.

John Wooden remains today as one of the great coaches of our generation. He rose to prominence not just as a winning basketball coach but as mentor to literally thousands of individuals at UCLA and the world through his books and speeches.

One of his principles was that we are to be concerned more with our character than with our reputation, because our character is what we really are, while our reputation is merely what others think we are.

Tom Landry, the legendary football coach of the Dallas Cowboys, said “I’ve seen the difference character makes in individual football players. Give me a choice between an outstanding athlete with poor character and a lesser athlete of good character; and I’ll choose the latter every time. The athlete with good character will often perform to his fullest potential and be a successful football player; while the outstanding athlete with poor character will usually fail to play up to his potential and often won’t even achieve average performance.”

If you cheat in practice, you’ll cheat in the game. If you cheat in your head, you’ll cheat on the test. You’ll cheat on the girl. You’ll cheat in business. You’ll cheat on your mate. Sow a thought, reap an act. Sow an act, reap a habit. Sow a habit, reap a character. Sow a character, reap a destiny.

In a speech delivered in New Haven, Conn., on March 6, 1860 — just two months before the Republican Convention that nominated him, Abraham Lincoln said this: “What we want, and all we want, is to have with us the men who think slavery wrong. But those who say they hate slavery, and are opposed to it, but yet act with the Democratic party — where are they?

Let us apply a few tests. You say that you think slavery is wrong, but you denounce all attempts to restrain it. Is there anything else that you think wrong, that you are not willing to deal with as a wrong?
Why are you so careful, so tender of this one wrong and no other? You will not let us do a single thing as if it was wrong; there is no place where you will allow [slavery] even to be called wrong!

We must not call it wrong in the Free States, because it is not there, and we must not call it wrong in the Slave States because it is there; we must not call it wrong in politics because that is bringing morality into politics, and we must not call it wrong in the pulpit because that is bringing politics into religion; we must not bring it into the Tract Society or the other societies because those are such unsuitable places, and there is no single place, according to you, where this wrong thing can properly be called wrong!

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost.

Every man has three characters — that which he exhibits, that which he has, and that which he thinks he has.

The expression of Christian character is not good doing, but God-likeness. If the Spirit of God has transformed you within, you will exhibit divine characteristics in your life, not good human characteristics. God’s life in us expresses itself as God’s life, not as human life trying to be godly. The secret of a Christian is that the supernatural is made natural in him by the grace of God, and the experience of this works out in the practical details of life, not in times of communion with God.

What we stand up for proves what our character is like. If we stand up for our reputation, it is a sign it needs standing up for! God never stands up for his saints, they do not need it. The devil tells lies about men, but no slander on earth can alter a man’s character.

God alters our disposition, but he does not make our character. When God alters my disposition, the first thing the new disposition will do is to stir up my brain to think along God’s line. As I begin to think, begin to work out what God has worked in, it will become character. Character is consolidated thought. God makes me pure in heart; I must make myself pure in conduct.

Carl Sandburg, describing Abraham Lincoln, calling him a man of steel and velvet. On February 12, 1959, Sandburg referred to him in these terms: Not often in the story of mankind does a man arrive on earth who is both steel and velvet, who is as hard as rock and soft as drifting fog, who holds in his heart and mind the paradox of terrible storm and peace unspeakable and perfect. . . .While the war winds howled, he insisted that the Mississippi was one river meant to belong to one country. . . .While the luck of war wavered and broke and came again, as generals failed and campaigns were lost, he held enough forces . . . together to raise new armies and supply them, until generals were found who made war as victorious war has always been made, with terror, frightfulness, destruction . . . valor and sacrifice past words of man to tell.

In the mixed shame and blame of the immense wrongs of two crashing civilizations, often with nothing to say, he said nothing, slept not at all, and on occasions he was seen to weep in a way that made weeping appropriate, decent, majestic.

Today our culture is far less likely to raise up heroes than it is to exalt victims, individuals who are overcome by the sting of oppression, injustice, adversity, neglect or misfortune. … Success, as well as failure, is the result of one’s own talent, decisions and actions. Accepting personal responsibility for victory, as well as for defeat, is as liberating and empowering as it is unpopular today.

Have you ever watched the icicle as it is formed? Have you noticed how it froze, one drop at a time, until it was a foot long, or more? If the water was clean, the icicle remained clear, and sparkled brightly in the sun; but if the water was slightly muddy, the icicle looked foul, and its beauty was spoiled.

Just so our characters are formed. One little thought or feeling at a time adds its influence. If each thought be pure and right, the soul will be lovely, and will sparkle with happiness; but if impure and wrong, there will be deformity and wretchedness.

During his time as a rancher, Theodore Roosevelt and one of his cowpunchers lassoed a maverick steer, lit a fire, and prepared the branding irons. The part of the range they were on was claimed by Gregor Lang, one of Roosevelt’s neighbors. According to the cattleman’s rule, the steer therefore belonged to Lang. As his cowboy applied the brand, Roosevelt said, “Wait, it should be Lang’s brand.”

“That’s all right boss,” said the cowboy.

“But you’re putting on my brand,” Roosevelt said.

“That’s right,” said the man.

“Drop that iron,” Roosevelt demanded, “and get back to the ranch and get out. I don’t need you anymore. A man who will steal for me will steal from me.”

The late C.S. Lewis said that people can ask only three basic ethical or philosophical questions. To describe them, he used the metaphor of ships at sea. When sailing ships leave port to embark on a journey, sailors must determine three things, according to Lewis. First, they must know how to keep from bumping into one another. This is a question of “social ethics.” In other words, how do we get along with one another on this journey called life?

Second, they must know how the individual ships remain seaworthy. This is “personal ethics,” and it deals with the individual’s vices and virtues – with character. Finally, sailors must decide where the ships are going. What is their mission and their destination? This last question is the ultimate one for us. What is the purpose of human life? Why are we here?

Charles Spurgeon wrote, “A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you, and were helped by you, will remember you when forget-me-nots are withered. Carve your name on hearts, and not on marble. Integrity is “a better long-term investment than the best Certificate of Deposit known to man!”

Bob Hope once said, “If you haven’t got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.”

When someone mentions the word “charity,” we usually think about giving material things, such as food, clothing or money, to needy people. However, the book “Hope Again” contains a true story about Tom Landry, the great coach of the Dallas Cowboys, and the late Woody Hayes. The story illustrates a different kind of charity, but real charity nevertheless.

Years ago, Woody Hayes was fired from his job as coach of the Ohio State football team. The reason Hayes was fired was that he struck an opposing player on the sidelines during a football game. The press had a field day with the firing, and piled criticism and shame on the former Buckeye coach.

Few people could have felt lower than Hayes felt. Not only did he publicly lose control of himself and do a foolish thing, but he also lost his job and much of the respect others had for him.

At the end of that season, a large, prestigious banquet was held for professional athletes. Tom Landry was invited, and he could bring a guest. Who did Landry take with him as his guest? Woody Hayes, the disgraced man everyone was being encouraged to criticize and scorn.

The game of football has rules against piling on someone who has been tackled. The reason for those rules is simple: prevent needless injury to the player who is down. The world would be much better if we actually lived by such rules. But when someone makes a mistake or is going through difficult times, one of the first responses of many people is criticism and gossip. Another response is to shun someone who is down. Either response piles on more pain–needless pain.

Tom Landry did not pile needless pain on Woody Hayes. Landry had charity in his heart. Charity, in the form of mercy. So Landry reached out with mercy to help a fallen man get up and begin climbing the hill back to a mended life.

So remember two things. First, instead of piling on the pain when someone is down, be merciful. Apply the principle in the Good Samaritan story that Jesus taught– to be the one to come to the aid of one who’s fallen, not one who passes by on the other side of the road– and help fallen people up the hill they have to climb.

The second point is that there is an interesting thing about hills. When you help a person up a hill, you find yourself closer to the top, and the better it will be when you need mercy. Yes, we all need mercy. Romans 3:23 tell us that “…all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

“Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.”

 
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Posted by on June 20, 2014 in Family

 

“If All Your Dreams Come True” (Senior Day – 2014 and Ecclesiastes)


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Norman Rockwell’s painting depicted on the front cover of the Saturday Evening Post many years ago (I am showing my age) hit the heart of any father when it showed the son with his dad. The dog, too, knew life was changing as the youngster anxiously awaited his future.

It was also true of the girl, shown looking in mirror, pondering her future, wondering if it could be what she had always dream it would be.

We want to give special honor to our graduating seniors…but also acknowledge the accomplishments of all our children and teens today….your education is one of the most important things for survival in this world. You MUST devote the time necessary and put forth the discipline required to “make it in this life.”

 I. The Problem Declared (1-2)

“Is life really worth living?”

Life is not worth living because life is full of vanity (emptiness). Then he states his reasons:

 A. Man is only a cog in a big wheel (1:4-11)

What is man compared to the vastness of the world? Everything in nature continues, century Picture2after century, but man is here for a brief space of time, then he dies. It all seems so meaningless. It is vanity. Since life is so short and man so insignificant, why bother to live at all?

 B. Man cannot understand it all (1:12-18)

Solomon was the wisest of men, yet when he tried to understand the meaning of life, he was baffled. Is it reasonable to live when you cannot understand what life is all about?

 C. Mans pleasures do not satisfy (2:1-11)

2014-napkin1Solomon had plenty of money, pleasure, culture, and fame; yet he admitted that these things did not satisfy. Nor did they last.

II. The Problem Discussed (3-10)

A. God has a purpose in our lives (chap. 3)

God balances life: birth-death, sorrow-joy, meeting-parting.

(1) so that we will not think we can easily explain God’s works (v. 11)

(2) so that we will learn to accept and enjoy what we have (vv. 12-13).

God has set “eternity” in our hearts. This means that the things of the world can never really satisfy us.

 B. God gives riches according to His will (chaps. 4-6)

Why is one person rich and another poor? Why is there injustice and inequality in the world? Because God has a plan for us, that we should not trust in uncertain riches but in the Lord.

 C. God’s wisdom can guide us through life (chaps. 7-10)

It is true that man’s wisdom cannot fathom God’s plan, but God can give us wisdom to know and do His will.

Simply because we cannot understand everything does not mean we should give up in despair. Trust God and do what He tells you to do.

Did you notice that in each of these sections, Solomon emphasizes the enjoyment of God’s blessings and the reality of death?

The Dream of Knowledge

(1 Kings 4:29-34 NIV)  God gave Solomon wisdom and very great insight, and a breadth of understanding as measureless as the sand on the seashore. {30} Solomon’s wisdom was greater than the wisdom of all the men of the East, and greater than all the wisdom of Egypt. {31} He was wiser than any other man, including Ethan the Ezrahite–wiser than Heman, Calcol and Darda, the sons of Mahol. And his fame spread to all the surrounding nations. {32} He spoke three thousand proverbs and his songs numbered a thousand and five. {33} He described plant life, from the cedar of Lebanon to the hyssop that grows out of walls. He also taught about animals and birds, reptiles and fish. {34} Men of all nations came to listen to Solomon’s wisdom, sent by all the kings of the world, who had heard of his wisdom.

A one-man university

 (Ecclesiastes 1:12-18 NIV)  I, the Teacher, was king over Israel in Jerusalem. {13} I devoted myself to study and to explore by wisdom all that is done under heaven. What a heavy burden God has laid on men! {14} I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind. {15} What is twisted cannot be straightened; what is lacking cannot be counted. {16} I thought to myself, “Look, I have grown and increased in wisdom more than anyone who has ruled over Jerusalem before me; I have experienced much of wisdom and knowledge.” {17} Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind. {18} For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief.

Makes us more aware of our ignorance

“A chasing after the wind”

 The Dream of Pleasure

700 wives and 300 concubines

(1 Kings 11:3 NIV)  He had 700 wives of royal birth and 300 hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray.

“I refused my heart no pleasure.”

(Ecclesiastes 2:10-11 NIV)  I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor.

“Meaningless”

{11} Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.”

 The Dream of Accomplishment

7 years to build temple

(1 Kings 6:38 NIV)  In the eleventh year in the month of Bul, the eighth month, the temple was finished in all its details according to its specifications. He had spent seven years building it.

13 years to build palace

(1 Kings 7:1 NIV)  It took Solomon thirteen years, however, to complete the construction of his palace.

All must be left behind

(Ecclesiastes 2:18 NIV)  I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me.

“Meaningless”

  (Ecclesiastes 2:24 NIV)  A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God,

 The Dream of Wealth

Richest man on earth

(1 Kings 10:23 NIV)  King Solomon was greater in riches and wisdom than all the other kings of the earth.

Silver as common as stones

(1 Kings 10:27 NIV)  The king made silver as common in Jerusalem as stones, and cedar as plentiful as sycamore-fig trees in the foothills.

“Meaningless”

(Ecclesiastes 5:10 NIV)  Whoever loves money never has money enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income. This too is meaningless.

Your Own Dreams

Look at your own dreams. What if they all came true…where would you be? And why would they be looked at ultimately any differently than Solomon?

Your Own Dreams  A. Live by faith (11:1-6)

 (Ecclesiastes 11:1-6 NIV)  Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again. {2} Give portions to seven, yes to eight, for you do not know what disaster may come upon the land. {3} If clouds are full of water, they pour rain upon the earth. Whether a tree falls to the south or to the north, in the place where it falls, there will it lie. {4} Whoever watches the wind will not plant; whoever looks at the clouds will not reap. {5} As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things. {6} Sow your seed in the morning, and at evening let not your hands be idle, for you do not know which will succeed, whether this or that, or whether both will do equally well.

 Your Own Dreams  B. Remember that life will end (11:7-12:7)

(Ecclesiastes 11:7-10 NIV)  Light is sweet, and it pleases the eyes to see the sun. {8} However many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all. But let him remember the days of darkness, for they will be many. Everything to come is meaningless. {9} Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgment. {10} So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body, for youth and vigor are meaningless.

(Ecclesiastes 12:1-7 NIV)  Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say, “I find no pleasure in them”– {2} before the sun and the light and the moon and the stars grow dark, and the clouds return after the rain; {3} when the keepers of the house tremble, and the strong men stoop, when the grinders cease because they are few, and those looking through the windows grow dim; {4} when the doors to the street are closed and the sound of grinding fades; when men rise up at the sound of birds, but all their songs grow faint; {5} when men are afraid of heights and of dangers in the streets; when the almond tree blossoms and the grasshopper drags himself along and desire no longer is stirred. Then man goes to his eternal home and mourners go about the streets. {6} Remember him–before the silver cord is severed, or the golden bowl is broken; before the pitcher is shattered at the spring, or the wheel broken at the well, {7} and the dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it.

Your Own Dreams  C. Fear God and obey Him (12:8-14)

(Ecclesiastes 12:8-14 NIV)  “Meaningless! Meaningless!” says the Teacher. “Everything is meaningless!” {9} Not only was the Teacher wise, but also he imparted knowledge to the people. He pondered and searched out and set in order many proverbs. {10} The Teacher searched to find just the right words, and what he wrote was upright and true. {11} The words of the wise are like goads, their collected sayings like firmly embedded nails–given by one Shepherd. {12} Be warned, my son, of anything in addition to them. Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body. {13} Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. {14} For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil.

 Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the    whole of man. –Eccl. 12:13

From the human point of view “under the sun,” it seems as if life is futile and empty; all is vanity. But when life is lived in the power of God for the glory of God, then life becomes meaningful.

 Any dream that doesn’t have God as the center is a dream that is unworthy of your life.

 The best part of this story took place AFTER the movie. He played for three years and had more shoulder and elbow trouble. He realized baseball was jeopardizing a bigger dream: his family. Baseball wasn’t the most important thing in the world after all.

(Psalms 42:1-2) As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. {2} My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?

 
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Posted by on June 20, 2014 in Family, Sermon

 

The Joy of Fatherhood (Father’s Day 2014)


Happy-Fathers-Day-2013- I may never be as clever as my neighbor down the street

I may never be as wealthy as some other people I’ll meet

I may never have the fame that other men may have

But I’ve just got to be successful as my little girl’s dad!

 

There are certain dreams that I cherish that I’d like to see come true

There are things I’d like to accomplish before my working days are through

But that task my heart is set on is no mere passing fad

But I’ve just got to be successful as my little girl’s dad!

 

It’s the one job I dream of, the task I think of most

For if I fail my little girl I’ve nothing else to boast

For all the wealth and fame I’d gather my fortune would be sad

If I fail to be successful as my little girl’s dad!

 

I may never come to glory. I may never gather gold

And men may count me as a failure when my business life is told

But if my little girl can just grow up godly then I’ll be glad

Then I’ll know I’ve been successful as my little girl’s dad!

Psalms 128: “Blessed are all who fear the LORD, who walk in his ways. {2} You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours. {3} Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your sons will be like olive shoots around your table. {4} Thus is the man blessed who fears the LORD.

In an issue of the Journal of Youth and Adolescence, family scientist Laura Walker’s study found that parents’ awareness of what’s going on in their child’s life at college is associated with the children not getting involved in risky behaviors.

Specifically, students who said their fathers were in the loop of their lives had a lower likelihood of doing drugs or engaging in risky sexual behaviors. When mothers were in the know with their kids, students were less likely to drink alcohol.

“For parents, the fact that closeness plays a strong role is a message to not be overbearing,” Walker said. “Having a close relationship promotes the child wanting to open up and share what’s going on rather than the parent having to intrusively solicit the information from the child.”

They have choices & responsibility too, of course, and that will have huge effect on what they become. But what we do will set them way back and make it difficult for them or set them way ahead and open up a lot more possibilities. How we do family will also have a huge effect on the spouses. What we do will affect the future significantly.

“Fatherhood”

“So you’ve decided to have a child. You’ve decided to give up quiet evenings with good books and lazy happy-fathers-day-quotesweekends with good music, intimate meals during which you finish whole sentences, sweet private times when you’ve savored the though that just the two of you and your love are all you will ever need.

“You’ve decided to turn your soft into trampolines, and to abandon the joys of leisurely contemplating reproductions of great art for the joys of frantically coping with reproductions of yourselves.

“Why? Poets have said the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality; and I must admit I did ask God to give me a son because I wanted to carry on the family name. Well, God did just that and I now confess that there have been times when I’ve told my son not to reveal who he is. You make up a name, I’ve said…just don’t tell anybody who you are.

“Immortality? Now that I have children, my only hope is that they are out of the house before I die.” (Bill Cosby)

Dad’s Many Hats–First of all, he is to be a leader.

God has placed fathers in the family to take the lead. God’s authority in the home centers in dad.

Nowhere is that more succinctly stated than in the divinely established qualifications for an elder in the church. “He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)” (1 Tim. 3:4, 5, NIV).

Studies have shown that there is a direct correlation between a weak father figure and a child’s problems in areas such as character, conduct, and achievement. Those who work with teens in trouble invariably discover the lack of an adequate father image in the home.

When dad abdicates his position of authority in the home, mom usually assumes the role she was never intended to have. The unhappy combination of a disinterested father and an overbearing mother can drive children to run away from home, enter early and unwise marriages, or suffer emotional difficulties and personality deficiencies.

“If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Tim. 5:8, NIV).

 “For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory” (1 Thess. 2:11-12, NIV).

As a godly manager, he prayerfully considers the feelings of others and his decisions are for their good rather than his own. He recognizes his wife’s abilities and encourages her to develop them and use them to their fullest extent.

She makes sure that he is aware of what is going on, and that he approves. And to be assured that he is in charge, that he has final responsibility for the smooth operation of the household, and that he will faithfully discharge that responsibility, brings a great sense of security both to her and to the children.

He is to be secondly a lover.

He must love his wife with an unselfish, forgiving love. Somebody has suggested that the very best thing a father can do for his children is to express a Christ-like love toward their mother. Paul exhorted “husbands love your wife as Christ loved the church” (Eph. 5:25).

Genesis 2:24 (NIV) For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

Simply stated, Dad, that means that after the Lord himself, your wife comes first in your life–before you, before your boss, before your friends, before your Christian service, even before your children.

And those very children will be the beneficiaries of your faithful adherence to this principle. Your love for their mother, openly expressed, will give them a sense of satisfaction and security that nothing else in this world can provide.

They may groan and cover their eyes when you take her in your arms and kiss her, muttering something like “Oh, brother, here we go again.” But deep down inside there will be a warm glow of contentment.

Some husbands and wives live only for their children and they never really get to know each other. One day, all too soon, the kids are grown and gone and mom and dad are left staring at each other like total strangers with nothing to say, toying with an uncontrollable urge to meddle in their children’s marriages.

So, Dad, take your wife out for dinner periodically. Bring her something that says “I love you.” Spend time talking about the things that are burdening her. Be sensitive to her needs and live to meet those needs.

Help her with the chores. If she’s had a particularly hard day, cheerfully take over and encourage her to go out for awhile. Don’t knock her or argue with her in the children’s presence. Be demonstrably affectionate toward her in front of the children. How else are they going to learn how to love?

The most frequent answer received, when college students are asked in what way they felt their parents might have failed them, was lack of love between their parents.

One girl wrote, “No affection was ever shown in our family, my father toward my mother or my parents toward us. I know I can’t blame them totally, but I am not a very warm, receptive person.” Some had never seen any open expression of love between their parents and were suffering from emotional malnutrition as a result.

The third major role a father must play is that of disciplinarian.

“And fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4, NASB).

A father who rules by force and fear breeds the same personality and conduct problems as no father image at all.

“Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart” (Col. 3:21, NASB).

1 Timothy 3:4 (NIV) He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect.

The fourth role God would have every father fill is that of companion.

That doesn’t mean pal. Some fathers have made fools of themselves palling around with their kids and trying to do everything they do, often to the embarrassment of the younger generation. By companion I mean comrade, confidant, and friend.

Malachi 4:6 (NIV)
6 He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse.”

This passage still awaits its final prophetic fulfillment, but illustrates what God’s grace can accomplish even today in restoring a cherished relationship between fathers and their children.

That will require time spent together, with open communication and intimate communion. Boys and girls both need time alone with dad.

An ideal occasion for communication and companionship with younger children is at bedtime.

A boy particularly needs to know his dad. Dad represents the man he will become–the husband he will be to his wife, the father he will be to his children, the provider he will be for his family, the leader he will be in his church, and the witness he will be in the world. He needs an example to follow, a model to identify with, a dad he can be proud of.

Build Me a Son, O Lord

“Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.

“Build me a son whose wishbone will not be where his backbone should be; a son who will know Thee and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge. Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail.

“Build me a son whose heart will be clean, whose goal will be high; a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will learn to laugh, yet never forget how to weep; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.

“And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, the meekness of true strength. Then I, his father, will dare to whisper, “I have not lived in vain.”

Daughters need to know their dads. A girl learns from her dad what men are like. He represents the husband she will one day give herself to, the father of her children, the authority figure she will submit to. Cultivate a warm and cordial relationship with her. It will help her adjust successfully to the husband God gives her. If you deprive her of your companionship, the resentment she feels will be transferred to other men, even to her husband.

Psalm 121:1-8 (NIV) I lift up my eyes to the hills– where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip– he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you– the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm– he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

 
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Posted by on June 15, 2014 in Family, Sermon

 

Guidelines for parents in developing your child’s self-esteem


  1. low-self-esteem1. Try to improve your own mental health. In dealing with your children, you teach more by      what you are than by what you say. Ask yourself such questions: Since God  accepts me, why can’t I accept myself? Who am I to question God? Since I  forgive others, why can’t I forgive myself? Am I easy to be around? Perhaps there is something in me that is worthwhile.
  2. If you are married, establish a healthy marriage. Unhealthy marriages develop unhealthy patterns of interaction in your home which affect your children. If your family ‘health’ us not the very best, get some help in making it so. It isn’t a sign of weakness to see your own faults and to try to overcome them…rather, it’s a sign of maturity and strength! Weak people try to      avoid such reality.
  3. Provide for your family’s needs: physical, emotional, psychological, social and spiritual.
  4. Spend much time with your family. You as a parent are often not only busy but tired and need rest yourself. Your children must be a priority, especially while they are young. Eat as many meals as possible (that means sitting down together at one place and talking, sharing, caring). No distractions should normally be allowed.
  5. Teach them proper values. Children will pick up your values; if they see your emphasis for money and prestige, they will value those things, too. If they see you laying up treasures in heaven, they will usually value heaven (Matt. 6:19-21). God, Jesus Christ, church, family, responsibility, and Christian character: what could possibly rate above those things?!
  6. Let your children be children.
  7. Focus upon strengths rather than weaknesses. Be realistic, but recognize strengths. Morris      Rosenberg in Society and the Adolescent Self-Image found that high self-esteem children tend to have mothers who are satisfied with average or below average performance. This mayselfesteem appear to go against the grain, but pushing our children to hard is more harmful. The key: don’t create      unrealistic expectations for them. We should help them overcome setbacks and compete in honest ways. We should provide encouragement and support in all efforts they choose…but keep God, Jesus, and the church first in all things!
  8. Discipline your children with love. Set certain limits and enforce them but don’t over-do it. Be HIGH in love and standards (the model used toward us by God).
  9. Encourage achievement in school: motivate, help, maximize his/her potential, yet accept them for that they are and not for what you wish them to be.
  10. Try to avoid over-protection and dependence.
  11. Explain changes that will occur at puberty.
  12. Forgive them.
  13. Don’t be partial to one child over another. Realize they are different!
  14. Learn to show affection.
  15. Help them to belong.
  16. Help them to develop a strong faith in God, the source of our true value.

Adolescents need attention and they will find a way to get it. It IS easier to get negative attention than positive attention: the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Teens often ask “why not” to get you as a parent to change your mind. They really are not wanting to know. They are just wanting you to acquience. You as a parent have a right to say “no” because you are “uncomfortable saying yes.”

 
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Posted by on May 17, 2014 in Encouragement, Family