What is the most powerful word in the English language? Is it “honor” or “love” or “country”? Maybe it’s “sacrifice.”

Stu Weber, who has written the book called Tender Warrior, says, “How about the word ‘dad’? Just walk through what you know about life. When it comes to power in a youngster’s world, I’ll put my money on the word ‘dad.’ As words go, hope, vision, and sacrifice don’t mean a whole lot to little ones, but the power of the word ‘dad’ reaches far beyond a youngster’s childhood.

   “In fact, it spans generations. There are two ways to recognize power. One is to see it at work. The other is to measure what happens when it is gone. Either way, the word ‘dad’ is pretty potent. Present or absent, positive or negative, the power of the father is incredible.”

To assist in your quest to be good parents, here are ten commandments for guiding your children.

1. Teach them, using God’s Word – Deuteronomy 6:4-9 (ESV) “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. ⁵  You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. ⁶  And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.
   ⁷  You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. ⁸  You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. ⁹  You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
2. Tell them what’s right and wrong – ( 1 Kings 1:6 (ESV) His father had never at any time displeased him by asking, “Why have you done thus and so?” He was also a very handsome man, and he was born next after Absalom. 
3. See them as gifts from God –  Psalm 127:3 (ESV) Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.
   
4. Guide them in godly ways – Proverbs 22:6 (ESV) Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
   
5. Discipline them –  Proverbs 29:17 (ESV) Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.
   
6. Love them unconditionally –  Luke 15:11-32 (ESV) And he said, “There was a man who had two sons. ¹²  And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.’ And he divided his property between them. ¹³  Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. ¹⁴  And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. ¹⁵  So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. ¹⁶  And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything. ¹⁷  “But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! ¹⁸  I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. ¹⁹  I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.”’ ²⁰  And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. ²¹  And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ ²²  But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet.
   ²³  And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. ²⁴  For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate. ²⁵  “Now his older son was in the field, and as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. ²⁶  And he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant.
   ²⁷  And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf, because he has received him back safe and sound.’ ²⁸  But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him, ²⁹  but he answered his father, ‘Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. ³⁰  But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!’ ³¹  And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. ³²  It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found.’”
7. Do not provoke them to wrath –  Ephesians 6:4 (ESV) Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
   
8. Earn their respect by example –  1 Timothy 3:4 (ESV) He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive…
   
9. Provide for their physical needs –  1 Timothy 5:8 (ESV) But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
   
10. Pass your faith along to them –  2 Timothy 1:5 (ESV) I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.
    

What if God should place in your hand a diamond, and tell you to inscribe on it a sentence which should e read at the last day, and be shown then as an index of our own thoughts and feelings? What care, what caution, would you exercise in the selection!

Now, this is what God has done, He has placed before you, the immortal minds of your children, more imperishable than the diamond, on which you are about to inscribe every day and every hour, by your instructions, by our spirit, or by your example, something which will remain, and be exhibited for or against you at the judgment day.

Poets and other writers have been generous in heaping praise and adulation upon mothers. This is as it should be, for a godly mother cannot be given too much praise.

But fathers have received far fewer eulogies and have not been given the public honor and attention which their position and work deserve. This is probably due to the basic differences in male and female character.  Whereas mothers are usually gentle, tearful, tender and introspective in spirit, fathers are generally stern, ready to fight the battles of life and to take disappointments without a word or a tear.

Some have therefore judged fathers to be hard, unspiritual creatures who are devoid of feeling. This is an unjustified judgment! A father is not inferior to a mother; he is simply different. Remember that when God selected a figure to impress us with his love for his wayward children, he chose the figure of a father and his child. This, of course, is a reference to the father in the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32).

The father’s role in making a home successful and happy is equally as important as the mother’s — although vastly different in some respects. As in every other marriage relationship, husband and wife are complementary to each other. Each parent contributes his special abilities in such a way as to reinforce and strengthen the other.

Fathers, 100% of the responsibilities of parenthood are yours! The souls of your precious children depend upon you for proper guidance. We need to get all information and counsel concerning the role of a father that we can possibly come by.

And, since parenthood is a spiritual responsibility, we especially need to study the Bible for the information contained in its sacred pages relative to the responsibilities of a Christian Father/Husband.

God Says Organize!
The autocratic home must first of all be properly organized. God gives the blueprint for that organization in 1 Corinthians 11:3: “The head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.”

This particular scripture does not include children, but others do:
Ephesians 6:1 (ESV) Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

Children come under Daddy and Mother’s authority. Any time we get Daddy, Mother, and the children’s positions out of kilter, we are in serious trouble. We certainly aren’t happy. Daddy is humiliated, Mother embarrassed, and the children aren’t content, either. Society suffers and the nation is weakened, too, by the way.

God has designated that men carry certain responsibilities and that women assume others. Men and women are not the same in purpose or responsibility, but they are equal in importance. God’s plan is that we are “a 100% Daddy and a 100% Mother.”

THE ROLE OF A CHRISTIAN FATHERHUSBAND
1. The Christian fatherhusband is to show himself a man.
When he was a child it was proper for him to act as a child. When he was immature he was not expected to function in the framework of maturity. However, with the coming of marriage and home responsibilities he is expected to act like a man.

Marriage is no place for two mates to behave like children! Children need adults to take care of their shelter, food, clothing, medical needs, and educational requirements. This is no realm for the immature who would care less about meeting this week’s grocery bill or from where money for monthly bills and the rent will come. Being a husband and father demands maturity in men.

2. To Lead (not to boss).

Be the head of the home. This simply entails being the one by whom and through whom all decisions and orders of the family’s business are approved. You give the ultimate yes and no. If you are wise, you will gladly share this with your spouse in many areas, but when it is all said and done, it is your responsibility.

Be the protector. This protection finds its fruit in both physical and emotional protection. God built with a man the ability to minimize his family’s fears and feelings of insecurity. With his deep, strong voice, he can scare any intruders away.

Be the physical provider. From the beginning of time, it has been God’s decree that the man is to make the living for his family (Gen. 3:17-19; Exodus 21:10). It’s important that the family be taught the lesson of contentment so ‘demand and command’ be held in check — in other words, live within your means.

Be the spiritual leader. A man’s spiritual welfare and that of his wife and children are resting in his hands. A woman is to submit willingly to man’s leadership (1 Cor. 11:3). Again, it is the wise husband who uses the nurturing skills and patience of the mother in this area.
The husband should be a dominant figure in the life of his family, even though he should not be dominating. He should be a leader without being a dictator. He should be the…head of the home, while carefully preserving the equal rights and privileges of the wife. He should be the decision-maker, after careful and thorough consultation and agreement with his partner.

The husband should assume the leadership role, not just proclaim it! The husband should have or develop the capacity to lead by model more than mouth. A study found a close tie between violence and the method a couple uses for making decisions. If the husband makes almost all decisions, he is far more likely to hit his wife or be hit by her. Between husbands and wives who share the decision making, there is almost no violence.

Most husbands/fathers don’t realize their homes have problems. 83% of the wives say their marriage could be improved while only 53% of their husbands agree that their marriage could be improved.

Major problems are caused by dominating husbands. The wife may respond with clinical depression, reaction formation, or apathy.

Since he permits no independent emotional reactions, he can drive someone who takes him seriously quite mad. However, since he seems so secure, correct, and normal, he attracts people who doubt themselves and feel security in his supposed strength.  They attract themselves to him and grow increasingly insecure as they find themselves reacting ‘incorrectly’ to life’s events.

PRINCIPLES OF ASSUMED VERSES PROCLAIMED LEADERSHIP:
Proclaimed Leadership                                                Assumed Leadership
gives orders without asking                                            asks questions, seeks to truly hear,
questions, without permitting questions                          suggests alternatives

makes demands, dishes out directions;                            respects freedom and dignity of  others,
lays down the law, is defensive if                                   can affirm the truth clearly and concretely

challenged                                                                    but non-defensively

requires compliance regardless of                                   values willing cooperation, works for
consent or agreement;                                                        open agreement and understanding;

pushes and manipulates; one man                                   leads, attracts, persuades personal relationships

rule in over under position                                             in side-by-side identification

says “You do, you must do,                                            says “Come, let’s do, we might have done,

you ought to have done;                                                 can we try?”

you’d better do”

depends on his own external                                          generates acceptance, cooperation, and

authority to motivate others;                                          reconciliation;

separates and isolates people.                                         unites and helps persons relate to each other

Men’s Complaints About Wives

1.      She demands immediate answers. I want to think about it for a while.

1. She always looks for hidden meanings. She reads in meanings that aren’t there.
2. She is never satisfied with what I tell her. I don’t like cross-examinations.
3. She belabors the subject – wants all the details. Her stories take detours. Why can’t she get to the point?
4. She can’t separate the issue from the person. She thinks “If you disagree with my view, then you don’t love me.”
5. She brings unrelated issues into the argument.
6. She interrupts me. She tends to break into whatever I say before I’m finished.
7. She desires more to be understood than to understand.

Wives’ Complaints About Husbands

1.      He doesn’t listen to full conversations or even sentences but judges immediately.

1. He doesn’t respect my opinion but hears it only when someone else says it.
2. He won’t risk confrontation. If I complain, he doesn’t answer, and I feel like a nonperson.
3. Reminding is taken as nagging.
4. To him, his problems are major. Mine are insignificant and incessant.
5. He doesn’t listen – just pretends – and when I catch him at it, he gets angry.
6. He won’t share his true feelings, but they emerge heatedly later on.
7. I share feelings and frustrations, but nothing happens.
8. If something goes wrong in his life, he makes me feel as if I  have failed.
9. He can’t share the deep feelings of intimacy I need.
10. He’s too busy for communication (said by several women).
11. When he’s mad at the dog or car, why is it my fault and why does he take it out on me?
12. He can’t admit he’s wrong.
13. Why tell me about the kids’ misbehavior? Why doesn’t he do something about it? Instead, he tattles.
14. He ignores me all day and then wants quick and playful sex at night. I don’t want sex without attention first.

— From Stress and the Healthy Family by Dolores Curran, 1985.

Daddy
1. Be fair. A man setting out to lead his wife and children must first of all be fair. Listen, especially to the wishes of your wife. Don’t expect of your family what you are not willing to do or be yourself. Take care of your family’s needs before your own.

2. Be firm. When there is no leader, there is no leadership. If you are seeking to be fair, you’ll know when to listen and make changes.

3. Be faithful. A family will do anything asked of them if they know you love them. How can you hurt your wife the most? Don’t love her; avoid her; don’t compliment her; make her feel as if she is inferior. Some treat the waitress better than their wife at home. Our wife needs to know, without doubt, that they are loved!

Proverbs 22:17-21 (NIV)
¹⁷  Pay attention and listen to the sayings of the wise; apply your heart to what I teach,
¹⁸  for it is pleasing when you keep them in your heart and have all of them ready on your lips.
¹⁹  So that your trust may be in the LORD, I teach you today, even you.
²⁰  Have I not written thirty sayings for you, sayings of counsel and knowledge,
²¹  teaching you true and reliable words, so that you can give sound answers to him who sent you?

Luke 8:18 (NIV)
¹⁸  Therefore consider carefully how you listen. Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what he thinks he has will be taken from him.”

There is a cost to acquiring wisdom, but it’s worth it! It isn’t enough to own a study Bible and read books about the Bible, helpful as they are. It’s one thing to know about the Bible and quite something else to hear God speak through His Word and teach us His wisdom so that we become more like Jesus Christ.

During my years of ministry, I’ve met several people whose knowledge of Scripture was phenomenal, but who failed to manifest the fruit of the Spirit: Galatians 5:22-23: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, {23} gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”

Of these ‘knowledgeable” people, these words speak: “Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up” (1 Cor. 8:1).

But there’s a positive side to this as well: Wise (and blessed) people don’t waste their time listening to foolishness and lies.

Psalm 1:1-6 (NIV) Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers.
²  But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night.
³  He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.
⁴  Not so the wicked! They are like chaff that the wind blows away.
⁵  Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.
⁶  For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish.

Wise people are careful about what they read, what they hear and see, and what they talk about in daily conversation.  They’re diligent to keep trash out of their minds and hearts, because “garbage in” ultimately means “garbage out.” For this reason, they carefully control the radio and television and they are selective in their reading.

Those who are wise profit from rebuke and from advice: Proverbs 9:8-9 (NIV)  Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you. ⁹ Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning.

They don’t think so highly of themselves that they can’t learn from others: Proverbs 26:12: “Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.”

We should keep in mind two things:

1. Life is short
2. Our eternal existence is greatly influenced by how we live during this short life

It is imperative, then, that we not waste our time through rash and foolish decisions which not only jeopardize our eternal destiny but can also make this life miserable. Life is too short and families grow too fast for us to raise a family through “trial and error”

The value of wisdom is especially seen in family relationships: “He who troubles his own house will inherit the wind.” (Prov. 11:29).

Consider what many people think is most important in providing for a family. Many would say it is the “necessities” of life such as food and clothing, and a place of shelter. Most would feel that other things are also necessary such as the “finer things” (luxuries) for the children, which parents never had as children. A good “education” for the children, so they too can be affluent.

1. Instilling a fear of the Lord (reverence and awe). Proverbs 15:16: “Better is a little with the fear of the LORD than great treasure and turmoil with it.”

The fear of the Lord provides: Proverbs 16:6: “By loving kindness and truth iniquity is atoned for, And by the fear of the LORD one keeps away from evil.”

2. Giving them love.

Proverbs 15:17: “Better is a dish of vegetables where love is Than a fattened ox served with hatred.”

Proverbs 27:5: “Better is open rebuke Than love that is concealed.”

Providing an environment where love reigns is more important than providing material abundance. Troubled children come from homes where “love” is lacking, not money!

3. Providing a peaceful family life.

Proverbs 17:1: “Better is a dry morsel and quietness with it Than a house full of feasting with strife.”

What can be done to insure adequate material provisions for the family: Be righteous!

Proverbs 20:7: “A righteous man who walks in his integrity– How blessed are his sons after him.”
Today that means putting the kingdom of God first in your life. Then God will watch out for you and providentially see that your needs are adequately met! Children of righteous parents are truly blessed! But parents who fail to put God first go through life without God’s providential help, and their children may suffer as a result!

WISDOM IN RAISING CHILDREN

Inspired wisdom is explicit in the proper use of “corporeal punishment.” Used properly, it is a demonstration of true love.

Proverbs 13:24: “He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.”

Proper discipline has proper objectives…

Proverbs 22:15: “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.”

Proverbs 23:13-14: “Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. {14} You shall strike him with the rod And rescue his soul from Sheol.”

Proverbs 29:15: “The rod and reproof give wisdom, But a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.”

Proper discipline has its rewards

Proverbs 29:17: “Correct your son, and he will give you comfort; He will also delight your soul.”

Proverbs 19:18: “Discipline your son while there is hope, And do not set your heart on his destruction.”

It is to be applied before the situation gets of out hand (“while there is hope”). It is also to be applied under controlled circumstances (“do not set your heart on his destruction”). i.e., do not put it off until you strike in anger.

There IS a difference between proper “spanking” and “child abuse”! Corporeal punishment should never be a vent for letting off steam. Rather, a controlled use of one method to discourage bad behavior. To be accompanied with love!

These important points:

• when you discipline your children, you’re acting like God
• discipline is a function of love, and appropriate punishment is not something done to a child but for the child
• spanking before 18 months of age is not wise and after 10 years of age is not effective
• it should be reserved for times of defiant or rebellious behavior
• when love is abundant at home, proper discipline (even a spanking) won’t be resented

Children are gifts from the Lord but between 15-36 months they don’t want to be restricted in any way. They are the most self-centered, manipulative, and controlling things on the planet…parents must be adults and be in charge

James Dobson: “The proper time to begin disarming the teenage time bomb is 12 years before it arrives. Children thrive best in an atmosphere of genuine love, undergirded by reasonable and consistent discipline. In a day of widespread drug usage, immorality, sexually transmitted diseases, vandalism, and violence, we must not depend on hope and luck to fashion the critical attitudes we value in our children.”

    “In those situations when the child fully understands what he is being asked to do or not to do but refuses to yield to adult leadership, an appropriate spanking is the shortest and most effective route to an attitude adjustment.” (The New Dare to Discipline, page 28, 7, and 60-61)
Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (as implied by the word “nurture”)

Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
This allows for the common interpretation in which a child’s outcome is virtually dependent upon his training, especially in spiritual matters. i.e., if the child is brought up right by godly parents, the child “must” turn out all right…so if a child is not a faithful Christian, it must always be a failing of the parents.

The original root word for “train” is the term for “the palate, the roof of the mouth, the gums.” In verb form, it’s the term used for breaking and bringing into submission a wild horse by a rope in the mouth. But the term was also used in the days of Solomon to describe the action of a midwife, who, soon after helping deliver a child, would dip her finger into the juice of chewed or crushed dates, reach into the mouth of the infant, and massage the gums and the palate within the mouth so as to create a sensation of sucking – a sense of taste.

The juice was thought to also have a cleansing agent. They would then place the child into his mother’s arms to begin feeding.

It was a word, used, then, to “describe a thirst.” And when we see this application from the original language, it takes on a whole new meaning for Christian mothers and fathers. We must develop a thirst within our children for God and His church. The idea reminds one of Matthew 5:6: “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” 

The verse can also be translated: “train up a child according to HIS way…” that is, train up a child according to his or her inclinations. The key in developing this thirst is sensitivity – an awareness of our children and what they are and what they need.

Adapt the training of your child so that it is in keeping with his God-given characteristics and tendencies; when he comes to maturity, he will not depart from the training he has received.”

Therefore, this verse, like so many in Proverbs, is simply giving us practical advice in raising our children (without necessarily any spiritual implications). However, I might add that trying to force a child to go against their “aptitude” may encourage a child to rebel in ALL areas of parental influence (including spiritual).

 What would you be willing to do for your children? The quick response is “everything…anything.” When they are infants, they literally depend upon their parents for everything!

In Man in the Mirror, Patrick Morley tells of a group of fishermen who landed in a secluded bay in Alaska and had a great day fishing for salmon. But when they returned to their sea plane, they found it aground because of the fluctuating tides. They waited until the next morning for the tides to comes in, but when they took off, they only got a few feet into the air before crashing back into the sea. Being aground the day before had punctured one of the pontoons, and it had filled up with water.

The sea plane slowly began to sink. The passengers, three men and a 12-year-old son of one of the men, prayed and then jumped into the icy cold waters to swim to shore. The riptide was strong, but two of the men reached the shore exhausted. They looked back, and saw the father with his arms around his son being swept out to sea.

The boy had not been strong enough to make it. The father was a strong swimmer, but he had chosen to die with his son rather than to live without him.”

    Morley went on to say: “The most important thing my dad ever taught me is that there are more important things than me. My major effort as a parent must be devoted to my children. If they turn out badly, nothing I could do in the public eye would have any meaning.’   

That remind me of Paul’s statement: Romans 9:1-3 (ESV) I am speaking the truth in Christ—I am not lying; my conscience bears me witness in the Holy Spirit— ²  that I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart.
³  For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh.

   The Message renders these verses this way: Romans 9:1-3 (MSG) At the same time, you need to know that I carry with me at all times a huge sorrow. ²  It’s an enormous pain deep within me, and I’m never free of it. I’m not exaggerating—Christ and the Holy Spirit are my witnesses. It’s the Israelites… ³  If there were any way I could be cursed by the Messiah so they could be blessed by him, I’d do it in a minute. They’re my family.

Parents give us a sense of self-worth and confidence. It’s advice we can pass on to any parent: Morley: “They always answered my question ‘Do you think I can do it?’ with ‘Of course you can.’ And they were never too busy to give me attention. Even as a teenager, I thought I must be the most entertaining company in the world because my folks loved to be with me–and with each of my siblings. It didn’t occur to me until years later that they chose to spend time with us.” 

 There are some Christian homes which are no better than some of the worst of secular homes; affairs there can be in utter chaos and confusion. Instead of orderly, love-filled peaceful homes, they can be battlegrounds from morning to night, arenas of constant bickering and squabbling and fighting and rebellion.

Deuteronomy 6:1-6 (ESV)
¹  “Now this is the commandment—the statutes and the rules—that the LORD your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them in the land to which you are going over, to possess it,
²  that you may fear the LORD your God, you and your son and your son’s son, by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be long.
³  Hear therefore, O Israel, and be careful to do them, that it may go well with you, and that you may multiply greatly, as the LORD, the God of your fathers, has promised you, in a land flowing with milk and honey.
⁴  “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.
⁵  You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.
⁶  And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.

That is a word addressed to parents. The place to begin, the place to recover the proper functioning of the home, is with the parents. We must begin to heal ourselves before God in order to heal our children. There is no escape from that. We cannot pass on to them something which we ourselves are not. Parents are models, and children will invariably follow the model.

They will live with us in exactly the same way we have lived with them. So we must begin the correction with ourselves. We must discover and develop our own personhood before we can help our children to discover and develop theirs. That is absolutely essential.

Parents who do not recognize that their first responsibility is to what they are before God, and not to what their children become, will ultimately lose both.

Parents who give everything to their children and ask nothing in return quite unknowingly are teaching their children to expect to have everything done for them, and to give nothing in return. It is no wonder, therefore, that is exactly what so many children expect these days. They have been taught that in the home. So the first step is for parents to begin with themselves.

Now we come to the second step, which is found in the first part of Verse 7 in this great summary passage. Moses said, Deuteronomy 6:7 (NIV) Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

This means that along with, and as a result of, obedience to the first step will come this second step. While you are learning to become a person yourself, as a parent, you will at that same time, and in the same process, pass it along to your children. You don’t wait until you have reached ultimate maturity. None of us ever do that anyway. But what you are learning, and while you are learning it, you are passing along to your children.

Some time ago I came to the realization that every day is hut a miniature of life itself, and that a child needs, every day, what a person needs for his whole life. At the beginning of life our needs are obvious — security, a sense of identity, assurance that we belong in a family. Therefore, parents are tremendously important to a child at the beginning of his life.

It occurred to me that this is true also at the beginning of each day, and that every day ought to start with an expression of security, of identity, of appreciation. So in our home we started greeting one another with a hug the first thing in the morning, the first time we meet for the day — just to say, “I love you and you’re important to me, and you belong here.” And it had been wonderful to watch a sense of trust develop, a sense of relaxation in the feeling of a secure home. That’s what God does with us, and this is what is important in the display of love.

We are preparing our children to live lives independent from us, and that, therefore, the acquisition of all the knowledge they will need must start, at least, in the home. It may be continued in school, but the acquisition of all knowledge starts at home:

• We want our children to know the names and the natures of things. This is the beginning of science.
• We want them to know how to count and to reason, and there you have the foundation of mathematics.
• We want them to learn the relationships of cause and effect — why one thing does this, and another does that — and there you have philosophy.
• We want them to learn how to enjoy themselves, so there you have the arts and crafts and sports.
• We want them to learn how to exert their influence properly upon other people, and there you have social sciences coming in.
• We want them to learn how to use their imagination, which brings up the whole realm of literature and drama.
• We want them to learn how to behave themselves responsibly, how to take responsibility for their own actions and not to blame them on somebody else, and there you have the humanities.
• And above everything else — that which no school can ever impart — we want our children to learn how to handle failure and guilt. Nothing plagues human beings more than the sense of failure and the terribly agony of guilt. Therefore, the one thing that Christian parents ought to be responsible for, above all else, is to learn how to handle failure and guilt, and to teach their children how to handle it also.

    There is the story of a woman who came to an authority on child raising and asked him, “Sir, when should I begin to teach my child about God?” He said, “How old is your child?” She answered, “Six.” He said, “Madam, hurry home. You’ve already lost five of the most important years!”

Proverbs 22:6: “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”

Unfortunately, it is a most misunderstood verse. Most people understand this verse to mean, “If you teach your child the way you want him to live, while he is a child, then, when he has grown up, he will not leave that way.” But, unfortunately, that notion is not confirmed by experience.

What the text says literally is, “Train up a child according to his own way.” What it is referring to is the fact that children are basically different. There is a mystery built into every child. And the job of a parent is to discover the particular form of the mystery which is there in each child — and no two children are the same. There is a creative urge built by the Creator himself into every child. It is usually related to one of the five senses. That is,

• Some children love to see things. They love to look at pictures and to investigate and perceive. They are the ones who become the philosophers and the thinkers, etc.
• Some children are related more to movement. They love to move and they enjoy the feel of movement. They are the ones who build cars and locomotives and airplanes.
• Some will relate to smell and taste, and they are the ones who make good chefs.
• Some like sound, and they become musicians and audio engineers, and so forth.

So what this text is saying is that God has built into every child a uniqueness that is “his/her own way,” and the parents have to find that. And when they find it, and help a child find it, that child will find fulfillment, a fulfillment so rich and full that when he is old he will not leave it. When he has grown up he will have found himself. This is true not only of natural abilities, but of spiritual gifts as well. And the role of a parent is to help him in this discovery.

Here is where love comes in — love which spends time with children, love which watches them, and thinks about them, and leads them out in various exploratory paths to find out what interests them, and what they like, love which gives security and identity, and helps a child find out who he is in an atmosphere of acceptance and encouragement. And when these two factors interplay, one against the other — law which regulates, and love which discovers — then, you see, you have the pattern for raising children in a way which will produce God-reliant men and women, able to cope with life the way it was intended to be.

We are going to look at many other concepts as we go along in this series. Some of them will be more specific. Some will teach us how to apply these principles to the various methods of handling the education of children. But I hope we will understand that only as we begin with ourselves, and apply these principles first to ourselves, so that our children can see the changes which are occurring in us, only then can they be passed along to those who are coming behind us.

WORDS TO A GROWN UP SON/DAUGHTER

My hands were busy through the day I didn’t have much time to play

The little games you asked me to I didn’t have much time for you.

I’d wash your clothes, I’d sew and cook but when you’d bring your picture book

And ask me please to share your fun I’d say, “A little later, son.”

I’d tuck you in all safe at night and hear your prayers, turn out the light

Then tiptoe softly to the door I wish I’d stayed a minute more.

For life is short, the years rush past A little boy grows up so fast

No longer is he at your side His precious secrets to confide.

The picture books are put away There are no more games to play no goodnight kiss,

No prayers to hear That all belongs to yesteryear.

My hands once busy now lie still The days are long and hard to fill

I wish I might go back and do The little things you asked me to. –Anonymous