This quiz is based on an understanding of many key studies in the field. Following the Quiz you can add up your points and use the scale to see how you are doing. You should take the scores seriously, but realize that there is a lot that the quiz doesn’t take into account about your relationship.
While these questions are based on studies that assess such things as the likelihood of a marriage working out, we would hate for any one person to take this and assume the worst about their future. Rather, we believe that the quiz can motivate high and medium- high scoring couples to take a serious look at where their marriage is heading–and take steps to turn negative patterns around for the better.
Please answer each of the following questions to see how you are doing. We recommend that you answer these questions by yourself and not share scores with your partner.
Use the following 3 point scale to rate how often you and your mate or partner experience the following:
1 2 3 Little arguments escalate into ugly fights with accusations, criticisms, name calling, or bringing up past hurts.
1 2 3 My partner criticizes or belittles my opinions, feelings, or desires.
1 2 3 My partner seems to view my words or actions more negatively than I mean them to be.
1 2 3 When we have a problem to solve, it is like we are on opposite teams.
1 2 3 I hold back from telling my partner what I really think and feel.
1 2 3 I think seriously about what it would be like to date or marry someone else.
1 2 3 I feel lonely in this relationship.
1 2 3 When we argue, one of us withdraws, that is, doesn’t want to talk about it anymore; or leaves the scene.
Determining Your Score:
Add up your points to determine your score. (Include only your scores, do not add to your partner’s!) The ranges we suggest for the quiz are based on results from a nationwide, random phone survey of 947 people (85% married).
8 to 12 “Green Light”
If your total points is in the 8 – 12 range, your relationship is probably in good or even great shape AT THIS TIME, but we emphasize “AT THIS TIME” because relationships don’t stand still. In the next 12 months, you’ll either have a stronger, happier relationship, or you could head in the other direction. To think about it another way, it’s like you are traveling along and have come to a green light. There is no need to stop, but it is probably a great time to work on making your relationship all it can be.
13 to 17 “Yellow Light”
If you scored in the 13-17 range, it’s like you are coming to a “yellow light.” You need to be cautious. While you may be happy now in your relationship, your score reveals warning signs of patterns you don’t want to let get worse. You’ll want to be taking action to protect and improve what you have. Spending time to strengthen your relationship now could be the best thing you could do for your future together.
18 to 24 “Red Light”
Finally, if you scored in the 18-24 range, it’s like approaching a red light. Stop, and think about where the two of you are headed. Your score indicates the presence of patterns that could put your relationship at significant risk. You may be heading for trouble–or already may be there. But there is GOOD NEWS. You can stop and learn ways to improve your relationship now!