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Hindu nationalist leader Mahatma Gandhi said he would be a follower of Christ if it weren’t for Christians And he’s probably not the only one. Why do so many “Christians” so seldom resemble their Lord?

1. Disappointment With God. — Many church people seem to be saying with their actions what they would never admit with their mouths. Even the expressions on their faces suggest that they are unhappy and bored. Their behavior makes it difficult to believe that their faith gives them any real satisfaction. How can others be expected to trust a God who hasn’t lived up to the expectations of His followers? One answer offered by the Bible is that some who claim to be followers of Christ are not authentic. For a while they look genuine. But they are not (Matthew 7:21-23; 13:24-30; 1 John 2:18-19). The infiltration of impostors, however, is not the whole story. The Bible does not hide the fact that real people of faith also have been disappointed with God. Both Old and New Testaments give examples of people who were distraught and even angry with God because He allowed them to suffer circumstances from which they expected Him to protect them (Numbers 14:14; Psalm 73).

2. Distraction. — Under pressure, and even in times of prosperity, real Christians can be distracted from the confidence that their ultimate well-being doesn’t lie in the hands of other people or circumstances. Because of ever-present diversions and distractions, the Bible urges the people of God to renew their minds continually by remembering what God has done for them (Romans 12:1-2). The Scriptures urge believers to keep their hope and faith alive by stirring up the memories of what they already know (see 2 Peter 1:1-15). The reason is clear. A lack of basic Christian behavior can often be attributed to a critical lapse of memory (Deuteronomy 6:10-12).

3. Dangerous Relationships. — Jesus was known by the company He kept. He ate and drank with people with whom other religious leaders wouldn’t think of associating. But Jesus did not eat and drink with such people because He was attracted to their way of life. He did it to be the best friend a sinner ever had. With the wrong motives, the relationships He cultivated would have been dangerous. Without His strong and loving purposes, the accusation that He was a “friend of sinners” would have been more damaging. His own apostle Paul would later write, “Do not be misled: `Bad company corrupts good character.’ Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning” (1 Corinthians 15:33-34). Even the wise King Solomon paid dearly for such forbidden relationships (1 Kings 11:1-13). The resulting confusion caused him to act like someone who had never known God (Ecclesiastes 1-12).

4. Unchanged Tendencies. — Genuine Christians have made decisions of faith that signal a change of direction in their thinking about God and themselves, but they have not overcome their struggle with self-centeredness. Neither are they morally superior to non-Christians. Their capacity to be self-centered remains unchanged (Romans 7:14-25). The downward pull of desire remains as predictable as the law of gravity. When real Christians stop living under the influence of the Spirit and the Word of God (Galatians 5:16-26), it becomes as natural for them to revert to self-interest as for a kite to drift slowly to earth when the wind stops blowing.

5. Self-Reliance. — The God of the Bible asks His people to trust Him on His terms rather than their own. He urges them not to rely on their own understanding but to use their best judgment and sense of reason to rely on Him. He invites His children to let Him live His life through them. Those who forget this principle of God-dependence fail in practice to distinguish themselves as genuine Christians. Even the original disciples of Christ learned about the danger of self-reliance the hard way. On the night of Jesus’ arrest, one of His closest followers, a tough-minded fisherman named Peter, announced that he was ready to follow his teacher to prison or to death (Luke 22:33). But within a few hours he found himself denying repeatedly that he even knew the Man from Galilee. His mistaken confidence was recorded for our warning.

6. Prayerlessness. — Look-alikes have a reputation for being hypocritical in their prayers (Matthew 6:5-8). People of genuine faith use prayer not as a means of impressing others but as an honest means of giving thanks, confessing sins, and asking for direction and help. They know that prayerfulness is not optional for anyone who wants to develop a personal relationship with God. When followers of Christ do not show their dependence in prayer, they can end up acting like anyone else (James 4:1-6). Jesus warned His disciples about this likelihood on the night of His arrest. Pausing from His own struggle in prayer, He urged, “Watch and pray, so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak” (Matthew 26:41). They didn’t understand. They slept instead of praying, and within a few hours all had abandoned Him.

7. Carelessness. — King David was a man of authentic faith. By his love for the law of God he distinguished himself as someone committed to avoiding moral and spiritual failure (Psalm 1; 119:11). The Bible itself acknowledges that he was a man after God’s own heart (Acts 13:22). His record of spiritual accomplishments, however, did not keep David from becoming an adulterer and murderer. One night, as others fought his battles, and as he stood in apparent security on his own palace rooftop, David used the power of his office to pursue another man’s wife. In an unguarded moment, David discovered the meaning of the statement, “If you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall” (1 Corinthians 10:12).

8. An Unexamined Heart. — As a teacher of the heart, Jesus reminded us that unexamined motives can result in complicated forms of self-deception. Many years earlier, the prophet Jeremiah acknowledged the dangers of “inner darkness” when he wrote,”The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9). Modern psychology has confirmed our tendency to avoid emotional pain through subtle forms of transference and denial. It has documented habits of the heart by which we attempt to blunt the pain of real or false guilt. Psychology, however, cannot change the heart. We all have reason to join King David in his prayer: “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24).

9. An Unseen Enemy. — The people of Christ have a spiritual enemy who is attempting to confuse them and neutralize their impact. This adversary is fighting a war of attrition. There are many casualties. Countless numbers of real Christians are rendered ineffective by one who is far more subtle and clever than they think. While he can’t make Christians sin, he and his demons are constantly looking for weaknesses that give him an inroad into the lives of genuine believers (Ephesians 4:27).

10. A Lack of Accountability. — People don’t develop into spiritually mature persons by doing what comes naturally. Neither do they grow in Christlikeness by being left to themselves. Even the strongest Christians were never meant to go it alone. The apostle Paul likened followers of Christ to a human body where all members are dependent on one another (1 Corinthians 12). While many in our day have developed a spirit of independence, such an attitude does not reflect the original intent of Christ for His church. He made it clear that He calls people not only to Himself, but also to one another. You’re not alone if you doubt the genuineness of church people who do not act like followers of Christ. Keep in mind, however, that it’s wrong to assume that people who claim to be Christians aren’t authentic just because their current behavior doesn’t measure up to their claims. While there is never a good excuse for any genuine Christian to live in sin, the fact that God saves people who sin against Him both before and after they believe in His Son is good news for all. If God can save people like this, He can save us as well. He offers forgiveness to all who will acknowledge how wrong they have been to live independently of Him.

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(I was blessed to speak to a great group of campers and adults at Yosemite Bible Camp. This is some of the material collected from a variety of sources that did not make it into my talk with them)

We have seen that the whole matter of God’s will centers around a relationship rather than a program or a technique. The character and quality of this relationship, then, is the key to how sensitive and responsive we will be to His guidance. The five C’s of conversion, commitment, confession, concern, and compliance are prerequisites to guidance, because they are facets of our relationship with God.

CONVERSION Our relationship with God begins when we become His children by trusting in Jesus. “But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God even to those who believe in His name, who were born not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God” (John 1:12-13). Until this happens, we do not know God, we cannot please Him (Romans 8:8), and we cannot understand or do His will.

COMMITMENT After becoming a child of God, each Christian must come to the point where he places himself on the altar before God in an act of total commitment. “I urge you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship” (Romans 12:1).

Without this declaration of God’s complete ownership, our relationship with Him will be compromising and mediocre. Since a living sacrifice tends to crawl off the altar, this initial act of commitment can only be worked out in our lives as it becomes an ongoing process of daily submission to His will. This involves a gradual movement from a worldly to a biblical mind-set as our relationship with God continues to deepen: “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:2).

This all-out commitment and humble dependence upon God is the basis for what the wisdom literature of the Old Testament calls “the fear of the Lord.” When a person pursues this kind of relationship with Him, discernment and direction are natural byproducts. “Who is the man who fears the Lord? He will instruct him in the way he should choose” (Psalm 25:12). “The secret of the Lord is for those who fear Him, and He will make them know His covenant” (Psalm 25:14).

CONFESSION Our fellowship with God is hindered by unconfessed sin. Before the Lord we must openly acknowledge any known sins in our lives (1 John 1:9) and ask Him to illuminate areas we have overlooked (Psalm 139:23-24) so that we will continue to walk in the light. “If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the light as He Himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin” (1 John 1:6-7).

CONCERN An obvious yet sometimes overlooked prerequisite to guidance is a genuine concern on our part to know God’s desires for our lives. We must decidedly want to know His will (John 7:17). At the time of His greatest trial, our Lord cried out, “yet not as I will, but as You will,” and again, “Your will be done” (Matthew 26:39, 42). An attitude of indifference will inhibit our knowledge of God’s will. “So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is” (Ephesians 5:17). Are we merely curious, or do we really want to know what God wants for us?

COMPLIANCE There is little point in pursuing God’s will if we are not willing to comply with it. This begins with obedience in the things He has already made known to us. How can we expect more light if we have not responded to the light we have been given? God’s guidance ceases when it is unaccompanied by our acceptance. Therefore, if we are serious about knowing and doing the will of the Lord, we should examine our lives to see if we are disobeying in areas He has already made clear. Second, we must be willing to comply not only with what God has already shown us, but also with whatever He will show us. An attitude of availability in advance is crucial, because it is the true measure of the degree to which we really trust God as a person.

God’s will for us is “good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:2), but just as the serpent deceived the woman in the garden into thinking otherwise, we too will be tempted to think otherwise. Our natural tendency is to believe that our own plans are in our best interest, and that anything else is a threat to our happiness. This is why so many people limit their availability to God through multiple choice prayers. Instead of giving Him the whole deck, they offer up a small hand of cards (with one or two sticking out prominently) and tell Him, “Pick a card–any card.” This is like the woman who threw a stick in the air to tell her which way to go when she reached a crossroads. After throwing it several times, she was asked why. She quickly replied, “Every time I throw it, the stick points to the road to the left, and I want to take the road to the right–it looks smoother.” So she kept throwing it until it pointed in the desired direction.

When we hold back from giving God an unqualified yes to whatever He may choose for us in the future, we are really questioning whether His character is loving and good. We somehow get the idea that we must make a choice between the misery of God’s will or the happiness of our own. As Paul Little wrote, “So many of us see God as a kind of celestial Scrooge who peers over the balcony of heaven trying to find anybody who is enjoying life. And when he spots a happy person, he yells, ‘Now cut that out!’ That concept of God should make us shudder because it’s blasphemous!”

God is not some cosmic kill-joy who delights in taking advantage of people who are foolish enough to submit their wills to His. The one who loved us enough to sacrifice His Son to save us when we were His enemies (Romans 5:8-10) is certainly worthy of our trust now that we are His children. “He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?” (Romans 8:32).

We don’t need to “surrender to God’s will” as though we were resigning ourselves to a somber and joyless existence. Instead, we can say with David, “I delight to do Your will, O my God” (Psalm 40:8), knowing that He loves us enough to desire a destiny for us that is beyond our highest hopes. God is causing “all things to work together for good” (Romans 8:28) in the lives of His children, even though the things that happen sometimes do not seem best at the moment (e.g., Joseph and Job).

C. S. Lewis used the illustration of a dog whose leash got hopelessly wrapped around a pole. As the dog pulled to get free, the owner found it necessary to move it in precisely the opposite direction to liberate it from the pole. We are often like that dog, but our heavenly Master loves us and knows what is best for us. The path of our ultimate liberation will sometimes be painful, but we can delight in His will, knowing the glorious destiny that lies ahead of us. Principles for Guidance The set of principles that follows can assist us in the process of making tough decisions, but remember that they are not step-by-step formulas.

COMMUNICATION: WHAT DO THE SCRIPTURES SAY? If we want to know and experience God’s direction, we must communicate with Him through prayer and Scripture. Many Christians are concerned about knowing the will of God, but how many spend even five minutes a day asking God for His wisdom and direction? Prayer should envelop the whole process of guidance. Communication with God also involves a regular time of reading the Bible with an open heart and mind to hear God’s Word for our lives. The Bible is the central revelation for all believers, and its precepts and principles clearly give us the answers to most questions about the will of God in decision-making situations. The Scriptures were provided not only to teach us the way of salvation, but also to guide us in the way we should live after becoming God’s children. “Thy word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path” (Psalm 119:105).

God designed His Word to equip us to accomplish “every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16-17), that is, to fulfill His purposes for our lives. God clearly reveals His moral will in the positive and negative commands of the Bible, and these precepts by themselves can guide us through the majority of the decisions we will ever make. In addition, the Bible offers a multitude of general principles that can be effectively applied to very specific circumstances. There is no need for us to seek guidance in areas that have been expressly commanded or forbidden in Scripture. A believer does not need to wrestle, for example, over whether to marry an unbeliever, since the answer is already in the Bible. We can be sure that God will never lead us to do anything that is contrary to His Word.

Since the Bible is our primary source of guidance, we owe it to ourselves to become so familiar with its contents that its precepts and principles become ingrained in our patterns of thought. This process of renewing our minds with the Word takes time and effort, but there is no other way to “prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:2). If we do not program our minds on a daily basis with Scripture, we will find our minds programmed by default with the temporal value system of the world, and our lives will soon reflect those values. Inner renewal is the prerequisite to outer transformation.

As we seek to renew our minds with the commandments and counsel of God’s revealed Word, we must approach it with a resolve to do whatever it says, even if it goes against our wishes. Content without conviction will do us little good, because it is always possible to distort the Scriptures to match the shape of selfish desires. We will avoid self-deception only to the extent that we are willing and open to respond to God’s light. While the Bible is our primary guide to what God wants us to be and to do, our Lord has providentially seen fit to supplement the Scriptures in a number of personal ways. There are several secondary factors that can be useful in discerning God’s direction in specific situations, and the first of these is conscience.

CONSCIENCE: HOW DOES THIS DECISION AFFECT MY LOVE FOR GOD AND OTHERS? This is the ethical dimension of decision making; an option may appear to be sound on the intellectual level, but it may be unsound on the moral level. We cannot avoid the matrix of personal relationships in the decisions we make. Paul stressed the importance of living with a clear conscience: “I also do my best to maintain always a blameless conscience both before God and before men (Acts 24:16; also see Acts 23:1; 1 Timothy 1:5; 2 Timothy 1:3). God has implanted within us an intuitive sense of right and wrong. As we grow in Him, our conscience becomes more sensitive, more attuned to His desires. When we reject the input of our conscience, the proper response is to confess it (1 John 1:9), not to cover it. A failure to respond in this way will place us under a burden of guilt and take the joy out of our lives. Even worse, we can sear our conscience (1 Timothy 4:2) and become callused by repeatedly rejecting its warnings.

COMMON SENSE: DOES THIS DECISION REFLECT GOOD JUDGMENT? A Christian may be committed to the Lord, willing to comply with wherever God leads him, communicating with Him in prayer and in the Word, and enjoying a clear conscience. Even so, he still may not know which option to choose in a specific situation. It is within this framework that common sense should play an important role in the choices we make (outside this framework, common sense may simply feed the me-first mentality). God was not erratic or capricious in the way He designed the universe, and He is not haphazard in His design for the lives of His children. He gave us minds and He wants us to use them to evaluate the consequences of our actions. The Scriptures tell us to “think so as to have sound judgment” (Romans 8:3). We should be level-headed and not rash in the way we evaluate our gifts and opportunities. Paul, for example, stayed where there were open doors (Ephesus) and left when his life was threatened. However, common sense has its limitations and it should never be our only criterion for discerning God’s guidance. There are times when He leads people do things that are contrary to our concept of good judgment. We are often too nearsighted to see the goal He has in mind. Because we see such a small part of the puzzle, we should always be willing to submit our thoughts and plans to His. “The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps” (Proverbs 16:9). “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:9).

CIRCUMSTANCES: HOW DOES MY STATE OF AFFAIRS RELATE TO THIS DECISION? God, who “works all things after the counsel of His will” (Ephesians 1:11), is in sovereign control of the circumstances of our lives. He causes “all things to work together for good” to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). Notice the word “together.” In isolation, some of the things that happen to us may not seem so beneficial, but God uses them in combination for our good. Similarly, He does not allow our circumstances and temptations to overwhelm us without offering us the grace to endure (2 Corinthians 10:13). Because of His providential care and involvement in the details of our lives, we should be sensitive to the situations in which we find ourselves. Factors like finances, aptitude, education, experience, family, spiritual gifts, and occupation all play a part in God’s direction. For instance, if a Christian who is considering a job possibility realizes that her ability, education, and experience do not at all match the qualifications, she should be very hesitant to take another step even if the job opens up. God often works by opening and closing doors as we come to them, but we should be careful not to make this our primary means of guidance. Just because a door is open does not mean that we should go through it. The “throwing out the fleece” approach is rarely valid. It is easy to misread circumstances and interpret them in ways that flatter our preconceived plans. This is like the farmer who wanted to be an evangelist. When he saw a cloud formation that looked like “PC,” he took it to mean “Preach Christ” and left his farm, never thinking that it could also have been interpreted as “Plant Corn.”

COUNSEL: WHAT DO WISE AND GODLY FRIENDS SAY ABOUT THIS DECISION? “Where there is no guidance, the people fall, but in abundance of counselors there is victory” (Proverbs 11:14). “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel” (Proverbs 12:15). “Without consultation, plans are frustrated, but with many counselors they succeed” (Proverbs 15:22). The Bible is full of examples of people who profited by heeding wise counsel and of people who suffered by ignoring it. We are called to exercise wisdom in “teaching and admonishing one another” (Colossians 3:16), and wise counsel involves both. If a decision has significant implications, we should not limit ourselves to our own judgment, but we should also seek the perspective of mature and godly people who have wisdom and experience. Good counsel is both instructive and corrective, and requires frankness, not flattery. Remember, however, that the counsel available in the precepts and principles of Scripture must always be the first and foremost influence in the choices we make. Even the wisest of people are finite and biased, and we must avoid the pitfall of uncritically accepting the advice we receive as if it were a word from the Lord. Ultimately, we alone are responsible for the decisions we make.

COMPULSION: WHAT ARE MY OWN DESIRES? In Romans 8:14 Paul wrote that “all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.” In Philippians 2:13, he said that “it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to workfor His good pleasure.” One of the ways God works in us is to give us the desire to do the things that are pleasing to Him. A compelling desire to move in a specific direction or a burden to minister to certain people may be coming directly from God as a means of guidance. But we should bear in mind that God never gives us desires that are contrary to the commandments and counsel of His Word. Burdens and desires can be a significant input in our decisions as long as they are evaluated in the larger context of communication (prayer and Scripture), conscience, common sense, circumstances, and counsel. Otherwise, we may become victims of desires and inclinations that are not from God.

CONTENTMENT AND CONFIRMATION: DO I HAVE A SENSE OF PEACE AND ASSURANCE ABOUT THIS DECISION? Philippians 4:6-7 tells us that we are to turn our anxieties into peace by offering our problems and needs up to the Lord. God wants us to let the peace of Christ rule in our hearts (Colossians 3:15). If a decision gives us a sense of doubt, distress, or confusion, something is wrong because it is not accompanied by the peace of God. Paul, for example, had an open door for ministry in Troas, but because he had no rest in his spirit, he went instead to Macedonia (2 Corinthians 2:12-13). By itself, peace is a supplemental, not a sufficient principle of guidance. But if a particular option passes the test of the other principles and fails to provide peace, the wisest course of action is to wait on the Lord (if the decision can be deferred) and allow Him to provide further input. The option may be right, but the timing may be wrong.

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The problem of time management shows up as the number one problem men are concerned about in many surveys conducted..we usually just can’t find enough time to accomplish all the things we should do and would like to do. But we have the same number of minutes in a day that others have, don’t we? So it can’t be minutes or days.

The problem is less a ‘tips and techniques’ problem than it is a strategic problem. It’s as clear as understanding God’s purpose for our life, living by Biblical priorities, and making plans which reflect God’s will for our lives. God always provides enough time to accomplish His plans! Effectiveness is doing the right job right!

Some steps which can help us:

• I tell God what I am going to do
• God responds
• I beg God to let me do it anyway
• I humble myself and listen
• God makes it clear what He is going to do.

 (Prov 16:1)  “The plans of the heart belong to man, But the answer of the tongue is from the LORD.”

(Prov 16:3-4)  “Commit your works to the LORD, And your plans will be established. {4} The LORD has made everything for its own purpose, Even the wicked for the day of evil.”

(Prov 19:21)  “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, But the counsel of the LORD, it will stand.”

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1. Become soft and tender with the person.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath” (Proverbs 15). When a person speaks tenderly with another, the tone literally halts the actions of others. This kind of action shows care and concern—sometimes softness alone can melt an anger-hardened heart.

2.     Understand, as much as possible, what the other person has endured.

We must seek to see another point of view.  If can walk a mile in their shoes, it helps us to gain a perspective which can open doors instead of close them.

3.     Admit the person has been wounded and admit any wrong in provoking the hurt.

Some of the most difficult words we can express are those words “I am sorry” or “I made a mistake in the way I handled that situation.” A survey confirms that teens know how hard it must be: their number one complaint in a recent survey about their parents could be summed up in five words: “They never say I’m sorry.”

Sometimes we may not think we’re wrong, but our attitude may be. Or we may have acted offensively. If my spirit is critical and angry when I tell my child about a legitimate problem, I’m still wrong.

James 1:20: “….for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.”

Proverbs 30:33: “For the churning of milk produces butter, And pressing the nose brings forth blood; So the churning of anger produces strife.”

4.     Touch the person gently.

When people handle themselves properly, with love and patience and kindness, the physical and emotional distance can be bridged quickly.

5.     Seek forgiveness – and wait for a response.

Try to elicit a positive response from the person before you turn away; but if you need to, start with the first loving attitude of being soft and work your way back to forgiveness. Remember, too, don’t just respond to your loved one’s words. If you’ve deeply hurt someone, that person may verbally retaliate to hurt you.

William Stafford: “Individuals or whole peoples can gnaw on old grievances, remembering them again and again, renewing them obsessively until the shape of memory and desire is permanently warped along the lines of anger.”

Dr. Gary Smalley, in addition to listing honor as the number one need in our homes today, also suggests that forgotten, unresolved anger is the number one poison – the one thing that is causing more divorce than anything else.

Whether we agree with that assessment or not, we certainly can agree that we simply must learn to deal more effectively with the anger we have in order to have the peaceful homes we need, desire, and deserve.

We think it’s forgotten, or that it has disappeared…yet it comes to life again because anger is usually ‘buried alive’ and it keeps on growing. It is made up of hurt, frustration, and fear. We should not welcome unresolved anger, because that allows it to linger and settle in, bringing harm not only to ourselves but also to those around us.

Anger has three deadly results:

1.     Anger creates distance

Anger almost always creates an unhealthy distance between the parties involved. Do you want to stay or run away from angry people? People are not comfortable being in the presence of any angry person; they won’t want to interact with you; the won’t want you in their room.

If you are married to an angry man or woman, he or she will usually try to create distance between you. You may want to get close, but the offended one will pull away. Angry people refute closeness. Improve the relationship, and they will sabotage it. Call it black – they will call it white, just to keep you at arm’s length.

We each have to face out past and check the level of our own anger. We can stop what sometimes becomes a generational pull (we find ourselves acting like our parents!) of ruined relationships by taking responsibility for reducing the level of anger within ourselves.

2.     Anger pushes us into darkness

Ephesians 4:26-27: “BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger, {27} and do not give the devil an opportunity.”

Have you ever found yourself awake in the middle of the night in a hotel room – and you can’t find a light switch? You need to answer the telephone, turn down the air conditioner, or locate the bathroom, but you find yourself groping in inky darkness – walking into a table, knocking the clock off the nightstand, banging your shin on a chair or tripping over the shoes you left on the floor.

Unresolved anger does that in our lives. It rips away our perspective and throws us into chaos. We don’t know where we are. We can’t think logically. We don’t realize what we’re doing to ourselves and those we love. As we blindly lurch and stumble, our families become candidates for serious, possibly permanently, injuries of the heart.

Is it surprising that if unresolved anger puts us at a distance from each other that it might have the identical effect upon our relationship with God?! There is usually a certain correlation between anger and faith; it seems that the greater a person’s unresolved anger, the more difficulty that person has in developing a meaningful spiritual life.

Walking consistently in darkness prevents us from being sensitive or loving toward others. It also kills any interest we have in studying God’s Word and lays any desire to pray into the deep freeze. Further, it robs us of any desire to please and honor Him or to experience His joy, contentment, and peace.

When Satan secures a foothold in a life, it’s no laughing matter. Deception and chaos come through the door with him. Unbelievable pain and destruction follow. Anger trickles into the emotional heart of a relationship, chilling feelings of warmth or attachment. No wonder Paul said:

3.     Anger ties us into knots

Like few other emotions, anger restricts and binds us, tying us into internal knows. Forgiveness, on the other hand, sets us free from those bonds, untying the knots that hold us captive.

The Lord Jesus gives us a powerful word picture of forgiveness: Forgive, and you will be forgiven” (Luke 6:37). The word used here in the original language literally means to “release fully, to unbind or to let go.” It is the only time in the New Testament that this word is translated “forgiven.” It is usually found to be “release” or “free.” (see John 11:44).

The Anger Inventory

To take the inventory, simply rate each statement below, on a scale from 0 (very low) to 10 (very high), for how much it applies to you.

___ 1. I have frequently recurring minor problems.

___ 2. I tend to have difficulty remaining close to people. Others have even said I am “cold.”

___ 3. I continually fail to see the pitfalls in business deals.

___ 4. I have little interest in religious matters.

___ 5. I have many doubts about the existence of God

___ 6. I tend to see religious people as “a bunch of hypocrites.”

___ 7. I tend to be judgmental or overly critical of people.

___ 8. I have a general inability to see my own shortcomings.

___ 9. My image is very important to me. What I wear and drive are big concerns.

___ 10. I often struggle with feelings of low self-value.

___ 11. I often fail to see that my words or actions hurt the feelings of others.

___ 12. My parents divorced before I turned eighteen.

___ 13. I think one or both of my parents drank too much alcohol.

___ 14. My parents seemed addicted to drugs or other substances.

___ 15. My parents abused me.

___ 16. My parents seemed too distant or neglectful to me.

___ 17. I felt that my parents were too controlling of me.

___ 18. I often struggle with feelings of discouragement or depression.

___ 19. I seem to be at odds with several people for long periods of time.

___ 20. I tend to be overly controlling of my mate, children, or friends.

___ 21. I have general feelings of anxiety; I can’t put my finger on what it is that I’m uneasy about.

___ 22. I have sometimes thought about suicide.

___ 23. I have had a hard time forgiving others when they hurt or frustrate me.

___ 24. I have a hard time confronting others when they hurt me, and I know that I’m not that good at getting my anger out.

___ 25. I find myself overly busy most of the time.

___ 26. I find it easier to blame others than to take responsibility for my mistakes.

___ 27. I often overreact to what others say or do to me.

___ 28. I feel I am motivated far too often by fear of failure.

___ 29. I often wish people who have hurt me could be punished somehow.

___ 30. I frequently think that I’ve been cheated out of important areas of life.

___ 31. I get into fights with others that sometimes result in physical aggression, such as throwing things, slapping, or hitting.

___ 32. I don’t really trust anyone other than myself.

• Now add up the 32 numbers – your waiting…….My total score: _______
• If your total score is more than 100, there is some help for you offered in available books. If your score is more than 200, see a counselor.

RULES FOR BRINGING DOWN A CHILD
1. Let him have plenty of money to spend as he likes.
2. Permit him to choose his companions without restraint or guidance.
3. Let him spend Sunday hours on the street or with companions with low ideals as to the Lord’s day.
4. Allow him to go out at night as he pleases and return when he gets ready.
5. Make no inquiry as to where and with whom he spends his leisure time.
6. Teach him to expect pay for all help at home and for all services to others.
7. Allow him to think that good manners are a good substitute for good morals.
8. Do not trouble to interest him in the Bible or to win him to Christ.
9. Let him see that you think church attendance is not important.
10. Never let him hear you pray, especially not for his salvation.

TEN SELECTED RULES FOR BRINGING UP A CHILD
1. Make home the brightest and most attractive place you can.
2. Make him responsible for helping in some daily duties at home.
3. Never punish him in anger, nor to relieve your own feelings, but only in love and for disobedience.
4. Do not ridicule his ideas; talk frankly on matters in which he is interested.
5. Encourage him to invite friends to your home and table.
6. Impress upon his mind the fact that service and honesty are more important than making money.
7. Live Christ before him so that you will be able to talk Christ to him.
8. Let him see your enjoyment and profit from Bible reading and prayer.
9. Set an example in faithful church attendance and interest in the work.
10. Be much in prayer for his salvation and spiritual growth.

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In Man in the Mirror, Patrick Morley tells of a group of fishermen who landed in a secluded bay in Alaska and had a great day fishing for salmon. But when they returned to their sea plane, they found it aground because of the fluctuating tides. They waited until the next morning for the tides to comes in, but when they took off, they only got a few feet into the air before crashing back into the sea. Being aground the day before had punctured one of the pontoons, and it had filled up with water.

The sea plane slowly began to sink. The passengers, three men and a 12-year-old son of one of the men, prayed and then jumped into the icy cold waters to swim to shore. The riptide was strong, but two of the men reached the shore exhausted. They looked back, and saw the father with his arms around his son being swept out to sea.

The boy had not been strong enough to make it. The father was a strong swimmer, but he had chosen to die with his son rather than to live without him.

Every object of God’s creation has special needs of its own and, in every case, God has provided a method for satisfying those needs.

Human beings have their special needs. Some of these needs are elementary in nature and are easily satisfied. Man needs oxygen, so God created him with lungs which automatically draw oxygen into the body and make it usable for body needs.

Some needs of humans require more effort on man’s part for their satisfaction. For example, man needs water and may have to drill a well in order to find it. He needs food and in order to have sufficient amounts of food he may have to plant, cultivate and harvest vegetables from a garden.

Humans also have spiritual needs and they cannot be provided by automatic responses of the body or by any other entirely physical effort. These spiritual needs have to do with man’s personality, disposition, relation to other humans and his relation to God.

But, as in every case, God has provided a source of satisfaction for these needs. In this case, the source is the home. The home is God’s instrument for satisfying the basic needs of human beings!

Insofar as the needs of children are concerned, parents are the primary providers. Someone has suggested that since God is a spirit and cannot be physically present in all places, he provided every child with a mother and a father to see that his/her needs are satisfied.

1. Children need the security of a stable home life.
Children need to have a firm ground under their feet for proper development. Any parent knows that newborn babies are terribly frightened of falling. And when the baby is frightened by any sudden movement, the best way to calm him is to pick him up and hold him very firmly. This need lasts for a lifetime!

Children need the security that comes from the knowledge that mother and father love each other very much. Quarreling between a child’s parents is like an earthquake which threatens to take away his firm footing.

A child is very sensitive to tension and hostility. Make him grow up in an atmosphere charged with discord and he will be insecure for the rest of his life.

A child also needs to know that he is loved by his parents. There is no way to know how many scores of children are unwanted. Sometimes you hear of a baby who was abandoned by parents who didn’t want him. There is a sense in which this abandoned child is better off than an unwanted child who is kept by his parents and tolerated but not loved!

2. Children need the confidence of their parents.
Children want to be trusted and, in most cases, they will be trustworthy if given the chance to prove them-selves. Teenagers are especially sensitive to a lack of trust by their parents/teachers.
Some parents are constantly questioning their children and indicating that they expect the worst from them. Keep up those suspicious looks and questions and your child will probably decide that it isn’t worth the effort to try to win your confidence and will live up to your lesser expectations!

You should let him/her know that he has your confidence and then he will likely live up to it.

3. Children need the companionship of their parents
Not all the gifts of money and “things” in the world can make up for the failure to give one’s self. A great many “good” men and women have utterly failed as parents because they withheld themselves from their children. Trying so hard to provide a good living and some of the “little extras that we never had,” they lost their children.

One of the saddest stories in the Bible is of Samuel and his sons. They were anything but godly, though Samuel was a true man of God. Why? Because Samuel spent so much time with the “congregation and its problems” that he lost his own family!

4. Children need instruction from their parents.
Children get their information from various sources and, on the basis of the information they are given, they build a life.

We trust our public and private schools to give a general education to our children, and these schools are doing an adequate job (depending upon who you talk to). But there are at least two special areas of instruction where parents have a particular responsibility–sex and religion.

These two areas are the most difficult of all in many ways. Because they are so difficult, some parents simply side-step their responsibility and leave their children to pick up whatever information they may be able to come by on their own.

Because much has already been said about the need for Biblical training on the part of the parents in other lessons, we’ll spend our time here on the subject of sex education.

Some ‘do’s and don’t regarding sex education
· Don’t make your own feelings of shame the basis of instruction
· Don’t avoid warnings about masturbation, homosexual activity and social diseases. Avoid minute details and horror films.
· Don’t think “a young man must have his fling”
· Don’t try to prevent adolescents from becoming interested in the opposite sex
· Don’t try to make cold beings out of young people by being mostly negative
· Don’t accept supersitious beliefs about sex yourself
· Don’t expect to solve all of the child’s problems by sex instruction
· Don’t fail to warn children against persons who use smutty language, tell filthy stories, or who become too familiar in their conduct. Avoid them!
· Don’t treat sex sins as unforgivable

5. Children need to learn to obey.
There is more significance to this than meets the eye. But suffice it to say that Paul commands children in this crucial area: Ephesians 6:1: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”

The self-discipline which comes by obedience to commands by wise parents is in complete harmony with the will of God, and the common sense of it is clearly seen in the affairs of men.

The first six or seven years of life upon this life can virtually determine eternal destiny! Young children can be taught basic principles and attitudes. They include respect, obedience, and cooperation.

6. Children need the love and fear of God.
Proverbs 14:27: “The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life, turning a man from the snares of death.”

The child needs to know how much God loves them and how He sent His only begotten Son for their sin. This fear is not trembling, but better called respect.

7. Children need examples from their parents.
What you are will mean more to your children than what you say. To really be an effective parent, saying and being will have to be consistent with each other.

8. Children need discipline.
Solomon wrote: Prov. 23:13: “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.”

Discipline isn’t always spanking! The word has as its root to “teach.” Our reducing the word to mean only punishment is a great disservice to it.

God’s word is clear on this subject:
Genesis 18:19: “For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just, so that the LORD will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him.”

Heb. 12:9-11: “Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! {10} Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. {11} No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”

Anything we can say or any fair method which can be used to teach children proper rules of behavior should be used.

All that we do in this area must be done in fairness. Fairness within the family circle is catching to children. Partiality has long been a cause of family strife and complexes of inferiority and superiority in children that harm and rule their lives. Jacob and Esau and his brethern stand as eternal examples of the inevitable strife generated by parental partiality.

9. Children need recognition of their achievements.
Parents are quick to notice and long in remembering the mistakes and failures of their children. Fortunate is the child whose parent is as delighted with his successes and achievements as he is disappointed with his failures. We all must have praise and appreciation.
10. Children need to be given responsibility.
The Bible says, in Lamentations 3:27: “It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young.”

That simply means that it is wise for parents to teach children a sense of responsibility. This is one reason why giving an allowance to children is an effective teaching device. They also need to have some jobs which are part of being in the family and also learn the importance of keeping one’s promises or to finish an assigned task, etc.

11. Children need to be given a measure of freedom.
Some boys and girls are literally smothered by over-protective parents! Some mothers insist on driving their 12-to-13 year old boys to a Scout meeting and sitting there the whole time until the meeting is over,
watching everything that goes on. They are afraid for them to ride a bicycle or go with a group of their church friends.

While it is important that we use good common sense and check out the places and people they are spending time with, we must also realize that we don’t want weak and timid teenagers who can’t stand on their own two feet! They must be encouraged to try new things. They need to use their imaginations. They need some privacy and freedom. And what better place to have our children when they are in environments where there is proper control and chaperones.

12. Children need unconditional love.
A parent is very foolish indeed who says, “now if you want me to love you, you mind me.” Life is insecure enough without the threat of love being denied within the boundaries of our own family! Children need to
feel their parents’ love through demonstration. They need to be told and shown that they are loved.

13. Children must have the opportunity to grow.
The child must grow mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially. When we grow in favor with God, we are developing spiritually. When we grow in favor with man, we are becoming well adjusted in society.