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Words To Live By Series #10 Respect the truth: Say what really happened


th“You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor” (Exodus 20:16)

If we have learned anything about communication over the centuries it is that even when we strive to convey a given truth, it often comes out somewhat distorted. The well‑known party game of “gossip” is but another evidence of the same phen-omenon.

In this message we are studying the Word to Live By, which states: “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor” (Exod. 20:16; Deut. 5:20). Technically, this is not a prohibition of lying in general, but of that “false testimony” which is given in a court of Law, by which another is either convicted or found innocent.

In 1981, Janet Cooke of the Washington Post was awarded a Pulitzer Prize for her moving account of an eight-year old boy hooked on heroin given him by his mother’s boyfriend. A few days later, the story was exposed as a hoax and fabrication.

The Pulitzer was returned, Miss Cooke resigned her position, and the integrity of the journalistic profession was called into question.

Perhaps the saddest thing about such an episode is the way it was greeted by the public. There was a brief, pious outcry, followed by the comment that probably all our news is manipulated, all statistics are shaded, no public figures are credible, etc. According to a study from Cambridge Survey Research, 69 of every 100 Americans believe our nation’s leaders have consistently lied to them over the past ten years. We are becoming altogether cynical about being lied to!

When God created Adam and Eve He gave them the gift of speech, which was one of the ways He distinguished them from the rest of His creatures. It was not long after the fall that falsehood raised its ugly head in the Scriptures. It is appropriate that the first falsehood in the Bible should be spoken by Satan, the “father of lies” (8:44). He assured Eve that partaking of the forbidden fruit would not result in death, as God had said (Gen. 3:4).

Cain lied to God, insisting that he did not know where his brother was (Gen. 4:9). Abraham lied about his wife, passing her off as his sister (Gen. 12:11‑13). Jacob was a master of deceit (e.g. Gen. 27).

Joseph’s brothers deceived Jacob, their father, into thinking he had been killed by a wild animal (Gen. 37:20, 32‑33). The midwives were not completely truthful with Pharaoh, when he asked why the Hebrew boy babies were not put to death (Exod. 1:18‑19). Moses was not forthright with his father-in-law about his reasons for returning to Egypt (Exod. 4:18).

As surely as one commits himself to a policy of total truthfulness, someone will ask about exceptional cases which seem (to some) to justify lying. What about Rahab protecting the spies at Jericho by hiding them and lying to the police about their whereabouts?

Joshua 2:1-7 (ESV)
1  And Joshua the son of Nun sent two men secretly from Shittim as spies, saying, “Go, view the land, especially Jericho.” And they went and came into the house of a prostitute whose name was Rahab and lodged there.
2  And it was told to the king of Jericho, “Behold, men of Israel have come here tonight to search out the land.”
3  Then the king of Jericho sent to Rahab, saying, “Bring out the men who have come to you, who entered your house, for they have come to search out all the land.”
4  But the woman had taken the two men and hidden them. And she said, “True, the men came to me, but I did not know where they were from.
5  And when the gate was about to be closed at dark, the men went out. I do not know where the men went. Pursue them quickly, for you will overtake them.”
6  But she had brought them up to the roof and hid them with the stalks of flax that she had laid in order on the roof.
7  So the men pursued after them on the way to the Jordan as far as the fords. And the gate was shut as soon as the pursuers had gone out.

We see this story of Rahab and the Jewish spies in her city. Read the story closely, and you will discover that she is nowhere commended for her lies. Hebrews 11:31 (ESV) By faith Rahab the prostitute did not perish with those who were disobedient, because she had given a friendly welcome to the spies.

Here was a pagan woman who recognized that the God of the Hebrew people was the true God. In spite of her immoral sex life and her willingness to play fast and loose with the truth, God saved her. He did not commend her for either of her sinful activities.

The truth question can be discussed under two major headings: (l) factual truth and (2) moral truth.

Factual truth has to do with the accuracy of statements in relation to the state of affairs they purport to identify. A statement is judged true if what is said really does represent the state of affairs to which it refers. The statement “That new car is John’s” is a true statement if the car referred to really does belong to John; otherwise it is false. The statement “Jesus is the Son of God” is true if and only if Jesus really is who he claims to be and false otherwise.

But there is another way to approach the subject of truth, and that is in terms of moral truth. This has to do with one’s honesty in telling the truth and not withholding what he believes to be the facts of a matter.

Someone tells a caller on the phone “Gary isn’t here”; Gary is present and looking him in the eye, but he knows Gary doesn’t want to talk to the person calling.

Perjury. The most obvious application of the ninth commandment in its context is its prohibition of perjury. For one to hear “false witness” is to give false testimony in any sort of civil hearing. Under the Law of Moses, a stiff penalty was imposed on anyone who perjured himself in a formal hearing. Deut. 19:15-19 makes it plain that the court was to impose on any perjurer the sentence his lie would have brought to the accused person. “If the witness is a false witness and has accused his brother falsely, then you shall do to him as he had meant to do to his brother.”

If a man bore false testimony in a murder trial and was discovered, he would pay with his own life, for death is the penalty his lie would have brought on an innocent person. If he charged someone with stealing another man’s sheep, he would have to restore the stolen property at the rate of four sheep for each one missing, for that penalty would have been imposed on an innocent man if his lie had gone undetected.

Silence before lies. It also condemns allowing false reports to go unchecked. It is a form of bearing false witness against one’s neighbor to allow falsehoods about that neighbor to be told without challenge.

Discrediting others. It is forbidden to Christians to tear down one another. “Do not speak evil against one another, brethren. He that speaks evil against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge” (James 4: 11).

 
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Posted by on March 24, 2016 in Sermon

 

Great Themes of the Bible: Honesty


Honesty.jpg“We have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we destroy the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God” (2 Cor. 4:2).

In a perfect world, upright people would never suffer from the machinations of wicked ones, and a liar would never have the advantage over someone who tells the truth. In a fallen world, however, it doesn’t always work that way. And that makes some people wonder if it is worth it to be honest, to tell the truth, to resist temptations to cheat on homework, taxes, or mates. These aren’t new problems.

Do you remember how Jesus met his fate on a Roman cross in Jerusalem? Perjured testimony led to his conviction on a trumped-up charge of treason against the empire. So it should not surprise us that Paul met opposition in his evangelistic work. Part of that opposition came in the form of lies told about him; part of it was the accusation that he was a liar himself.

In today’s text, Paul defends himself against the charge that he had somehow been deceptive in his teaching or had distorted Scripture. He insists that he had done nothing shameful or exploitive. There were, even then, manipulative techniques that public speakers and politicians would use to spin their message or to dupe potential followers. False advertising is nothing new.

On top of that charge, Paul’s Jewish opponents appear to have been accusing him of destroying the Word of God because he would no longer embrace their legalisms for himself or permit them to force them on his Gentile converts. They wanted the Gentiles held accountable to the Law’s requirements about circumcision, kosher foods, and the like. When Paul would not hear to it, they tried to undermine his reputation with charges of duplicity, scheming, and dishonesty with the Word of God.

Paul refused to waste his time in what would have been a pointless self-defense against each of their charges. He chose, instead, to declare that he was content to continue living uprightly and working openly “in the sight of God” and to leave the matter “to every man’s conscience” to observe, weigh, and draw his own conclusion.

That is what most of us have to be willing to do who come under scrutiny and have to face the judgment of our peers. Sometimes there is a single fact or litigation event that can clear things up. More often, one must simply keep on doing right, trust that people of good will can discern integrity over time, and be confident that God knows the truth — and will vindicate those who honor him.

I wish I could assure you it always works out that way in the short term. That would not be honest of me! It is the long-term view that I have in mind. Honesty doesn’t win every battle, but it will prevail far more often than deception and falsehoods. And when everything is put into the light before God at the end, truth wins — hands down!

We Have a Problem

Our culture has a serious problem with honesty. Perhaps I should say that our problem is with being dishonest.

Perhaps you remember the furor caused ten years ago when authors James Patterson and Peter Kim released their book The Day America Told the Truth. Their research with an extensive questionnaire was disheartening. He is a sampling of what they found:

91% said they lie regularly — both at work and in their personal lives;
86% lie to their parents;
75% lie to their best friends;
73% lie to their siblings;
69% lie to their spouses;
50% feel free to call in sick to work when they are perfectly well.

We know our government has lied to us about everything from illegal assassination plots against Fidel Castro to activities in Vietnam to secret deals made in the nation’s capitol. So citizens feel justified in cheating on their taxes to a government that lies to them, and kids have defied teachers or parents to punish them for telling lies by pointing first at Nixon and later at Clinton as their defense.

Our culture has become cynical about truth. When somebody thinks the right to lie has been established, there is no drawing the line.

Do you ever read political commentary — otherwise placed on the comics page — in your newspaper? One of my favorite strips is “The Wizard of Id.” It occasionally rebukes our glibness with lies by means of humor. For example, I remember a series of strips about golf and politics.

In one of them, the king tells his golf instructor he had a three on a certain hole. “Not bad,” said the pro. “Now, try it again without the smirk.” In another strip, Rodney told the king he had found the ideal caddy for him. When asked about the man’s experience, Rodney said he was a forest ranger — and got thrown into jail!

But my favorite one was a two-frame strip in which Spook asked his jailer, “Do you know what politicians and golf pros both do best?” “What?” bit the jailer. And Spook’s answer came through the cell door: “Get out of trouble . . . with bad lies.”

One of the brightest-turned-quickly-dark stories I’ve ever read was about a New York City student who turned in a purse she had found — complete with $1,000 in cash. Not a single school official in the city’s educational system would congratulate her on her virtue. “If I come from a position of what is right and wrong,” explained her teacher, “then I am not [my students’] counselor.”

Oh, yes. We have a problem. We have a serious problem. We don’t want to affirm the biblical principles taught in unambiguous texts. For example, how long since you have read Proverbs 6:16-19 and thought about the fact that three of the seven things God hates relate directly to dishonesty?

There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him:haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.

The message in the New Testament is the same. “Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator” (Col. 3:9).

Honesty With Words

One of my favorite proverbs about truth-telling, honesty, and personal integrity is this one: “The wicked man flees though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion” (Prov. 28:1).

What does it mean?

  • It means that people with something to hide, hide — and cringe; people who live in truth and integrity hold up their heads and move on.
  • It means that lying is hard and complicates your life; it’s hard to remember what you told each person, to keep your story straight, and to keep the people to whom you’ve lied away from one another.
  • It means that telling the truth is simpler and more practical; you never have to cover your trail and can simply be open and transparent with others.

There is no release from the moral duty of truth-telling because someone has lied about you. It is still unethical to lie to a liar, to deceive a deceiver, to fight fire with fire. When that is the strategy you choose, all that will be left at the end of the day are the ashes of your personal integrity.

Some people understand what I have called openness and transparency in unhealthy ways. You don’t need to share more information than someone actually needs. There is no call for you to become an exhibitionist. And there is certainly no virtue in inflicting pain on someone by telling a truth that crushes and hurts another person to no good purpose. Some people simply vent and dump on others — all in the name of honesty. No, that’s boorishness and sometimes verbal abuse.

There are some things people have no right to know about you and that you have to right to pry to learn about them. My mother told me never to ask these three questions: How old are you? How much do you weigh? How much did that cost? And the principle behind those questions — that it is wrong to pry into another’s life — is right. Unless you are entitled to information for your own moral or spiritual protection, don’t go snooping into another person’s life. You may find things that will cause you too much pain and anguish. Enough of those things will come to you without being sought to fill your life and occupy your energies.

Honesty With Life

Honesty with words is only one component of total-life honesty before the Lord. When Jesus challenged the Samaritan woman he met at Jacob’s well to worship God “in spirit and in truth,” that’s what he was asking for from her (John 4:24). Do you remember where their conversation started? After the Son of Man had asked her for a drink of water and engaged her in conversation, he said, “Go, call your husband and come back.” She said, “I have no husband.” Then a most interesting thing happened.

Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.”
“Sir,” the woman said, “I can see that you are a prophet. Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem” (John 4:17-20).

The forgiving and gracious Son of God was trying to lead this woman — divorced five times already and choosing now to live with a man without bothering to marry — into the light of salvation. Before he could save her, she had to be willing to be totally honest about just how messed up and miserable she was. So Jesus led her right to the edge not of Jacob’s well but of heaven’s Living Water and invited her to drink.

He let her know the cat was out of the bag about her confused and guilt-ridden life. Would she drink? No! She wanted to change the subject from salvation to church! That is, she threw out the old Samaritan-Jew debate about the location and manner of worship as an alternative topic to her need for a Savior.

That’s when Jesus bored in on the real issue. “Dear lady, won’t you get past these fascinating diversions so we can talk about your real needs?” he was asking. “Won’t you see that worship is a matter of spirit (i.e., your heart linked to God’s heart) and truth (i.e., your brokenness acknowledged in total honesty) rather than hill and house?”

What is the church supposed to be? How are we supposed to function? How do we learn to care about one another? The answer is probably best summed up in this old adage: misery loves company. In leper colonies around the world, racial and caste divisions that otherwise would be significant are set aside. In AIDS clinics and support groups for recovering drug addicts, bank presidents and school dropouts become friends. Spoiled kids and neglected elderly people come together to help one another. The same thing happens in a church where the Spirit of Christ is allowed to work.

The pain caused by sin creates a “fellowship of the huddled-together.” People who have been washed clean by Christ’s blood are bound together in his restoring grace. The fellowship of daily encouragement creates not only togetherness but oneness.

Think of Christians who have these descriptions in their past: whores, drunks, liars, people with AIDS, gossips, illiterates — and put them together with preachers, parents, Bible scholars, and teachers….all are giving loving support to each other. They don’t judge each other. They don’t check up on one another.

They don’t really care what the other person once did out there in hell. They realize those sins are in the past (God’s and Christian’s). All they care about is helping one another get glimpses of the Father’s smile and to get healthy. That’s very hard for outsiders to understand. It only happens where people get honest, walk in the light, and begin to heal.

Are you hurting? Pray. Do you feel great? Sing. Are you sick? Believing-prayer will heal you, and Jesus will put you on you feet. And if you’ve sinned, you’ll be forgiven — healed inside and out.

Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful and to be reckoned with (James 5:13-16, The Message).

Conclusion

Dr. Perry Buffington, a licensed psychologist and author, claims that research in his field has found there are at least three situations when we tend not to be ourselves.

  1. First, the average person will “put on airs” when he or she visits the lobby of a fancy and expensive hotel.
  2. Second, the typical man or woman will try to hide her emotions — if not her face — when she steps onto a car lot or into a new-car showroom.
  3. And, third, we try to fake out one another — and maybe God too — when we walk in and take our seats in church.

Of all the places where honesty isn’t just the best policy for our words but must be the hallmark of our personal integrity as needy sinners, an authentic experience of Christ will not permit pretense and phoniness. When church is really church, it is only because we have dared to be honest in our whole lives with God and one another. That was Paul on the Damascus Road and among the people of Corinth. And it can be you and me as well.

HONESTY

A commentary of the times is that the word honesty is now preceded by old-fashioned. Larry Wolters

Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise. Sigmund Freud (1856–1939)

Candor is always a double-edged sword; it may heal or it may separate. Wilhelm Stekel

Honesty consists of the unwillingness to lie to others; maturity, which is equally hard to attain, consists of the unwillingness to lie to oneself. Sydney J. Harris (1917–1986)

Honesty has a beautiful and refreshing simplicity about it. No ulterior motives. No hidden meanings. An absence of hypocrisy, duplicity, political games, and verbal superficiality. As honesty and real integrity characterize our lives, there will be no need to manipulate others. Charles R. Swindoll (1934– )

I hope I shall always possess firmness and virtue enough to maintain what I consider the most enviable of all titles, the character of an honest man. George Washington (1732–1799)

Say what you have to say, not what you ought. Any truth is better than make-believe. Henry David Thoreau (1817–1862)

 
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Posted by on March 21, 2016 in Doctrine

 

Words To Live By Series: # 9 Respect Other’s Things


Sunday 1030am“You shall not steal” (Exodus 20:15)

If you have ever gone shopping on Black Friday, it is likely that you went about your purchases and business unconsciously aware of the many security devices that are now a common feature of our public life.

Consider the fact that we move past security cameras regularly in banks, stores, and public spaces. The items we buy are protected against tampering and shoplifting with plastic seals, magnetic strips, ink packets, and strapped-on sirens. When we check out or shop on-line our transactions are locked up in 128-bit encryption and initiated with PIN codes and passwords. All of these layers of security, and we are rarely conscious of them!

These facts of life indicate that our culture is conditioned to assume that someone is always stealing something. Doesn’t that strike us as a natural outlook? It’s not only the suburban teenager stuffing a sweater in the oversized bag that we imagine stealing from us. We have also learned the hard way that some of the richest and most powerful people in big business and government are also thieves. The image of the robber in a striped shirt and domino-mask with a dollar-sign bag has been replaced by a man in a $5,000 dollar suit and tie.

There are a few other facts we might draw from the reality of our high-security world:

  • First, stealing costs us all. Who pays for all the cameras, metal detectors, and encryption? We all do. And it doesn’t only cost us in cash, there is an erosion of public trust that is costing us dearly.
  • Second, the environment we live in is highly toxic to personal integrity. If there is theft going on everywhere, then who really notices our efforts to be completely honest – and does it really matter?
  • Third, stealing in America is not typically motivated by material needs. Only in the rarest cases or in disasters do we hear of people stealing for food and water. When we consider that statistically, theft was less of a problem in the Great Depression than it is today, we might conclude that theft today is not based on need, but it is motivated by greed.

Greed is a problem for all classes. The wealthiest and poorest may be influenced by greed. The long-lines, the early-bird shoppers, and the huge profits are often reported on the news with a wink and nod, but do we ever stop and realize how upside-down it may truly be? In our country we wait in lines for high-priced smart phones and electronic games, but in many other nations the people wait in lines for food that may not be available. What we spend on our one purchase may be as much or more than what people in other nations make in a single year.

The fundamental principle of biblical ethics is this: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39).) Among the many specific commandments that grow out of this fundamental responsibility, the Bible requires us to show respect for others’ lives (i.e., “You shall not kill”) and personal purity (i.e., “You shall not commit adultery”). In the eighth commandment, heaven demands respect for a neighbor’s property.

Stealing is a breach of one’s fundamental obligation to love others and treat them as he would want to be treated. It is an encroachment into someone’s rights and property. It is taking something under his authority and in his possession away from him, depriving him of something that rightfully belongs to him.

Concept of Ownership –

  • God owns all things. “The earth is the LORD’s, and everything in it.” –Psalm 24:1.
  • Stealing is the false idea that you can take something and make it your own. That goes beyond legal and illegal. Even if you acquire something “legally” it may not be your own.

Giving counters Greed.

  • The 10% of our income that we give is not all that God owns or cares about. God has an opinion with the 90% too. In his parable of the seed and the sower, Jesus taught that the deceitfulness of wealth and desire for things chokes out the growth of the gospel in our lives (Mark 4). James issues a serious warning to those who live in self-indulgence (James 5). The message is clear that we should use all of our wealth to honor God.
  • Giving counters greed and every act of giving is a rebellion against the desires and powers that makes us materialistic. How we give should lead how we spend.

     If we realize that all we have comes from God then we give thanks. Cultivating an attitude of thanksgiving transforms our attitude about things and ownership. It overcomes greed and it allows us to be more content. We learn to trust God by giving thanks. And it just might change our whole society starting with us …

Acts 4:32-37 (ESV)
32  Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common.
33  And with great power the apostles were giving their testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great grace was upon them all.
34  There was not a needy person among them, for as many as were owners of lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold
35  and laid it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to each as any had need.
36  Thus Joseph, who was also called by the apostles Barnabas (which means son of encouragement), a Levite, a native of Cyprus,
37  sold a field that belonged to him and brought the money and laid it at the apostles’ feet.

Ananias and Sapphira were members of that first church. They were struck dead for lying to God, not for keeping property (Acts 5: 1-10). Read Peter’s words of rebuke to Ananias very carefully: “While [your land] remained unsold, did it not remain your own? And after it was sold, was it not at your disposal? How is it that you have contrived this deed in your heart? You have not lied to men but to God” (Acts 5:4).

Peter acknowledged that Ananias was under no obligation to sell his property. After he did choose to sell it, he was still under no obligation to give the proceeds of the sale into the church treasury.

Rather than common ownership of property, the New Testament ideal is work, acquisition, and proper stewardship of material things. “Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his hands, so that he may be able to give to those in need” (Ephesians 4:28).

God needs men and women “of upright character who realize their earning power is from God and who feel a strong sense of responsibility to use their wealth for heaven’s service rather than selfishly. Wealth is not virtue, nor poverty vice; some evil men accumulate fortunes, and some righteous people go bankrupt. God has prospered you and allowed you to become wealthy, acknowledge everything you have as his gift to you and be unselfish in its use. Realize that God’s work in this world can be enlarged by your generosity.

On the other hand, if you have not been as fortunate and prosperous as someone else, don’t resent that person or compromise your own integrity and honesty in trying to “get a slice of the pie.” It is what you have in your heart rather than your hand that shows your worth before God.

Stealing—Its Categories

Broadly speaking, stealing falls into two categories: active stealing and passive stealing. Active stealing aggressively, willfully, maliciously takes what belongs to someone else, through a variety of means. In Leviticus chapter 6 we find several forms of active theft identified: Then the LORD spoke to Moses, saying, “When a person sins and acts unfaithfully against the LORD, and deceives his companion in regard to a deposit or a security entrusted to him, or through robbery, or if he has extorted from his companion, or has found what was lost and lied about it and sworn falsely, so that he sins in regard to any one of the things a man may do; then it shall be, when he sins and becomes guilty, that he shall restore what he took by robbery, or what he got by extortion, or the deposit which was entrusted to him, or the lost thing which he found, or anything about which he swore falsely; he shall make restitution for it in full, and add to it one‑fifth more. He shall give it to the one to whom it belongs on the day he presents his guilt offering, and the priest shall make atonement for him before the LORD; and he shall be forgiven for any one of the things which he may have done to incur guilt” (Lev. 6:1‑7).

(1) Embezzlement. Embezzlement is the misuse or misappropriation of something that has been entrusted to us (Lev. 6:2). Embezzlement is a violation of trust, for what has been placed in a person’s keeping has been appropriated for selfish purposes. Embezzlement is frequently an offense of a bank employee or of a comptroller of a corporation.

(2) Robbery. Robbery is the act of taking what belongs to another (Lev. 6:2). Robbery, I believe, is a broad definition, covering several kinds of stealing. Robbery generally takes things directly, often by the use of superior force (frequently involving a weapon). Stealing suggests stealth. A pick‑pocket for example, uses stealth, as does a burglar. Fraud may also be included here. If so, fraud involves getting what belongs to another by deception. Here, the victim often gives what is stolen to the thief, thinking that doing so will be profitable. The only one who profits, however, is the thief.

(3) Extortion. Extortion gains possession of another person’s property by the illicit use of authority or of force (not a weapon, however). Sometimes, charging an excessive price is included here, if one feels compelled to buy the product. For example, if your child was seriously ill and there was only one medicine which would cure the child, you would be willing to pay almost anything to obtain it, even if the cost were excessive.

John the Baptist told the tax gatherers and soldiers of his day: “Collect no more than what you have been ordered to.” And some soldiers were questioning him, saying, “And what about us, what shall we do?” And he said to them, “Do not take money from anyone by force, or accuse anyone falsely, and be content with your wages” (Luke 3:13‑14).

(4) Kidnapping. In the ancient Near East, kidnapping was considered a form of theft (Deut. 24:7), probably because the individual would be kept as a slave, rather than because he or she would be ransomed.

Passive theft is the failure to give to another what belongs to them or is due them. The following forms of passive stealing are forbidden in the Bible:

(1) A man’s negligence which results in a loss to his neighbor. Exodus chapter 22 (verses 1‑15) describes several acts of negligence which deprive a neighbor of his property, and which thus require restitution. For example, if a man’s pasture land has been grazed bare, and he therefore lets his animal loose, so that it grazes on his neighbor’s pasture, consuming it, the negligent man is guilty of passive stealing (Exod. 22:5).

(2) A man’s failure to return something lost to its owner is stealing. In Leviticus 6:3, the old adage, “finders keepers, losers weepers,” is shown to be an excuse for theft. To find what belongs to another, and not to return it, is to steal it, by one’s negligence or refusal to return it. “You shall not see your countryman’s ox or his sheep straying away, and pay no attention to them; you shall certainly bring them back to your countryman. And if your countryman is not near you, or if you do not know him, then you shall bring it home to your house, and it shall remain with you until your countryman looks for it; then you shall restore it to him. And thus you shall do with his donkey, and you shall do the same with his garment, and you shall do likewise with anything lost by your countryman, which he has lost and you have found. You are not allowed to neglect them. You shall not see your countryman’s donkey or his ox fallen down on the way, and pay no attention to them; you shall certainly help him to raise them up (Deut. 22:1‑4).

(3) Failure to give what belongs to another is stealing. A day laborer is to be paid at the end of the day (Lev. 19:13; Deut. 24:14‑15). For an employer to keep a laborer’s wages, which at the end of his work day rightfully belonged to the worker, was to rob him. Withholding the charity which was to be shown to the poor, the alien, and the stranger, was also stealing. God instructed the Israelites to make certain provisions for the poor, such as leaving the corners of their fields unharvested (Deut. 24:19‑22). Whenever an Israelite became greedy and did not leave something behind for the poor, he was stealing from them, for God had given the gleanings to them.

Stealing—Its Corrective and Its Cure

For those who had stolen from another, the Old Testament prescribed restitution. The most detailed prescription of the restitution required is found in the Book of Exodus: “If a man steals an ox or a sheep, and slaughters it or sells it, he shall pay five oxen for the ox and four sheep for the sheep. If the thief is caught while breaking in, and is struck so that he dies, there will be no bloodguiltiness on his account. But if the sun has risen on him, there will be bloodguiltiness on his account. He shall surely make restitution; if he owns nothing, then he shall be sold for his theft. If what he stole is actually found alive in his possession, whether an ox or a donkey or a sheep, he shall pay double. If a man lets a field or vineyard be grazed bare and lets his animal loose so that it grazes in another man’s field, he shall make restitution from the best of his own field and the best of his own vineyard. If a fire breaks out and spreads to thorn bushes, so that stacked grain or the standing grain or the field itself is consumed, he who started the fire shall surely make restitution. If a man gives his neighbor money or goods to keep for him, and it is stolen from the man’s house, if the thief is caught, he shall pay double. If the thief is not caught, then the owner of the house shall appear before the judges, to determine whether he laid his hands on his neighbor’s property. For every breach of trust, whether it is for ox, for donkey, for sheep, for clothing, or for any lost thing about which one says, ‘This is it,’ the case of both parties shall come before the judges; he whom the judges condemn shall pay double to his neighbor” (Exod. 22:1‑9).

It is interesting to note that restitution varies in this text, according to several factors. First, restitution varies, depending on whether of not the stolen animal is recovered. Second, restitution varies according to the value of the animal, especially with regard to the productivity of the beast. I believe that the oxen was more valuable than the sheep because it was the “John Deer,” the farm tractor of that day. If a man’s ox was stolen, the fields could not be plowed, the wagon pulled, or the grain threshed. Thus, a stolen (and not recovered) ox was to be paid for fivefold, while a sheep only fourfold. In Leviticus chapter 6, we find that the sacrificial system provided a means for the thief to repent, to make restitution, and to obtain forgiveness.

Restitution is a corrective, but not a cure for the crime of stealing. The Bible clearly prescribes the cure, especially in the New Testament. Crime would have the thief get ahead at the expense of one’s neighbor. Justice would have one person gain while, at the same time, the other party gained equally. Jesus Christ teaches that we should be willing to sacrifice our own interests if that benefit our neighbor: “Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you” (Matt. 5:42).

“Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back” (Luke 6:30).

“And if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same thing. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, in order to receive back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men” (Luke 6:32‑35).

Let him who steals steal no longer; but rather let him labor, performing with his own hands what is good, in order that he may have something to share with him who has need (Eph. 4:28).

 
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Posted by on March 17, 2016 in Sermon

 

Great Themes of the Bible: Loving One Another


(Romans 12:9-13 NIV)  Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. {10} Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. {11} Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. {12} Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. {13} Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

There are people all around us who are starving for love. For the sake of its absence, people dull their intense pain with drugs, give themselves to sexual predators who persuade them to confuse having sex with being loved, or otherwise try to fill a huge empty hole in their hearts.

The church is intended by God to be not only a community of faith but of hope and love as well. With God as our Father, we are brothers and sisters to one another — looking out for one another so that nobody is forced to feel like an orphaned child whom nobody wants.

Our society is also obsessed with sports, recreation, entertainment, and emotional gratification, and it is paying the consequences of that unbalanced preoccupation. When such pursuits exceed their reasonable roles, they become conspicuous marks of the shallow, superficial, and often decadent society that cultivates them. “Bodily discipline is only of little profit,” Paul cautions, “but godliness is profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come” (1 Tim. 4:8).

Teddy Roosevelt once commented, “The things that will destroy America are prosperity at any price, peace at any price, safety first instead of duty first, the love of soft living and the get-rich theory of life.” That observation is still valid.

The only productive life, as well as the only truly satisfying life, is the self-disciplined life. That is certainly true of the Christian life. Although our spiritual guidance and power come from the Lord, He can only work effectively through lives that are subjected to Him. “Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things,” Paul reminded the church at Corinth. “They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I buffet my body and make it my slave, lest possibly, after I have preached to others, I myself should be disqualified” (1 Cor. 9:25-27).

Only the disciplined mind can think clearly and be used of the Lord to properly understand and present His truth to the world. Only the disciplined mind can effectively evaluate and challenge the world’s ideals and standards in the light of that truth. By the same token, only the disciplined Christian life can be a persuasive and effective example, both within the church and before the world.

In his book The Disciplined Life, Richard Shelley Taylor writes, Disciplined character belongs to the person who achieves balance by bringing all his faculties and powers under control … He resolutely faces his duty. He is governed by a sense of responsibility. He has inward resources and personal reserves which are the wonder of weaker souls. He brings adversity under tribute, and compels it to serve him. When adversity becomes too over-whelming and blows fall which he cannot parry, be bows to them, but is not broken by them. His spirit still soars.

Simply put, self-discipline is the willingness to subordinate personal desires and objectives to those that are selfless and divine, to subordinate that which is attractive and easy to that which is right and necessary. For the Christian, self-discipline is obedience to the Word of God, the willingness to subordinate everything in our lives—physical, emotional, social, intellectual, moral, and spiritual—to God’s will and control, and for God’s glory.

It is as absurd as it is unbiblical to believe that anyone can live a faithful, fruitful Christian life on mere good intentions and warm feelings for the Lord and His work. The Christian life is an accountable life, and, by definition, accountability is based on specific principles and standards. For the Christian, they are the divinely-revealed principles and standards to which God holds each of His children. It is because we are accountable that the Lord disciplines us when we disobey His Word and ignore His will.

“You have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons,” the writer of Hebrews reminds us: “‘My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor faint when you are reproved by Him; for those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom He receives.’ It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? … All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness” (Heb. 12:5-7, 11; cf. Prov. 3:11-12).

The nineteenth-century Englishman Robert C. Chapman wrote, “Seeing that so many preach Christ and so few live Christ, I will aim to live Him.” His good friend J. N. Darby said of him, “He lives what I teach.”

It was said of the popular nineteenth-century English author William Arnot, “His preaching is good. His writing is better. His living is best of all.” Would that it could be said of all Christians that their living is best of all.

A person who has been justifid by God’s grace, who has presented his body as “a living and holy sacrifice” (Rom. 12:1), and who is exercising the spiritual gifts the Lord has given him (vv. 3-8), will experience an outflowing of sanctified, spiritual living. In other words, a person who is saved will evidence his salvation by the way he lives. And because the obedient, disciplined, and productive Christian life is directed and empowered by God’s own Spirit, Christian living is supernatural living. In that sense, it is abnormal, unnatural living—living that is not natural to and cannot be attained by the unregenerate man.

Supernatural living is conducted “in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ” (Phil. 1:27). Supernatural living is “to have this attitude in [ourselves] which was also in Christ Jesus” (2:5) and humbly to “work out [our] salvation with fear and trembling” (2:12). But the working out of our salvation is no more accomplished in our own power than the new birth was accomplished in our own power. “It is God who is at work in [us], both to will and to work for His good pleasure” (2:13).

In short, supernatural living is conforming our outer lives to our inner lives, living out the redeemed, purified, and holy nature we have in Jesus Christ, becoming in practice what we are in position and new creation.

But supernatural living is not a mystical, undefined life based on elusive good impulses and sincere intentions. It is practical living that results from conscious obedience to God’s standards of righteousness, a life lived within divinely-ordained parameters. It is thinking, speaking, and acting in daily conformity with God’s Word and will.

Supernatural living is free in that it is no longer under the bondage of sin. But it also is enslaved, in that it is unalterably bound to the righteous will of God. “Thanks be to God,” Paul has declared earlier in this letter, “that though [we] were slaves of sin, [we] became obedient from the heart to that form of teaching to which [we] were committed, and having been freed from sin, [we] became slaves of righteousness” (Rom. 6:17-18). With Martin Luther, every Christian should be able to say, “My conscience is captive to the Word of God.”

Through Romans 12:8, Paul has laid the doctrinal foundation of the justified, sanctified, and dedicated Christian life. In the rest of the epistle, he focuses on specific ways in which believers must live their lives in obedience to God’s Word and to the glory of His name. The call to practical, holy living is the climax of this rich epistle.

In 12:9-21, Paul gives a comprehensive, but not exhaustive, list of the basic characteristics of the supernatural Christian life. In essence, he is giving the same admonition he had given to Corinthian believers a year or so earlier: “Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all defilement of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God” (2 Cor. 7:1). It is because of all that God has done for us and all that He has equipped us with that we are to respond by faithful, obedient, Spirit-empowered living.

We are God’s “workmanship,” Paul explained to the church at Ephesus, “created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (Eph. 2:10). Salvation is designed to produce in us an unmistakable pattern of godly, righteous living. We will bear some fruit, but the Lord wants us to bear much fruit to his glory (John 15:8). All of these characteristics will be the desires of the inner new creation, and Paul urges believers to submit the flesh to these inner holy longings and to manifest these virtues as a regular pattern of life. These qualities are not foreign to our nature but to what we desire, so that, as our will submits to the Word and Spirit, the qualities become reality.

In the present text (12:9-21), Paul gives some twenty-five distinct but closely related exhortations. Any believer who honestly appraises his life by these standards cannot help being convicted of falling far short of the perfection the inner person desires. On the other hand, however, the believer who is walking in the Spirit will see the Spirit working out these precepts in his life to a greater and greater extent. An honest look at our lives in light of these precepts will bring conviction about our failure to keep some of them and confidence about our success in keeping others. Where we fall short, we should ask the Lord’s help. Where we have been faithful, we should give Him thanks and praise.

The specific exhortations fall under four general categories or phases, which form an ever-increasing circle, as it were, that expands from personal attitudes to the widest social applications. They are: personal duties (v. 9); family duties (vv. 10-13); duty to other people in general (vv. 14-16); and duty to those who are avowed personal enemies (vv. 17-21).

Personal Duties

Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good.  (12:9)

In one of several triplets (see also vv. 11, 12, 16), Paul mentions three personal duties of supernatural living.

LOVE WITHOUT HYPOCRISY (12:9A)

The first duty is, Let love be without hypocrisy. The greatest virtue of the Christian life is love. The use of agapeô (love) was rare in pagan Greek literature, doubtless because the concept it represented—unselfish, self-giving, willful devotion—was so uncommon in that culture it was even ridiculed and despised as a sign of weakness. But in the New Testament it is proclaimed as the supreme virtue, the virtue under which all others are subsumed. Agapeô love centers on the needs and welfare of the one loved and will pay whatever personal price is necessary to meet those needs and foster that welfare.

Love is more important to a Christian than any spiritual gift he may have. “But now abide faith, hope, love, these three,” Paul explained to the Corinthian believers, “but the greatest of these is love” (1 Cor. 13:13; cf. 12:31). It is therefore not surprising that the first “fruit of the Spirit is love” (Gal. 5:22) and that it is by our love for our fellow believers that “all men will know that [we are Jesus’] disciples” (John 13:35). In behalf of the Thessalonian believers, Paul prayed, “May the Lord cause you to increase and abound in love for one another” (1 Thess. 3:12; cf. 1 John 3:18). Suffering “much endurance, in afflictions, in hardships, in distresses, in beatings, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labors, in sleeplessness, in hunger,” Paul himself served the Lord’s people “in the Holy Spirit, in genuine love” (2 Cor. 6:4-6).

It is that same unfeigned love of one another that Peter admonishes all believers to exhibit: “Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart” (1 Pet. 1:22). Later in the same letter, the apostle repeats the command: “Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Pet. 4:8).

The love of which Paul, Peter, and John speak is genuine love, the sincere and fervent love that is completely without hypocrisy and untainted by self-centeredness. Christian love is pure, guileless, and unaffected.

Hypocrisy is the antithesis of and completely incompatible with agapeô love. The two cannot coexist. Hypocrisy is exceeded in evil only by unbelief. The consummate hypocrite in Scripture, Judas, was also the consummate egoist. He feigned devotion to Jesus to achieve his own selfish purposes. His hypocrisy
was unmasked and his self-centeredness was made evident when he betrayed Jesus for the thirty pieces of silver. Commenting on this verse in Romans, the theologian John Murray writes, “If love is the sum of virtue and hypocrisy is the epitome of vice, what a contradiction to bring the two together.”

Duty to the Family of God

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality. (12:10-13)

The second phase of supernatural living concerns a wider dimension—largely pertaining to the believer’s duty to fellow members in the family of God.

BE DEVOTED IN BROTHERLY LOVE (12:10A)

Be devoted to and brotherly love carry synonymous ideas. Devoted translates philostorgos, a compound of philos (friend, friendly; friendship love) and storgeô (natural family love, which is not based on
personal attraction or desirability). Brotherly love translates philadelphia, another compound—phileoô (to have tender affection) and adelphos (brother). We are to have a loving filial affection for one another in the family of God.

Devoted … brotherly love is one of the marks by which the world will know that we belong to Christ. “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35). This love is not optional for believers. It not only is required but is inescapable, because “whoever loves the Father loves the child born of Him” (1 John 5:1). In fact, as John has just declared, “If someone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen” (4:20).

Brotherly love reflects the nature of Christians. That is why Paul could say, “Now as to the love of the brethren, you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves are taught by God to love one another” (1 Thess. 4:9). Being “taught by God,” the true child of God knows intuitively that he is to love his spiritual brothers and sisters. For the very reason that God is our common heavenly Father, love for each other should be as natural and normal as family members’ affectionate love for each other.

The apostle John forcefully affirms that truth. “The one who says he is in the light and yet hates his brother is in the darkness until now. The one who loves his brother abides in the light and there is no cause for stumbling in him. But the one who hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going because the darkness has blinded his eyes” (1 John 2:9-11). In the next chapter the apostle uses even stronger words: “By this the children of God and the children of the devil are obvious: anyone who does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor the one who does not love his brother … But whoever has the world’s goods, and beholds his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him? Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth. We shall know by this that we are of the truth, and shall assure our heart before Him” (1 John 3:10, 17-19).

PREFER ONE ANOTHER IN HONOR (12:10B)

If we are truly “devoted to one another in brotherly love,” it almost goes without saying that we will give preference to one another in honor. The virtue here is humility, not thinking more highly of ourselves than we ought to think (Rom. 12:3). It is doing “nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind,” regarding “one another as more important than” oneself (Phil. 2:3).

Proeôgeomai (give preference) has the basic meaning of going before, or leading. But the idea here is not that of putting ourselves before others in regard to importance or worth but the very opposite idea of giving honor to fellow believers by putting them first.

To honor is not to flatter, to give hypocritical praise in hope of having the compliment returned or of gaining favor with the one honored. Again, the very opposite is in mind. To honor is to show genuine appreciation and admiration for one another in the family of God. We are to be quick to show respect, quick to acknowledge the accomplishments of others, quick to demonstrate genuine love by not being jealous or envious, which have no part in love, whether agapeô or philadelphia.

Do Not Lag in Diligence (12:11a)

Not lagging behind in diligence could be rendered, “not lazy in zeal and intensity.” A few verses earlier, Paul declares that the Christian who has the gift of ruling, or leading, should exercise it with diligence (v. 8).

In the context of Romans 12, diligence refers to whatever believers do in their supernatural living. Whatever is worth doing in the Lord’s service is worth doing with enthusiasm and care. Jesus told His disciples that He “must work the works of Him who sent Me, as long as it is day; night is coming, when no man can work” (John 9:4). The Lord knew His time of ministry was limited and that every moment in His Father’s service on earth should count for the most possible. Paul admonished believers in the Galatian churches: “So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all men, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith” (Gal. 6:10; cf. 2 Thess. 3:13).

There is no room for sloth and indolence in the Lord’s work. “Whatever your hand finds to do,” Solomon counseled, “verily, do it with all your might; for there is no activity or planning or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol [the grave]” (Eccles. 9:10). Whatever we do for the Lord must be done in this present life.

Slothfulness in Christian living not only prevents good from being done but allows evil to prosper. “Therefore be careful how you walk,” Paul charged the Ephesians, “not as unwise men, but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil” (Eph. 5:15-16). “He also who is slack in his work is brother to him who destroys” (Prov. 18:9). For weeds to prosper, the gardener need only leave the garden alone.

The Lord rewards those who serve Him with diligence. “God is not unjust so as to forget your work and the love which you have shown toward His name, in having ministered and in still ministering to the saints. And we desire that each one of you show the same diligence so as to realize the full assurance of hope until the end, that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises” (Heb. 6:10-12).

BE FERVENT IN SPIRIT (12:11B)

Whereas diligence pertains mainly to action, being fervent in spirit pertains to attitude. Literally, zeoô means to boil and metaphorically to be fervent. The idea here is not of being overheated to the point of boiling over and out of control but, like a steam engine, of having sufficient heat to produce the energy necessary to get the work done. That principle is reflected in the life of Henry Martyn, the tireless missionary to India, whose heart’s desire was to “burn out for God.”

One of the oldest blights on earth is lack of enthusiasm. Most people could make a sizable list of their failures that were simply casualties to indifference and lack of commitment. Fervency requires resolve and persistence, not mere good intention. “Let us not lose heart in doing good,” Paul admonishes, “for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary” (Gal. 6:9).

Even before he had a full understanding of the gospel, Apollos was “fervent in spirit, … speaking and teaching accurately the things concerning Jesus” (Acts 18:25). But no believer in the early church was more fervent in spirit, more indefatigable in the work of the Lord than Paul himself. “Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim,” he said; “I box in such a way, as not beating the air” (1 Cor. 9:26); “And for this purpose also I labor” (Col. 1:29).

SERVE THE LORD (12:11C)

Like fervency in spirit, serving the Lord has to do with perspective and priority. Everything we do should, first of all, be consistent with God’s Word and, second, be truly in His service and to His glory. Strict devotion to the Lord would eliminate a great deal of fruitless church activity.

Paul never lost sight of that foundational mission. He begins this letter with the affirmation that he served God “in [his] spirit in the preaching of the gospel of His Son” (Rom. 1:9).

In Romans 12, Paul uses three different words to describe Christian service. In verse 1 he uses latreia, which is translated, “service of worship,” and emphasizes reverential awe. The second word is diakonia, which pertains to practical service. In verse 11, he uses douleuoô, which refers to the service of a bond-slave, whose very reason for existence is to do his master’s will.

Above all else, Paul considered himself a bond-slave of Jesus Christ. It is with that description that he first identifies himself in this letter (Rom. 1:1), as well as in Philippians (1:1) and Titus (1:1).

Yet we do not serve the Lord in our own power any more than we came to Him in our own power. Our supreme purpose is to serve the Lord Jesus Christ, and our power to fulfill that service is from Him. “For this purpose also I labor,” Paul testified, “striving according to His power, which mightily works within me” (Col. 1:29).

Rejoice in Hope (12:12a)

Living the supernatural life inevitably brings opposition from the world and sometimes even sparks resentment by fellow Christians. Even after years of faithful service to the Lord, some see few, if any, apparent results from their labors. Without hope we could never survive. “For in hope we have been saved,” Paul has already explained, “but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one also hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it” (Rom. 8:24-25).

Rejoicing in that hope, we know that, if we are “steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord,” our “toil is not in vain” (1 Cor. 15:58). We can therefore look forward to one day hearing, “Well done, good and faithful servant” (Matt. 25:21). We know that “in the future there is laid up for [us] the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to [us] on that day; and … to all who have loved His appearing” (2 Tim. 4:8).

Persevere in Tribulation (12:12b)

It is because we can rejoice in hope that we also can persevere in tribulation, whatever its form or severity. Because we have perfect assurance concerning the ultimate outcome of our lives, we are able to persist against any obstacle and endure any suffering. That is why Paul could declare with perfect confidence that “we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us” (Rom. 5:2-5).

BE DEVOTED TO PRAYER (12:12C)

Doubtless one of the reasons the Lord allows His children to go through tribulation is to drive them to Himself. The believer who has the strength to persevere in trials, afflictions, adversity, and misfortune—sometimes even
deprivation and destitution—will pray more than occasionally. He will be devoted to prayer, in communion with his Lord as a constant part of his life. So should we all be, no matter what the circumstances of our lives.

Proskartereoô (devoted) means literally to be strong toward something, and it also carries the ideas of steadfast and unwavering. It was with such devoted … prayer that early Christians worshiped, both before and after the descent of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost (Acts 1:14; 2:42). It was to enable the apostles to devote themselves “to prayer, and to the ministry of the word” (Acts 6:4) that deacons were first appointed in the church.

Devoted, steadfast prayer should be as continual a part of a Christian’s spiritual life as breathing is a part of his physical life. The victorious Christian prays “with the spirit and … with the mind” (1 Cor. 14:15). As he prays with his own spirit, he also prays “in the Holy Spirit” (Jude 20; cf. Eph. 6:18). He prays “without ceasing” (1 Thess. 5:17). Paul therefore admonished Timothy to have “the men in every place to pray, lifting up holy hands” (1 Tim. 2:8).

CONTRIBUTE TO THE NEEDS OF THE SAINTS (12:13A)

The next two principles Paul mentions in this list seem rather mundane. But they are qualities that the Lord personified during His earthly ministry and for which Paul himself was lovingly known. The flow of the supernatural life is outward, not inward, and meeting the needs of fellow believers is more important
than meeting our own.

Contributing is from koinoôneoô, which means to share in, or share with, and the noun koinoônia is often translated “fellowship” or “communion.” The basic meaning is that of commonality or partnership, which involves mutual sharing. The spirit of sharing was immediately evident in the early church, as believers after Pentecost “were continually devoting themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship [koinoônia], to the breaking of bread and prayer … And all those who had believed were together, and had all things in common [koina]” (Acts 2:42, 44; cf. 4:32). Peter used that term in speaking of our sharing [koinoôneoô] in “the sufferings of Christ” (1 Pet. 4:13).

But because the emphasis in the present text is on the giving side of sharing, the term is here rendered contributing. Paul also used a form of that word in the same sense when he admonished Timothy to “instruct those who are rich in this present world … to be generous and ready to share [koinoônikos]” (1 Tim. 6:17-18). In the eyes of society, we rightfully own certain things, but before the Lord we own nothing. We are simply stewards of what He has blessed us with. And one of our most important responsibilities as His stewards is using our personal resources to contribute to the needs of the saints, our brothers and sisters in Christ

In the parable of the Good Samaritan, Jesus made clear that we have a responsibility, to the best of our ability, to help anyone in need whom we encounter. But we have a still greater responsibility to serve fellow Christians.
“So then, while we have opportunity,” Paul says, “let us do good to all men, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith” (Gal. 6:10).

Practice Hospitality (12:13b)

The last responsibility to fellow believers that Paul mentions in this list is that of practicing hospitality. The literal meaning of that phrase in the Greek is, “pursuing the love of strangers.” In other words, we not only are to meet the needs of those people, believers and unbelievers, who come across our paths but are to look for opportunities to help. “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers,” the writer of Hebrews admonishes us, “for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it” (Heb. 13:2).

In our text, Paul is speaking to all believers, but he also makes clear that leaders in the church should set an example by their own hospitality. Elders are to be “hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, just, devout, self-controlled” (Titus 1:8).

As with all virtues, this one must be exercised without hypocrisy or self-interest. Jesus’ admonition to His Pharisee host applies to all of His followers: “When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, lest they also invite you in return, and repayment come to you. But when you give a reception, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, since they do not have the means to repay you; for you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous” (Luke 14:12-14).

Because inns in New Testament times were scarce, expensive, and often dangerous, Christian families commonly opened their homes to believers who passed through their towns. Unlike Paul, who insisted on paying for most of his own expenses, most itinerant preachers and teachers relied entirely on the support of fellow Christians. John commended Gaius for his generosity in this regard: “Beloved, you are acting faithfully in whatever you accomplish for the brethren, and especially when they are strangers; and they bear witness to your love before the church; and you will do well to send them on their way in a manner worthy of God. For they went out for the sake of the Name, accepting nothing from the Gentiles. Therefore we ought to support such men, that we may be fellow workers with the truth” (3 John 5-8).

We are to “be hospitable to one another without complaint,” Peter admonishes (1 Pet. 4:9). That is, we should look upon our hospitality as a happy privilege, not a drudging duty. Onesiphorus demonstrated that sort of beneficence in ministering to Paul, about whom the apostle wrote, “He often refreshed me, and was not ashamed of my chains; but when he was in Rome, he eagerly searched for me, and found me—the Lord grant to him to find mercy from the Lord on that day—and you know very well what services he rendered at Ephesus” (2 Tim. 1:16-18).

Love Or Death –1 John 3:11-24

(1 John 3:14-18 NIV)  We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers. Anyone who does not love remains in death. {15} Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him. {16} This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. {17} If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? {18} Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

John’s letter has been compared to a spiral staircase because he keeps returning to the same three topics: love, obedience, and truth. Though these themes recur, it is not true that they are merely repetitious. Each time we return to a topic, we look at it from a different point of view and are taken more deeply into it.

We have already learned about our love for other believers—“the brethren” (1 John 2:7-11)—but the emphasis in 1 John 2 was on fellowship. A believer who is “walking in the light” will evidence that fact by loving the brethren. In our present section, the emphasis is on his relationship with other believers.

Christians love one another because they have all been born of God, which makes them all brothers and sisters in Christ.

Obedience and love are both evidences of sonship and brotherhood. We have been reminded that a true child of God practices righteousness (1 John 3:1-10), and now we shall look into the matter of love for the brethren (1 John 3:11-24). This truth is first stated in the negative—”Whosoever doeth not righteousness is not of God, neither he that loveth not his brother” (1 John 3:10).

A striking difference should be noted between the earlier and the present treatment of love for the brethren. In the section on fellowship (1 John 2:7-11), we are told that loving the brethren is a matter of light and darkness. If we do not love one another, we cannot walk in the light, no matter how loud our profession. But in this section (1 John 3:11-24) on brotherhood, the epistle probes much deeper. We are told that loving the brethren is a matter of life and death. “He that loveth not his brother abideth in death” (1 John 3:14).

When it comes to this matter of love, there are four possible “levels of relationship,” so to speak, on which a person may live: murder (1 John 3:11-12), hatred (1 John 3:13-15), indifference (1 John 3:16-17), and Christian compassion (1 John 3:18-24).

The first two are not Christian at all, the third is less than Christian, and only the last is compatible with true Christian love.

Murder (1 John 3:11-12)

Murder, of course, is the lowest level on which one may live in relationship to someone else. It is the level on which Satan himself exists. The devil was a murderer from the beginning of his fallen career (John 8:44), but Christians have heard, from the beginning of their experience, that they are to “love one another.” John emphasizes origins: “Go back to the beginning.” If our spiritual experience originates with the Father, we must love one another. But if it originates with Satan, we will hate one another. “Let that therefore abide in you, which ye have heard from the beginning” (1 John 2:24).

Cain is an example of a life of hatred; we find the record in Genesis 4:1-16. It is important to note that Cain and Abel, being brothers, had the same parents, and they both brought sacrifices to God. Cain is not presented as an atheist; he is presented as a worshiper. And this is the point: children of the devil masquerade as true believers. They attend religious gatherings, as Cain did. They may even bring offerings. But these actions in themselves are not valid proof that a man is born of God. The real test is his love for the brethren—and here Cain failed.

Every man has a “spiritual lineage” as well as a physical, and Cain’s “spiritual father” was the devil. This does not mean, of course, that Satan literally fathered Cain. It means, rather, that Cain’s attitudes and actions originated with Satan. Cain was a murderer and a liar like Satan (John 8:44). He murdered his brother, and then he lied about it. “And the Lord said unto Cain, ‘Where is Abel thy brother?’ And he said, ‘I know not’” (Gen. 4:9).

In contrast to this, God is love (1 John 4:8) and truth (John 14:6; 1 John 5:6); therefore, those who belong to God’s family practice love and truth.

The difference between Cain’s offering and Abel’s offering was faith (Heb. 11:4), and faith is always based on the revelation God has given (Rom. 10:17). It seems clear that God must have given definite instructions concerning how He was to be worshiped. Cain rejected God’s Word and decided to worship in his own way. This shows his relationship to Satan, for Satan is always interested in turning people away from the revealed will of God. The devil’s “Yea, hath God said?” (Gen. 3:1) was the beginning of trouble for Cain’s parents and for all mankind since.

We are not told by what outward sign the Lord accepted Abel’s sacrifice and rejected Cain’s. It may be that He sent fire from heaven to consume Abel’s sacrifice of an animal and its blood. But we are told the results: Abel went away from the altar with God’s witness of acceptance in his heart, but Cain went away angry and disappointed (Gen. 4:4-6). God warned Cain that sin was crouching at the door like a dangerous beast (Gen. 4:7) but promised that if Cain would obey God, he, like Abel, would enjoy peace.

Instead of heeding God’s warning, Cain listened to Satan’s voice and plotted to kill his brother. His envy had turned to anger and hatred. He knew that he was evil and that his brother was righteous. Rather than repent, as God commanded him to do, he decided to destroy his brother.

Centuries later, the Pharisees did the same thing to Jesus (Mark 15:9-10), and Jesus called them too children of the devil (John 8:44).

Cain’s attitude represents the attitude of the present world system (1 John 3:13). The world hates Christ (John 15:18-25) for the same reason Cain hated Abel: Christ shows up the world’s sin and reveals its true nature. When the world, like Cain, comes face-to-face with reality and truth, it can make only one of two decisions: repent and change, or destroy the one who is exposing it.

Satan is the “prince of this world” (John 14:30), and he controls it through murder and lies. How horrible to live on the same level as Satan!

A hunter took refuge in a cave during a rainstorm. After he had dried out a bit, he decided to investigate his temporary home and turned on his flashlight. Imagine his surprise when he discovered he was sharing the cave with an assortment of spiders, lizards, and snakes! His exit was a fast one.

If the unsaved world could only see, it would realize that it is living on the low level of murder and lies, surrounded by that old serpent Satan and all his demonic armies. Like Cain, the people of the world try to cover up their true nature with religious rites; but they lack faith in God’s Word. People who continue to live on this level will eventually be cast into outer darkness with Satan to suffer apart from God forever.

Hatred (1 John 3:13-15)

At this point, you are probably thinking, “But I have never murdered anyone!” And to this statement, God replies, “Yes, but remember that to a Christian hatred is the same as murder” (1 John 3:15; cf. Matt. 5:22). The only difference between Level 1 and Level 2 is the outward act of taking life. The inward intent is the same.

A visitor at the zoo was chatting with the keeper of the lion house. “I have a cat at home,” said the visitor, “and your lions act just like my cat. Look at them sleeping so peacefully! It seems a shame that you have to put those beautiful creatures behind bars.”“My friend,” the keeper laughed, “these may look like your cat, but their disposition is radically different. There’s murder in their hearts. You’d better be glad the bars are there.”

The only reason some people have never actually murdered anyone is because of the “bars” that have been put up: the fear of arrest and shame, the penalties of the law, and the possibility of death. But we are going to be judged by “the law of liberty” (James 2:12). The question is not so much, “What did you do?” but “What did you want to do? What would you have done if you had been at liberty to do as you pleased?” This is why Jesus equates hatred with murder (Matt. 5:21-26) and lust with adultery (Matt. 5:27-30).

This does not mean, of course, that hatred in the heart does the same amount of damage, or involves the same degree of guilt, as actual murder. Your neighbor would rather you hate him than kill him! But in God’s sight, hatred is the moral equivalent of murder, and if left unbridled it leads to murder. A Christian has passed from death to life (John 5:24), and the proof of this is that he loves the brethren. When he belonged to the world system, he hated God’s people; but now that he belongs to God, he loves them.

These verses (1 John 3:14-15), like those that deal with habitual sin in a believer (1 John 1:5-2:6), concern a settled habit of life: a believer is in the practice of loving the brethren, even though on occasion he may be angry with a brother (Matt. 5:22-24). Occasional incidents of anger do not nullify the principle. If anything, they prove it true, because a believer out of fellowship with his fellow Christians is a miserable person! His feelings make clear to him that something is wrong.

Notice another fact: we are not told that murderers cannot be saved. The Apostle Paul himself took a hand in the stoning of Stephen (Acts 7:57-60) and admitted that his vote helped to put innocent people to death (Acts 26:9-11; 1 Tim. 1:12-15). But in His grace God saved Paul.

The issue here is not whether a murderer can become a Christian, but whether a man can continue being a murderer and still be a Christian. The answer is no. “And ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him” (1 John 3:15). The murderer did not once have eternal life and then lose it; he never had eternal life at all.

The fact that you have never actually murdered anyone should not make you proud or complacent. Have you ever harbored hatred in your heart?

Hatred does the hater far more damage than it does anyone else (Matt. 5:21-26). Jesus said that anger put a man in danger of facing the local court. Calling a brother an “empty-headed fool” put him in danger of the Sanhedrin, the highest Jewish council. But calling him a “cursed fool” put him in danger of eternal judgment in hell. Hatred that is not confessed and forsaken actually puts a man into a spiritual and emotional prison! (Matt. 5:25)

The antidote for hatred is love. “Hateful and hating one another” is the normal experience of an unsaved person (Titus 3:3). But when a hateful heart opens to Jesus Christ, it becomes a loving heart. Then instead of wanting to “murder” others through hatred, one wants to love them and share with them the message of eternal life.

Indifference (1 John 3:16-17)

But the test of Christian love is not simply failure to do evil to others. Love also involves doing them good. Christian love is both positive and negative. “Cease to do evil; learn to do well” (Isa. 1:16-17).

Cain is our example of false love; Christ is the example of true Christian love. Jesus gave His life for us that we may experience truth. Every Christian knows John 3:16, but how many of us pay much attention to 1 John 3:16? It is wonderful to experience the blessing of John 3:16; but it is even more wonderful to share that experience by obeying 1 John 3:16: Christ laid down life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.

Christian love involves sacrifice and service. Christ did not simply talk about His love; He died to prove it (Rom. 5:6-10). Jesus was not killed as a martyr; He willingly laid down His life (John 10:11-18; 15:13). “Self-preservation” is the first law of physical life, but “self-sacrifice” is the first law of spiritual life.

But God does not ask us to lay down our lives. He simply asks us to help a brother in need. John wisely turns from “the brethren” in 1 John 3:16 to the singular, “his brother,” in 1 John 3:17.

It is easy for us to talk about “loving the brethren” and to neglect to help a single other believer. Christian love is personal and active.

This is what Jesus had in mind in the Parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37). A lawyer wanted to talk about an abstract subject: “Who is my neighbor?” But Jesus focused attention on one man in need, and changed the question to, “To whom can I be a neighbor?”

A man does not have to murder in order to sin; hatred is murder in his heart. But a man need not even hate his brother to be guilty of sin. All he has to do is ignore him, or be indifferent toward his needs. A believer who has material goods and can relieve his brother’s needs ought to do it. To “close the door of his heart” on his brother is a kind of murder!

If I am going to help my brother, I must meet three conditions. First, I must have the means necessary to meet his need. Second, I must know that the need exists. Third, I must be loving enough to want to share.

A believer who is too poor to help, or who is ignorant of his brother’s need, is not condemned. But a believer who hardens his heart against his needy brother is condemned. One reason Christians should work is so that they may be able “to give to him that needeth” (Eph. 4:28).

In these days of multiplied social agencies, it is easy for Christians to forget their obligations. “So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all men, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith” (Gal. 6:10, nasb).

This “doing good” need not be in terms of money or material supplies. It may include personal service and the giving of oneself to others. There are many individuals in our churches who lack love and would welcome friendship.

If we want to experience and enjoy the love of God in our own hearts, we must love others, even to the point of sacrifice. Being indifferent to a brother’s needs means robbing ourselves of what we need even more: the love of God in our hearts. It is a matter of love or death!

Christian Love (1 John 3:18-24)

True Christian love means loving in deed and in truth. The opposite of “in deed” is “in word,” and the opposite of “in truth” is “in tongue.” Here is an example of love “in word”:

“If a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of daily food, and one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace, be warmed and be filled’; and yet you do not give them what is necessary for their body, what use is that?” (James 2:15-16, nasb)

To love “in word” means simply to talk about a need, but to love “in deed” means to do something about meeting it. You may think, because you have discussed a need, or even prayed about it, that you have done your duty, but love involves more than words—it calls for sacrificial deeds.

To love “in tongue” is the opposite of to love “in truth.” It means to love insincerely. To love “in truth” means to love a person genuinely, from the heart and not just from the tongue. People are attracted by genuine love, but repelled by the artificial variety. One reason why sinners were attracted to Jesus (Luke 15:1-2) was because they were sure He loved them sincerely.

“But does it not cost a great deal for the believer to exercise this kind of love?”

Yes, it does. It cost Jesus Christ His life. But the wonderful benefits that come to you as by-products of this love more than compensate for any sacrifice you make. To be sure, you do not love others because you want to get something in return, but the Bible principle, “Give and it shall be given unto you” (Luke 6:38), applies to love as well as to money.

John names three wonderful blessings that will come to a believer who practices Christian love.

Assurance (vv. 19-20).

A believer’s relationship with others affects His relationship with God. A man who is not right with his brother should go settle the matter before he offers his sacrifice on the altar (cf. Matt. 5:23-24). A Christian who practices love grows in his understanding of God’s truth and enjoys a heart filled with confidence before God.

A “condemning heart” is one that robs a believer of peace. An “accusing conscience” is another way to describe it. Sometimes the heart accuses us wrongly, because it “is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?” (Jer. 17:9) The answer to that question is, “God knows the heart!” More than one Christian has accused himself falsely, or been harder on himself than necessary; but God will never make such a mistake. A Christian who walks in love has a heart open to God (“God is love”) and knows that God never judges wrongly.

John may have remembered two incidents from Jesus’ life on earth that illustrate this important principle. When Jesus visited Bethany, He stayed at the home of Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42). Martha was busy preparing the meal, but Mary sat at His feet and listened to Him teach. Martha criticized both Mary and Jesus, but Jesus knew Mary’s heart and defended her.

The Apostle Peter wept bitterly after he had denied his Lord, and no doubt he was filled with remorse and repentance for his sin. But Jesus knew that Peter had repented, and after His resurrection the Lord sent a special message (Mark 16:7) to Peter that must have assured the hot-headed fisherman that he was forgiven. Peter’s heart may have condemned him, for he knew he had denied the Lord three times, but God was greater than his heart. Jesus, knowing all things, gave Peter just the assurance he needed.

Be careful lest the devil accuse you and rob you of your confidence (Rev. 12:10). Once you confess your sin and it is forgiven, you need not allow it to accuse you anymore. Peter was able to face the Jews and say, “But ye denied the Holy One and the Just!” (Acts 3:14) because his own sin of denying Christ had been taken care of and was forgiven and forgotten.

No Christian should treat sin lightly, but no Christian should be harder on himself than God is. There is a morbid kind of self-examination and self-condemnation that is not spiritual. If you are practicing genuine love for the brethren, your heart must be right before God, for the Holy Spirit would not “shed abroad” His love in you if there were habitual sin in your heart. When you grieve the Spirit, you “turn off” the supply of God’s love (Eph. 4:30-5:2).

Answered prayer (vv. 21-22).

Love for the brethren produces confidence toward God, and confidence toward God gives you boldness in asking for what you need. This does not mean that you earn answers to prayer by loving the brethren. Rather, it means that your love for the brethren proves that you are living in the will of God where God can answer your prayer. “And whatsoever we ask, we receive of Him, because we keep His commandments” (1 John 3:22). Love is the fulfilling of God’s Law (Rom. 13:8-10); therefore, when you love the brethren, you are obeying His commandments and He is able to answer your requests.

A believer’s relationship to the brethren cannot be divorced from his prayer life. If husbands and wives are not obeying God’s Word, for example, their prayers will be hindered (1 Peter 3:7).

One great secret of answered prayer is obedience, and the secret of obedience is love. “If ye love Me, keep My commandments” (John 14:15). “If ye abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you. . . . If ye keep My commandments, ye shall abide in My love” (John 15:7, 10).

It is possible, of course, to keep God’s commandments in a spirit of fear or servitude rather than in a spirit of love. This was the sin of the elder brother in the Parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:24-32). A believer should keep His Father’s commandments because this pleases Him. A Christian who lives to please God will discover that God finds ways to please His child. “Delight thyself also in the Lord, and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart” (Ps. 37:4). When our delight is in the love of God, our desires will be in the will of God.

Abiding (vv. 23-24).

When a scribe asked Jesus to name the greatest commandment, He replied, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God.” Then He added a second commandment: “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself” (Matt. 22:34-40). But God also gives us one commandment that takes in both God and man: “Believe in the name of His Son Jesus Christ, and love one another” (1 John 3:23, nasb). Faith toward God and love toward man sum up a Christian’s obligations. Christianity is “faith which worketh by love” (Gal. 5:6).

Faith toward God and love toward men are two sides of the same coin. It is easy to emphasize faith—correct doctrine—and to neglect love. On the other hand, some say doctrine is not important and that love is our main responsibility. Both doctrine and love are important. When a person is justified by faith, he should know that the love of God is being shed abroad in his heart (Rom. 5:1-5).

“Abiding in Christ” is a key experience for a believer who wants to have confidence toward God and enjoy answers to prayer. Jesus, in His message to the disciples in the Upper Room (John 15:1-14) illustrated “abiding.” He compared His followers to the branches of a vine. So long as the branch draws its strength from the vine, it produces fruit. But if it separates itself from the vine, it withers and dies.

Jesus was not talking about salvation; He was talking about fruit-bearing. The instant a sinner trusts Christ, he enters into union with Christ; but maintaining communion is a moment-by-moment responsibility. Abiding depends on our obeying His Word and keeping clean (John 15:3, 10).

As we have seen, when a believer walks in love, he finds it easy to obey God, and therefore he maintains a close communion with God. “If a man love Me, he will keep My words; and My Father will love him, and We will come unto him and make Our abode with him” (John 14:23).

The Holy Spirit is mentioned by name in 1 John for the first time in 3:24. John introduced us to the Holy One (1 John 2:20) with emphasis on the Spirit’s anointing and teaching ministry. (This parallels John 14:26; 16:13-14.) But the Holy One is also the abiding Spirit (1 John 3:24; 4:13). When a believer obeys God and loves the brethren, the indwelling Holy Spirit gives him peace and confidence. The Holy Spirit abides with him forever (John 14:16), but when the Spirit is grieved, He withdraws His blessings.

The Holy Spirit is also the attesting Spirit (1 John 4:1-6), giving witness to those who are truly God’s children. When a believer is abiding in Christ, the Spirit guides him and warns him of false spirits that would lead him astray.

He is also the authenticating Spirit (1 John 5:6-8), bearing witness to the person and work of Jesus Christ. This witness of the Spirit is mentioned in Romans 8:14-16.

Each member of the Triune Godhead is involved in the “love life” of a believer. God the Father commands us to love one another, God the Son gave His life on the cross, the supreme example of love. And God the Holy Spirit lives within us to provide the love we need (Rom. 5:5). To abide in love is to abide in God, and to abide in God is to abide in love. Christian love is not something we “work up” when we need it. Christian love is “shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit,” and this is your constant experience as you abide in Christ.

There are four levels on which a person may live. He may choose the lowest level—Satan’s level—and practice murder. Murderers “have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone, which is the second death” (Rev. 21:8).

Or, a person may choose the next level—hatred. But hatred, in God’s sight, is the same as murder. A man who lives with hatred is slowly killing himself, not the other person! Psychiatrists warn that malice and hatred cause all kinds of physical and emotional problems. In fact, one specialist has entitled his book Love or Perish!

The third level—indifference—is far better than the first two, because the first two are not Christian at all. A man who has constant hatred in his heart, or who habitually murders, proves he has never been born of God. But it is possible to be a Christian and be indifferent to the needs of others.

A man who murders belongs to the devil, like Cain. A man who hates belongs to the world (1 John 3:13), which is under Satan’s control. But a Christian who is indifferent is living for the flesh, which serves Satan’s purposes.

The only happy, holy way to live is on the highest level, the level of Christian love. This is the life of joy and liberty, the life of answered prayer. It assures you confidence and courage in spite of the difficulties of life.

Dr. Rene Spitz of New York made a study of children in foundling homes to determine what effect love and neglect had on them. The survey proved that children who were neglected and unloved were much slower in their development, and some of them even died. Even in a physical sense, love is the very atmosphere of life and growth.

It is even more so in the spiritual sense. In fact, it is a matter of love or death.

 
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Posted by on March 14, 2016 in Doctrine

 

Talking someone into being bapatized?


Baptism-2014How many of us have heard folks say, “They just won’t be baptized. What can we do to persuade them to be baptized?”

These statements seem to overlook the greatest challenge of salvation for most folks.

Have you ever seen one who believed in the Lord (John 8:24), was not ashamed, but willing to confess Him before others, (Matt. 10:32; John 12:42-43) had repented of their sins, (Luke 13:3, Acts 26:20, II Cor. 7:10), and not be baptized?

Repentance is a change which begins in the mind which changes lives. In Acts 19 the city of Ephesus, the home of the Temple of Diana and capitol of worship to this goddess, was presented with the Gospel of Jesus.

For the pagans to become Christians, what changes did “repentance” demand? In verse 19 they brought their books of magic into one pile and burned them. The value was 50,000 pieces of silver. This was a considerably large sum of money. Books were valuable possessions and very expensive in those days. Remember Jesus was betrayed for 30 pieces of silver (Matt. 2:15), which brings their sacrifice of burning their books into perspective.

Instead of selling them and advocating false doctrine, the repentance of the Ephesians led them to suffer financial loss.

A second sign of their repentance was the fear their actions brought upon Demetrius the silversmith. He was in the business of selling shrines of the goddess Diana. He realized penitent Christians changed their behavior. Their change in behavior would mean they would no longer buy his shrines.

The more Christianity spread (the more people repented) the less business he would have! He started a riot, hoping to defeat Christianity. Some are never willing to repent, others give up all!

Jonathan Winchester is a fine young missionary we worked with in El Salvador. He wrote me this note: “We had some good and sad results. The area where we worked was one of the poorest and most dangerous areas in Lea, Peru. One woman had decided to be baptized, and had changed into the baptismal robe, but then decided she could not. She knew that repentance was necessary. She told us that her only way of providing for her children was to go out and steal people’s wallets, and she knew that she was not going to stop.”

Should she have been advised to be baptized anyway? What would God say — repent or perish (Luke 13:3).

Folks do not need to be “talked into baptism.” What folks need is to be taught the doctrine of Christ and see if they are ready to repent!

Penitent believers have always responded by saying, “What hinders me from being baptized?” (Acts 8:36)

 
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Posted by on March 7, 2016 in Doctrine

 

Unhealthy reasons for marraige


These are unhealthy reasons for marriage. If you find that any of these appear either on your list or in your mind, you should spend time discussing them with your fiancé and your marriage advisor.

1. To spite or get back at your parents.

2. Because of a negative self-image—marrying your fiancé will make you feel worthwhile and will give meaning to your life.

3. To be a therapist or counselor to your fiancé.

4.  The fear of being left out—being single forever.

5. Fear of independence.

6. Marrying on the rebound—you were hurt in a former love relationship and to ease your hurt you immediately choose another.

7. Fear of hurting the other person—you’re afraid of what will happen to your fiancé if you break up even though you know that marriage is not the answer.

8. To escape an unhappy home.

9. Because you are pregnant or your fiancé is pregnant.

10. Because you have had sex. (Before You Say “I Do” by H. Norman Wright and Wes Roberts)

 

 
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Posted by on March 5, 2016 in Marriage

 

The Minister as the Tool Man


 

You see them driving around most urban areas and even venturing out in small town USA. Their destinations are automotive garages and any other place of business that uses tools. Most of the vehicles are large vans or panel trucks and carry such logos as “Snap-On Tools,” or “Matco.”

What if it were the job of these drivers to rush from place to place tightening, untightening and doing all the actual mechanical repairing of the vehicles? Imagine the mechanics in these shops calling on the tool man every time they needed a bolt tightened or a screw adjusted, sitting around waiting for them to arrive and do the work. It is a comical scene based on the ridiculous; hundreds of mechanics waiting for the help of few exhausted and distraught tool men.

The truth of the matter is, these tool men in their vans only provide the tools. It is the mechanics who do the work.

Sometimes we in the local church can actually get caught up in a similar comedy of errors. A church can look to their minister as the one whom they hire to do their ministry for them. A minister can also be at fault for allowing himself to be like the misguided tool man trying to do it all himself.

The truth of the matter is, in God’s economy of work in the local church it is the individual people in the congregation who are called by God to do the bulk of the ministry. The minister’s job is to equip them for their ministry.

The preacher is a teacher, though he has to solicit his own class. He heals without pills or knife. He is a lawyer, a social worker, an editor, a philosopher, a salesman, a handy decorative piece for public functions, an entertainer, a chairman of the building fund and a first-class janitor.

People come to him and he goes to the people. He rejoices when they rejoice and weeps when they weep. He visits the sick, marries the young, buries the dead, prepares and delivers speeches to every organization under the sun, and tries to stay sweet when he is abused for not calling on certain people. He helps plan the program of the church and meets with every group he can, which may mean that some nights he must attend two and three meetings.

When he lies down at night, he is burdened and prays for certain “sheep,” their weaknesses, their problems, and their absence from the service. And, oh yes, in his spare time, he prepares and delivers several sermons, Bible lessons, radio programs, class messages, etc. And when Monday comes and some chap roars, “What an easy job you preachers have!” he tries to smile and keep sweet.

Have you ever heard the above question asked? Or the remark made thoughtlessly, “What an easy task the minister has! He speaks about 25 minutes twice on Sunday and once on Wednesday with the rest of the week all his own!”

However, with all these aggravations, many would rather be divinely called ministers of the gospel than be anything else.

 

 
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Posted by on March 1, 2016 in Encouragement

 

Words To Live By Series #8 Let S-e-x Be Sacred


Sunday 1030am

“You shall not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14).

I learned early in my Christian ‘walk’ that “doing church is hard work.” I am here to tell you that “doing marriage is also hard work.” Both require us “to put our hands to the plow and not turn back.”

When God says, “You will not commit adultery” he is giving us a word to live by. Not just those of us who are married. Not just those who have problems in marriage. It is a word for all of us to live by. This word to live by affirms that all of us are stakeholders in certain covenants and boundaries. And when those covenants and boundaries are broken, we are all affected.

As we continue our series we’re trying to reclaim one of God’s most precious gifts. To do that today, we’re going to need to speak very candidly about it – even though we’ve never been very good at talking about it in “church.”

Have you noticed? We can talk about worship, bible study, prayer, our witness, parenting, even marriage seminars, but we are uneasy talking about s-e-x. We can talk about 5 love languages, 10 habits of successful marriages, 7 principles of good communication, but we can’t talk about s-e-x….until today. I want you to be comfortable because I am comfortable discussing this subject.

For some of us, our parents never said anything about it. For others, the only instruction we received was that sex was dirty….and it often came from equally uneducated teens our own age.

Sexuality is such a powerful part of human personality and behavior that we would naturally expect the Bible to address the subject. It is so powerful a part of human nature it needs divine direction. We need to know the rules by which this part of life is to be governed.

Scripture has a very balanced approach to matters pertaining to sex. For one thing, it is always tasteful yet very clear in what it says on the subject. That manner of approach will be our standard for this study of the seventh commandment.

For another, the Bible avoids the mistake of placing sex in either of the two extreme positions that human thought and conduct usually give it. It steers clear of the puritanical disposition to ignore or deny sexual passion in human beings; it also shuns the materialistic tendency to focus all of life around this one aspect of personality.

Sexuality is treated as an important part of human personality, and sexual acts are ordained of God as a means by which a husband and wife may express their love for and commitment to one another in a language without words.

The seventh commandment is intended to exalt and defend the sacredness of sex within marriage and to show us how destructive the same power can be when taken from its proper context and made ugly by sin.

So today we need to speak very honestly about sex and intimacy for two reasons. First of all, the Bible does! Sex was God’s idea; there is an entire book of the Bible focused on it; and in fact, there is more sexual imagery in the Bible than you can shake a stick at.

Sex was given as a gift to us: God’s children, living in a marriage relationship, trying to honor Him. He gave it to us. Shouldn’t our marriages have more sex and better sex than anyone else?

But there’s a second reason we need to talk about it: It’s about time. Our silence has in many ways allowed the world to define what sex should be. To be honest, the church has run from this topic for far too long and in doing so, we have conceded this ground to the enemy. Here’s what I mean:

  • Every 2 ½ minutes, someone in America is sexually assaulted.
  • Almost three-quarters (73%) of the victims knew their assailants.
  • In 2010, almost 225,000 rapes occurred; 48% of the victims were under the age of 18.
  • There is a serious problem found on our college/university campuses right now about sexual assaults. It is very much in the news!
  • Wendy is working with a group of young girls (most under 13) in Kigali who have come out of sex trafficking, or have been raped (usually by a family friend and relative, and many are pregnant as a result. Funds that have been sent to them are now being used to pay for a Christian counselor to spend time with them monthly. After her first month with these girls, she had to seek some counseling herself to process what she was hearing. They are also providing a part-time guard on the place since they are easy victims)

Satan has been very effective at polluting what God created sex to be. In fact, it has become a double-edged sword. It can be used for the greatest good, or the greatest evil. There is no gift that on the one hand holds more promise, and on the other is more fraught with danger than sex. There is no holy act that is as susceptible to contamination. Sex is the perfect gift from God, and the perfect weapon of the enemy.

We can’t afford to tiptoe around the subject any longer. It’s time to take ownership of the dialogue. It’s time to reclaim God’s gift!

1.Sacred sex is relationship-based.

You might say “Well of course it is!” but not necessarily. The corruption of sex occurs outside of relationship: a fantasy in your mind about someone at the office, pornography after your spouse goes to sleep, adult movies in your hotel room alone, or sex with a stranger. But sacred sex is always within the context of one specific kind of relationship – married heterosexuals – and we’ll talk about why in a minute.

Sacred sex is relationship-based because it takes real courage to be fully connected to another person – to be completely vulnerable with them. It takes a lot of courage to open ourselves to another human. In fact, if you remember your King James Version Bible, you may recall that the Hebrew word for sex was translated “to know.” “Adam knew Eve, and she conceived a son…” I don’t think that’s an accident. Sacred sex is built on relationship, where we are known – where all the walls between us come down.

2.Sacred sex is grounded in intimacy. This is especially challenging for men, who need about 15 seconds to be “in the starting blocks and ready for action.” Gentlemen, I hate to be the one to break this to you, but intimacy cannot be achieved in the 15 seconds it takes you to be ready for sex. To say the same thing in a different way: men are like a micro-wave oven (fast) and women are more like a crock-pot (very-y-y slow).

Sacred sex is grounded in intimacy because it values the person more than anything else. – and that doesn’t come across so well when you walk in the door and say, “I’m ready!” During counseling one time, a woman said to a minister, “You know, I think my husband just needs my body parts to show up. As long as that happens, he’s fine. Sometimes I wish he’d love me – the person”. I suspect there is a chorus of millions of women behind her who would echo that sentiment.

I need to talk with the men here because the intimacy we’re talking about is often an issue with men. In God’s plan for sex, emotional intimacy comes before physical. That’s not how we were conditioned, but it is God’s way. Taking a sincere interest in your wife’s day…helping out around the house instead of criticizing…giving her your full attention instead of halfway listening while you check email…that builds trust that spreads throughout your marriage. God’s plan is to connect first and foremost with the person, not just the body parts.

Imagine this: what if your wife heard you praying for her? What if, in her presence, you asked God to make you a better husband, a better servant, a better father? What if you confessed your wish to please her? That, gentlemen, is Biblical foreplay. Could you imagine how turbo-charged your entire marriage would be if she saw you making provision for a romantic mood, instead of just showing up and tapping your feet?

3.Sacred lovers are servants – broken sex is selfish. “Why can’t you do what I like? Why can’t you meet my needs?” Sacred sex doesn’t sound like that – sacred sex is servant-based. Sacred sex seeks the pleasure of the other before your own. That’s what a servant does.

4.Sacred sex is based on freedom – it’s not rules-oriented. Because the world has perverted what sex was meant to be, we get into a lot of needless “what’s ok and what’s not ok” discussions.

It’s interesting the Bible doesn’t go into a lot of detail about what’s permissible and what’s not. Christians ask themselves a lot of technique questions they really don’t need to. Basically, there are two Scriptural principles:

  • Is it within a heterosexual marriage?
  • Does it honor your spouse and lead to mutual pleasure?

The Bible is basically silent when it comes to the “how’s” of sex – except for the Song of Solomon. …at least three things:

  • Focus more on giving, and see what happens.
  • They talk to each other a lot.
  • Lust and seduction are wrong outside of a marriage, but terrific within one.

5.Sacred sex is open – unholy sex is secretive. Satan would have us develop a double life where our greatest fantasies are played outside of the presence and accountability of our spouses. But there is no association between light and dark, between secrecy and godliness. Is there anything about your sexuality that your mate doesn’t know? A fantasy about someone else? A habit you’ve developed while traveling on business?

Stop and think – because secrecy is one of Satan’s strongest tools. Jesus said, Those who do what is right come to the light gladly, so everyone can see that they are doing what God wants. (John 3:21, NLT) A compartment of your sex life that is in darkness, that is withheld from your wife or your husband, is a tool of the enemy. Make the necessary changes in your habits and in your thought patterns!

6.Sacred sex leads to fulfillment – broken sex ends in emptiness. Sex is all about achieving a oneness that fuses the two together. And we need to deal here with the most pervasive enemy of sacred sex today: pornography.

I counseled a guy who began by surfing the web for porn at night. At first it was just here and there, but then it became an hour, then two, then three. Three hours a night, while his wife slept, and he was still empty when he finished. Unholy sex always ends in emptiness. Similar stories can be told of single men who fell into similar traps.

The message that husband sent to his wife was this: “You are not enough.” Can you imagine how empty she felt afterward? How unfulfilled? I can’t imagine how ashamed she must have felt. Pornography will do that to a marriage. I wonder how he would feel if the roles were reversed?

Sacred sex, though, leaves you fulfilled because you are both servants, because your spouse seeks to honor you, so that more than anything else, you are cherished.

7.Sacred sex is a vehicle – worldly sex is an idol. Sex becomes an idol when it becomes all about you. An idol is something that takes the place of God, and sex becomes an idol when it stops pointing people to God. Sex should be a directional arrow pointing us to its Creator.

And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her; as the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.” (Eph. 5:25, 31-32, NLT)

Did you catch that? “The two are united into one…it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.”

God shows you Himself through the expression of sexual love. Stop and think: What does God want from us? To join His Spirit with ours. Listen to I Corinthians 6: Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which belongs to Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! And don’t you know that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.” But the person who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. (I Cor. 6:15-17, NLT)

 “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for God will judge the immoral and adulterous” (Hebrews 13:4).

There is a special sort of guilt that attaches to adultery, fornication, homosexuality, and other offenses against the sanctity of sex. Paul put it this way: “Shun immorality. Every other sin which a man commits is outside the body; but the immoral man sins against his own body” (l Corinthians 6: 18). In other words, no other sin a human commits involves his person and personality so directly as sexual immorality.

Sex is intended of God to be the blending of two bodies and spirits in the most intimate and holy of relationships possible for human beings. Taking this beautiful act outside its proper context (i.e., marriage) is a sin against one’s own person, his partner’s personality, and the God who intended the act for the unique relationship of marriage.

There is a great story of a boy and his friend who were talking one day when his friend asked, “Do you know what ‘sex’ is?” The boy said he had heard about it, but really didn’t know. So he went to his mom and asked, “Mom, what is sex? Where did I came from?”

His mom then launched into an elaborate story of a very large bird, with white feathers and a big beak, and how that bird had delivered both him and his sister. Not satisfied, he went to his grandmother, who told him that very same bird had brought his mom years ago, and in fact had brought his grandmother to her parents. Completely confused, the young boy said: “That sure is complicated! Tommy said he came from South Carolina!”

The boy went back outside to his friend, who asked, “So, did you find out about sex?” To which the boy replied, “No, but I found out there hasn’t been a normal birth in our family for three generations.”

 

 

 
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Posted by on February 27, 2016 in Sermon

 

The Myth of “Happily Ever After”


marriage-mythsWe see from 1 Peter 3 that the believing wife can win over her unbelieving husband “without words” by her Christ-like behavior in the home.

We also saw that there are three things she is not ‘given permission’ by God to do: She cannot leave. She should not nag. She must not lead…the husband is still head of that home and, unless he is against God, she must continue following in that relationship.

We have often heard the phrase “happily ever after” when attending a wedding of two special people, deeply in love, and making vows before God, family, and friends. The Disney empire has fed our romantic fantasies for fairy tales so we are captivated by storybook romance.

This is not the Christian view. Our faith sees the wedding day not as a place of arrival but the place where the adventure begins.”1

The divorce rate in our culture is at an all-time high. Whatever happened to “happily ever after”? Why is it so hard to maintain the hopes and dreams that surround a beautiful wedding with all its promises of love and fidelity, sacrifice and service?

Marriage counselors Les and Leslie Parrott have an idea. In their excellent book Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, they suggest four myths that have torpedoed many marriages because of unrealistic expectations and misconceptions about what marriage should be.

“For too long,” the Parrotts write, “marriage has been saddled with unrealistic expectation and misguided assumptions. Liberated from these four myths, couples can settle into the real world of marriage—with all its joys and sorrows, passion and pain.”2

Many people know that something is wrong but they don’t know what; and you can’t fix or change something if you don’t know what’s wrong in the first place. Many of our marriage problems are due to harmful expectations and beliefs that fly in the face of “real reality.” One divorce lawyer told the Parrotts that the number-one reason people split up is that they “refuse to accept the fact that they are married to a human being.”3 In this article we bust the myth of “happily ever after.”

Myth #1: “We Expect Exactly the Same Things From Marriage”

When people are in love, it’s easy to assume that the other person has the same values and expectations as we do. But every family has its own culture, so to speak, and we tend to expect life will continue the same way once we’re adults as it was while we were growing up. One way these differing expectations play out is in the unspoken rules of each family.

We are usually not aware of our unspoken rules and expectations unless there is much time to ‘get to know each other’ or until the other person violates them.

I recently heard a great word of wisdom: “Expectations are the mother of resentments.” How true is that?! When our spouse doesn’t live up to our unspoken expectations, we can feel frustrated and irritated, and often we don’t even know why we’re upset because we don’t know what’s wrong. It’s helpful to think through “the rules” of one’s family so that unspoken rules and expectations are brought out into the light of examination.

Here are some rules from various families:

  • Don’t ask for help unless you’re desperate.
    • Downplay your successes.
    • Be invisible.
    • Get someone else to do the hard or dirty work.
    • Don’t get sick.
    • Never ever get angry.
    • Don’t talk about your body.
    • Don’t go to bed without cleaning the kitchen.
    • Don’t talk about your feelings.
    • Don’t ever upset Daddy.

Can you see how these unspoken rules can cause havoc if a spouse doesn’t know about them?

Another source of mismatched expectations is the unconscious roles that spouses fall into, the way an actor follows a script. We inherit expectations about how wives and husbands act by watching our parents and other adults, and we often play out those roles the same way unless we choose to change it. For example, one new husband surprised his wife at dinner by picking up his empty iced tea glass and tinkling the ice cubes.

His father had always signaled this way to his mother that he was ready for more tea. The bride was not pleased to learn that her husband expected to play the role of pampered king whose every whim was gladly granted!

The myth that “we expect exactly the same things from marriage” is busted by identifying and talking about unspoken expectations and unconscious roles. The more openly couples discuss their differing expectations, the more likely they are to create a vision of marriage that they can agree on. It’s good planning to work through some of those “my family does it this way” scenarios well in advance of the actual marriage ceremony.

Myth #2: “Everything Good in Our Relationship Will Get Better”

Most people, when they fall in love, really believe their love will last forever because it’s so intense and intoxicating. It’s hard not to believe that everything good about the relationship will just continue to get better and better as time goes on. But reality “is that not everything gets better. Many things improve in relationships, but some things become more difficult. Every successful marriage requires necessary losses, and in choosing to marry, you inevitably go through a mourning process.”4

For some, marriage means giving up childhood. It means giving up the safety and security of being your parents’ child, and becoming a full-fledged adult. God makes this statement in Genesis 2:24 when He says, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Marriage means the end of childhood, and that can feel like a loss to be mourned.

Marriage also “means giving up a carefree lifestyle and coming to terms with new limits. It means unexpected inconveniences.”5 Marriage means always passing one’s plans and choices through the filter of “us.” Since “the two become one,” many of our even mundane life choices impact someone else. That can feel like a loss to be faced, as well.

The Parrotts write, “By far the most dramatic loss experienced in a new marriage is the idealized image you have of your partner. This was the toughest myth we encountered in our marriage. Each of us had an airbrushed mental picture of who the other was. But eventually, married life asked us to look reality square in the face and reckon with the fact that we did not marry the person we thought we did.”6

It is an illusion that the intense romantic thrill of the beginning of a relationship will last forever. “Debunking the myth of eternal romance will do more than just about anything to help . . . build a lifelong happy marriage.”7 When we get past the myth of continual bliss with a perfect partner, we can embrace the reality that we married another flawed and fallen human being. This is good news, because God only gives grace for reality, nor for illusion or temporary enchantment. And this is good news because intimacy is only available with a real person, not with an idealized image.

Myth #3: “Everything Bad in My Life Will Disappear”

Remember the story of Cinderella? A poor, mistreated stepchild who is forced to serve her wicked step-family is magically turned into a beautiful princess. She is rescued by her Prince Charming and they live . . . all together now . . . “happily ever after.” And don’t we all long for a Prince Charming or a beautiful princess to make us happy and wipe away every tear from our eyes?

The myth of a “happily ever after” life is a legitimate longing of our hearts. We ache to return to Eden where everything bad in our lives will disappear. God promises that He will eventually make all things right again, but it doesn’t happen in marriage between two fallen human beings living in a fallen world.

Marriage is a glorious institution invented by God, but it “does not erase personal pain or eliminate loneliness. Why? Because people get married primarily to further their own well-being, not to take care of their partners’ needs. The bad traits and feelings you carried around before you were married remain with you as you leave the wedding chapel. A marriage certificate is not a magical glass slipper.”8

The Parrotts write, “Getting married cannot instantly cure all our ills, but marriage can become a powerful healing agent over time. If you are patient, marriage can help you overcome even some of the toughest of tribulations.”9

Perhaps the biggest reason for this is the amazing power of love. I believe God’s love is the strongest healing agent in the universe. In marriage, He can love us through our spouses; He can be “Jesus with skin on” to each of us.

A healthy marriage can become a place to wrap up unfinished business from childhood and deal with unresolved hurts. It’s a myth that everything bad in our lives will disappear when we say “I do,” but God’s grace is bigger than the myth. We still live in a fallen world with a fallen spouse, but God can bring much grace through mutual love.

Myth #4: “My Spouse Will Make Me Whole”

One of the greatest lines in all of movie history belongs to Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire where he tells his wife, “You complete me.” It is romantic and feels emotionally satisfying—but in reality, it’s just not true.

Couples who swallow the myth that their spouse will make them whole are in danger of going to one of two extremes. One is an unhealthy dependence on the other that the Parrotts term an enmeshed relationship. They unconsciously make their partner completely responsible for their well-being. They are like ticks that constantly attempt to suck life and love and meaning from their spouse. It is a form of idolatry, because they are looking to their partner to provide emotional “living water” that only God can give.

The other extreme is a disengaged relationship of what the Parrotts call “rugged self-reliance.” These spouses are so isolated and independent from each other that they function more like neighbors or business associates than a God-created union of two souls.

The first kind of couple is looking for wholeness from their partner; the second kind of couple is looking for wholeness from within. It is also a form of idolatry, because they are looking to themselves instead of God to provide meaning for life.

Neither enmeshed nor disengaged relationships are healthy, and neither will allow the people in them to experience wholeness. A sense of wholeness is found in an interdependent relationship where two people with self-respect and dignity make a commit-ment to nurture their own spiritual and emotional growth as well as their partner’s.

Enmeshed relationships are like the capital letter A. They lean on each other so much that if one moves, the whole structure falls down. Their security is in another person instead of in God.

Disengaged relationships are like the letter H. Partners stand virtually alone. If one lets go, the other hardly feels a thing. Interdependent relationships are like the letter M. They could stand on their own, but they choose to stay connected to the other out of their fullness, not out of their emptiness. If one lets go, the other feels a loss but can recover.

Every marriage is between two broken and fallen people who cannot make each other whole. We are called to love and respect each other, serve and celebrate each other—but only God can make us whole.

“Happily ever after” may be for fairy tales, but that doesn’t mean there is no such thing as a happy, rich, fulfilling marriage. But it’s only possible for those who live in reality, not in the fantasy of make-believe myths. May God give us grace to trust Him to walk in truth and not illusion.

________________

Notes

  1. Les and Leslie Parrott. Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts. (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1995), 26.
    2. Ibid., 16.
    3. Ibid., 23.
    4. Ibid., 21.
    5. Ibid., 22.
    6. Ibid.
    7. Ibid.
    8. Ibid., 24.
    9. Ibid., 25.
 
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Posted by on February 25, 2016 in Marriage

 

Words To Live By Series #7 Honor Your Parents


Sunday 1030amThe fifth of these Words to Live By brings us to a fundamental responsibility in human relations. The commandment says: Exodus 20:12 (ESV) “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.

Our own common sense tells us that we need some rules for preserving and strengthening family life.

The family is being challenged for its right to endure. Many are choosing to forego marriage. Others are substituting life together without marriage for the traditional marriage relationship.

Those who do choose the traditional arrangement are having problems keeping things together and achieving stability within their marriages.

The family is primary to God as a means for blessing and guiding human lives. With the failure of so many homes in the different ways already identified, the will of God is being thwarted too frequently. One of the rules for right living points to the need for keeping the family strong through proper relationships between children and their parents.

What does it mean to honor our mother and father? To honor means more than demonstrating sentimental feelings. The word “honor” literally means to give weight or heaviness. To honor someone then means that we take them seriously.

Mark 7:9-13 (ESV) 9  And he said to them, “You have a fine way of rejecting the commandment of God in order to establish your tradition! 10  For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and your mother’; and, ‘Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die.’ 11  But you say, ‘If a man tells his father or his mother, “Whatever you would have gained from me is Corban”’ (that is, given to God)— 12  then you no longer permit him to do anything for his father or mother, 13  thus making void the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down. And many such things you do.”

Ephesians 6:1-3: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother this is the first commandment with a promise, ‘that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth.'”

There are some things that commend themselves to us as proper and right. Surely one of those things is showing honor to the man and woman responsible for bringing you into the world, feeding you, getting your cavities filled, nursing you when you were sick, and doing the million other things that go with being a parent.

Children can always derive great personal benefit from seeking and heeding the counsel of their parents. A child who has finished high school or a few years of college may already have more education than his parents; what he may not realize is that he is not yet as smart as his parents. There are some things that nobody learns except by living, having experience, failing at some things and bouncing back. The best lessons about life come from the good counsel of godly parents. If you have a relationship with people who have lived long enough to learn those lessons and who will share their wisdom with you, your life will be blessed.

We should honor our parents because the day will come when we cannot show them the honor we would like to give. Some don’t have your parents with you any longer. I hope you don’t have to look back with regret. I once told my parents that I appreciated all they had done for me…my mother promptly said this: “Do you know what you can do? Do it for your own children.”

Respect Is a Two-Way Street

The Bible teaches that children need discipline. “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him” (Proverbs 13:24). The sort of discipline spoken of here is administered with patience, tenderness, and love.

Severity of punishment in dealing with children violates the teaching of Paul: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).

Obedience must be learned, and it is the job of parents to teach it to their children. “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). Children need to cooperate with their parents in creating a good home. Parents should not have to fight their children for control of the family.

In America, several factors tend to undermine honoring parents.

(1.) There is the impact of technology. In previous generations fathers were often craftsmen, who had learned their trade from their fathers. It took a son years to match his own father in skills, and he would only gradually pass him up.

Now, a child in elementary school may be learning things that parents never heard of. Who of us, for example, would want to try to explain some of the math our kids are being taught in school? Thus, each new generation quickly surpasses the preceding generation in the knowledge it possesses. There is much temptation for the younger generation to think of its parents as out of date, antiquated in thinking. In a society where knowledge is prized more than wisdom, the older generation is fortunate to be respected, let alone honored, by the younger generation.

(2) Because of the rapid increase of divorce, children are often called upon to honor one parent and to despise the other. Neither parent can seem to tolerate the thought of the former mate having the respect of their child. If this were not bad enough, Freudian Psychology has provided each generation with an excuse to blame all of its problems on family members from our past. Countless expeditions into the parental past has provided many individuals with an expensive excursion into past history in order to pin the blame for their sins on someone else, often one or both parents.

(3) If it is possible to pin the blame for our problems on someone else, it is also easy to pin the responsibility of caring for aging parents on someone else. Perhaps more than any other time in history, we are looking to the government to carry much of the burden families have borne in providing for the needs of their aging parents. Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, and other government programs are viewed as the means for handling our obligation as children to our parents.

1 Timothy 5:8 (ESV) But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

(4) Honor is due to more than just parents. The New Testament requires the Christian to honor all men (Romans 12:10; 1 Peter 2:17). Learning to honor parents is thus a significant step in the direction of honoring others.

(5) If children must give honor to their parents, then parenting must be an honorable occupation. One should hardly have to make such a statement, but in today’s world it is necessary to do so. The fact that women line up at abortion clinics around the country and in various parts of the world suggests that bearing and raising children is viewed as something far less than a blessing. This rejects the clear teaching of the Bible. Those who would leave the home and seek fulfillment in the working world in order to gain dignity and respect have also turned from the truth of God’s Word. Let those who would seek to avoid parenting be reminded that in God’s Word parenting is a most honorable occupation.

(6) The way in which one relates to parents changes with conversion. When a person comes to Christ through baptism, there are a number of significant changes. When a person becomes a child of God by faith, God becomes a Father to them in a new and previously unknown way. While God was once denied, and His authority rejected (Ephesians 2:1‑3), now He is our Heavenly Father, with final authority, authority which has priority over all others, including fathers and mothers. As we have seen from our Lord’s teaching, faith in Christ may alienate children from their parents.

(7) The way in which one relates to parents changes with marriage. Marriage is usually the first of several dramatic changes in the child’s relationship with his parents. In the Book of Genesis, God revealed that marriage was to bring about a change in the way a child relates to his parents: “For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).

  • First, the son leaves the authority structure of his parents home to establish a new home, under his authority. This passage draws the son out from under his parents’ authority, as he had once been. My parents or Terry’s parents no longer had authority/control over us when we married…but of course are available to offer counsel when we asked for it.
  • Second, the son is to leave home so that his devotion and affection will be primarily focused upon his wife. Certainly the son’s affection toward his parents is not terminated, but leaving his home lessens the competition between a man’s father and mother and his wife for his devotion and attention.
  • Third, the instruction in this text suggests to us that the parent‑child relationship is temporary, the husband‑wife relationship is permanent.

(8) We honor our parents most when we obey and honor God in our lives. The highest goal of parents is to raise the child God has entrusted to them in such a way as to encourage and promote trust in God and obedience to His Word. Whenever a child trusts in God and obeys His Word, He honors his parents. Even an unbelieving parent is honored by a believing and obedient child.

(9) Honoring parents does not always mean that the child does what his parents want. Father and Mother are not to be honored because they are perfect, but because they are parents. They, like their children, are plagued with the frailties of mankind. They, like their children, sin. They will therefore make many mistakes in the parenting process. They will command that their children do the wrong things, at times. At times they will also forbid their children to do what is right.

(10) Honoring parents may someday require parenting parents. It is an irony indeed, but those who were once parented by fathers and mothers often find themselves parenting their parents in their final years of life. The parent that once fed and diapered the child may in the last days of their life be fed and diapered by their children. The child who was once parented now becomes his parent’s parent, making decisions for them, sometimes having to make choices against their will, even deciding how long to allow artificial, life preserving devices to maintain some semblance of life. There is no thought less pleasant than this, but for many it has been, is, or will be a reality.

(11) Since we must honor all men, this means that parents must honor their children. Much has been said and written about developing self‑esteem in children. I think I would differ with some of this teaching, based upon the fact that much self‑esteem is simply renamed pride, and the Book of Proverbs has more to say about the need for humility in a child than self-confidence (and certainly than self‑love). We must, however, deal with our children in a way that not only manifests our own dignity (cf. 1 Timothy 3:4), but also reflects the dignity of the child as a creation of God, one for whom Christ died. Thus, we must honor our children, as we must honor all others.

 
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Posted by on February 22, 2016 in counsel, Family, Marriage, Sermon