In this series, we have been learning that very often Jesus asks questions to help people understand them-selves and God in a new way. The passage we are going to study now concerns divorce and marriage, and the question that Jesus asks is, “What did Moses command?” Through this question, we will learn much of God’s own heart on the subject of marriage.

I recently heard of a newspaper cartoon of a mother reading a bedtime story to her little, curly-haired daughter. The book was called Grim Reality Fairy Tales, and the text read, “and the prince kissed her and they fell in love, dated a while and moved in together, broke up, got back together, got married, got a baby, got separated, got back together again, broke up, got divorced, spent time alone rediscovering themselves, met someone new, fell in love and repeated the pattern habitually ever after.”

This worldview is sad, hopeless, and far from what God intended. More than ever, our children wonder what marriage is and what they might hope for in a relationship. In this message, we will consider God’s clear intent for marriage.

Let’s look at Mark 10:1-16:

Jesus then left that place and went into the region of Judea and across the Jordan. Again crowds of people came to him, and as was his custom, he taught them.

Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”

“What did Moses command you?” he replied.

They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”

“It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”

 

What about divorce? Of all the tough questions that we are looking at in our series, surely not a single one will touch more lives and have a more devastating impact than the question of divorce. The most recent statistics are absolutely alarming. For example, divorce in this century in America has escalated 700 percent.

Right now in America there is one divorce for every 1.8 marriages. In this year there will be one million children involved in divorce cases and right now in America there are 13 million little children under the age of 18 who have one or both parents missing. This kind of escalation led a reporter in Newsweek to lament the rhetorical question, “Is there anyone left in the land who has not heard a friend, a child or a parent describe the agony of divorce?”

And the silence echoes the answer. Upon hearing this led one of America’s best known theologians to state, “We have entered the age of the death of lifelong marriage.”

I pray to God that he’s wrong, but I know this, whether or not we have entered such an age, let me tell you without a doubt that God hates divorce. There are few, if any, things that are more abominable in His sight. From God’s perspective, marriage is for keeps — it is permanent — it is a covenant.

 

If I had to choose one theme passage for the answer to this question in our lesson today, it would be Malachi 2:14. “The Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are His and why one, because He was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. I hate divorce says the Lord God of Israel.”

Do you notice the picture God paints? He says when two people get married there is a covenant between them, a bond of trust and they literally become one.

We are going to look at, in answer to this question, the idea about divorce and even something about remarriage. But the number one thing I would propose to you right from the beginning is to remember the view in which God holds marriage.

As you’re turning, perhaps our generation can take heart over the fact that we are not the first to abuse God’s wonderful intent for marriage. For example in Jesus’ day, divorce was commonplace. In his particular era women were treated as if they were pieces of property and divorce was one of the most volatile issues with which the people dealt. You see, in that Jewish world for some years there had been a rabbinical feud between two renown Jewish leaders over this very issue.

Rabbi Shammi had said publicly and his disciples believed that there could be no divorce unless one partner in the marriage had been sexually unfaithful to the other. But by contrast, another leader by the name of Rabbi Hillel had said that a man could put away his wife through divorce for any reason if she displeased him. That source of displeasure might be the fact that she would have been unfaithful or that she displeased him by being a poor cook. She could displease him by snoring at night, in fact, even as she grew older and became less attractive that could, indeed, be legitimately under his theory the source of that displeasure. Well, you’re probably not surprised by the fact that Hillel’s views became more popular among the masses.

“Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, ‘Is is lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”‘

Why would that be a test for Jesus? Why that question. Well, two reasons. (1) The Pharisees were quite aware that Jesus did not accept the lenient view that Hillel had on divorce. For example, in Matthew 5 in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus had already said some things about divorce. Beginning at verse 31, he said, “It has been said anyone who divorces his wife must give a certificate of divorce, but I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife except for marital unfaithfulness causes her to become an adulteress and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.”

The Pharisees were thinking that if they could just get Jesus to expound upon that view, surely he would become less popular with the crowd. But there was even a more sinister reason for asking the question. You see, those Pharisees wanted Jesus dead. Five chapters before our text today, in Matthew 14, John the Baptist, the forerunner and close friend of Jesus, was put to death, beheaded.

Do you remember why, and by whom? He was killed by Herod because John preached against a relationship that Herod had with his brother Philip’s wife, Herodias. And that strong teaching about the adultery that was being committed brought about John’s death. And so these Pharisees were thinking -well if we can just get Jesus to make as strong a case, maybe he will end up with the same lot and we’ll be rid of him. So the Pharisees were asking a very sinister question.

Oh, but look at Jesus’ reply. There is such genius in it. “Haven’t you read, he replied, that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female and said for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together let man not separate.”

What a magnificent answer! I love the way it begins in verse 4; Jesus chides the Pharisees a little bit. He asks these men who are indeed the great teachers of scripture. Haven’t you read the scripture from the very beginning? And then simply quoting scripture, Jesus gives in effect an answer that has four great facets.

“At the beginning the Creator made them male and female.”

Jesus said think back, how did it all start? God made one man and He made one woman, and He made them for each other. Now just think a second, have you ever thought that divorce wasn’t much of an option for Adam and Eve, was it?

He says for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united [cleave] to his wife.

That’s the cycle for all the ages. A boy and a girl each are brought up in their own family. And when they reach that point of maturity, they just naturally gravitate to each other and they leave the family from whence they came and they start a new one. The Hebrew word there is a word that means a strong, unbreakable bond, and it carries with it the connotation of literally being stuck or glued.

“And the two shall become one flesh. They are no longer two, but one.”

The two become a single unit. That’s not just referring to the sexual union. God is giving us right there His divine perspective on this marriage. In the Lord’s view, the two abandon themselves and they become one, not just in flesh. Remember Malachi 2:15, from God’s view the two become one flesh and one in spirit. They are a unit — the same purpose, the same direction, the same will.

“So therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

What an answer! And every bit of that answer from Jesus came directly from scripture. How do you refute it? Well, the Pharisees were at a loss. I can just hear them stammering at verse 7, you can just see them saying, “Why then did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”

It is true that in the Old Testament, particularly in Deut. 24:1-4, that Moses did allow a certificate of divorce. In fact, the reason given there is that if indeed the spouse was “unclean” according to the King James version, or “indecent” according to the , the Hebrew word there is “erva” and it literally has a connotation about it of nakedness and shame and indecency.

And so there was, indeed, in the Old Testament from God the opportunity for a man to divorce his wife, and they bring that up. Look at what Jesus says in verse 8, “Jesus replied, ‘Moses permitted you to divorce.”‘ Notice the change, they said, “Why did Moses command…” but Jesus said Moses never commanded, Moses permitted it.

But then he goes on to say that you divorced your wives because your hearts were hard, but from the beginning it was not so. What Jesus is saying here is, look, if you live the way you ought to live, loving God and loving your mate, it never would have been an issue. But their hearts were hardened and sometimes the men were brutalizing their wives.

If you want to know what God thinks about it and how strongly He views the bond, read verse 9 with me, “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife except for marital unfaithfulness and marries another woman, commits adultery.” the word there that’s rendered marital unfaithfulness or fornication is a Greek word that means any illicit sexual activity whether it be heterosexual, homosexual…of any kind.

Jesus is saying quite clearly, unless your mate is involved in some kind of promiscuous sexual activity then you have no right to break that bond. And folks, that’s the same thing he said in Matthew 5 and it’s the same thing that Deuteronomy 24 says, if you divorce for any reason other than adultery, you proliferate more adultery.

That premise is even offered by the apostle Paul, listen to Romans 7:3, “So then if while her husband liveth she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress.”

In I Cor. 7:101 1, listen to what Paul says, “To the married I give this command, not I but the Lord, a wife must not separate from her husband, but if she does she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband, and the husband must not divorce his wife.”

That’s how strong it is. God says when you begin to break down the marriage plan and you begin to proliferate adultery, you get yourselves into a great mess.

Now I realize someone says, well, what about my situation, this happened and that occurred and she did this and he did this — and I know there are a million and one contingencies — and I don’t envy the job of elders throughout this country who look into the hearts and lives of people to try and determine what is best.

But I know this, God wants the marriage bond to be together. What really concerns me more than anything is in Matthew 19:7, after Jesus had given that beautiful explanation of what marriage is all about, the Pharisees looked at him and asked him for loopholes.

Instead of listening to what God had said from the very beginning about the nature of marriage, they said we’re not interested in that we are looking for loopholes.

I get people who come to me who say they are tired of my marriage, I want out, show me an escape. They are not interested in the will of God. And even worse are those who have gone through and had the divorce and never once prayed and never once sought Godly counsel, and never once looked at the Word, and then suddenly after it’s all over, then they come and say, “Now I want to see God’s will.”

And more than once I’ve been candid, I said, “It’s a little late now. Oh, God still has a will for your life and you can pick up the pieces, but you should have started looking a few months earlier seeking God’s will.”

In verse 10, the Pharisees were so perplexed by this they said, “You know if that’s the truth, it’s better for a man not to marry.”

 

And you know, the truth is, that’s right. If a man and a woman are not prepared for the seriousness of that which they are entering into, if a man and a woman are not both into the Lord and looking to the Lord as the one who gives them the guidance for their lives in marriage and in everything else, and if the couple does not have a sense of the permanence of this covenant and what it’s all about, it indeed would be better if they never married. That is God’s plan.

1.       Marriage is a life-long commitment. Once a marriage covenant has been made, unless it is dissolved for a biblical reason (e.g., death or sexual infidelity – Rom. 7:2; Mt. 5:32; 19:9), it is an abiding obligation. “. . . [T]he woman that has a husband is bound by law to the husband while he is living,” i.e., as long as he is alive (Rom. 7:2; 1 Cor. 7:39). The Bible is clear on the matter of the perpetual design of the marriage union. 2.       God is the Author of the marriage institution. It is he who joins the man and woman to one another in this sacred union (Mt. 19:6). It is, therefore, only the Creator who may determine when a divorce proceeding may be initiated. And the fact of the matter is this: God has authorized divorce solely for the cause of fornication (Mt. 5:32; 19:9). To initiate a divorce upon any other basis, therefore, is to go beyond that which is authorized by divine law (cf. 1 Cor. 4:6 ASV). 3.       When one enters a marriage relationship, he or she enters into a covenant agreement with a companion; that agreement is witnessed and sealed by God (see Ezek. 16:8; Mal. 2:14). 4.       The marriage covenant carries inherent responsibilities. When a person commits to the marriage relationship, he or she accepts certain obligations of this relationship (see 1 Cor. 7:3-5; Eph. 5:22ff; 1 Tim. 5:8). To vacate a marriage by the utilization of an unauthorized divorce is to flaunt these sacred responsibilities. 5.       Unscriptural divorce creates an environment of temptation. When a marriage partner initiates a capricious divorce, he subjects his mate to the temptations of yielding to unlawful sexual fulfillment (cf. 1 Cor. 7:5). This is very likely the point that Jesus made in the sermon on the mount when he declared that a man who divorces his wife, for a reason other than fornication, “makes her an adulteress” (Mt. 5:32). The meaning probably is this: He subjects her to the temptation of finding another companion, which relationship would constitute adultery (cf. Arndt & Gingrich, Greek Lexicon, Chicago: Uersity of Chicago, 1967, p. 528). Are we so naive as to think that God will not hold one accountable for such neglect? Marriage is a sacred and most serious undertaking. Our youth must be taught not to enter into this union lightly.  And when one yields to this covenant relationship, he or she must remain committed to it — if at all possible.

Two sets of verses that must be added to the discussion (Acts 2:37-40)  “When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?” {38} Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. {39} The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off–for all whom the Lord our God will call.” {40} With many other words he warned them; and he pleaded with them, “Save yourselves from this corrupt generation.”” With the mess the Jews had made for themselves in regard to marriage and divorce, where in the story of the first century church did they settle what must have been many “marriage and divorce” issues? (1 Corinthians 6:9-11)  “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders {10} nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. {11} And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” Those who had once been adulterers are here mentioned has having been forgiven by their response to a Savior! The Devastating Effects Of Divorce

Through the prophet Malachi, Jehovah God said to ancient Israel: “I hate divorce” (2:16 N). The Lord hates divorce because He loves people and divorce is devastating to humankind. Man did not live one day upon this earth apart from the environment of a home. In fact, the very foundation of society is the home. Marriage is that divine union between a man and a woman who love one another, and who have welded their lives together “so long as they both shall live.” It is the cement that holds society together. Moreover, it is this very societal cohesiveness that facilitates the spread of the redemptive gospel of Jesus Christ. When the family structure disintegrates, a significant factor in the growth of Christian faith is missing, and the gospel of God is hindered. Those who encourage capricious, unauthorized divorce undermine the cause for which the Savior died. Divorce, generally speaking, is a tremendous evil. In fact, it is so bad that Jesus Christ allows it (together with a subsequent remarriage) on one basis only — that of fornication (Mt. 5:32; 19:9). Subsequent unions following divorce — for all parties other than the innocent victim of a marriage breached by fornication — constitute adulterous relationships. The divorce problem has reached alarming proportions. In 1970 there were 4.3 million divorced people in America. By 1994 that number had more than quadrupled to a staggering 17.4 million. According to the Journal of Marriage and the Family, the fairly recent phenomenon of “no-fault” divorce has significantly accelerated the plague of American divorce. The United States now leads the world in marriage break-up. In a recently published book, Why Marriage Matters: Reasons to Believe in Marriage in Post-Modern Society (Pinon Press, 1997), author Glenn T. Stanton has compiled a massive amount of evidence which reveals the shocking effect that divorce is having in this country. This book is a survey of the most authoritative social science research published over the course of the last century. It demonstrates how first-time, life-long, monogamous marriage significantly improves the lives of adults, their children and the nation at large. Consider some of the following factors: 1.       Alcoholism is much more likely to be a problem among those who have been divorced than those who have not. Those divorced only once have almost twice the rate of alcoholism as those who have never been divorced. Folks divorced more than once are almost three times as likely to have drinking problems. 2.       The suicide rate is almost three times higher among the divorced than among life-long spouses. 3.       The National Institute of Mental Health advises that the divorced are about four times as likely to have problems with depression as are the never-divorced. 4.       Studies have shown that the prevalence of suffering from any psychiatric disorder over a lifetime was significantly lower for those in stable marriages. 5.       Statistical data have revealed that children of divorced parents are much more likely to drop out of school than children from one-time-married couples. 6.       Children from broken homes are much more likely to have a difficult time obtaining and maintaining steady employment. 7.       The children of divorced parents are more likely to become “teen parents,” producing out-of-wedlock babies, than the children of life-long married parents. 8.       The offspring of divorced parents are twenty to thirty percent more likely to have health problems, or to be injury-prone than youngsters whose original parents are still together. 9.       The children of divorced parents are three times more likely to have emotional or behavioral problems than they will have if their biological parents stay together. The evidence is all too clear. The Creator knew what He was doing when He gave strict regulations for the preservation of the original family. In view of this, Christian parents will make every effort possible to keep their marriages intact. Moreover, they will instruct their children in the concept of the permanency of marriage as designed by God.

Divorce and the Guilty Party

Every now and then it pops up again. I speak of the notion that when a marriage has been dissolved by a biblically sanctioned divorce, i.e., on the basis of fornication – Mt. 19:9, the “guilty party” has as much right to remarry as the innocent victim. After all, it is alleged, if the innocent party is released from the guilty culprit, it stands to reason that the guilty is also severed from the innocent. Sound reasonable? Superficially it may; actually, it isn’t. In this brief article, let me provide some reasons as to why this theory is without merit. 1.       The notion that the “guilty party” may remarry contemplates a union that is without scriptural authority. The New Testament grants the right of marriage to: (a) the never-married-before person (1 Cor. 7:2); (b) the widowed (Rom. 7:3; 1 Cor. 7:39); (c) the innocent victim in marriage breached by adultery (Mt. 5:32; 19:9). Where is the authorization for the guilty fornicator to remarry? There is none. 2.       Some are asking: “But where does the New Testament explicitly forbid the guilty party to remarry?” That’s like asking: “Where does the New Testament explicitly forbid two ‘gay’ people to marry?” Nowhere – in those precise words. The issue is: Where is the divine authority for such a union? It does not exist. What is authorized excludes what is not! To act outside the bounds of Christ’s authority (Col. 3:17), is to act presumptively. 3.       Furthermore, the idea that the “guilty party” is free to remarry is illogical. There is a principle in logic that suggests that any proposition implying an absurdity is itself false. The guilty-party-may-remarry view falls into this category. For example, Matthew 19:9 clearly reveals that the person, in a divorce action, who is granted the right of remarriage, is the same individual who is granted the right of initiating the divorce. If it is the case that the guilty person is free to remarry, then it is equally clear that this unfaithful person is likewise granted the right to file for the divorce. Here is the consequence of that reasoning. A man might desire to be rid of his wife. But she has been loyal to him, hence, he has no “cause” for divorce. Never mind; according to the theory under review, he may commit adultery, then, on the basis of his own transgression, file for divorce. Subsequently, then, he could – if he so chose – find a new companion. Has there been a more fanciful position? This view actually rewards fornication! 4.       Too, consider this point. Jesus made it clear that any divorce for a non-biblical cause, i.e., no fornication is involved, prohibits either party from entering a new union. A man who grows weary of his faithful wife, and divorces her, cannot remarry; if he does, he commits adultery. On the other hand, according to the “guilty-party” theory, if the gentleman who desires his freedom will just commit fornication, he will have the necessary justification for obtaining a divorce and entering a new marriage. Does this make any sense? None at all. Divorce and remarriage are allowed only within the scope of divine authorization. All other sexual unions are prohibited. While this generally is viewed as a “hard saying,” it is a necessary restriction for the ultimate benefit of society as a whole.

How Does the Church Address the Problem of Divorce in Accepting Members?

Divorce has been the fatal disease for marriages since the beginning of time.  The church of every century, including the first, has been embarrassed by a rising divorce rate.  Nationally, the divorce rate is about 4.2 per thousand people.  In the Bible-belt south, (Texas, Oklahoma, Alabama, Arkansas, Tennessee, Georgia) the divorce rate (6.1) in 1999 was about 50% higher than the national average.

The tragic effects of this problem have placed countless souls in jeopardy.  Many individuals with “marital problems” have experienced emotional, physical, and spiritual pain for their entire lifetimes.  Families are ripped apart.  Thousands of children suffer a lifetime of personal injury due to no fault of their own because their mothers and fathers divorced.  The securities of their homes were destroyed.  Church and society leaders to deal with the menace of divorce spend precious time, hours working on this problem.  Certainly, “God hates divorce.”

The Lord’s church, and her people, has not escaped this problem.  In a survey of 6 congregations in Texas and Oklahoma the question was asked: “Have you, or your mate, or any member of your immediate family, been divorced?” TRAGICALLY, 71 PERCENT ANSWERED “YES.’

What are we to do?  How should leaders of the Lord’s church address the very serious problem of divorce?  What practical policies must we engage, without violating the will of God, to provide spiritual leadership for both the local congregation-at-large over which we are overseers, and the individual members of that congregation as they deal with this issue?

First, we must teach faithfully what God has said about marriage and divorce.

The first provision relating to the topic is found in Deuteronomy 24:1-4, and quoted in Isaiah 50:1; Jeremiah 3:1; Matthew 5:31; 19:7,9; and Mark 10:3-5).  This “Mosaic Toleration” clause did not institute divorce, but tolerated it for any cause but fornication. Those who were fornicators were stoned to death! (Leviticus 20:10; Deut. 22:22).   In Matthew 19:9 Jesus said the man who divorces his wife and marries another except for fornication commits adultery.  The act of adultery is a work of the flesh, a sin,  (Galatians 5:19) and those who practice such things cannot inherit the kingdom of heaven. I Corinthians 7:10-24 detail teachings to God’s church in Corinth on believers being married, believers and unbelievers being married, and to the unmarrieds and widows.  This passage, sometimes called the “Pauline Privilege” concludes with the admonition: “…let each one remain with God in that calling in which he was called” (7:24).  The chapter concludes by giving a widow the liberty to form a second marriage after the death of her first husband, but “only in the Lord.”

The ideals of marriage should include the following teachings:

1. Marriage is an institution ordained by God.
2. Marriage, by Biblical example and precept, is for one man and one woman who marry for life.
3. Marriage includes sexual privilege and responsibilities exclusively for the mates in the marriage.
4. Fornication provides the privilege, but not the obligation, for the innocent party to divorce the guilty party. When this privilege is exercised, the marriage is dissolved.
5. Whenever a divorce occurs, for any reason, the marriage has failed.
6. Divorced individuals may, or may not, marry another person according to the details of the divorce, and the marital status of the person they intend to marry.
7. No matter what any person may say about a marriage regarding whether the individuals are right or wrong will not make it right or wrong. Each individual is ultimately responsible only to God in this matter.

We must recognize that the issues involved in marriage, divorce, and remarriage are neither simple, nor easy, to resolve. 

The apostle Paul demonstrated the complexity of marriage problems in the 40 verses of I Corinthians 7.   This chapter comes soon after the most blatant example of immorality described in the New Testament, that of a brother in Christ living with his father’s wife!   However, the complexities of the issues are defined in terms of two believers married, a believer and an unbeliever, and a widow who remarries.   Each of the “types of marriages” received different instructions.  The various instructions are difficult to understand. Terms are used that have been debated for years in our brotherhood, like “unequally yoked,” “let him depart,” “only in the Lord,” and “not under bondage.”  We do not propose to define all these terms here, but only to indicate the complexity of situations in New Testament days, and today.

We must continually resist the temptation to bind on others and ourselves positions and doctrines based on sheer human reason or implied evidence.

Leaders especially are responsible to “take heed” to the doctrines we teach so that we can save others and ourselves.  ( I Timothy 4:6-16; Revelation 22:18-19).  It is critical that we bind on others only what is clearly defined by the Scriptures.  This is particularly true regarding human procedures on how to apply the teachings of Scripture to individual cases.  Jesus taught that it is sometimes very difficult for us to determine the difference between “wheat” and “tares.”  The indistinguishable (to us!) “tares” will be separated by God at Judgment.  We dare not root up “good wheat” in our attempt to destroy “the tares.”  Some matters are best left to God’s judgment.

Then, in the local congregation, we must ask, “How do we address the problems presented by individuals coming for membership with mixed marriages, remarriages, and other forms of marriages that vary from the Scriptural ideal?” (This does not address the issues of dealing with those who are already in the congregation with questionable marriages.)

In the first place, this is an issue that must be resolved by the leaders of each local congregation where individuals are presenting for membership based on their best good-faith judgment.  At West Broward vthe elders’ procedures for handling these situations are as follows:

1. First, in the case of those within our membership who blatantly practice immorality with a high-handed attitude of non-repentance we must have the courage to “withdraw ourselves” (I Cor. 5). These are the individuals who say, “I know I am wrong, and I know it is a sin, but I am going to do it anyway!”
2. Secondly, we receive those in our membership who are ignorantly innocent, spiritually weak, or whose marriages are based on vague histories. (Romans 14:1ff). We have to have the courage, and humility, to say in some cases we just “don’t know” the answer.  Nor should we fear saying that our ability, or inability, to discern whether or not a marriage is right or wrong will make it right or wrong.  In the areas where God has not spoken, we dare not speak. Our deferred judgment may be to allow the providence of God to work through the exposure of these individuals to teaching, Christian admonitions, and personal convictions.
3. Thirdly, we must continually, and definitively teach the basics of God’s laws of marriage yet not become bogged down in the potholes of disputes over issues where there is little consensus of faith. Each of us is duty-bound to study the Scriptures and pray regarding all issues of faith and practice.  However, we are equally duty-bound to speak where the Bible speaks and be silent where it is silent.

As in any other role-assignment relationship, we must use good judgment in the ways members are used in the church’s activities. 

The Scriptures clearly define some roles based on marital status (Elders and Deacons, I Timothy 3).  Paul and Barnabas disagreed on how to use John Mark in the Lord’s work (Acts 12-15).  The Book of Ephesians indicates that “God gave some to be . . .” active in certain roles and some in others.  We understand that men and women vary in the role activities they may fill in the Lord’s work.  Based on this principle, those whose marriages are “questionable,” or “the divorced and remarried” may have restricted areas of service in the Kingdom.  This is a judgment-call that should be made by the elders as an expedient decision (profitable to the influence of God) on how, and when we match the talents and influences of each of the members under our care with the work they can do in the local congregation.

       Finally, we must respect the congregational autonomy of independent churches of Christ on matters of human judgment and leadership policies that do not violate the plain teachings of the Scriptures. 

We understand this principle in matters of worship methods, evangelism practices, and congregational work patterns.  However, we also must understand that the local elders have the authority from God to act in matters regarding human choices, methods, and procedures of working for the congregation they serve.   Other leaders of other congregations would be meddling in the affairs of that church to presume to “correct” a procedure that is based on human choice, but does not violate the plain teachings of Scripture.  However, all independent churches of Christ should strive for harmony and unity based on the Scriptures.   Our influence for good will be compromised if we bite and devour one another on issues that involve human judgment-calls, particularly when they are in congregations not our own.