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Great Themes of the Bible: Loving One Another


(Romans 12:9-13 NIV)  Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. {10} Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. {11} Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. {12} Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. {13} Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

There are people all around us who are starving for love. For the sake of its absence, people dull their intense pain with drugs, give themselves to sexual predators who persuade them to confuse having sex with being loved, or otherwise try to fill a huge empty hole in their hearts.

The church is intended by God to be not only a community of faith but of hope and love as well. With God as our Father, we are brothers and sisters to one another — looking out for one another so that nobody is forced to feel like an orphaned child whom nobody wants.

Our society is also obsessed with sports, recreation, entertainment, and emotional gratification, and it is paying the consequences of that unbalanced preoccupation. When such pursuits exceed their reasonable roles, they become conspicuous marks of the shallow, superficial, and often decadent society that cultivates them. “Bodily discipline is only of little profit,” Paul cautions, “but godliness is profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come” (1 Tim. 4:8).

Teddy Roosevelt once commented, “The things that will destroy America are prosperity at any price, peace at any price, safety first instead of duty first, the love of soft living and the get-rich theory of life.” That observation is still valid.

The only productive life, as well as the only truly satisfying life, is the self-disciplined life. That is certainly true of the Christian life. Although our spiritual guidance and power come from the Lord, He can only work effectively through lives that are subjected to Him. “Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things,” Paul reminded the church at Corinth. “They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I buffet my body and make it my slave, lest possibly, after I have preached to others, I myself should be disqualified” (1 Cor. 9:25-27).

Only the disciplined mind can think clearly and be used of the Lord to properly understand and present His truth to the world. Only the disciplined mind can effectively evaluate and challenge the world’s ideals and standards in the light of that truth. By the same token, only the disciplined Christian life can be a persuasive and effective example, both within the church and before the world.

In his book The Disciplined Life, Richard Shelley Taylor writes, Disciplined character belongs to the person who achieves balance by bringing all his faculties and powers under control … He resolutely faces his duty. He is governed by a sense of responsibility. He has inward resources and personal reserves which are the wonder of weaker souls. He brings adversity under tribute, and compels it to serve him. When adversity becomes too over-whelming and blows fall which he cannot parry, be bows to them, but is not broken by them. His spirit still soars.

Simply put, self-discipline is the willingness to subordinate personal desires and objectives to those that are selfless and divine, to subordinate that which is attractive and easy to that which is right and necessary. For the Christian, self-discipline is obedience to the Word of God, the willingness to subordinate everything in our lives—physical, emotional, social, intellectual, moral, and spiritual—to God’s will and control, and for God’s glory.

It is as absurd as it is unbiblical to believe that anyone can live a faithful, fruitful Christian life on mere good intentions and warm feelings for the Lord and His work. The Christian life is an accountable life, and, by definition, accountability is based on specific principles and standards. For the Christian, they are the divinely-revealed principles and standards to which God holds each of His children. It is because we are accountable that the Lord disciplines us when we disobey His Word and ignore His will.

“You have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons,” the writer of Hebrews reminds us: “‘My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor faint when you are reproved by Him; for those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom He receives.’ It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? … All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness” (Heb. 12:5-7, 11; cf. Prov. 3:11-12).

The nineteenth-century Englishman Robert C. Chapman wrote, “Seeing that so many preach Christ and so few live Christ, I will aim to live Him.” His good friend J. N. Darby said of him, “He lives what I teach.”

It was said of the popular nineteenth-century English author William Arnot, “His preaching is good. His writing is better. His living is best of all.” Would that it could be said of all Christians that their living is best of all.

A person who has been justifid by God’s grace, who has presented his body as “a living and holy sacrifice” (Rom. 12:1), and who is exercising the spiritual gifts the Lord has given him (vv. 3-8), will experience an outflowing of sanctified, spiritual living. In other words, a person who is saved will evidence his salvation by the way he lives. And because the obedient, disciplined, and productive Christian life is directed and empowered by God’s own Spirit, Christian living is supernatural living. In that sense, it is abnormal, unnatural living—living that is not natural to and cannot be attained by the unregenerate man.

Supernatural living is conducted “in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ” (Phil. 1:27). Supernatural living is “to have this attitude in [ourselves] which was also in Christ Jesus” (2:5) and humbly to “work out [our] salvation with fear and trembling” (2:12). But the working out of our salvation is no more accomplished in our own power than the new birth was accomplished in our own power. “It is God who is at work in [us], both to will and to work for His good pleasure” (2:13).

In short, supernatural living is conforming our outer lives to our inner lives, living out the redeemed, purified, and holy nature we have in Jesus Christ, becoming in practice what we are in position and new creation.

But supernatural living is not a mystical, undefined life based on elusive good impulses and sincere intentions. It is practical living that results from conscious obedience to God’s standards of righteousness, a life lived within divinely-ordained parameters. It is thinking, speaking, and acting in daily conformity with God’s Word and will.

Supernatural living is free in that it is no longer under the bondage of sin. But it also is enslaved, in that it is unalterably bound to the righteous will of God. “Thanks be to God,” Paul has declared earlier in this letter, “that though [we] were slaves of sin, [we] became obedient from the heart to that form of teaching to which [we] were committed, and having been freed from sin, [we] became slaves of righteousness” (Rom. 6:17-18). With Martin Luther, every Christian should be able to say, “My conscience is captive to the Word of God.”

Through Romans 12:8, Paul has laid the doctrinal foundation of the justified, sanctified, and dedicated Christian life. In the rest of the epistle, he focuses on specific ways in which believers must live their lives in obedience to God’s Word and to the glory of His name. The call to practical, holy living is the climax of this rich epistle.

In 12:9-21, Paul gives a comprehensive, but not exhaustive, list of the basic characteristics of the supernatural Christian life. In essence, he is giving the same admonition he had given to Corinthian believers a year or so earlier: “Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all defilement of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God” (2 Cor. 7:1). It is because of all that God has done for us and all that He has equipped us with that we are to respond by faithful, obedient, Spirit-empowered living.

We are God’s “workmanship,” Paul explained to the church at Ephesus, “created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (Eph. 2:10). Salvation is designed to produce in us an unmistakable pattern of godly, righteous living. We will bear some fruit, but the Lord wants us to bear much fruit to his glory (John 15:8). All of these characteristics will be the desires of the inner new creation, and Paul urges believers to submit the flesh to these inner holy longings and to manifest these virtues as a regular pattern of life. These qualities are not foreign to our nature but to what we desire, so that, as our will submits to the Word and Spirit, the qualities become reality.

In the present text (12:9-21), Paul gives some twenty-five distinct but closely related exhortations. Any believer who honestly appraises his life by these standards cannot help being convicted of falling far short of the perfection the inner person desires. On the other hand, however, the believer who is walking in the Spirit will see the Spirit working out these precepts in his life to a greater and greater extent. An honest look at our lives in light of these precepts will bring conviction about our failure to keep some of them and confidence about our success in keeping others. Where we fall short, we should ask the Lord’s help. Where we have been faithful, we should give Him thanks and praise.

The specific exhortations fall under four general categories or phases, which form an ever-increasing circle, as it were, that expands from personal attitudes to the widest social applications. They are: personal duties (v. 9); family duties (vv. 10-13); duty to other people in general (vv. 14-16); and duty to those who are avowed personal enemies (vv. 17-21).

Personal Duties

Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good.  (12:9)

In one of several triplets (see also vv. 11, 12, 16), Paul mentions three personal duties of supernatural living.

LOVE WITHOUT HYPOCRISY (12:9A)

The first duty is, Let love be without hypocrisy. The greatest virtue of the Christian life is love. The use of agapeô (love) was rare in pagan Greek literature, doubtless because the concept it represented—unselfish, self-giving, willful devotion—was so uncommon in that culture it was even ridiculed and despised as a sign of weakness. But in the New Testament it is proclaimed as the supreme virtue, the virtue under which all others are subsumed. Agapeô love centers on the needs and welfare of the one loved and will pay whatever personal price is necessary to meet those needs and foster that welfare.

Love is more important to a Christian than any spiritual gift he may have. “But now abide faith, hope, love, these three,” Paul explained to the Corinthian believers, “but the greatest of these is love” (1 Cor. 13:13; cf. 12:31). It is therefore not surprising that the first “fruit of the Spirit is love” (Gal. 5:22) and that it is by our love for our fellow believers that “all men will know that [we are Jesus’] disciples” (John 13:35). In behalf of the Thessalonian believers, Paul prayed, “May the Lord cause you to increase and abound in love for one another” (1 Thess. 3:12; cf. 1 John 3:18). Suffering “much endurance, in afflictions, in hardships, in distresses, in beatings, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labors, in sleeplessness, in hunger,” Paul himself served the Lord’s people “in the Holy Spirit, in genuine love” (2 Cor. 6:4-6).

It is that same unfeigned love of one another that Peter admonishes all believers to exhibit: “Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart” (1 Pet. 1:22). Later in the same letter, the apostle repeats the command: “Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Pet. 4:8).

The love of which Paul, Peter, and John speak is genuine love, the sincere and fervent love that is completely without hypocrisy and untainted by self-centeredness. Christian love is pure, guileless, and unaffected.

Hypocrisy is the antithesis of and completely incompatible with agapeô love. The two cannot coexist. Hypocrisy is exceeded in evil only by unbelief. The consummate hypocrite in Scripture, Judas, was also the consummate egoist. He feigned devotion to Jesus to achieve his own selfish purposes. His hypocrisy
was unmasked and his self-centeredness was made evident when he betrayed Jesus for the thirty pieces of silver. Commenting on this verse in Romans, the theologian John Murray writes, “If love is the sum of virtue and hypocrisy is the epitome of vice, what a contradiction to bring the two together.”

Duty to the Family of God

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality. (12:10-13)

The second phase of supernatural living concerns a wider dimension—largely pertaining to the believer’s duty to fellow members in the family of God.

BE DEVOTED IN BROTHERLY LOVE (12:10A)

Be devoted to and brotherly love carry synonymous ideas. Devoted translates philostorgos, a compound of philos (friend, friendly; friendship love) and storgeô (natural family love, which is not based on
personal attraction or desirability). Brotherly love translates philadelphia, another compound—phileoô (to have tender affection) and adelphos (brother). We are to have a loving filial affection for one another in the family of God.

Devoted … brotherly love is one of the marks by which the world will know that we belong to Christ. “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35). This love is not optional for believers. It not only is required but is inescapable, because “whoever loves the Father loves the child born of Him” (1 John 5:1). In fact, as John has just declared, “If someone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen” (4:20).

Brotherly love reflects the nature of Christians. That is why Paul could say, “Now as to the love of the brethren, you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves are taught by God to love one another” (1 Thess. 4:9). Being “taught by God,” the true child of God knows intuitively that he is to love his spiritual brothers and sisters. For the very reason that God is our common heavenly Father, love for each other should be as natural and normal as family members’ affectionate love for each other.

The apostle John forcefully affirms that truth. “The one who says he is in the light and yet hates his brother is in the darkness until now. The one who loves his brother abides in the light and there is no cause for stumbling in him. But the one who hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going because the darkness has blinded his eyes” (1 John 2:9-11). In the next chapter the apostle uses even stronger words: “By this the children of God and the children of the devil are obvious: anyone who does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor the one who does not love his brother … But whoever has the world’s goods, and beholds his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him? Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth. We shall know by this that we are of the truth, and shall assure our heart before Him” (1 John 3:10, 17-19).

PREFER ONE ANOTHER IN HONOR (12:10B)

If we are truly “devoted to one another in brotherly love,” it almost goes without saying that we will give preference to one another in honor. The virtue here is humility, not thinking more highly of ourselves than we ought to think (Rom. 12:3). It is doing “nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind,” regarding “one another as more important than” oneself (Phil. 2:3).

Proeôgeomai (give preference) has the basic meaning of going before, or leading. But the idea here is not that of putting ourselves before others in regard to importance or worth but the very opposite idea of giving honor to fellow believers by putting them first.

To honor is not to flatter, to give hypocritical praise in hope of having the compliment returned or of gaining favor with the one honored. Again, the very opposite is in mind. To honor is to show genuine appreciation and admiration for one another in the family of God. We are to be quick to show respect, quick to acknowledge the accomplishments of others, quick to demonstrate genuine love by not being jealous or envious, which have no part in love, whether agapeô or philadelphia.

Do Not Lag in Diligence (12:11a)

Not lagging behind in diligence could be rendered, “not lazy in zeal and intensity.” A few verses earlier, Paul declares that the Christian who has the gift of ruling, or leading, should exercise it with diligence (v. 8).

In the context of Romans 12, diligence refers to whatever believers do in their supernatural living. Whatever is worth doing in the Lord’s service is worth doing with enthusiasm and care. Jesus told His disciples that He “must work the works of Him who sent Me, as long as it is day; night is coming, when no man can work” (John 9:4). The Lord knew His time of ministry was limited and that every moment in His Father’s service on earth should count for the most possible. Paul admonished believers in the Galatian churches: “So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all men, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith” (Gal. 6:10; cf. 2 Thess. 3:13).

There is no room for sloth and indolence in the Lord’s work. “Whatever your hand finds to do,” Solomon counseled, “verily, do it with all your might; for there is no activity or planning or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol [the grave]” (Eccles. 9:10). Whatever we do for the Lord must be done in this present life.

Slothfulness in Christian living not only prevents good from being done but allows evil to prosper. “Therefore be careful how you walk,” Paul charged the Ephesians, “not as unwise men, but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil” (Eph. 5:15-16). “He also who is slack in his work is brother to him who destroys” (Prov. 18:9). For weeds to prosper, the gardener need only leave the garden alone.

The Lord rewards those who serve Him with diligence. “God is not unjust so as to forget your work and the love which you have shown toward His name, in having ministered and in still ministering to the saints. And we desire that each one of you show the same diligence so as to realize the full assurance of hope until the end, that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises” (Heb. 6:10-12).

BE FERVENT IN SPIRIT (12:11B)

Whereas diligence pertains mainly to action, being fervent in spirit pertains to attitude. Literally, zeoô means to boil and metaphorically to be fervent. The idea here is not of being overheated to the point of boiling over and out of control but, like a steam engine, of having sufficient heat to produce the energy necessary to get the work done. That principle is reflected in the life of Henry Martyn, the tireless missionary to India, whose heart’s desire was to “burn out for God.”

One of the oldest blights on earth is lack of enthusiasm. Most people could make a sizable list of their failures that were simply casualties to indifference and lack of commitment. Fervency requires resolve and persistence, not mere good intention. “Let us not lose heart in doing good,” Paul admonishes, “for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary” (Gal. 6:9).

Even before he had a full understanding of the gospel, Apollos was “fervent in spirit, … speaking and teaching accurately the things concerning Jesus” (Acts 18:25). But no believer in the early church was more fervent in spirit, more indefatigable in the work of the Lord than Paul himself. “Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim,” he said; “I box in such a way, as not beating the air” (1 Cor. 9:26); “And for this purpose also I labor” (Col. 1:29).

SERVE THE LORD (12:11C)

Like fervency in spirit, serving the Lord has to do with perspective and priority. Everything we do should, first of all, be consistent with God’s Word and, second, be truly in His service and to His glory. Strict devotion to the Lord would eliminate a great deal of fruitless church activity.

Paul never lost sight of that foundational mission. He begins this letter with the affirmation that he served God “in [his] spirit in the preaching of the gospel of His Son” (Rom. 1:9).

In Romans 12, Paul uses three different words to describe Christian service. In verse 1 he uses latreia, which is translated, “service of worship,” and emphasizes reverential awe. The second word is diakonia, which pertains to practical service. In verse 11, he uses douleuoô, which refers to the service of a bond-slave, whose very reason for existence is to do his master’s will.

Above all else, Paul considered himself a bond-slave of Jesus Christ. It is with that description that he first identifies himself in this letter (Rom. 1:1), as well as in Philippians (1:1) and Titus (1:1).

Yet we do not serve the Lord in our own power any more than we came to Him in our own power. Our supreme purpose is to serve the Lord Jesus Christ, and our power to fulfill that service is from Him. “For this purpose also I labor,” Paul testified, “striving according to His power, which mightily works within me” (Col. 1:29).

Rejoice in Hope (12:12a)

Living the supernatural life inevitably brings opposition from the world and sometimes even sparks resentment by fellow Christians. Even after years of faithful service to the Lord, some see few, if any, apparent results from their labors. Without hope we could never survive. “For in hope we have been saved,” Paul has already explained, “but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one also hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it” (Rom. 8:24-25).

Rejoicing in that hope, we know that, if we are “steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord,” our “toil is not in vain” (1 Cor. 15:58). We can therefore look forward to one day hearing, “Well done, good and faithful servant” (Matt. 25:21). We know that “in the future there is laid up for [us] the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to [us] on that day; and … to all who have loved His appearing” (2 Tim. 4:8).

Persevere in Tribulation (12:12b)

It is because we can rejoice in hope that we also can persevere in tribulation, whatever its form or severity. Because we have perfect assurance concerning the ultimate outcome of our lives, we are able to persist against any obstacle and endure any suffering. That is why Paul could declare with perfect confidence that “we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us” (Rom. 5:2-5).

BE DEVOTED TO PRAYER (12:12C)

Doubtless one of the reasons the Lord allows His children to go through tribulation is to drive them to Himself. The believer who has the strength to persevere in trials, afflictions, adversity, and misfortune—sometimes even
deprivation and destitution—will pray more than occasionally. He will be devoted to prayer, in communion with his Lord as a constant part of his life. So should we all be, no matter what the circumstances of our lives.

Proskartereoô (devoted) means literally to be strong toward something, and it also carries the ideas of steadfast and unwavering. It was with such devoted … prayer that early Christians worshiped, both before and after the descent of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost (Acts 1:14; 2:42). It was to enable the apostles to devote themselves “to prayer, and to the ministry of the word” (Acts 6:4) that deacons were first appointed in the church.

Devoted, steadfast prayer should be as continual a part of a Christian’s spiritual life as breathing is a part of his physical life. The victorious Christian prays “with the spirit and … with the mind” (1 Cor. 14:15). As he prays with his own spirit, he also prays “in the Holy Spirit” (Jude 20; cf. Eph. 6:18). He prays “without ceasing” (1 Thess. 5:17). Paul therefore admonished Timothy to have “the men in every place to pray, lifting up holy hands” (1 Tim. 2:8).

CONTRIBUTE TO THE NEEDS OF THE SAINTS (12:13A)

The next two principles Paul mentions in this list seem rather mundane. But they are qualities that the Lord personified during His earthly ministry and for which Paul himself was lovingly known. The flow of the supernatural life is outward, not inward, and meeting the needs of fellow believers is more important
than meeting our own.

Contributing is from koinoôneoô, which means to share in, or share with, and the noun koinoônia is often translated “fellowship” or “communion.” The basic meaning is that of commonality or partnership, which involves mutual sharing. The spirit of sharing was immediately evident in the early church, as believers after Pentecost “were continually devoting themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship [koinoônia], to the breaking of bread and prayer … And all those who had believed were together, and had all things in common [koina]” (Acts 2:42, 44; cf. 4:32). Peter used that term in speaking of our sharing [koinoôneoô] in “the sufferings of Christ” (1 Pet. 4:13).

But because the emphasis in the present text is on the giving side of sharing, the term is here rendered contributing. Paul also used a form of that word in the same sense when he admonished Timothy to “instruct those who are rich in this present world … to be generous and ready to share [koinoônikos]” (1 Tim. 6:17-18). In the eyes of society, we rightfully own certain things, but before the Lord we own nothing. We are simply stewards of what He has blessed us with. And one of our most important responsibilities as His stewards is using our personal resources to contribute to the needs of the saints, our brothers and sisters in Christ

In the parable of the Good Samaritan, Jesus made clear that we have a responsibility, to the best of our ability, to help anyone in need whom we encounter. But we have a still greater responsibility to serve fellow Christians.
“So then, while we have opportunity,” Paul says, “let us do good to all men, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith” (Gal. 6:10).

Practice Hospitality (12:13b)

The last responsibility to fellow believers that Paul mentions in this list is that of practicing hospitality. The literal meaning of that phrase in the Greek is, “pursuing the love of strangers.” In other words, we not only are to meet the needs of those people, believers and unbelievers, who come across our paths but are to look for opportunities to help. “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers,” the writer of Hebrews admonishes us, “for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it” (Heb. 13:2).

In our text, Paul is speaking to all believers, but he also makes clear that leaders in the church should set an example by their own hospitality. Elders are to be “hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, just, devout, self-controlled” (Titus 1:8).

As with all virtues, this one must be exercised without hypocrisy or self-interest. Jesus’ admonition to His Pharisee host applies to all of His followers: “When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, lest they also invite you in return, and repayment come to you. But when you give a reception, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, since they do not have the means to repay you; for you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous” (Luke 14:12-14).

Because inns in New Testament times were scarce, expensive, and often dangerous, Christian families commonly opened their homes to believers who passed through their towns. Unlike Paul, who insisted on paying for most of his own expenses, most itinerant preachers and teachers relied entirely on the support of fellow Christians. John commended Gaius for his generosity in this regard: “Beloved, you are acting faithfully in whatever you accomplish for the brethren, and especially when they are strangers; and they bear witness to your love before the church; and you will do well to send them on their way in a manner worthy of God. For they went out for the sake of the Name, accepting nothing from the Gentiles. Therefore we ought to support such men, that we may be fellow workers with the truth” (3 John 5-8).

We are to “be hospitable to one another without complaint,” Peter admonishes (1 Pet. 4:9). That is, we should look upon our hospitality as a happy privilege, not a drudging duty. Onesiphorus demonstrated that sort of beneficence in ministering to Paul, about whom the apostle wrote, “He often refreshed me, and was not ashamed of my chains; but when he was in Rome, he eagerly searched for me, and found me—the Lord grant to him to find mercy from the Lord on that day—and you know very well what services he rendered at Ephesus” (2 Tim. 1:16-18).

Love Or Death –1 John 3:11-24

(1 John 3:14-18 NIV)  We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers. Anyone who does not love remains in death. {15} Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him. {16} This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. {17} If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? {18} Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

John’s letter has been compared to a spiral staircase because he keeps returning to the same three topics: love, obedience, and truth. Though these themes recur, it is not true that they are merely repetitious. Each time we return to a topic, we look at it from a different point of view and are taken more deeply into it.

We have already learned about our love for other believers—“the brethren” (1 John 2:7-11)—but the emphasis in 1 John 2 was on fellowship. A believer who is “walking in the light” will evidence that fact by loving the brethren. In our present section, the emphasis is on his relationship with other believers.

Christians love one another because they have all been born of God, which makes them all brothers and sisters in Christ.

Obedience and love are both evidences of sonship and brotherhood. We have been reminded that a true child of God practices righteousness (1 John 3:1-10), and now we shall look into the matter of love for the brethren (1 John 3:11-24). This truth is first stated in the negative—”Whosoever doeth not righteousness is not of God, neither he that loveth not his brother” (1 John 3:10).

A striking difference should be noted between the earlier and the present treatment of love for the brethren. In the section on fellowship (1 John 2:7-11), we are told that loving the brethren is a matter of light and darkness. If we do not love one another, we cannot walk in the light, no matter how loud our profession. But in this section (1 John 3:11-24) on brotherhood, the epistle probes much deeper. We are told that loving the brethren is a matter of life and death. “He that loveth not his brother abideth in death” (1 John 3:14).

When it comes to this matter of love, there are four possible “levels of relationship,” so to speak, on which a person may live: murder (1 John 3:11-12), hatred (1 John 3:13-15), indifference (1 John 3:16-17), and Christian compassion (1 John 3:18-24).

The first two are not Christian at all, the third is less than Christian, and only the last is compatible with true Christian love.

Murder (1 John 3:11-12)

Murder, of course, is the lowest level on which one may live in relationship to someone else. It is the level on which Satan himself exists. The devil was a murderer from the beginning of his fallen career (John 8:44), but Christians have heard, from the beginning of their experience, that they are to “love one another.” John emphasizes origins: “Go back to the beginning.” If our spiritual experience originates with the Father, we must love one another. But if it originates with Satan, we will hate one another. “Let that therefore abide in you, which ye have heard from the beginning” (1 John 2:24).

Cain is an example of a life of hatred; we find the record in Genesis 4:1-16. It is important to note that Cain and Abel, being brothers, had the same parents, and they both brought sacrifices to God. Cain is not presented as an atheist; he is presented as a worshiper. And this is the point: children of the devil masquerade as true believers. They attend religious gatherings, as Cain did. They may even bring offerings. But these actions in themselves are not valid proof that a man is born of God. The real test is his love for the brethren—and here Cain failed.

Every man has a “spiritual lineage” as well as a physical, and Cain’s “spiritual father” was the devil. This does not mean, of course, that Satan literally fathered Cain. It means, rather, that Cain’s attitudes and actions originated with Satan. Cain was a murderer and a liar like Satan (John 8:44). He murdered his brother, and then he lied about it. “And the Lord said unto Cain, ‘Where is Abel thy brother?’ And he said, ‘I know not’” (Gen. 4:9).

In contrast to this, God is love (1 John 4:8) and truth (John 14:6; 1 John 5:6); therefore, those who belong to God’s family practice love and truth.

The difference between Cain’s offering and Abel’s offering was faith (Heb. 11:4), and faith is always based on the revelation God has given (Rom. 10:17). It seems clear that God must have given definite instructions concerning how He was to be worshiped. Cain rejected God’s Word and decided to worship in his own way. This shows his relationship to Satan, for Satan is always interested in turning people away from the revealed will of God. The devil’s “Yea, hath God said?” (Gen. 3:1) was the beginning of trouble for Cain’s parents and for all mankind since.

We are not told by what outward sign the Lord accepted Abel’s sacrifice and rejected Cain’s. It may be that He sent fire from heaven to consume Abel’s sacrifice of an animal and its blood. But we are told the results: Abel went away from the altar with God’s witness of acceptance in his heart, but Cain went away angry and disappointed (Gen. 4:4-6). God warned Cain that sin was crouching at the door like a dangerous beast (Gen. 4:7) but promised that if Cain would obey God, he, like Abel, would enjoy peace.

Instead of heeding God’s warning, Cain listened to Satan’s voice and plotted to kill his brother. His envy had turned to anger and hatred. He knew that he was evil and that his brother was righteous. Rather than repent, as God commanded him to do, he decided to destroy his brother.

Centuries later, the Pharisees did the same thing to Jesus (Mark 15:9-10), and Jesus called them too children of the devil (John 8:44).

Cain’s attitude represents the attitude of the present world system (1 John 3:13). The world hates Christ (John 15:18-25) for the same reason Cain hated Abel: Christ shows up the world’s sin and reveals its true nature. When the world, like Cain, comes face-to-face with reality and truth, it can make only one of two decisions: repent and change, or destroy the one who is exposing it.

Satan is the “prince of this world” (John 14:30), and he controls it through murder and lies. How horrible to live on the same level as Satan!

A hunter took refuge in a cave during a rainstorm. After he had dried out a bit, he decided to investigate his temporary home and turned on his flashlight. Imagine his surprise when he discovered he was sharing the cave with an assortment of spiders, lizards, and snakes! His exit was a fast one.

If the unsaved world could only see, it would realize that it is living on the low level of murder and lies, surrounded by that old serpent Satan and all his demonic armies. Like Cain, the people of the world try to cover up their true nature with religious rites; but they lack faith in God’s Word. People who continue to live on this level will eventually be cast into outer darkness with Satan to suffer apart from God forever.

Hatred (1 John 3:13-15)

At this point, you are probably thinking, “But I have never murdered anyone!” And to this statement, God replies, “Yes, but remember that to a Christian hatred is the same as murder” (1 John 3:15; cf. Matt. 5:22). The only difference between Level 1 and Level 2 is the outward act of taking life. The inward intent is the same.

A visitor at the zoo was chatting with the keeper of the lion house. “I have a cat at home,” said the visitor, “and your lions act just like my cat. Look at them sleeping so peacefully! It seems a shame that you have to put those beautiful creatures behind bars.”“My friend,” the keeper laughed, “these may look like your cat, but their disposition is radically different. There’s murder in their hearts. You’d better be glad the bars are there.”

The only reason some people have never actually murdered anyone is because of the “bars” that have been put up: the fear of arrest and shame, the penalties of the law, and the possibility of death. But we are going to be judged by “the law of liberty” (James 2:12). The question is not so much, “What did you do?” but “What did you want to do? What would you have done if you had been at liberty to do as you pleased?” This is why Jesus equates hatred with murder (Matt. 5:21-26) and lust with adultery (Matt. 5:27-30).

This does not mean, of course, that hatred in the heart does the same amount of damage, or involves the same degree of guilt, as actual murder. Your neighbor would rather you hate him than kill him! But in God’s sight, hatred is the moral equivalent of murder, and if left unbridled it leads to murder. A Christian has passed from death to life (John 5:24), and the proof of this is that he loves the brethren. When he belonged to the world system, he hated God’s people; but now that he belongs to God, he loves them.

These verses (1 John 3:14-15), like those that deal with habitual sin in a believer (1 John 1:5-2:6), concern a settled habit of life: a believer is in the practice of loving the brethren, even though on occasion he may be angry with a brother (Matt. 5:22-24). Occasional incidents of anger do not nullify the principle. If anything, they prove it true, because a believer out of fellowship with his fellow Christians is a miserable person! His feelings make clear to him that something is wrong.

Notice another fact: we are not told that murderers cannot be saved. The Apostle Paul himself took a hand in the stoning of Stephen (Acts 7:57-60) and admitted that his vote helped to put innocent people to death (Acts 26:9-11; 1 Tim. 1:12-15). But in His grace God saved Paul.

The issue here is not whether a murderer can become a Christian, but whether a man can continue being a murderer and still be a Christian. The answer is no. “And ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him” (1 John 3:15). The murderer did not once have eternal life and then lose it; he never had eternal life at all.

The fact that you have never actually murdered anyone should not make you proud or complacent. Have you ever harbored hatred in your heart?

Hatred does the hater far more damage than it does anyone else (Matt. 5:21-26). Jesus said that anger put a man in danger of facing the local court. Calling a brother an “empty-headed fool” put him in danger of the Sanhedrin, the highest Jewish council. But calling him a “cursed fool” put him in danger of eternal judgment in hell. Hatred that is not confessed and forsaken actually puts a man into a spiritual and emotional prison! (Matt. 5:25)

The antidote for hatred is love. “Hateful and hating one another” is the normal experience of an unsaved person (Titus 3:3). But when a hateful heart opens to Jesus Christ, it becomes a loving heart. Then instead of wanting to “murder” others through hatred, one wants to love them and share with them the message of eternal life.

Indifference (1 John 3:16-17)

But the test of Christian love is not simply failure to do evil to others. Love also involves doing them good. Christian love is both positive and negative. “Cease to do evil; learn to do well” (Isa. 1:16-17).

Cain is our example of false love; Christ is the example of true Christian love. Jesus gave His life for us that we may experience truth. Every Christian knows John 3:16, but how many of us pay much attention to 1 John 3:16? It is wonderful to experience the blessing of John 3:16; but it is even more wonderful to share that experience by obeying 1 John 3:16: Christ laid down life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.

Christian love involves sacrifice and service. Christ did not simply talk about His love; He died to prove it (Rom. 5:6-10). Jesus was not killed as a martyr; He willingly laid down His life (John 10:11-18; 15:13). “Self-preservation” is the first law of physical life, but “self-sacrifice” is the first law of spiritual life.

But God does not ask us to lay down our lives. He simply asks us to help a brother in need. John wisely turns from “the brethren” in 1 John 3:16 to the singular, “his brother,” in 1 John 3:17.

It is easy for us to talk about “loving the brethren” and to neglect to help a single other believer. Christian love is personal and active.

This is what Jesus had in mind in the Parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37). A lawyer wanted to talk about an abstract subject: “Who is my neighbor?” But Jesus focused attention on one man in need, and changed the question to, “To whom can I be a neighbor?”

A man does not have to murder in order to sin; hatred is murder in his heart. But a man need not even hate his brother to be guilty of sin. All he has to do is ignore him, or be indifferent toward his needs. A believer who has material goods and can relieve his brother’s needs ought to do it. To “close the door of his heart” on his brother is a kind of murder!

If I am going to help my brother, I must meet three conditions. First, I must have the means necessary to meet his need. Second, I must know that the need exists. Third, I must be loving enough to want to share.

A believer who is too poor to help, or who is ignorant of his brother’s need, is not condemned. But a believer who hardens his heart against his needy brother is condemned. One reason Christians should work is so that they may be able “to give to him that needeth” (Eph. 4:28).

In these days of multiplied social agencies, it is easy for Christians to forget their obligations. “So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all men, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith” (Gal. 6:10, nasb).

This “doing good” need not be in terms of money or material supplies. It may include personal service and the giving of oneself to others. There are many individuals in our churches who lack love and would welcome friendship.

If we want to experience and enjoy the love of God in our own hearts, we must love others, even to the point of sacrifice. Being indifferent to a brother’s needs means robbing ourselves of what we need even more: the love of God in our hearts. It is a matter of love or death!

Christian Love (1 John 3:18-24)

True Christian love means loving in deed and in truth. The opposite of “in deed” is “in word,” and the opposite of “in truth” is “in tongue.” Here is an example of love “in word”:

“If a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of daily food, and one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace, be warmed and be filled’; and yet you do not give them what is necessary for their body, what use is that?” (James 2:15-16, nasb)

To love “in word” means simply to talk about a need, but to love “in deed” means to do something about meeting it. You may think, because you have discussed a need, or even prayed about it, that you have done your duty, but love involves more than words—it calls for sacrificial deeds.

To love “in tongue” is the opposite of to love “in truth.” It means to love insincerely. To love “in truth” means to love a person genuinely, from the heart and not just from the tongue. People are attracted by genuine love, but repelled by the artificial variety. One reason why sinners were attracted to Jesus (Luke 15:1-2) was because they were sure He loved them sincerely.

“But does it not cost a great deal for the believer to exercise this kind of love?”

Yes, it does. It cost Jesus Christ His life. But the wonderful benefits that come to you as by-products of this love more than compensate for any sacrifice you make. To be sure, you do not love others because you want to get something in return, but the Bible principle, “Give and it shall be given unto you” (Luke 6:38), applies to love as well as to money.

John names three wonderful blessings that will come to a believer who practices Christian love.

Assurance (vv. 19-20).

A believer’s relationship with others affects His relationship with God. A man who is not right with his brother should go settle the matter before he offers his sacrifice on the altar (cf. Matt. 5:23-24). A Christian who practices love grows in his understanding of God’s truth and enjoys a heart filled with confidence before God.

A “condemning heart” is one that robs a believer of peace. An “accusing conscience” is another way to describe it. Sometimes the heart accuses us wrongly, because it “is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?” (Jer. 17:9) The answer to that question is, “God knows the heart!” More than one Christian has accused himself falsely, or been harder on himself than necessary; but God will never make such a mistake. A Christian who walks in love has a heart open to God (“God is love”) and knows that God never judges wrongly.

John may have remembered two incidents from Jesus’ life on earth that illustrate this important principle. When Jesus visited Bethany, He stayed at the home of Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42). Martha was busy preparing the meal, but Mary sat at His feet and listened to Him teach. Martha criticized both Mary and Jesus, but Jesus knew Mary’s heart and defended her.

The Apostle Peter wept bitterly after he had denied his Lord, and no doubt he was filled with remorse and repentance for his sin. But Jesus knew that Peter had repented, and after His resurrection the Lord sent a special message (Mark 16:7) to Peter that must have assured the hot-headed fisherman that he was forgiven. Peter’s heart may have condemned him, for he knew he had denied the Lord three times, but God was greater than his heart. Jesus, knowing all things, gave Peter just the assurance he needed.

Be careful lest the devil accuse you and rob you of your confidence (Rev. 12:10). Once you confess your sin and it is forgiven, you need not allow it to accuse you anymore. Peter was able to face the Jews and say, “But ye denied the Holy One and the Just!” (Acts 3:14) because his own sin of denying Christ had been taken care of and was forgiven and forgotten.

No Christian should treat sin lightly, but no Christian should be harder on himself than God is. There is a morbid kind of self-examination and self-condemnation that is not spiritual. If you are practicing genuine love for the brethren, your heart must be right before God, for the Holy Spirit would not “shed abroad” His love in you if there were habitual sin in your heart. When you grieve the Spirit, you “turn off” the supply of God’s love (Eph. 4:30-5:2).

Answered prayer (vv. 21-22).

Love for the brethren produces confidence toward God, and confidence toward God gives you boldness in asking for what you need. This does not mean that you earn answers to prayer by loving the brethren. Rather, it means that your love for the brethren proves that you are living in the will of God where God can answer your prayer. “And whatsoever we ask, we receive of Him, because we keep His commandments” (1 John 3:22). Love is the fulfilling of God’s Law (Rom. 13:8-10); therefore, when you love the brethren, you are obeying His commandments and He is able to answer your requests.

A believer’s relationship to the brethren cannot be divorced from his prayer life. If husbands and wives are not obeying God’s Word, for example, their prayers will be hindered (1 Peter 3:7).

One great secret of answered prayer is obedience, and the secret of obedience is love. “If ye love Me, keep My commandments” (John 14:15). “If ye abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you. . . . If ye keep My commandments, ye shall abide in My love” (John 15:7, 10).

It is possible, of course, to keep God’s commandments in a spirit of fear or servitude rather than in a spirit of love. This was the sin of the elder brother in the Parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:24-32). A believer should keep His Father’s commandments because this pleases Him. A Christian who lives to please God will discover that God finds ways to please His child. “Delight thyself also in the Lord, and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart” (Ps. 37:4). When our delight is in the love of God, our desires will be in the will of God.

Abiding (vv. 23-24).

When a scribe asked Jesus to name the greatest commandment, He replied, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God.” Then He added a second commandment: “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself” (Matt. 22:34-40). But God also gives us one commandment that takes in both God and man: “Believe in the name of His Son Jesus Christ, and love one another” (1 John 3:23, nasb). Faith toward God and love toward man sum up a Christian’s obligations. Christianity is “faith which worketh by love” (Gal. 5:6).

Faith toward God and love toward men are two sides of the same coin. It is easy to emphasize faith—correct doctrine—and to neglect love. On the other hand, some say doctrine is not important and that love is our main responsibility. Both doctrine and love are important. When a person is justified by faith, he should know that the love of God is being shed abroad in his heart (Rom. 5:1-5).

“Abiding in Christ” is a key experience for a believer who wants to have confidence toward God and enjoy answers to prayer. Jesus, in His message to the disciples in the Upper Room (John 15:1-14) illustrated “abiding.” He compared His followers to the branches of a vine. So long as the branch draws its strength from the vine, it produces fruit. But if it separates itself from the vine, it withers and dies.

Jesus was not talking about salvation; He was talking about fruit-bearing. The instant a sinner trusts Christ, he enters into union with Christ; but maintaining communion is a moment-by-moment responsibility. Abiding depends on our obeying His Word and keeping clean (John 15:3, 10).

As we have seen, when a believer walks in love, he finds it easy to obey God, and therefore he maintains a close communion with God. “If a man love Me, he will keep My words; and My Father will love him, and We will come unto him and make Our abode with him” (John 14:23).

The Holy Spirit is mentioned by name in 1 John for the first time in 3:24. John introduced us to the Holy One (1 John 2:20) with emphasis on the Spirit’s anointing and teaching ministry. (This parallels John 14:26; 16:13-14.) But the Holy One is also the abiding Spirit (1 John 3:24; 4:13). When a believer obeys God and loves the brethren, the indwelling Holy Spirit gives him peace and confidence. The Holy Spirit abides with him forever (John 14:16), but when the Spirit is grieved, He withdraws His blessings.

The Holy Spirit is also the attesting Spirit (1 John 4:1-6), giving witness to those who are truly God’s children. When a believer is abiding in Christ, the Spirit guides him and warns him of false spirits that would lead him astray.

He is also the authenticating Spirit (1 John 5:6-8), bearing witness to the person and work of Jesus Christ. This witness of the Spirit is mentioned in Romans 8:14-16.

Each member of the Triune Godhead is involved in the “love life” of a believer. God the Father commands us to love one another, God the Son gave His life on the cross, the supreme example of love. And God the Holy Spirit lives within us to provide the love we need (Rom. 5:5). To abide in love is to abide in God, and to abide in God is to abide in love. Christian love is not something we “work up” when we need it. Christian love is “shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit,” and this is your constant experience as you abide in Christ.

There are four levels on which a person may live. He may choose the lowest level—Satan’s level—and practice murder. Murderers “have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone, which is the second death” (Rev. 21:8).

Or, a person may choose the next level—hatred. But hatred, in God’s sight, is the same as murder. A man who lives with hatred is slowly killing himself, not the other person! Psychiatrists warn that malice and hatred cause all kinds of physical and emotional problems. In fact, one specialist has entitled his book Love or Perish!

The third level—indifference—is far better than the first two, because the first two are not Christian at all. A man who has constant hatred in his heart, or who habitually murders, proves he has never been born of God. But it is possible to be a Christian and be indifferent to the needs of others.

A man who murders belongs to the devil, like Cain. A man who hates belongs to the world (1 John 3:13), which is under Satan’s control. But a Christian who is indifferent is living for the flesh, which serves Satan’s purposes.

The only happy, holy way to live is on the highest level, the level of Christian love. This is the life of joy and liberty, the life of answered prayer. It assures you confidence and courage in spite of the difficulties of life.

Dr. Rene Spitz of New York made a study of children in foundling homes to determine what effect love and neglect had on them. The survey proved that children who were neglected and unloved were much slower in their development, and some of them even died. Even in a physical sense, love is the very atmosphere of life and growth.

It is even more so in the spiritual sense. In fact, it is a matter of love or death.

 
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Posted by on March 14, 2016 in Doctrine

 

Talking someone into being bapatized?


Baptism-2014How many of us have heard folks say, “They just won’t be baptized. What can we do to persuade them to be baptized?”

These statements seem to overlook the greatest challenge of salvation for most folks.

Have you ever seen one who believed in the Lord (John 8:24), was not ashamed, but willing to confess Him before others, (Matt. 10:32; John 12:42-43) had repented of their sins, (Luke 13:3, Acts 26:20, II Cor. 7:10), and not be baptized?

Repentance is a change which begins in the mind which changes lives. In Acts 19 the city of Ephesus, the home of the Temple of Diana and capitol of worship to this goddess, was presented with the Gospel of Jesus.

For the pagans to become Christians, what changes did “repentance” demand? In verse 19 they brought their books of magic into one pile and burned them. The value was 50,000 pieces of silver. This was a considerably large sum of money. Books were valuable possessions and very expensive in those days. Remember Jesus was betrayed for 30 pieces of silver (Matt. 2:15), which brings their sacrifice of burning their books into perspective.

Instead of selling them and advocating false doctrine, the repentance of the Ephesians led them to suffer financial loss.

A second sign of their repentance was the fear their actions brought upon Demetrius the silversmith. He was in the business of selling shrines of the goddess Diana. He realized penitent Christians changed their behavior. Their change in behavior would mean they would no longer buy his shrines.

The more Christianity spread (the more people repented) the less business he would have! He started a riot, hoping to defeat Christianity. Some are never willing to repent, others give up all!

Jonathan Winchester is a fine young missionary we worked with in El Salvador. He wrote me this note: “We had some good and sad results. The area where we worked was one of the poorest and most dangerous areas in Lea, Peru. One woman had decided to be baptized, and had changed into the baptismal robe, but then decided she could not. She knew that repentance was necessary. She told us that her only way of providing for her children was to go out and steal people’s wallets, and she knew that she was not going to stop.”

Should she have been advised to be baptized anyway? What would God say — repent or perish (Luke 13:3).

Folks do not need to be “talked into baptism.” What folks need is to be taught the doctrine of Christ and see if they are ready to repent!

Penitent believers have always responded by saying, “What hinders me from being baptized?” (Acts 8:36)

 
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Posted by on March 7, 2016 in Doctrine

 

Unhealthy reasons for marraige


These are unhealthy reasons for marriage. If you find that any of these appear either on your list or in your mind, you should spend time discussing them with your fiancé and your marriage advisor.

1. To spite or get back at your parents.

2. Because of a negative self-image—marrying your fiancé will make you feel worthwhile and will give meaning to your life.

3. To be a therapist or counselor to your fiancé.

4.  The fear of being left out—being single forever.

5. Fear of independence.

6. Marrying on the rebound—you were hurt in a former love relationship and to ease your hurt you immediately choose another.

7. Fear of hurting the other person—you’re afraid of what will happen to your fiancé if you break up even though you know that marriage is not the answer.

8. To escape an unhappy home.

9. Because you are pregnant or your fiancé is pregnant.

10. Because you have had sex. (Before You Say “I Do” by H. Norman Wright and Wes Roberts)

 

 
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Posted by on March 5, 2016 in Marriage

 

The Minister as the Tool Man


 

You see them driving around most urban areas and even venturing out in small town USA. Their destinations are automotive garages and any other place of business that uses tools. Most of the vehicles are large vans or panel trucks and carry such logos as “Snap-On Tools,” or “Matco.”

What if it were the job of these drivers to rush from place to place tightening, untightening and doing all the actual mechanical repairing of the vehicles? Imagine the mechanics in these shops calling on the tool man every time they needed a bolt tightened or a screw adjusted, sitting around waiting for them to arrive and do the work. It is a comical scene based on the ridiculous; hundreds of mechanics waiting for the help of few exhausted and distraught tool men.

The truth of the matter is, these tool men in their vans only provide the tools. It is the mechanics who do the work.

Sometimes we in the local church can actually get caught up in a similar comedy of errors. A church can look to their minister as the one whom they hire to do their ministry for them. A minister can also be at fault for allowing himself to be like the misguided tool man trying to do it all himself.

The truth of the matter is, in God’s economy of work in the local church it is the individual people in the congregation who are called by God to do the bulk of the ministry. The minister’s job is to equip them for their ministry.

The preacher is a teacher, though he has to solicit his own class. He heals without pills or knife. He is a lawyer, a social worker, an editor, a philosopher, a salesman, a handy decorative piece for public functions, an entertainer, a chairman of the building fund and a first-class janitor.

People come to him and he goes to the people. He rejoices when they rejoice and weeps when they weep. He visits the sick, marries the young, buries the dead, prepares and delivers speeches to every organization under the sun, and tries to stay sweet when he is abused for not calling on certain people. He helps plan the program of the church and meets with every group he can, which may mean that some nights he must attend two and three meetings.

When he lies down at night, he is burdened and prays for certain “sheep,” their weaknesses, their problems, and their absence from the service. And, oh yes, in his spare time, he prepares and delivers several sermons, Bible lessons, radio programs, class messages, etc. And when Monday comes and some chap roars, “What an easy job you preachers have!” he tries to smile and keep sweet.

Have you ever heard the above question asked? Or the remark made thoughtlessly, “What an easy task the minister has! He speaks about 25 minutes twice on Sunday and once on Wednesday with the rest of the week all his own!”

However, with all these aggravations, many would rather be divinely called ministers of the gospel than be anything else.

 

 
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Posted by on March 1, 2016 in Encouragement

 

Words To Live By Series #8 Let S-e-x Be Sacred


Sunday 1030am

“You shall not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14).

I learned early in my Christian ‘walk’ that “doing church is hard work.” I am here to tell you that “doing marriage is also hard work.” Both require us “to put our hands to the plow and not turn back.”

When God says, “You will not commit adultery” he is giving us a word to live by. Not just those of us who are married. Not just those who have problems in marriage. It is a word for all of us to live by. This word to live by affirms that all of us are stakeholders in certain covenants and boundaries. And when those covenants and boundaries are broken, we are all affected.

As we continue our series we’re trying to reclaim one of God’s most precious gifts. To do that today, we’re going to need to speak very candidly about it – even though we’ve never been very good at talking about it in “church.”

Have you noticed? We can talk about worship, bible study, prayer, our witness, parenting, even marriage seminars, but we are uneasy talking about s-e-x. We can talk about 5 love languages, 10 habits of successful marriages, 7 principles of good communication, but we can’t talk about s-e-x….until today. I want you to be comfortable because I am comfortable discussing this subject.

For some of us, our parents never said anything about it. For others, the only instruction we received was that sex was dirty….and it often came from equally uneducated teens our own age.

Sexuality is such a powerful part of human personality and behavior that we would naturally expect the Bible to address the subject. It is so powerful a part of human nature it needs divine direction. We need to know the rules by which this part of life is to be governed.

Scripture has a very balanced approach to matters pertaining to sex. For one thing, it is always tasteful yet very clear in what it says on the subject. That manner of approach will be our standard for this study of the seventh commandment.

For another, the Bible avoids the mistake of placing sex in either of the two extreme positions that human thought and conduct usually give it. It steers clear of the puritanical disposition to ignore or deny sexual passion in human beings; it also shuns the materialistic tendency to focus all of life around this one aspect of personality.

Sexuality is treated as an important part of human personality, and sexual acts are ordained of God as a means by which a husband and wife may express their love for and commitment to one another in a language without words.

The seventh commandment is intended to exalt and defend the sacredness of sex within marriage and to show us how destructive the same power can be when taken from its proper context and made ugly by sin.

So today we need to speak very honestly about sex and intimacy for two reasons. First of all, the Bible does! Sex was God’s idea; there is an entire book of the Bible focused on it; and in fact, there is more sexual imagery in the Bible than you can shake a stick at.

Sex was given as a gift to us: God’s children, living in a marriage relationship, trying to honor Him. He gave it to us. Shouldn’t our marriages have more sex and better sex than anyone else?

But there’s a second reason we need to talk about it: It’s about time. Our silence has in many ways allowed the world to define what sex should be. To be honest, the church has run from this topic for far too long and in doing so, we have conceded this ground to the enemy. Here’s what I mean:

  • Every 2 ½ minutes, someone in America is sexually assaulted.
  • Almost three-quarters (73%) of the victims knew their assailants.
  • In 2010, almost 225,000 rapes occurred; 48% of the victims were under the age of 18.
  • There is a serious problem found on our college/university campuses right now about sexual assaults. It is very much in the news!
  • Wendy is working with a group of young girls (most under 13) in Kigali who have come out of sex trafficking, or have been raped (usually by a family friend and relative, and many are pregnant as a result. Funds that have been sent to them are now being used to pay for a Christian counselor to spend time with them monthly. After her first month with these girls, she had to seek some counseling herself to process what she was hearing. They are also providing a part-time guard on the place since they are easy victims)

Satan has been very effective at polluting what God created sex to be. In fact, it has become a double-edged sword. It can be used for the greatest good, or the greatest evil. There is no gift that on the one hand holds more promise, and on the other is more fraught with danger than sex. There is no holy act that is as susceptible to contamination. Sex is the perfect gift from God, and the perfect weapon of the enemy.

We can’t afford to tiptoe around the subject any longer. It’s time to take ownership of the dialogue. It’s time to reclaim God’s gift!

1.Sacred sex is relationship-based.

You might say “Well of course it is!” but not necessarily. The corruption of sex occurs outside of relationship: a fantasy in your mind about someone at the office, pornography after your spouse goes to sleep, adult movies in your hotel room alone, or sex with a stranger. But sacred sex is always within the context of one specific kind of relationship – married heterosexuals – and we’ll talk about why in a minute.

Sacred sex is relationship-based because it takes real courage to be fully connected to another person – to be completely vulnerable with them. It takes a lot of courage to open ourselves to another human. In fact, if you remember your King James Version Bible, you may recall that the Hebrew word for sex was translated “to know.” “Adam knew Eve, and she conceived a son…” I don’t think that’s an accident. Sacred sex is built on relationship, where we are known – where all the walls between us come down.

2.Sacred sex is grounded in intimacy. This is especially challenging for men, who need about 15 seconds to be “in the starting blocks and ready for action.” Gentlemen, I hate to be the one to break this to you, but intimacy cannot be achieved in the 15 seconds it takes you to be ready for sex. To say the same thing in a different way: men are like a micro-wave oven (fast) and women are more like a crock-pot (very-y-y slow).

Sacred sex is grounded in intimacy because it values the person more than anything else. – and that doesn’t come across so well when you walk in the door and say, “I’m ready!” During counseling one time, a woman said to a minister, “You know, I think my husband just needs my body parts to show up. As long as that happens, he’s fine. Sometimes I wish he’d love me – the person”. I suspect there is a chorus of millions of women behind her who would echo that sentiment.

I need to talk with the men here because the intimacy we’re talking about is often an issue with men. In God’s plan for sex, emotional intimacy comes before physical. That’s not how we were conditioned, but it is God’s way. Taking a sincere interest in your wife’s day…helping out around the house instead of criticizing…giving her your full attention instead of halfway listening while you check email…that builds trust that spreads throughout your marriage. God’s plan is to connect first and foremost with the person, not just the body parts.

Imagine this: what if your wife heard you praying for her? What if, in her presence, you asked God to make you a better husband, a better servant, a better father? What if you confessed your wish to please her? That, gentlemen, is Biblical foreplay. Could you imagine how turbo-charged your entire marriage would be if she saw you making provision for a romantic mood, instead of just showing up and tapping your feet?

3.Sacred lovers are servants – broken sex is selfish. “Why can’t you do what I like? Why can’t you meet my needs?” Sacred sex doesn’t sound like that – sacred sex is servant-based. Sacred sex seeks the pleasure of the other before your own. That’s what a servant does.

4.Sacred sex is based on freedom – it’s not rules-oriented. Because the world has perverted what sex was meant to be, we get into a lot of needless “what’s ok and what’s not ok” discussions.

It’s interesting the Bible doesn’t go into a lot of detail about what’s permissible and what’s not. Christians ask themselves a lot of technique questions they really don’t need to. Basically, there are two Scriptural principles:

  • Is it within a heterosexual marriage?
  • Does it honor your spouse and lead to mutual pleasure?

The Bible is basically silent when it comes to the “how’s” of sex – except for the Song of Solomon. …at least three things:

  • Focus more on giving, and see what happens.
  • They talk to each other a lot.
  • Lust and seduction are wrong outside of a marriage, but terrific within one.

5.Sacred sex is open – unholy sex is secretive. Satan would have us develop a double life where our greatest fantasies are played outside of the presence and accountability of our spouses. But there is no association between light and dark, between secrecy and godliness. Is there anything about your sexuality that your mate doesn’t know? A fantasy about someone else? A habit you’ve developed while traveling on business?

Stop and think – because secrecy is one of Satan’s strongest tools. Jesus said, Those who do what is right come to the light gladly, so everyone can see that they are doing what God wants. (John 3:21, NLT) A compartment of your sex life that is in darkness, that is withheld from your wife or your husband, is a tool of the enemy. Make the necessary changes in your habits and in your thought patterns!

6.Sacred sex leads to fulfillment – broken sex ends in emptiness. Sex is all about achieving a oneness that fuses the two together. And we need to deal here with the most pervasive enemy of sacred sex today: pornography.

I counseled a guy who began by surfing the web for porn at night. At first it was just here and there, but then it became an hour, then two, then three. Three hours a night, while his wife slept, and he was still empty when he finished. Unholy sex always ends in emptiness. Similar stories can be told of single men who fell into similar traps.

The message that husband sent to his wife was this: “You are not enough.” Can you imagine how empty she felt afterward? How unfulfilled? I can’t imagine how ashamed she must have felt. Pornography will do that to a marriage. I wonder how he would feel if the roles were reversed?

Sacred sex, though, leaves you fulfilled because you are both servants, because your spouse seeks to honor you, so that more than anything else, you are cherished.

7.Sacred sex is a vehicle – worldly sex is an idol. Sex becomes an idol when it becomes all about you. An idol is something that takes the place of God, and sex becomes an idol when it stops pointing people to God. Sex should be a directional arrow pointing us to its Creator.

And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her; as the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.” (Eph. 5:25, 31-32, NLT)

Did you catch that? “The two are united into one…it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.”

God shows you Himself through the expression of sexual love. Stop and think: What does God want from us? To join His Spirit with ours. Listen to I Corinthians 6: Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which belongs to Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! And don’t you know that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.” But the person who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. (I Cor. 6:15-17, NLT)

 “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for God will judge the immoral and adulterous” (Hebrews 13:4).

There is a special sort of guilt that attaches to adultery, fornication, homosexuality, and other offenses against the sanctity of sex. Paul put it this way: “Shun immorality. Every other sin which a man commits is outside the body; but the immoral man sins against his own body” (l Corinthians 6: 18). In other words, no other sin a human commits involves his person and personality so directly as sexual immorality.

Sex is intended of God to be the blending of two bodies and spirits in the most intimate and holy of relationships possible for human beings. Taking this beautiful act outside its proper context (i.e., marriage) is a sin against one’s own person, his partner’s personality, and the God who intended the act for the unique relationship of marriage.

There is a great story of a boy and his friend who were talking one day when his friend asked, “Do you know what ‘sex’ is?” The boy said he had heard about it, but really didn’t know. So he went to his mom and asked, “Mom, what is sex? Where did I came from?”

His mom then launched into an elaborate story of a very large bird, with white feathers and a big beak, and how that bird had delivered both him and his sister. Not satisfied, he went to his grandmother, who told him that very same bird had brought his mom years ago, and in fact had brought his grandmother to her parents. Completely confused, the young boy said: “That sure is complicated! Tommy said he came from South Carolina!”

The boy went back outside to his friend, who asked, “So, did you find out about sex?” To which the boy replied, “No, but I found out there hasn’t been a normal birth in our family for three generations.”

 

 

 
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Posted by on February 27, 2016 in Sermon

 

The Myth of “Happily Ever After”


marriage-mythsWe see from 1 Peter 3 that the believing wife can win over her unbelieving husband “without words” by her Christ-like behavior in the home.

We also saw that there are three things she is not ‘given permission’ by God to do: She cannot leave. She should not nag. She must not lead…the husband is still head of that home and, unless he is against God, she must continue following in that relationship.

We have often heard the phrase “happily ever after” when attending a wedding of two special people, deeply in love, and making vows before God, family, and friends. The Disney empire has fed our romantic fantasies for fairy tales so we are captivated by storybook romance.

This is not the Christian view. Our faith sees the wedding day not as a place of arrival but the place where the adventure begins.”1

The divorce rate in our culture is at an all-time high. Whatever happened to “happily ever after”? Why is it so hard to maintain the hopes and dreams that surround a beautiful wedding with all its promises of love and fidelity, sacrifice and service?

Marriage counselors Les and Leslie Parrott have an idea. In their excellent book Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, they suggest four myths that have torpedoed many marriages because of unrealistic expectations and misconceptions about what marriage should be.

“For too long,” the Parrotts write, “marriage has been saddled with unrealistic expectation and misguided assumptions. Liberated from these four myths, couples can settle into the real world of marriage—with all its joys and sorrows, passion and pain.”2

Many people know that something is wrong but they don’t know what; and you can’t fix or change something if you don’t know what’s wrong in the first place. Many of our marriage problems are due to harmful expectations and beliefs that fly in the face of “real reality.” One divorce lawyer told the Parrotts that the number-one reason people split up is that they “refuse to accept the fact that they are married to a human being.”3 In this article we bust the myth of “happily ever after.”

Myth #1: “We Expect Exactly the Same Things From Marriage”

When people are in love, it’s easy to assume that the other person has the same values and expectations as we do. But every family has its own culture, so to speak, and we tend to expect life will continue the same way once we’re adults as it was while we were growing up. One way these differing expectations play out is in the unspoken rules of each family.

We are usually not aware of our unspoken rules and expectations unless there is much time to ‘get to know each other’ or until the other person violates them.

I recently heard a great word of wisdom: “Expectations are the mother of resentments.” How true is that?! When our spouse doesn’t live up to our unspoken expectations, we can feel frustrated and irritated, and often we don’t even know why we’re upset because we don’t know what’s wrong. It’s helpful to think through “the rules” of one’s family so that unspoken rules and expectations are brought out into the light of examination.

Here are some rules from various families:

  • Don’t ask for help unless you’re desperate.
    • Downplay your successes.
    • Be invisible.
    • Get someone else to do the hard or dirty work.
    • Don’t get sick.
    • Never ever get angry.
    • Don’t talk about your body.
    • Don’t go to bed without cleaning the kitchen.
    • Don’t talk about your feelings.
    • Don’t ever upset Daddy.

Can you see how these unspoken rules can cause havoc if a spouse doesn’t know about them?

Another source of mismatched expectations is the unconscious roles that spouses fall into, the way an actor follows a script. We inherit expectations about how wives and husbands act by watching our parents and other adults, and we often play out those roles the same way unless we choose to change it. For example, one new husband surprised his wife at dinner by picking up his empty iced tea glass and tinkling the ice cubes.

His father had always signaled this way to his mother that he was ready for more tea. The bride was not pleased to learn that her husband expected to play the role of pampered king whose every whim was gladly granted!

The myth that “we expect exactly the same things from marriage” is busted by identifying and talking about unspoken expectations and unconscious roles. The more openly couples discuss their differing expectations, the more likely they are to create a vision of marriage that they can agree on. It’s good planning to work through some of those “my family does it this way” scenarios well in advance of the actual marriage ceremony.

Myth #2: “Everything Good in Our Relationship Will Get Better”

Most people, when they fall in love, really believe their love will last forever because it’s so intense and intoxicating. It’s hard not to believe that everything good about the relationship will just continue to get better and better as time goes on. But reality “is that not everything gets better. Many things improve in relationships, but some things become more difficult. Every successful marriage requires necessary losses, and in choosing to marry, you inevitably go through a mourning process.”4

For some, marriage means giving up childhood. It means giving up the safety and security of being your parents’ child, and becoming a full-fledged adult. God makes this statement in Genesis 2:24 when He says, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Marriage means the end of childhood, and that can feel like a loss to be mourned.

Marriage also “means giving up a carefree lifestyle and coming to terms with new limits. It means unexpected inconveniences.”5 Marriage means always passing one’s plans and choices through the filter of “us.” Since “the two become one,” many of our even mundane life choices impact someone else. That can feel like a loss to be faced, as well.

The Parrotts write, “By far the most dramatic loss experienced in a new marriage is the idealized image you have of your partner. This was the toughest myth we encountered in our marriage. Each of us had an airbrushed mental picture of who the other was. But eventually, married life asked us to look reality square in the face and reckon with the fact that we did not marry the person we thought we did.”6

It is an illusion that the intense romantic thrill of the beginning of a relationship will last forever. “Debunking the myth of eternal romance will do more than just about anything to help . . . build a lifelong happy marriage.”7 When we get past the myth of continual bliss with a perfect partner, we can embrace the reality that we married another flawed and fallen human being. This is good news, because God only gives grace for reality, nor for illusion or temporary enchantment. And this is good news because intimacy is only available with a real person, not with an idealized image.

Myth #3: “Everything Bad in My Life Will Disappear”

Remember the story of Cinderella? A poor, mistreated stepchild who is forced to serve her wicked step-family is magically turned into a beautiful princess. She is rescued by her Prince Charming and they live . . . all together now . . . “happily ever after.” And don’t we all long for a Prince Charming or a beautiful princess to make us happy and wipe away every tear from our eyes?

The myth of a “happily ever after” life is a legitimate longing of our hearts. We ache to return to Eden where everything bad in our lives will disappear. God promises that He will eventually make all things right again, but it doesn’t happen in marriage between two fallen human beings living in a fallen world.

Marriage is a glorious institution invented by God, but it “does not erase personal pain or eliminate loneliness. Why? Because people get married primarily to further their own well-being, not to take care of their partners’ needs. The bad traits and feelings you carried around before you were married remain with you as you leave the wedding chapel. A marriage certificate is not a magical glass slipper.”8

The Parrotts write, “Getting married cannot instantly cure all our ills, but marriage can become a powerful healing agent over time. If you are patient, marriage can help you overcome even some of the toughest of tribulations.”9

Perhaps the biggest reason for this is the amazing power of love. I believe God’s love is the strongest healing agent in the universe. In marriage, He can love us through our spouses; He can be “Jesus with skin on” to each of us.

A healthy marriage can become a place to wrap up unfinished business from childhood and deal with unresolved hurts. It’s a myth that everything bad in our lives will disappear when we say “I do,” but God’s grace is bigger than the myth. We still live in a fallen world with a fallen spouse, but God can bring much grace through mutual love.

Myth #4: “My Spouse Will Make Me Whole”

One of the greatest lines in all of movie history belongs to Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire where he tells his wife, “You complete me.” It is romantic and feels emotionally satisfying—but in reality, it’s just not true.

Couples who swallow the myth that their spouse will make them whole are in danger of going to one of two extremes. One is an unhealthy dependence on the other that the Parrotts term an enmeshed relationship. They unconsciously make their partner completely responsible for their well-being. They are like ticks that constantly attempt to suck life and love and meaning from their spouse. It is a form of idolatry, because they are looking to their partner to provide emotional “living water” that only God can give.

The other extreme is a disengaged relationship of what the Parrotts call “rugged self-reliance.” These spouses are so isolated and independent from each other that they function more like neighbors or business associates than a God-created union of two souls.

The first kind of couple is looking for wholeness from their partner; the second kind of couple is looking for wholeness from within. It is also a form of idolatry, because they are looking to themselves instead of God to provide meaning for life.

Neither enmeshed nor disengaged relationships are healthy, and neither will allow the people in them to experience wholeness. A sense of wholeness is found in an interdependent relationship where two people with self-respect and dignity make a commit-ment to nurture their own spiritual and emotional growth as well as their partner’s.

Enmeshed relationships are like the capital letter A. They lean on each other so much that if one moves, the whole structure falls down. Their security is in another person instead of in God.

Disengaged relationships are like the letter H. Partners stand virtually alone. If one lets go, the other hardly feels a thing. Interdependent relationships are like the letter M. They could stand on their own, but they choose to stay connected to the other out of their fullness, not out of their emptiness. If one lets go, the other feels a loss but can recover.

Every marriage is between two broken and fallen people who cannot make each other whole. We are called to love and respect each other, serve and celebrate each other—but only God can make us whole.

“Happily ever after” may be for fairy tales, but that doesn’t mean there is no such thing as a happy, rich, fulfilling marriage. But it’s only possible for those who live in reality, not in the fantasy of make-believe myths. May God give us grace to trust Him to walk in truth and not illusion.

________________

Notes

  1. Les and Leslie Parrott. Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts. (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1995), 26.
    2. Ibid., 16.
    3. Ibid., 23.
    4. Ibid., 21.
    5. Ibid., 22.
    6. Ibid.
    7. Ibid.
    8. Ibid., 24.
    9. Ibid., 25.
 
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Posted by on February 25, 2016 in Marriage

 

Words To Live By Series #7 Honor Your Parents


Sunday 1030amThe fifth of these Words to Live By brings us to a fundamental responsibility in human relations. The commandment says: Exodus 20:12 (ESV) “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.

Our own common sense tells us that we need some rules for preserving and strengthening family life.

The family is being challenged for its right to endure. Many are choosing to forego marriage. Others are substituting life together without marriage for the traditional marriage relationship.

Those who do choose the traditional arrangement are having problems keeping things together and achieving stability within their marriages.

The family is primary to God as a means for blessing and guiding human lives. With the failure of so many homes in the different ways already identified, the will of God is being thwarted too frequently. One of the rules for right living points to the need for keeping the family strong through proper relationships between children and their parents.

What does it mean to honor our mother and father? To honor means more than demonstrating sentimental feelings. The word “honor” literally means to give weight or heaviness. To honor someone then means that we take them seriously.

Mark 7:9-13 (ESV) 9  And he said to them, “You have a fine way of rejecting the commandment of God in order to establish your tradition! 10  For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and your mother’; and, ‘Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die.’ 11  But you say, ‘If a man tells his father or his mother, “Whatever you would have gained from me is Corban”’ (that is, given to God)— 12  then you no longer permit him to do anything for his father or mother, 13  thus making void the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down. And many such things you do.”

Ephesians 6:1-3: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother this is the first commandment with a promise, ‘that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth.'”

There are some things that commend themselves to us as proper and right. Surely one of those things is showing honor to the man and woman responsible for bringing you into the world, feeding you, getting your cavities filled, nursing you when you were sick, and doing the million other things that go with being a parent.

Children can always derive great personal benefit from seeking and heeding the counsel of their parents. A child who has finished high school or a few years of college may already have more education than his parents; what he may not realize is that he is not yet as smart as his parents. There are some things that nobody learns except by living, having experience, failing at some things and bouncing back. The best lessons about life come from the good counsel of godly parents. If you have a relationship with people who have lived long enough to learn those lessons and who will share their wisdom with you, your life will be blessed.

We should honor our parents because the day will come when we cannot show them the honor we would like to give. Some don’t have your parents with you any longer. I hope you don’t have to look back with regret. I once told my parents that I appreciated all they had done for me…my mother promptly said this: “Do you know what you can do? Do it for your own children.”

Respect Is a Two-Way Street

The Bible teaches that children need discipline. “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him” (Proverbs 13:24). The sort of discipline spoken of here is administered with patience, tenderness, and love.

Severity of punishment in dealing with children violates the teaching of Paul: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).

Obedience must be learned, and it is the job of parents to teach it to their children. “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). Children need to cooperate with their parents in creating a good home. Parents should not have to fight their children for control of the family.

In America, several factors tend to undermine honoring parents.

(1.) There is the impact of technology. In previous generations fathers were often craftsmen, who had learned their trade from their fathers. It took a son years to match his own father in skills, and he would only gradually pass him up.

Now, a child in elementary school may be learning things that parents never heard of. Who of us, for example, would want to try to explain some of the math our kids are being taught in school? Thus, each new generation quickly surpasses the preceding generation in the knowledge it possesses. There is much temptation for the younger generation to think of its parents as out of date, antiquated in thinking. In a society where knowledge is prized more than wisdom, the older generation is fortunate to be respected, let alone honored, by the younger generation.

(2) Because of the rapid increase of divorce, children are often called upon to honor one parent and to despise the other. Neither parent can seem to tolerate the thought of the former mate having the respect of their child. If this were not bad enough, Freudian Psychology has provided each generation with an excuse to blame all of its problems on family members from our past. Countless expeditions into the parental past has provided many individuals with an expensive excursion into past history in order to pin the blame for their sins on someone else, often one or both parents.

(3) If it is possible to pin the blame for our problems on someone else, it is also easy to pin the responsibility of caring for aging parents on someone else. Perhaps more than any other time in history, we are looking to the government to carry much of the burden families have borne in providing for the needs of their aging parents. Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, and other government programs are viewed as the means for handling our obligation as children to our parents.

1 Timothy 5:8 (ESV) But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

(4) Honor is due to more than just parents. The New Testament requires the Christian to honor all men (Romans 12:10; 1 Peter 2:17). Learning to honor parents is thus a significant step in the direction of honoring others.

(5) If children must give honor to their parents, then parenting must be an honorable occupation. One should hardly have to make such a statement, but in today’s world it is necessary to do so. The fact that women line up at abortion clinics around the country and in various parts of the world suggests that bearing and raising children is viewed as something far less than a blessing. This rejects the clear teaching of the Bible. Those who would leave the home and seek fulfillment in the working world in order to gain dignity and respect have also turned from the truth of God’s Word. Let those who would seek to avoid parenting be reminded that in God’s Word parenting is a most honorable occupation.

(6) The way in which one relates to parents changes with conversion. When a person comes to Christ through baptism, there are a number of significant changes. When a person becomes a child of God by faith, God becomes a Father to them in a new and previously unknown way. While God was once denied, and His authority rejected (Ephesians 2:1‑3), now He is our Heavenly Father, with final authority, authority which has priority over all others, including fathers and mothers. As we have seen from our Lord’s teaching, faith in Christ may alienate children from their parents.

(7) The way in which one relates to parents changes with marriage. Marriage is usually the first of several dramatic changes in the child’s relationship with his parents. In the Book of Genesis, God revealed that marriage was to bring about a change in the way a child relates to his parents: “For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).

  • First, the son leaves the authority structure of his parents home to establish a new home, under his authority. This passage draws the son out from under his parents’ authority, as he had once been. My parents or Terry’s parents no longer had authority/control over us when we married…but of course are available to offer counsel when we asked for it.
  • Second, the son is to leave home so that his devotion and affection will be primarily focused upon his wife. Certainly the son’s affection toward his parents is not terminated, but leaving his home lessens the competition between a man’s father and mother and his wife for his devotion and attention.
  • Third, the instruction in this text suggests to us that the parent‑child relationship is temporary, the husband‑wife relationship is permanent.

(8) We honor our parents most when we obey and honor God in our lives. The highest goal of parents is to raise the child God has entrusted to them in such a way as to encourage and promote trust in God and obedience to His Word. Whenever a child trusts in God and obeys His Word, He honors his parents. Even an unbelieving parent is honored by a believing and obedient child.

(9) Honoring parents does not always mean that the child does what his parents want. Father and Mother are not to be honored because they are perfect, but because they are parents. They, like their children, are plagued with the frailties of mankind. They, like their children, sin. They will therefore make many mistakes in the parenting process. They will command that their children do the wrong things, at times. At times they will also forbid their children to do what is right.

(10) Honoring parents may someday require parenting parents. It is an irony indeed, but those who were once parented by fathers and mothers often find themselves parenting their parents in their final years of life. The parent that once fed and diapered the child may in the last days of their life be fed and diapered by their children. The child who was once parented now becomes his parent’s parent, making decisions for them, sometimes having to make choices against their will, even deciding how long to allow artificial, life preserving devices to maintain some semblance of life. There is no thought less pleasant than this, but for many it has been, is, or will be a reality.

(11) Since we must honor all men, this means that parents must honor their children. Much has been said and written about developing self‑esteem in children. I think I would differ with some of this teaching, based upon the fact that much self‑esteem is simply renamed pride, and the Book of Proverbs has more to say about the need for humility in a child than self-confidence (and certainly than self‑love). We must, however, deal with our children in a way that not only manifests our own dignity (cf. 1 Timothy 3:4), but also reflects the dignity of the child as a creation of God, one for whom Christ died. Thus, we must honor our children, as we must honor all others.

 
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Posted by on February 22, 2016 in counsel, Family, Marriage, Sermon

 

Is God inclusive or exclusive?


Exclusive Is God inclusive or exclusive? Both! He wants all to be saved but there are “steps of faith.” Peter proclaimed the clear answer in 2 Peter 3: The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”

Churches today are less and less likely to ask “What does the Bible say?” and more likely to ask, “What does the community want?” We need to be reminded that the church belongs to the Lord, not the community. The church is uniquely His and was designed to be His servant to take His gospel to a lost and dying world.

Truth has become trivial, irrelevant. Realize that 72% of Americans between the ages of 18-25 now believe that there is no such thing as absolute truth!

David F. Wells, God in the Wasteland, “We have turned to a God that we can use rather than to a God we must obey; we have turned to a God who will fulfill our needs rather than to a God before whom we must surrender our rights to ourselves. He is a God for us, for our satisfaction – not because we have learned to think of him in this way through Christ but because we have learned to think of him this way through the marketplace.
   “In the marketplace, everything is for us, for our pleasure, for our satisfaction, and we have come to assume that it must be so in the church as well. And so we transform the God of mercy into a God who is at our mercy.”

Jesus once asked regarding John the Baptizer, (Matthew 11:7) “As John’s disciples were leaving, Jesus began to speak to the crowd about John: “What did you go out into the desert to see? A reed swayed by the wind?” A reed is a symbol of instability; it pictures that which yields to other forces.

On the other hand, Paul described the church as the “pillar and ground of the truth” (1 Tim. 3:15). The imagery here is that of a solid, immovable foundation. It is a question that the church of today must ask. Are we a “reed shaken in the wind,” or are we the “pillar and ground of the truth”?

Real Love – Real love doesn’t leave another person in error. Real love takes the time to show them the error of their way:  (Galatians 6:1) “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.”
(2 Timothy 2:24-26) “And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. {25} Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, {26} and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.”

inclusion-wordle11Jesus was exclusive! (John 14:6) “Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

Unless you believe that I am He – (John 8:24) “I told you that you would die in your sins; if you do not believe that I am the one I claim to be, you will indeed die in your sins.””

One Gospel  – (Galatians 1:6-9) “I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you by the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel– {7} which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ. {8} But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let him be eternally condemned! {9} As we have already said, so now I say again: If anybody is preaching to you a gospel other than what you accepted, let him be eternally condemned!”

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Posted by on February 18, 2016 in Encouragement, Marriage

 

Words To Live By Series – #6 Respect Human Life


Sunday 1030am“You shall not commit murder” (Exodus 20:13)

 The sixth commandment was given to guard the sanctity of human life. Life was cheap in many ancient cultures. Unwanted or deformed infants were routinely exposed in Greek and Roman times. The brutal practice of gladiatorial combat to the death is frightening to read about in history books. Tyrannical rulers would have generals, friends, or even family members killed on the spot for the pettiest of offenses. Those were harsh and evil times.

Before we rush to congratulate ourselves on being more civilized, enlightened, and moral than those cultures, reflect for a moment on our own situation. 23,000 + people were murdered in the United States in 2015, and approximately 1.5 million abortions are performed annually in our country. There is good reason to think we have not come very far in our regard for human life.

Human life is sacred by virtue of the fact that it is in God’s own image.  On the sixth day of the creative week, God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness” (Genesis 1:27a). We honor God when we respect and preserve his image in one another; we sin against him by treating other human beings with contempt. Living by the rules calls for a healthy respect for human life.

Life is a gift from God, and only He has the authority to take life. Because we’re made in God’s image, murder is an attack against God: Genesis 1:26-27 (ESV) 26  Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” 27  So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

Genesis 9:6 (ESV)  “Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed, for God made man in his own image.

The issue here is premeditated murder, which Jesus said could have its beginning in anger: Matthew 5:21-26 (ESV) “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’  22  But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. 23  So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24  leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. 25  Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison. 26  Truly, I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny.

The Jews were allowed to defend themselves and the idea of self-defense is recognized in modern law: (Exodus 22:2 (ESV) If a thief is found breaking in and is struck so that he dies, there shall be no bloodguilt for him.

All nations make concessions for accidental death; but murder was a capital offense: Exodus 21:12-14 (ESV) “Whoever strikes a man so that he dies shall be put to death. 13  But if he did not lie in wait for him, but God let him fall into his hand, then I will appoint for you a place to which he may flee. 14  But if a man willfully attacks another to kill him by cunning, you shall take him from my altar, that he may die.

As Noah stepped out of the ark to become the new head of the human race, the Almighty called his attention to the sacredness of human life and stated the penalty which was to be exacted from anyone who might dare to take a human life without justification. “Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed; for God made man in his own image” (Genesis 9:6). Anyone who shows such irreverence toward God as to shed innocent blood must pay with his own life.

(1) It is not enough to keep the Sixth Commandment as a precept, we must keep the Sixth Commandment in a broader context. If we are to view murder as so evil that we never wish to be tempted to kill someone, we must deal with those attitudes and actions which incline us toward murder, if not dealt with.

(2) Anger harbored against a brother can become a motive for murder. No one will ever know the number of murders which were the result of anger, but the percentage of such cases would be very high.

(3) Viewing a brother as inferior, as worthless, or as a liability to society is a motive for murder. “You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason with your neighbor, lest you bear sin because of him. You shall not take vengeance or bear any grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord” (Deuteronomy 19:17-18).

“You have heard that it was said to the men of old, ‘You shall not kill; and whoever kills shall be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother shall be liable to the council, and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be liable to the hell of fire” (Matthew 5:21-22).

The terms “Raca” and “fool” are not just evil because they are names which we call another. These names betray an attitude on the part of the name‑caller that the world would be a better place without those thus named. Many who have taken the life of another have done so thinking they have done society a favor.

Hatred of another human being is also an offense against the sanctity of life.  Jesus taught that murder originates in a heart filled with hatred (Matthew 15:19). The Bible teaches that hatred is wrong of itself.

Hatred, strife, and malice are sins against personality. They have no place in the life of one who has committed himself to living by the rules of heaven.

 (4) Irreconciled relationships and unresolved conflicts can lead to murder. The Lord applied His teaching on murder by urging His hearers to promote and hasten the process of reconciliation. Unresolved conflicts only intensify, sometimes to the point murder.

Finally, let us identify some of the things in our own society which constitute violations of the sanctity of human life.

First, and most obviously, murder is a violation of the eternal principle which underlies the divine rule about life. Our world has an element which has no conscience about cold-blooded murder. Terrorists break into international sports events and waste lives; civilian and military representatives of the United States are vulnerable to kidnapping and assassination in various parts of the world; senseless and brutal murders of elderly people take place in every city in our own nation.

Second, personal injury to another person is a violation of life’s sanctity. Mugging, rape, or other forms of bodily harm are wrong. So are racism, mockery, or other psychological attacks against others. To set oneself against another human being with the intent of doing injury of any sort is an offense against one’s own humanity.

Going a step further, Scripture teaches that we are obligated to lend our assistance to people in trouble. It is one thing not to harm another; it is still another to become involved in trying to help that person with his problem. “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it” (Proverbs 3:27; cf. James 4:17).

Third, abortion is a form of deliberate and unjustified taking of life that our society has come to tolerate and defend. The vast majority of the million and a half abortions performed annually in this country are for the convenience of the mother. The child is simply unwanted or inconvenient.

Of course the fundamental issue with regard to abortion is this: What is human life? From a biblical perspective, anyone conceived of human parents is human. Or, to say it in scientific terms, any organism with a human genetic code must be regarded as human life. From conception forward, every cell in the body of a developing fetus bears a distinctively human genetic code.

Some Things NOT Prohibited by This Rule

The Law of Moses distinguished at least three types of homicide. First, there is premeditated murder. This is planning ahead of time, lying in wait, taking the person off guard, and slaying him. It is killing a person in the course of committing some other crime against him, such as the case just posited of killing someone while trying to rob him. This type of criminal act is discussed at Numbers 35:16-21.

Second, there is accidental homicide. If two men are working together and one unintentionally causes a rock to fall which crushes his partner to death, no act of murder is involved. Numbers 35:22-28 discusses this sort of accidental death and specifies the right of protection an individual would have against anyone who thought his act was a malicious one. He could flee to one of three cities of refuge in Israel’s territory and claim sanctuary from the city’s officials.

Third, there is what we call self-defense or justifiable homicide. ”If a thief is found breaking in, and is struck so that he dies, there shall be no bloodguilt for him” (Exodus 22:2).

Of these three types of homicide, only the first is specified by the sixth commandment. The following, then, are not prohibited by this rule for right living or the eternal principle of respect for life underlying it.

Police action is not prohibited. Peter teaches that Christians are to acknowledge the right of the state, its rulers, and their agents to punish wrongdoers. “Be subject for the Lord’s sake for every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to praise those who do right” (l Peter 2:13-14).

Participation in a justified war is not prohibited. In the New Testament, soldiers are not required to give up their careers in view of the appearance of the Christ (cf. Luke 3:14; Acts 10). To the contrary, remember that Romans 13 says the state is constituted for the purpose of executing God’s vengeance on evildoers.

What is a “justified war”? War is justified when a nation uses its military force to turn back a genuine threat to the security of its people and the protection of innocent people.

Capital punishment is not prohibited. The Old Testament not only permitted but required the death penalty for murder (Genesis 9:6), rape (Deuteronomy 22:5), kidnapping (Exodus 21:16), and several offenses against the theocracy of Yahweh in Israel (Deuteronomy 13:5; 17:2-7).

Moving to the New Testament, one finds that it upholds rather than repudiates the right of the state to enforce the death penalty for certain crimes. Both testaments were written by the same God, a God whose character does not change. He did not evolve from a brutal person in the Old Testament to a loving one in the New Testament. He has always been loving, but his love has never allowed him to ignore justice. So the civil circumstances identified in the Old Testament for the taking of life are acknowledged again in the New Testament.

 
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Posted by on February 14, 2016 in Sermon

 

From Legalism to Gratitude 1 John 4:19


tumblr_lsjbn5dB9p1qbatwqo1_1280(1 John 4:19)  We love because he first loved us.

This is one of the most important messages I could ever present! It gets to the very heart and soul of who we are as Christians! Please listen closely with your heart and mind. We’re about to go to a most important place.

 We begin with the tale of two fathers: the first on a little league baseball field. It’s a hot day and very dusty…a lot of sons around us with great emotions. (describe scene where one son –the best player on the team — strikes out at the key point of the game…his dad is leaning on the fence behind the back stop: response of his father: you’re pathetic!)

 How could anyone treat their son like that? Can you imagine what it would be like living in that house?

 The 2nd father? His son made a series of bad decisions and ended up in the worst possible place morally a son could end up. He came to the realization that he wasn’t even worthy of being the son of this father.

 His father’s response? Luke 15:20: “So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. {21} “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ {22} “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. {23} Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. {24} For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.” {32} “But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'”

 Two fathers. Two very different responses! Two different kind of relationships! Both fathers may have had broken hearts, but they handled it differently!

 Which one best describes the relationship you have with your heavenly Father! We know one is made up…the 2nd father is the inspired description of our God!

 This is a lesson entitles “From Legalism to Gratitude.” Father #1 is the Christian legalist, while Father #2 is Christian gratitude.

Legalism is not about keeping rules; we all have truths, standards, teachings that put before us right and wrong.

 Legalism IS about our motivation for keeping those rules! It’s a twisted system that implies that it is difficult to gain God’s love. That we are always in a position of needing to earn the love of God.

 It’s a response to love withheld. It ends best with what I do, my power, my achievements.

 And it produces fear! Inside it causes us to be “scared to death” because we never know how we stand with God.

 It ultimately crushes the spirit. Our religious beliefs aren’t a blessing. Eventually we begin to realize that we’re trying to earn the love of a Father who cannot/will not be pleased!

 This legalistic attitude is 180 degrees opposite to the development of faith and maturity in the Bible. It’s completely against the teachings of both Paul and John: 

 (Rom 8:1 NIV)  “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,”

 (1 John 5:13 NIV)  “I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life.”

 When God gave the 10 commandments to the children of Israel, before He began, He makes clear that He wants their response to be based on a relationship with Him:

(Exodus 20:1-3 NIV)  And God spoke all these words: {2} “I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. {3} “You shall have no other gods before me.

 Listen to the words given to Israel as they are about the possess the promised land:

(Joshua 24:1-3 NIV)  Then Joshua assembled all the tribes of Israel at Shechem. He summoned the elders, leaders, judges and officials of Israel, and they presented themselves before God. {2} Joshua said to all the people, “This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: ‘Long ago your forefathers, including Terah the father of Abracham and Nahor, lived beyond the River and worshiped other gods. {3} But I took your father Abraham from the land beyond the River and led him throughout Canaan and gave him  wemany descendants. I gave him Isaac,

  (Joshua 24:13-15 NIV)  So I gave you a land on which you did not toil and cities you did not build; and you live in them and eat from vineyards and olive groves that you did not plant.’ {14} “Now fear the LORD and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your forefathers worshiped beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. {15} But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, th Graen choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.”

 (Gal 2:15-16 NIV)  “”We who are Jews by birth and not ‘Gentile sinners’ {16} know that a man is not justified by observing the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ. So we, too, have put our faith in Christ Jesus that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by observing the law, because by observing the law no one will be justified.”

 (Gal 2:21 NIV)  “I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!””

 (Rom 8:15-17 NIV)  “For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” {16} The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. {17} Now if we are children, then we are heirs–heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.”

 Our life as Christians is NOT about earning love from a God who won’t give it!! No Way! The greatest expression of God’s love is in the death of His Son. “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8, nasb).

 The sending of Christ into the world, and His death on the cross, were not prompted by man’s love for God. They were prompted by His love for man. The world’s attitude toward God is anything but love!

 It is important that Christians progress in their understanding of love. To love one another simply out of a sense of duty is good, but to love out of appreciation (rather than obligation) is even better.

 

GRATITUDE LEGALISM
Love lavished; we are “sons” “daughters” Love withheld
What God has done What I do
Confidence (certain of eternity) Fear (judgment)
Security Insecurity
Fill our spirit Crushes our spirit
Bless our lives Curse our life

 After Peter’s denials

(Luke 22:61 NIV)  “The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: “Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times.””

 Story of two husbands and the list. One never said “thank you” or “I love you.” Always had a list of things he expected her to do each day.  He died…she married someone who said/showed deep love. Found “the list” many years later and broke down in tears…realized she was doing everything on “the list” for the second husband in the midst of a very different atmosphere!

 
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Posted by on February 11, 2016 in Sermon